Miss Sunshine Posted February 24, 2008 Posted February 24, 2008 Hi there! I am new to this so please be gentle with me! I need to tell someone about what's happening to me and because of the situation have few people I can turn to. I have being having an affair with my mm for over 2 years and have had to lie to most of my family and friends for all that time, very few know about him and few of those approve. I began seeing my mm in Dec 05, it came totally out of the blue for both of us really although we had been working together for the previous 12 months! The w found out within about 5 weeks (we were obviously rubbish at it) and my mm dropped me like a shot as he was terrified he would lose her and his 2 kids and his boys are his world. Within about a month he was back knocking at my door, saying it was me he wanted, not her but he couldn't leave because of his boys and it's been going on (well on & off) ever since! His W has found out 2 or 3 times since the first time but I think she would rather put up with what he's done than see him with me! (We have met when she turned up on my doorstep) He tried to leave twice but using the kids she guilted him into staying (when it comes to the boys he his absolutely terrified of hurting them or losing them!) The 3rd time he decided to leave, he went through with it and has been at his mums for the past 4 months. I think I'm still coming to terms with the fact that he's done it and that he really wants to be with me! If I don't hear from him for even a few hours I start getting paranoid that he's changing his mind - which isn't good I know! I should accept it's me he wants to be with and he's told people at work BUT he hasn't told his family we're together or his w (or is it ew now?) and this bothers me, I'm still his secret in many ways and while ever I am I think the paranoia will exist. I understand why he's not telling them because she has threatened him with making sure he never sees the kids again if he comes to me so I'm trying to be patient with him because I know what he's done is a big thing. I've waited over 2 years for him and I still don't feel like he's mine yet and i know he will put off telling them for as long as possible. I don't know how to handle this part, i don't want him to feel pushed into telling them but I really can't carrying on being his OW Thanks for listening x
bentnotbroken Posted February 24, 2008 Posted February 24, 2008 You are right he isn't yours. And he may never be. But if you felt that what you are doing is a good thing, why not tell all your family and get their support. How are you going to handle it when they do find out? And if you have waited 2 years already, why not wait until the kids are older, what's another 6,7, 10 years. He's worth it right?
LucreziaBorgia Posted February 24, 2008 Posted February 24, 2008 Has he seen a divorce lawyer yet? I wouldn't consider him even remotely 'yours' until he is living in his own place, is fully divorced (or at the very least legally separated after consulting with a lawyer), and has worked out a custody agreement with his wife. I understand why he's not telling them because she has threatened him with making sure he never sees the kids again if he comes to me Your MM obviously hasn't considered divorce seriously enough to see a lawyer, or else he would know that there is no way she could keep him from seeing his children short of kidnapping them and taking them physically somewhere where he will never see them again.
Je Ne Regrette Rien Posted February 24, 2008 Posted February 24, 2008 Hi Miss Sunshine, Our situations are unbelievably similar, even down to timings. My MM has now left his situation although I try not to think he has "left for me" but, in some respects he has. It's hard when they have returned before to not get paranoid when you haven't heard from him. My MM left for seven months before and returned because his W made it unbelievably difficult about seeing the kids. I think he returned to make sure he was doing the right thing by leaving, that there really was no chance. And he left again and we have been together for a few months now but it's so different this time, he's concrete about his decision and I feel it. As for telling his w, you have to see his predicament. Either make his girlfriend (you) secure in the knowledge that his marriage has ended, OR prolong your insecurity but ease the pain of his children until the ink of his divorce has dried, not rub it in the face of his wife, ensure he sees his children, and maybe even protect you from the possibility of wife returning to your door for a confrontation. I can see why he wouldn't sing it from the rooftops just yet. I'm feeling my way through the dark too and it's hard and every new day is a surprise - but I must say, slowly yet surely, I feel happier, we're starting to see why we are together and we're growing to a much stronger place now. I hope you can too. Good luck
Recommended Posts