City_girl Posted March 13, 2008 Posted March 13, 2008 I hate to say this but sounds like something I have just been through. I was climbing the walls. He knew he had me, then he held back. From then on everything I did drove me crazy ;and drove him further away. I am a warm emotional woman and he is cold level headed, voiced concerns about not feeling safe enough to open up, even asked me to hang around. i found myself having to curb my emotions and hold back. NO way to live. I know being with him would have made me crazy so I ended it. If your seperation anxiety is so bad, something inside you is sending alarm bells. Listen to yourself, trust yourself. Why should it all be about what he needs. What about what you need. ?
lost66 Posted March 13, 2008 Posted March 13, 2008 Abandonment!!!! I have issues with that too!!! I just realized it after reading this thread. I'm going through the same LDR thing too. My g/f just move away, maybe temporary maybe not and I am scared to death that things aren't going to work out. So much so that she was begging me to come see her and I almost didn't because she won't give me a date when/if she is coming back. I don't want to be abandoned again!!! How the heck do you deal with that? Her stay in another city was planned way before she met me. She loves me, I love her, we just need more time to decide what the next step is going to be. ps - i was supposed to get married last july and my ex girlfriend/fiance' canceled the wedding (abandoned...). I understand the waiting for a text or a call or a email and I am a MAN! I am lucky because my g/f does text and call a lot. But, there was a time where it was early and she hit ignore on her phone because she was sleeping. We got into a fight about it. I was mad, so stupid, she was sleeping, how rude of me looking back now. I'm seeing my g/f this weekend yea!!! Can't wait!!! Hopefully she will move back to my home town soon. Or, who knows, I live there
Miss_Diagnosed Posted March 13, 2008 Posted March 13, 2008 I'm in the same boat... but the best advice I can give is to just enjoy the moment. It's hard, I know, on one hand I'm dealing with a sense of urgency to see where it goes, and on the other hand I'm afraid to even take a step forward. Sounds silly but, if I can manage to get a grip and chill out and relax and appreciate what is going on in the moment, anybody can do it lol. Keep your head up
allieapplesauce Posted March 14, 2008 Posted March 14, 2008 I'm in the same boat... but the best advice I can give is to just enjoy the moment. It's hard, I know, on one hand I'm dealing with a sense of urgency to see where it goes, and on the other hand I'm afraid to even take a step forward. Sounds silly but, if I can manage to get a grip and chill out and relax and appreciate what is going on in the moment, anybody can do it lol. Keep your head up I'm seeing this is a lot more common than i thought. so that helps me feel better.....more normal lol...i just kinda feel like we're not dating even tho he had asked me to be his girlfriend. i mean that's like establishing something official! but yeah he has totally cut back. he hasnt talked to me all day at work except when he was leaving early for vacation time for the day and came over and talked for a min. he left saying "text me later" but im not going to because then what if he doesnt respond back? he can text too! so i think i'm gonna try the pull away thing and be strong! i feel like he is losing interest cause guys never last long in my life and i dont know whats wrong with me. i dont think im that bad. i mean im not the most interesting person....but he just plays video games all day so its not like he's all that interesting either!!!!! i do NOT plan on getting hurt again. i dont think i can go thru with it. but if he's talking about moving still (its always back and forth between other states and just other areas within the same city so i dont know how serious he is on the whole doing what he says thing) so its like he's acting like its all like not important that hes moving like its easy....but if he pursued me and asked ME to be HIS girlfriend, then shouldn't it be a subject he should discuss with me! or could he be seeing what i say or how i react? cause i havent reacted to it outwardly. dont start a relationship with someone if you're not gonna stick around....ya know? that's what im thinking......
Author lovesick33 Posted March 14, 2008 Author Posted March 14, 2008 I hate to say this but sounds like something I have just been through. I was climbing the walls. He knew he had me, then he held back. From then on everything I did drove me crazy ;and drove him further away. I am a warm emotional woman and he is cold level headed, voiced concerns about not feeling safe enough to open up, even asked me to hang around. i found myself having to curb my emotions and hold back. NO way to live. I know being with him would have made me crazy so I ended it. If your seperation anxiety is so bad, something inside you is sending alarm bells. Listen to yourself, trust yourself. Why should it all be about what he needs. What about what you need. ? Ugh... you do have a point there City girl.... and my own needs are eating at me. Thing is, my guy and I... kinda like allie and hers... we are in this limbo of not fully defined in our relationship yet, so I suppose I feel like I can't really make demands of him yet. Does that make sense? I think that is what is so hard about this stage of a relationship. It is just so abstract... undefined. You are "seeing where it goes" and trying to be casual... trying to get in sync with one another, but it is hard. Ten times as hard when it is long distance. Though we've exchanged some texts and a couple emails over the past couple days, I feel like he and I haven't had a real phone convo in a few days, so I tried to call him tonight, but he didn't answer, and he didn't call back... and that hurts. I know he hates the phone, and he is possibly tired and stressed with schoolwork right now..... but I can't help but feel ... even MORE distant from him I guess. And yet every day I just shrug it off and act cheerful with him in texts. I never let him feel bad about it because I know his ex nagged him about it constantly and he hated it... I don't want to do that to him. I feel like I'm trying to prove that I'm different or something? ... yet... I'm still lonely :/ I don't know... I'm feeling pretty low about it all right now. I suppose I'm just going to sleep on it and wait and see if he says anything to me about it tomorrow. Maybe then I'll get a chance to tell him how I feel.
Ebeleptik38 Posted March 14, 2008 Posted March 14, 2008 *update* Well after reading this I must let you know whats going on through my head LS.... even though my relationship is hardly a LDR given we're 45 minutes away from each other, I can't help but to think that all my efforts to seeing this girl is going nowhere. Looking back I have been putting in ALL of the effort, making plans, picking her up. We hung out this weekend because we had plans almost 2-3 weeks prior to hanging out. She was doing some weird detox thing....where you don't eat and drink some weird mix of cayyenne pepper, lemon juice, maple syrup, water.....IDK but its supposed to fluch your system of toxins - anyways it was her 5th day not eating and ding this detox thing, and it happened to be the day i picked her up to go to my house. We had plans to do alot, then I guess she had some crazy stomach pain when we we're in the hot-tub. She couldn't move because the pain was so bad. So I took care of her most of the night, went out and bought soup for her (made her eat!) and just basically nursed her. The weekend was fun because I still got to be around her. She left her glasses here so I decided to go up and see her just this past Tuesday. We had plans to go out and eat sushi... apparently her stomach was still pretty sensitive to whatever food she was eating...and I'm sure sushi wasn't the best of things to eat when you have a sensitive stomach. Anyways she called it a night because she was just going to be on the toilet all night, I was annoyed because I hung out with her for barely 2 hours and had to drive back home 45 minutes. BTW I gave her her glasses back....whoopee My point to this is I bend over backwards for this chick whom I've been dating for 3-4 months now. She says she's comfortable with taking things slow...and I sit here and fight with myself about if I'm being fair about the situation...am I not being patient enough? All these questions go through my head. She is very straightforward about any issue that i have brought up, and I'm sure everything is pretty much legitimate. I'm sorry though....I have had enough, because as far as actions go...I don't see crap. If anything there is definitely a lack of attention lately, no sweet text messages, we don't even talk everyday anymore. I haven't been calling just to see if she will, and though it's only been a few days...no call...nothing. I texted her tonight " hey you, have a good night at work"....nothing. Something is wrong here, and there isn't...I don't care anymore. I don't need this half-assed kind of reciprocation from someone who is apparently into me. Maybe I'm being irrational, but as far as i have ever experienced someone who is into you....it is very obivious, and words and actions show....actions show the most....like TanBark said..."talk is cheap". Regardless I'm feeling jacked here and I don't need to deal with it anymore, because I have tried my best and feel like I get 10% in return. At this point LS, if it ain't feeling right....start asking how much YOU want to put up with...this will truly save you some headache. How much better can a LDR with this guy really get??? If I was doing LDR, which I have done before (she lived in New Mexico) I would be on the phone every night.... IDK girl...but don't waste your time/emotions too long over this....I know its been killing ya. It doesn't have to be this way
Author lovesick33 Posted March 14, 2008 Author Posted March 14, 2008 I'm sorry though....I have had enough, because as far as actions go...I don't see crap. If anything there is definitely a lack of attention lately, no sweet text messages, we don't even talk everyday anymore. I haven't been calling just to see if she will, and though it's only been a few days...no call...nothing. I texted her tonight " hey you, have a good night at work"....nothing. Something is wrong here, and there isn't...I don't care anymore. I don't need this half-assed kind of reciprocation from someone who is apparently into me. Maybe I'm being irrational, but as far as i have ever experienced someone who is into you....it is very obivious, and words and actions show....actions show the most....like TanBark said..."talk is cheap". Regardless I'm feeling jacked here and I don't need to deal with it anymore, because I have tried my best and feel like I get 10% in return. Ugh.... I'm really sorry things are going this way for you... I feel for ya I admire your strength to be able to say that though... I don't know if I could say that in my situation.. at least not yet. The truth is.. he and I are just too close as friends, and I'm far too empathetic to his own situation. I understand why he is the way he is, even though it is killing me ... At this point LS, if it ain't feeling right....start asking how much YOU want to put up with...this will truly save you some headache. How much better can a LDR with this guy really get??? If I was doing LDR, which I have done before (she lived in New Mexico) I would be on the phone every night.... IDK girl...but don't waste your time/emotions too long over this....I know its been killing ya. It doesn't have to be this way Thing is, I guess I kind of feel like I only have myself to blame here, because I've gone into this all along knowing full well the sorts of issues he had with his ex. This is a guy who: -hates it when people call him incessantly on the phone (and they do) -had an extremely needy and clingy ex -has never felt head-over-heels in love before (he takes things slow and more logical) -had an ex who used that "he's just not that into you" book against him as a weapon (even though he actually asked her to move in with him and she said no) So anytime I'm feeling a little bit needy for more contact from him, I get scared that I will start to remind him of his ex and frighten him away. And I honestly believe his playing it cool is NOT a lack of interest at all. It is just who he is. Yet I feel stuck. I feel like as we progress, I will definitely be needing to get more contact out of him, and I worry about how much more he can give. I do not want to be like his ex, but I want to compromise. I'm just not sure what that will be yet.. I sent him an email last night talking a bit about how I've been feeling, and then I couldn't sleep last night. I'm sort of kicking myself today for it... I'm not sure how it will go over..... I guess we'll see.. And I guess we'll see how/if things change between us when we see each other in the next couple weeks
Ebeleptik38 Posted March 14, 2008 Posted March 14, 2008 So anytime I'm feeling a little bit needy for more contact from him, I get scared that I will start to remind him of his ex and frighten him away. And I honestly believe his playing it cool is NOT a lack of interest at all. It is just who he is. Yet I feel stuck. I feel like as we progress, I will definitely be needing to get more contact out of him, and I worry about how much more he can give. I do not want to be like his ex, but I want to compromise. I'm just not sure what that will be yet.. You know...I feel with this part alot, that's my biggest fight with myself. Is this girl really just taking things slow? She really likes me? Why am I the only one putting all the effort? The funny thing is we're not even close to a LDR, not like yours at least. I'm letting this play out for a couple weeks. Im not calling, no nothing...if she doesn't contact me I'll know for sure something is wrong...I mean if 2 weeks go by with no nothing....isn't safe to say that things are just going bad??? We'll see.... I did do one thing to counter this though... I posted on Craiglist and got some great replies from some other women (funny thats how I met this girl) but I'm just keeping my options open. Obviously were not an item yet so, even if she came across my post, it couldn't be that bad could it? I'm just getting to the point where i really need to go with my gut, and if I'm constantly worrying about this and I'm not happy....and it affects how I feel on day-to-day basis....I need to do something. Well I hope things pan out for you LS, thanks for letting me vent and sympathizing.
allieapplesauce Posted March 15, 2008 Posted March 15, 2008 Though we've exchanged some texts and a couple emails over the past couple days, I feel like he and I haven't had a real phone convo in a few days, so I tried to call him tonight, but he didn't answer, and he didn't call back... and that hurts. I know he hates the phone, and he is possibly tired and stressed with schoolwork right now..... but I can't help but feel ... even MORE distant from him I guess. And yet every day I just shrug it off and act cheerful with him in texts. I never let him feel bad about it because I know his ex nagged him about it constantly and he hated it... I don't want to do that to him. I feel like I'm trying to prove that I'm different or something? ... yet... I'm still lonely :/ Yeah i feel just hte same...thats why i keep breaking down and texting just like one text, not over bearing *I* dont think....but i need that response from him....but if i dont get a response i go nuts with worry....its not that i need him 24/7....i just.....need reassured somehow....i feel lonely too. Ebeleptik38 since you're a guy....and we're getting your POV....I guess everyone is just different...see i'm not needy or clingy but i like closure. ive heard that with relationships it does tend that one person is really interested and the other isnt on the same level usually....my friend said that it's not about confidence at all. maybe she just knows you like her and isn't worried? that's how i felt before so i was real comfortable....now i feel like i want to just explode into a million tiny pieces. i honestly don't know what you should do about contacting her. i am waiting for mine to make a move now like he was....could he be waiting for ME to make a move? i have been the one to text him first the last few weeks. im afraid of the rejection of calling him first or feeling like im interrupting him during his "video game time" like you said about the not waiting around or taking it, i dont think i can do that at this point... So anytime I'm feeling a little bit needy for more contact from him, I get scared that I will start to remind him of his ex and frighten him away. And I honestly believe his playing it cool is NOT a lack of interest at all. yeah, i feel that too. i guess if they would just call or contact us in some way first, even just like once, it would make us feel better. mine hasnt made the first mood in forever and it can make us feel scared. i really hope that its not a lack of interest. maybe our guys are just similar to each other in thier reactions and me and you LS are the same type of girls in this aspect. honestly when my roommate at college dated this guy she never once acted like she was freaking out at all!!! so until the last few guys in my life i just didnt think it was normal. the fact i never had good relationships last long is what makes me scared mine has lost interest. I did do one thing to counter this though... I posted on Craiglist and got some great replies from some other women (funny thats how I met this girl) but I'm just keeping my options open. Obviously were not an item yet so, even if she came across my post, it couldn't be that bad could it? just so you know if i saw that in my situation i would totally think he wasnt into me and that i was right all along...but you're in the spot i am in and she seems to be in the spot my guy is in so i who knows...... today was ok as far as me and him but im still feeling like going bonkers. he was talking to a coworker and i went over and co worker left his desk so my guy was all like "what's goin on?" then he said "wanna come back to my desk?" so i went over and we talked for a few minutes.i think at some point i asked him to go down to break room to get a drink and he did....a few text thru out the day. they brought in food my team for some reason from olive garden. in a text i sent him he gave me a smiley face...i said my meal was super good so i wanna go eat there soon and he wrote back "take me!" but then when i said "if you're good :)" he was just like "that's gonna be hard." blah when i left he said 'text me later' so now i texted to tell him abt my plans for tmr since he only made mention of playing video games all weekend and nothing about me and him...so i didnt ask but he said to my plans "have fun" but not "have fun! :)" like he'd say before...im prob just retarded and read too much into it. i did right back and say that i knew he wanted to play but he was welcome to come...not really expecting it....but i got a no.....figures....oh well...we'll see what happens......good luck on you kid's side!
Ebeleptik38 Posted March 15, 2008 Posted March 15, 2008 Well that's pretty lame....he would rather stay home and play video games than spend time with you??? Neat...I mean video games are cool, I like them....but I would much rather spend time with a girl I liked than stay home playing video games. How long can a guy really play video games before he loses interest? Unless he's like hard-core, or inot something that life-consuming like "World of Warcraft" lol. Hope not. Well as far as her actions towards me when we're together...it's really sweet, we get along really good. But then as far as texts go....they have been diminishing...less and less sweet.....more or less they used to be fun, almost erotic sometimes.....but they we're sent like clockwork nonetheless. Phone calls....are pretty diminished now too, and so far this is the longest we have ever gone without any kind of contact....4 days...of nothing. I shouldn't have to call or text, and the fact that it's gone this long is just getting clearer what this is turning into. Who knows maybe she did see my post on Craigslist....but IDk about her getting the wrong idea, its been made very,very clear how much I like her. Also what you may say about her being just very comfortable with me liking her....we've been dating for 3....almost 3 and a half months....I think thats long enough to know what you want isn't it??? I think so, and she can't be that comfortable because she just doesn't put in the effort I do...whatsoever. So I don't know...but attractions should not be this hard to show some kind of affection or some level of attention...I'm starting to think she's just really good at acting.....*sigh* We'll see though...I'll give it more time, then I will need to call her and probably get some closure or some kind of explanation....I don't think I can just bail out completely and never talk again....I really liked this girl. Once again my gut feeling is turning out to be right.....this gut feeling has been strong for the past month....and once again I chose not to listen.
allieapplesauce Posted March 16, 2008 Posted March 16, 2008 Well that's pretty lame....he would rather stay home and play video games than spend time with you??? Neat...I mean video games are cool, I like them....but I would much rather spend time with a girl I liked than stay home playing video games. How long can a guy really play video games before he loses interest? Unless he's like hard-core, or inot something that life-consuming like "World of Warcraft" lol. Hope not. Well as far as her actions towards me when we're together...it's really sweet, we get along really good. But then as far as texts go....they have been diminishing...less and less sweet.....more or less they used to be fun, almost erotic sometimes.....but they we're sent like clockwork nonetheless. Phone calls....are pretty diminished now too, and so far this is the longest we have ever gone without any kind of contact....4 days...of nothing. I shouldn't have to call or text, and the fact that it's gone this long is just getting clearer what this is turning into. Who knows maybe she did see my post on Craigslist....but IDk about her getting the wrong idea, its been made very,very clear how much I like her. Also what you may say about her being just very comfortable with me liking her....we've been dating for 3....almost 3 and a half months....I think thats long enough to know what you want isn't it??? I think so, and she can't be that comfortable because she just doesn't put in the effort I do...whatsoever. So I don't know...but attractions should not be this hard to show some kind of affection or some level of attention...I'm starting to think she's just really good at acting.....*sigh* We'll see though...I'll give it more time, then I will need to call her and probably get some closure or some kind of explanation....I don't think I can just bail out completely and never talk again....I really liked this girl. Once again my gut feeling is turning out to be right.....this gut feeling has been strong for the past month....and once again I chose not to listen. yeah thats how i feel and see it on my end too....as a guy...your point of view....do you think from what i've talked about this is just a booty call thing he's going after? i dont see him as that type but i don't know......as a guy and i know you havent haven't defined your relationship as "official" yet, but is going at 3-4 weeks of this distraction and not being like it was seem like just a phase or being comfortable in where he is or a sign he might not care any more? does that happen? do you pursue someone for months and be really smitten with them as it appears to be with me nad him, then suddenly lose interest? *he chg his myspace mood to smitten* he hasnt logged in for almost 2 months.....and i dont take those websites to be an accurate sign of someones feelings....but all the same, he purposely chg it to that at one point.... i dont know, is it normal not to communicate in some way every day? any of my relationships have been like 5x hanging out over a 2 month period, maybe 2-3 times some kissing and that's mostly it. that's really the farthest i usually get. so i dont know whats normal and whats not. i talked to my one girl friend tonite for a while. i hadnt talked to her so she only knew the basics from texts of my guy. she said "we're adults. you need to have a face to face talk with the boy and find out where its going. one week of this sure, but 3 or 4. find out." and she said to my quesiton "if it freaks him out then he wasnt it" but i dont even know what to say or how to start it. "we need to talk" doesnt sound like the way to go...you know??
Ebeleptik38 Posted March 16, 2008 Posted March 16, 2008 yeah thats how i feel and see it on my end too....as a guy...your point of view....do you think from what i've talked about this is just a booty call thing he's going after? i dont see him as that type but i don't know......as a guy and i know you havent haven't defined your relationship as "official" yet, but is going at 3-4 weeks of this distraction and not being like it was seem like just a phase or being comfortable in where he is or a sign he might not care any more? does that happen? do you pursue someone for months and be really smitten with them as it appears to be with me nad him, then suddenly lose interest? *he chg his myspace mood to smitten* he hasnt logged in for almost 2 months.....and i dont take those websites to be an accurate sign of someones feelings....but all the same, he purposely chg it to that at one point.... i dont know, is it normal not to communicate in some way every day? any of my relationships have been like 5x hanging out over a 2 month period, maybe 2-3 times some kissing and that's mostly it. that's really the farthest i usually get. so i dont know whats normal and whats not. i talked to my one girl friend tonite for a while. i hadnt talked to her so she only knew the basics from texts of my guy. she said "we're adults. you need to have a face to face talk with the boy and find out where its going. one week of this sure, but 3 or 4. find out." and she said to my quesiton "if it freaks him out then he wasnt it" but i dont even know what to say or how to start it. "we need to talk" doesnt sound like the way to go...you know?? Hey check it out.... now my answers are set in stone, go with your gut and don't look back ever..... My situation finally hit the fan, and I was right....the feeling of rejection is awesome. I'm just glad she had the balls to finally tell me and talk to me about what it was that she wasn't feeling anymore about seeing me. I'm so bummed out after investing so much into this girl....guess it's my fault for falling for women so hard...but at least I'm not like heartbroken or anything. Anyways she said she was really attracted to my personality and of course my looks, and I guess physically I wasn't doing it for her. I asked if it was because a lack of in-experience on my part? Because prior to her I hadn't had sex in almost 3 years (crazy huh?) so shoot me...I was a little rusty, sorry if I wasn't a complete animal in bed, however she did say that she finished every time we did have sex...and for the most part I never finished every time. She said it wasn't bad and was being real straightforward about it. For the most part I just feel like crap now, and I know I'm not a horrible lay, but can't help but to feel really *****ty about myself right now. Does that happen with women? You can have decent sex with someone, and get off...but then realize your just not attracted to him in a physical way anymore regardless of looks and personality...or was it just the nicest way of saying you suck in bed and I can see myself with you. Oh well for the most part it wasn't feeling right, and I knew from almost a month ago, and didn't just listen to my gut. The gut feeling's rule, and are right every time ....maybe like 96% of the time. If your feeling neglected in a relationship and your not happy....something IS WRONG.
allieapplesauce Posted March 16, 2008 Posted March 16, 2008 If your feeling neglected in a relationship and your not happy....something IS WRONG. yeah....i talked to my work friend today in text and talking and basically, i txted him earlier today asking what he was up to and abt 1.5 hr later he wrote back and said nothing. and asked me about my day yesterday. i talked on the ph with my work friend at that point and she was saying if im making up excuses for him something isnt right. sounds like maybe he started to get too serious and backed off and just wants something casusal. i called him when i was done with her and had to leave a vm and he texted me like 20 min later saying he had been in the shwr. so i texted him back and said "give me a call when you're all cleaned up?" and he did like 5 min later......we talked for like 12 min and he wasnt talkative. it was a hard convo. he just said he was going to watch a movie later. no mention of hanging out. finally it was just so strenuous to try to make convo i said do you want me to let you go? and he said yeah.....then said "text me later" and i was like "you can text me later too you know" and he kinda chuckled and said "ok i'll text you later" so we'll see. then i told my friend and she said "yeah something is definitely not right." this is so hard. i can't do this for even another week. im gonna get a stomach ulcer. i was so looking forward to moving out and having a guy that seemed to genuinely like me. should i say something to him at work tomorrow? cause i can't go on anymore. i just can't. i can't sleep at night. i've lost my appetite. i can't get it off my mind to do anything else whatso ever and i can't be obsessive about this. i mean, i guess things he's said in the past---i guess he changed his mind. maybe he's not attracted to me? losing interest in my personality? im not good in bed? i am a closure kinda of person. ineed to know what's going on. i just never have luck with this. what if i say something like "i've had a lot on my mind lately with what happend to my car and moving out. but i'm feeling like something between me and you is not quite right anymore. the ball is in your court i think. i'm just curious if you want this to be casual or not so i know what to expect." that sound bad? ugh... well....you and she ended it huh? well....that sucks, im sorry for that. it'll hurt for a while. closure does help though. just how good can one be in bed? is there something special that you do? im feeling like im just a booty call right now. i just never saw it as being this hard. at the moment im not very optimistic. im ok with kinda casual. i just dont wanna half to worry about when the next time the kid and i will ever hang out. i want it to be ok to ask each other out. it hasnt been that way. it very well might be the end. i wanna cry.
lovingheart Posted March 17, 2008 Posted March 17, 2008 Lovesick? Are you a busy person or do you have a lot of time on your hands? I ask this because the PERFECT cure for this issue you are having is to get very very very busy. With work..or whatever you have to do. I tend to think a lot too when I am not busy. If I find myself involved in a project or do something I enjoy (yoga, meditation) it makes the time pass quickly and I don't worry as much. It's also a good idea to go see a movie, watch funny videos, go out with your girlfriends - anything that relaxes you and gets you to stop worrying. the relationship will take care of itself. When you are happy, things turn out much better. Good luck!
Author lovesick33 Posted March 19, 2008 Author Posted March 19, 2008 Hey check it out.... now my answers are set in stone, go with your gut and don't look back ever..... My situation finally hit the fan, and I was right....the feeling of rejection is awesome. I'm just glad she had the balls to finally tell me and talk to me about what it was that she wasn't feeling anymore about seeing me. I'm so bummed out after investing so much into this girl....guess it's my fault for falling for women so hard...but at least I'm not like heartbroken or anything. Anyways she said she was really attracted to my personality and of course my looks, and I guess physically I wasn't doing it for her. I asked if it was because a lack of in-experience on my part? Because prior to her I hadn't had sex in almost 3 years (crazy huh?) so shoot me...I was a little rusty, sorry if I wasn't a complete animal in bed, however she did say that she finished every time we did have sex...and for the most part I never finished every time. She said it wasn't bad and was being real straightforward about it. For the most part I just feel like crap now, and I know I'm not a horrible lay, but can't help but to feel really *****ty about myself right now. Does that happen with women? You can have decent sex with someone, and get off...but then realize your just not attracted to him in a physical way anymore regardless of looks and personality...or was it just the nicest way of saying you suck in bed and I can see myself with you. Oh well for the most part it wasn't feeling right, and I knew from almost a month ago, and didn't just listen to my gut. The gut feeling's rule, and are right every time ....maybe like 96% of the time. If your feeling neglected in a relationship and your not happy....something IS WRONG. Oh jeez Ebel... I'm so sorry You are so right though... that deep-seeded gut feeling... it says a lot. But you know something? Her reasoning sounds like such a total cop-out to me. Because I am a woman, and I don't buy it. It isn't a true reason, it is a symptom. If you TRULY feel a deep enough connection with someone... the physical stuff works itself out somehow. It is when there is something else off... either with yourself (you being unopen, unready, etc.) or your connection to your partner... that is why things truly fail. You shouldn't feel down on yourself because this girl wasn't able to appreciate you. Hopefully the next time you get excited about someone... they WILL appreciate you. I'm really sorry though
Author lovesick33 Posted March 19, 2008 Author Posted March 19, 2008 yeah....i talked to my work friend today in text and talking and basically, i txted him earlier today asking what he was up to and abt 1.5 hr later he wrote back and said nothing. and asked me about my day yesterday. i talked on the ph with my work friend at that point and she was saying if im making up excuses for him something isnt right. sounds like maybe he started to get too serious and backed off and just wants something casusal. i called him when i was done with her and had to leave a vm and he texted me like 20 min later saying he had been in the shwr. so i texted him back and said "give me a call when you're all cleaned up?" and he did like 5 min later......we talked for like 12 min and he wasnt talkative. it was a hard convo. he just said he was going to watch a movie later. no mention of hanging out. finally it was just so strenuous to try to make convo i said do you want me to let you go? and he said yeah.....then said "text me later" and i was like "you can text me later too you know" and he kinda chuckled and said "ok i'll text you later" so we'll see. then i told my friend and she said "yeah something is definitely not right." Ugh... he is definitely being too aloof with you allie.... that would drive me nuts! I mean... there is 'playing it cool'... and then there is bordering on pushing the girl away :/ this is so hard. i can't do this for even another week. im gonna get a stomach ulcer. i was so looking forward to moving out and having a guy that seemed to genuinely like me. should i say something to him at work tomorrow? cause i can't go on anymore. i just can't. i can't sleep at night. i've lost my appetite. i can't get it off my mind to do anything else whatso ever and i can't be obsessive about this. I don't blame you hun.... You shouldn't have to do this. I know how it is though. You need to somehow find a way to work up the strength and courage to be the strong one.... make a decision to not wait around for him... because it kinda seems like he counts on having you at the end of his string. what if i say something like "i've had a lot on my mind lately with what happend to my car and moving out. but i'm feeling like something between me and you is not quite right anymore. the ball is in your court i think. i'm just curious if you want this to be casual or not so i know what to expect." that sound bad? If it were me.... I'd probably do the same thing. Be honest and let him know that you want to know where you stand. But only do it if you can be strong. Don't come off needy at all... just put it on the table, and let him know... "hey buddy... I want you... do you want me, or what?"
Author lovesick33 Posted March 19, 2008 Author Posted March 19, 2008 Lovesick? Are you a busy person or do you have a lot of time on your hands? I ask this because the PERFECT cure for this issue you are having is to get very very very busy. With work..or whatever you have to do. I tend to think a lot too when I am not busy. If I find myself involved in a project or do something I enjoy (yoga, meditation) it makes the time pass quickly and I don't worry as much. It's also a good idea to go see a movie, watch funny videos, go out with your girlfriends - anything that relaxes you and gets you to stop worrying. the relationship will take care of itself. When you are happy, things turn out much better. Good luck! Thanks Love Daisies... I try to keep busy.. though admitedly, I'm not as busy as I know I could be. And what is worse, when I fall hard for someone like this... the worst possible thing happens - I tend to let them distract me away from other things sometimes probably Terrible, isn't it? I'm trying to get better though. And I know your advice is good advice. It is hard for me, because generally speaking I'm a pretty solitary person by nature. I am active, yet I choose to live alone and do many things alone. Most of the time this suits me, but at times.... it can be rough. Lately things have been a little bit better just because I'm busy getting ready for his visit ... and that is a good thing to be kept busy with!
Ebeleptik38 Posted March 19, 2008 Posted March 19, 2008 Oh jeez Ebel... I'm so sorry You are so right though... that deep-seeded gut feeling... it says a lot. But you know something? Her reasoning sounds like such a total cop-out to me. Because I am a woman, and I don't buy it. It isn't a true reason, it is a symptom. If you TRULY feel a deep enough connection with someone... the physical stuff works itself out somehow. It is when there is something else off... either with yourself (you being unopen, unready, etc.) or your connection to your partner... that is why things truly fail. You shouldn't feel down on yourself because this girl wasn't able to appreciate you. Hopefully the next time you get excited about someone... they WILL appreciate you. I'm really sorry though Thanks Love...Yeah I'm sure there's alot of reasons why it didn't work out, I just don't know them...and your right because I have had great physical relationships with much stronger emotional connection...which for me makes it a lot better > But it was kind of hard to not take it the wrong way at first....I'm just glad I'm not going through like a breakup from a long relationship...so it's really not the end of the world. But rejection sucks, and it was the first time I've gotten the whole...."I only see us as friends" deal....whatever. Thanks for caring though So how goes it with you?
allieapplesauce Posted March 21, 2008 Posted March 21, 2008 Ebeleptik im real sorry to hear that happened. as sucky and probably painful as it is it's good to have that closure. if it had anything to do with the way you perform than thats her own loss b/c if she is attracted to you physically and personality-wise, then there should be no reason to ditch on that particular topic--that can always improve or change. so, i wish ya much better luck on the next girl--she'll be 100x better. love---so your guys coming pretty soon isn't he?!? do you have any details of what you're gonna do or how long he is gonna stay? on my end i guess things are a bit better. i was pretty upset and feeling sick to my stomach. i had a job interview for another dept in the company and after that i felt a lot better. but i was pissed at first b/c HE didnt text or come say how did it go or good luck and that kinda hurt. my friend said she asked our other friend who my guy is friends with whats been going on with the kid cause he isnt talking and stuff and our friend told her that he has been just miserable, they dont really talk and hang out like they used to esp after the schedule change. that made me feel marginally better. but my guy did come over to my desk wed after the interview and said i looked real nice. he had taken half day i guess so he was leaving and thats about it for that. then that night i got a text asking how the interview went. i ignored it. next day i went up to sign lease for apart and decided to text him and said that interview went ok and i just signed lease and he wrote back "yeah!" so..... then at work he seemed to keep to himself. since i flexed my schedule and worked same shift he did our lunches overlapped. he sat in his cube and just i dont know, played on the phone or something--you could just tell he was just keeping to himself. so i went over and talked for a few min and he asked how interview was and lease. i said only thing i gotta worry aboutnow is packing boxes and he said i could borrow some plastic tubs he has. or if i need some help to let him know.... so then he did come stop by later after rest of our friends left (we worked till 11 last night, we are usually gone between 7 and 8)....i was on a work call so i couldnt talk but he like rubbed my shoulder and left. we walked outta work together he was a bit talkative about easter---i stopped him in the parking lot----what i was going to say to him originally kinda changed after the interview and how he started behaving...i was seeing it a bit differently and was feeling bit calmer. i said something like "i know you're in a blah place and so on...but we really haven't talked in a while and i was getting concerned" and he said "you have nothing to be concerned about" and he mentioned how what happened with work is putting him in a real bad place b/c they're treating what happened as if he isnt a human being like he is a robot. (i can understand) and he just is distancing himself from people. i did say something a long the lines that he has been distant and he did ask me to be his girlfriend and i just wanst sure what was going on. and that you know he has a good job, friends, you gotta try and find the bright parts out of the situation. but he says hes trying and he just wakes up and its hard and maybe he'll go to therapy or something. i dont know....still feel like there's not a real resolution. he mentioned hanging out sat and i said i had some plans and he said ok maybe next weekend. so i said ok. he gave me a hug and like a kiss on the cheek thing, which i returned...so i hope everything is ok. i did mention there needs to be some communication....cant just not text ever or talk on ph--phone calls are tough with our opposite schedules---next schedule bid we need to figure something out to have like the same one so we can spend time together outside of work. it would do no good for one to work early and hte other late nad try to be sleeping over or something.... so i figue we'll see how he is over the next week. see if we hang out next weekend. if communicaton doesnt get slightly better---and im not going to text HIM...then we'll be having another talk.....and im not sleeping with him until we figure this out. we gotta be able to hang out and have a relationship based on other stuff....so that's where we are at the moment....so i mean at least it didnt completely crap out...but still watching out.... TGIF!
allieapplesauce Posted March 23, 2008 Posted March 23, 2008 well friday night after i was done at work he told me i could call him tomorrow (which is now today. so i decided to text him this afternoon and i hoped he had a good day. he didnt text back...but thats okay. im gonna start doin that without needing a response. just hope he has a good day. i called and talked to him for about 30 min. he was a little more talkative. he told me i could call him tmr. so i think i will. he made mention of doing something next weekend. going to get something to eat. so i guess that's good? only thing is that is 3 weeks without a date. isnt that awfully long time for a non ldr? well 6 or 7 weeks till i move out and then i'll be a bit closer and on my own. so i think things are okay? well see. im okay for now. happy easter!
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