Ebeleptik38 Posted February 27, 2008 Posted February 27, 2008 Hey LoveSick, I had an awesome reply to all this earlier but then my internet ****ed up right when I sent it . So anyhow this response won't be anywhere as elaborate as the one I tried to send. Well the reason why I'm even posting is because you sound like me. I have been in a similar situation with someone I am currently dating, and I found myself tripping out on such small things as texts, emailing, phone calls, and just the duration of how all those things changed after a few months of dating. I'm surprised that all your responses have been quite understanding of your feelings right now, mine we're good for the most part, but a few just we're pretty negative and made me out to sound like I was just obsessing. One response I read was telling you to keep busy, and I think that is really one of the best things you can do, start focusing on your own life...anything to keep your infectious mind off of it. Another thing is definitely communicate with him, but make sure you do it when your in a good frame of mind, you don't want to come off needy/ clingy. I'm sure its a huge turn-off to not only women but men too (I'm not saying you are) but you definitely want to play it cool. Maybe embrace a little more self-worth, and let him come to you...if he doesn't- then screw him...he was probably just full of **** anyways. If you ever have a gut feeling...I mean a strong one...trust you judgment and go with it. I don't know how many times I have gone against it and ended up being right about it. If it helps I think you should really read some of my recent postings about my current situation, I'm sure you'll be able to relate (they all relate to the same relationship I'm talking about). It might be a pain in the ass, but if you have the time just search under my screen name. Take a step back from the situation and you'll see that you could be making a bigger deal out of things than what they really are. Trust me I still feel unsure about some things, but when your constantly trying to unravel things with such emotions being stirred about, its really hard to grasp what is really within reason. I'm doing the whole LDR thing.... its not fun, but now that I have some of the issues I was afraid to address out of the way, I feel a lot better about things. I also know that this relationship I'm in is going to take some work and most of all patience...and thats one thing I know will be good for me not only now but in the long run as well. I'm taking it one day at a time, as should you. Just let things be, time will truly unfold whats going to happen, but trust me if you let yourself get the best of you and don't stop picking at it you'll only ruin it more for yourself. Good luck girl...hope i could help soothe your mind, and give ya something to relate to.
Author lovesick33 Posted February 28, 2008 Author Posted February 28, 2008 (edited) Hey LoveSick, I had an awesome reply to all this earlier but then my internet ****ed up right when I sent it . So anyhow this response won't be anywhere as elaborate as the one I tried to send. Gotta hate that right? But thanks, I appreciate it. I'm surprised that all your responses have been quite understanding of your feelings right now, mine we're good for the most part, but a few just we're pretty negative and made me out to sound like I was just obsessing. One response I read was telling you to keep busy, and I think that is really one of the best things you can do, start focusing on your own life...anything to keep your infectious mind off of it. Definitely sound advice I think... and I'm trying to stick to it. Luckily, as the days pass, I'm getting better and better at it I think... Another thing is definitely communicate with him, but make sure you do it when your in a good frame of mind, you don't want to come off needy/ clingy. I'm sure its a huge turn-off to not only women but men too (I'm not saying you are) but you definitely want to play it cool. Maybe embrace a little more self-worth, and let him come to you...if he doesn't- then screw him...he was probably just full of **** anyways. If you ever have a gut feeling...I mean a strong one...trust you judgment and go with it. I don't know how many times I have gone against it and ended up being right about it. So correct. Communication is key.... but you have a very valid point about only doing it when you have your cool. And the gut feeling is a good point as well. Truth is, I think that is a big part of what has been eating at me. I could point at many different little reasons for it... little 'symptoms', but overall I just had a 'gut feeling' that something was off with him over the past week. Well.... last night I finally broke down and talked with him about it. Turned out it was easy as well too, as he called me crying on my shoulder a bit because he'd been in a small car accident Turns out.... yes... things HAVE been off with him, but not because of me at all. He has just been extremely stressed in his personal life, and therefore he hasn't been able to respond to my emails and texts or call and talk as much as he normally would. He's been feeling down... but not about ME. If anything, he's been worried that his stressful state would make him appear unattractive to me. So.... communication... definitely important. I ended up telling him that I'm here for him and that he can vent to me all he wants, cry on my shoulder, etc. and that I don't want to make him feel further stressed out - like he HAS to text me back or email me back if he is super busy right then, and I think he appreciated that. All and all I think we had a good conversation. I'm certainly feeling like a weight is lifted from me today, and I feel like I can be there for him if he needs me to be. I'm doing the whole LDR thing.... its not fun, but now that I have some of the issues I was afraid to address out of the way, I feel a lot better about things. I also know that this relationship I'm in is going to take some work and most of all patience...and thats one thing I know will be good for me not only now but in the long run as well. I'm taking it one day at a time, as should you. Just let things be, time will truly unfold whats going to happen, but trust me if you let yourself get the best of you and don't stop picking at it you'll only ruin it more for yourself. Good luck girl...hope i could help soothe your mind, and give ya something to relate to. I actually have read your posts, and I definitely sympathize... LDRs are tough enough... but the worrying thing when everything is undefined. Well... that is the real killer. Just getting things in sync can be so frustrating! You got it though.... one day at a time.... remember to breathe... Edited February 28, 2008 by lovesick33
Ebeleptik38 Posted February 28, 2008 Posted February 28, 2008 Wow....gut feelings, combined with strong emotions, and then the reality of things. Its crazy how things can work out isn't it?! Well I hope it all goes good from here on out!
Author lovesick33 Posted February 28, 2008 Author Posted February 28, 2008 Wow....gut feelings, combined with strong emotions, and then the reality of things. Its crazy how things can work out isn't it?! Well I hope it all goes good from here on out! Ugh me too.... so far so good... two days in a row feeling pretty relaxed.... that is like a record for me! lol ... course, really worried for HIM now that he is all stressed.... and I still miss him horribly. None of this is ever easy :/
DanielMadr Posted February 28, 2008 Posted February 28, 2008 Stop thinking about it and wrtiting about it in here. Knit a woolly or something. What are you afraid of anyway? That he wont show you enough affection and you will feel even more worthless? Get real. He is not your parents and you are not a kid. And he is certainly not only one man left on the face of earth. You really like him or the idea of him (the perfect human being who will make you happy) anyway? You have to be happy by yourself to be happy in relationship or you will drag it down. Be cool and act accordingly. Not too cold and not too fast. btw change your nick to something less hopeless than lovesick
Ebeleptik38 Posted February 28, 2008 Posted February 28, 2008 Stop thinking about it and wrtiting about it in here. Knit a woolly or something. What are you afraid of anyway? That he wont show you enough affection and you will feel even more worthless? Get real. He is not your parents and you are not a kid. And he is certainly not only one man left on the face of earth. You really like him or the idea of him (the perfect human being who will make you happy) anyway? You have to be happy by yourself to be happy in relationship or you will drag it down. Be cool and act accordingly. Not too cold and not too fast. btw change your nick to something less hopeless than lovesick Its responses like that, that make people not want to even share their problems on LS. Your reply doesn't even seem like its in any way helpful, given how she is feeling. It's real easy to just say what your supposed to do in relationships, but it's a whole different story when someone is caught up in emotions/ feelings and feeling vulnerable. Some people may not be as headstrong as you, it takes time, experience, and I'm sure a few broken hearts. But when your are vulnerable and you are your worst enemy, it's not like some kind of light-swtich you just turn off and then go about your day like everything is OK. Have some sympathy or don't post at all. I don't think you quite grasp the situation at hand...Daniel, if you think you do... maybe you should try a little harder to put yourself in someone's shoes given how dynamic a relationship can get to be and how they can really easily be misconstrued . He may have a point, but I don't think it needs to be addressed like that Lovesick and don't change your screen name just because this douche suggests so. My man TanBark has already mentioned this, just not in the exact words: we all have times where we need to vent our feelings and you shouldn't have to feel uncomfortable sharing them on here
DanielMadr Posted February 28, 2008 Posted February 28, 2008 Its responses like that, that make people not want to even share their problems on LS. Your reply doesn't even seem like its in any way helpful, given how she is feeling. It's real easy to just say what your supposed to do in relationships, but it's a whole different story when someone is caught up in emotions/ feelings and feeling vulnerable. Some people may not be as headstrong as you, it takes time, experience, and I'm sure a few broken hearts. But when your are vulnerable and you are your worst enemy, it's not like some kind of light-swtich you just turn off and then go about your day like everything is OK. Have some sympathy or don't post at all. I don't think you quite grasp the situation at hand...Daniel, if you think you do... maybe you should try a little harder to put yourself in someone's shoes given how dynamic a relationship can get to be and how they can really easily be misconstrued . He may have a point, but I don't think it needs to be addressed like that Lovesick and don't change your screen name just because this douche suggests so. My man TanBark has already mentioned this, just not in the exact words: we all have times where we need to vent our feelings and you shouldn't have to feel uncomfortable sharing them on here She has plenty of people here to comfort her, I prefer direct approach or for some maybe shock therapy. I have sympathy for her or I wouldnt give a shyt about her post. I still believe what I wrote is right and it could help her to switch the switch better than assuring her in a victim role. If she just exxagerated her story and actually she is quite fine and only wanted to vent some emotions, Im sure she brush off my remarks.
Author lovesick33 Posted February 29, 2008 Author Posted February 29, 2008 I guess it is a little of both Daniel... I appreciate the direct "shock" approach or whatever. I'm tough enough to take it, I'm not going to fall to pieces over it (nor change my name, thanks). But I also think you come off a bit harsh when you tell me to quit writing about it here, because to be honest.... writing about it here is keeping me from calling/texting/emailing him. Venting a bit here is allowing me to let off a little steam and therefore act cooler in his eyes. Sometimes we need to get our footing a little bit. Not all of us are all perfectly grounded from the get-go. I have had many relationships where I am cool and levelheaded from the beginning and I stay that way throughout. But the truth is... in those relationships.... I never seem to really feel that much passion for the man involved. But this guy.... I feel something seriously heavy here, and it just makes me lose that levelheadedness a bit I guess. So yeah... I would much rather vent here than burden him too much. And I do do other things. I write, I paint, I talk to other friends, etc. etc. All outlets to keep the sanity. I recommend them all. .... As for the screenname... eh... hopeless eh? I just thought it was honest. Seems to be an affliction that follows me around. All depends on how you look at it. Nevertheless, thanks for your input.
Touche Posted February 29, 2008 Posted February 29, 2008 If you have read my posts, you’ll realise that I didn’t advocate in-depth and prolong discussions with regards to the issues these two have, all I said was that they should be able to confined in each other from the beginning and be honest with one another as it will put them in good stead for the future. Hiding issues does not help, which I felt you were advocating, of course I’m probably wrong. Yes, you got it wrong. Read my posts again. Maybe lying, delusion and keep secrets works for other people, but it doesn’t work for me, I’m not good at hiding my feelings, insecurities, likes and dislikes. I’m honest, straight talking and one never to hide how I feel. So in my eyes, I’d rather get everything off of my chest and carry on with life than succumb to the immense, unbearable weight after months of severe battling to no avail. I never advocated lying or any other such thing. But I'm saying getting everything off your chest any time and every time you feel like it, doesn't work either. I mean how has that worked for YOU? I have a hunch I know the answer. You seem to be talking about two extremes with that last sentence. Ever heard of a happy medium? Aiming for a balance? I think that's what lovesick is striving for and I commend her. She's got a good chance at making this work in view of that.
allieapplesauce Posted March 2, 2008 Posted March 2, 2008 hey, i like the comments going on here, as what is being said on here is how i'm feeling. i think we know that we're over analyzing and stuff and who knows--maybe our SO is also....we just don't know it...to me it seems like my guy is in control of the whole situation. Which to some extent is fine. I don't want to be the pants in any relationship. But all the same, like you've said lovesick...he just seems different. Instead of the "i miss you! xoxox" the or the Goodnight sweetie! i may not get a response or it may just be a "night" which in a text is hard to convey emotion. It also seems like he's not responding or texting and i'm making myself NOT text him first. Or he'll do something like text me first, but then after like 3 texts, he'll just stop...even after i'll ask him how his day is......and i dont want to be clingy. I've spent 25 yrs of my life being mostly by myself, or spending a lot of time just by myself and thinking, reading, writing, and so on....so being by myself isn't the problem. You just get tired of putting out emotions, time, money, and trying to be happy with someone, and when you always get the shaft and you never are the shafter, you wonder what's wrong with you. I have girlfriends that have been my friends for several years and ones how are LD and we keep in touch regularly. I know i'm a cool girl. I got some cool interests and fun ideas and i'm up for anything...and i'm sure you girls out here on LS are the same way and feel the same way probably.....so unless the guys really F***** up in the head and can't see that.....then we prob don't need em anyway!!! I only want something to go right for once....he makes me feel totally relaxed, i feel like i can sink into nothing in his hug...so i just like to be around him some or hear from him.... Mine mentioned at the beginning of the week to come over today, and i was kinda like well maybe.....and he hasnt said anything sense but i made myself stay home and get caught up on things....i think its best to be my own self for a weekend. i'll see him at work all week. I could never do a LDR. but i've never had a LTR either so i dont see an LDR working, so i wish you luck with yours. It makes me feel better to vent my thoughts and feelings no matter how over analyzed or exagerated or unnecessary they may be. It makes me feel better i'm not the only one feeling this way...as it's probably normal i guess...i know guys are on here too doing this about their girl! That probably is a BIG sign that things actually are OKAY with our SO and we'll live through it even though we can't currently see how!! Have a good day!
Author lovesick33 Posted March 3, 2008 Author Posted March 3, 2008 Thanks allie, yeah... it definitely helps to know we're not alone. It is just crazy how quickly it can spiral out of control - all the worrying over nothing! You can feel fine, completely reassured.... and then a day or two with little to no contact goes by and once again you start to worry that something is "off". I dunno... turns out with my guy he really has had a lot on his mind lately. Slowly but surely he has started talking to me about it. He is going to be visiting in a few weeks, so now I'm just taking things one day at a time and looking forward to that. So hard sometimes though! I only want something to go right for once....he makes me feel totally relaxed, i feel like i can sink into nothing in his hug...so i just like to be around him some or hear from him.... That pretty much sums it up right there. :/
Angels&Airwaves Posted March 3, 2008 Posted March 3, 2008 I never advocated lying or any other such thing. But I'm saying getting everything off your chest any time and every time you feel like it, doesn't work either. I mean how has that worked for YOU? I have a hunch I know the answer. You seem to be talking about two extremes with that last sentence. Ever heard of a happy medium? Aiming for a balance? I think that's what lovesick is striving for and I commend her. She's got a good chance at making this work in view of that. I know it doesn’t work and I never advocating doing so, however if there’s a problem in a relationship the two people in question should sit down like mature people, step back and view the problem and its components and then plan on designing and engineering a solution, or solutions. I’ve heard of a balance and a happy medium, but I’m not someone to do things by the half or half heartedly. If people can’t accept me for me, then I don’t care, but I’m not one to hide how I feel and when I’m satisfied I will show I am satisfied, content and happy and when I am unsatisfied, miserable and angry, I’ll show it, too. I’m not watering myself down for anyone and neither should Lovesick. Anyway, she has taken your advice and not mine, so give yourself a pat on the back.
allieapplesauce Posted March 4, 2008 Posted March 4, 2008 Thanks allie, yeah... it definitely helps to know we're not alone. It is just crazy how quickly it can spiral out of control - all the worrying over nothing! You can feel fine, completely reassured.... and then a day or two with little to no contact goes by and once again you start to worry that something is "off". I dunno... turns out with my guy he really has had a lot on his mind lately. Slowly but surely he has started talking to me about it. He is going to be visiting in a few weeks, so now I'm just taking things one day at a time and looking forward to that. So hard sometimes though! That pretty much sums it up right there. :/ Yeah you definitely got the words just right! I am not so well today....i mean i went to work and when he came in i went to see him on a break and mentioned if fridays plans were on he said yes...but he said he had something to do with this one kid on saturday that we work with and it's later on...i guess he was just bringing it up just to put it out there...so i said i can go home after the bar...and he said no i can stay over....and when i left to go back to my work he said to text him...so sounds good right? but then he doesnt respond back!! i just dont know what to do. and i cant text him a second time you know? what happened to the texts just to see what i was doin? i dont get any terms of endearment or told i look nice or pretty or anything...not that i need that every day but it just kinda would put me at ease....i dont know if he liked me and now he's tired of me? and just cant dump me cause he asked me to be his gf but we work together so.... or am i just a retard? i think im just dumb but i can't help it. i know i should take what advice everyone's saying and keep remembering it. i just realized with our new work schedules were never gonna talk on the ph cause he works late and im done earlier than him and we cant go out during hte week either cuz of that i wonder if things'll be a bit better once i move out but that's not for like 2 more months!!!!! :::::::tears hair out:::::: it's good to hear your guy is talking to you more. the next few weeks will prob be tough for you but at least you have that to be excited about! yes, one day at a time, you're right about that, but when its a not so great day its hard for that day to go quickly!!!
Author lovesick33 Posted March 4, 2008 Author Posted March 4, 2008 Anyway, she has taken your advice and not mine, so give yourself a pat on the back. This isn't entirely true Angels... I whole-heartedly appreciate your advice! The two of us have been talking very honestly and openly with each other since the day we met and have been continuing to do so lately... it always makes me feel better, so I agree with you. I just also can see the benefit of letting things be cool and silent for a little while as well when emotions run high. Sometimes it is a balance game Especially when things are new like this and I'm not even sure we could utter the words "girlfriend" or "boyfriend" yet... .I mean... ugh. I just don't want to risk getting too heavy on him I suppose, though I certainly want to be honest.
Author lovesick33 Posted March 4, 2008 Author Posted March 4, 2008 Yeah you definitely got the words just right! I am not so well today....i mean i went to work and when he came in i went to see him on a break and mentioned if fridays plans were on he said yes...but he said he had something to do with this one kid on saturday that we work with and it's later on...i guess he was just bringing it up just to put it out there...so i said i can go home after the bar...and he said no i can stay over....and when i left to go back to my work he said to text him...so sounds good right? but then he doesnt respond back!! i just dont know what to do. and i cant text him a second time you know? what happened to the texts just to see what i was doin? i dont get any terms of endearment or told i look nice or pretty or anything...not that i need that every day but it just kinda would put me at ease....i dont know if he liked me and now he's tired of me? and just cant dump me cause he asked me to be his gf but we work together so.... or am i just a retard? i think im just dumb but i can't help it. Oh god the compliments thing! haha... I have to stop myself on this one too. It is funny... when I was getting to know my guy... well it'll sound strange, but we started as friends and we used to talk about our exes to each other and complain about the things they did or problems we had. So he was very upfront with me. He told me that she always used to complain to him that he would never compliment her enough, and he said that it never meant that he didn't care about her... it's just that he wasn't built that way... to always be spewing out compliments. He said that if she got dressed up really nice for something or it was a special occasion or whatever that of course he was complimenting her, but just everyday.. that no... it didn't regularly occur to him. And so sometimes she felt insecure when he didn't mean her to feel so. So... I dunno.. is something like that the guy's fault? Should he always be responsible for making you feel special.... or should you try to meet him halfway by trying to be more confident in the fact that he truly does like you? I guess I tend to think it should be a joint effort. I don't know if that helps you.... but.... you are definitely not alone! haha.... I think a TON of guys just don't think that way. They are too logical. You might be expecting something sweet from a text, and they might be all about business in that moment. Just try to remind yourself of that. i know i should take what advice everyone's saying and keep remembering it. Well yeah.... easier said than done though, right? I have to remind myself that all the time... i just realized with our new work schedules were never gonna talk on the ph cause he works late and im done earlier than him and we cant go out during hte week either cuz of that i wonder if things'll be a bit better once i move out but that's not for like 2 more months!!!!! :::::::tears hair out:::::: it's good to hear your guy is talking to you more. the next few weeks will prob be tough for you but at least you have that to be excited about! yes, one day at a time, you're right about that, but when its a not so great day its hard for that day to go quickly!!! Definitely true.... hard days are the worst! But.... I just count on having some good ones inbetween.
allieapplesauce Posted March 5, 2008 Posted March 5, 2008 Yeah, this kid and i started as friends too. i've known him like 13 months....back in oct since he was real big on us hanging out he'd ask all the time and i finally started giving in....and hanging out like 1 day every like 3 weeks until it got more and more...i wouldnt go to his apartment.....i but then i did to watch fb game...i'd start thinking to myself it's ok i want something to happen but then i would chg my mind and say no im not ready....but each time i rejected the idea later and later in the evening until i was ready for it to happen and it did too...it was good timing for me....so it was like 2 months first before any kiss or anything, then one night we watched a movie and he put his arm around me and then at the end he kissed me when he walked me to the car, that kinda thing....so it was goin good. you are right, what you said makes sense and helped a lot...i dont expect a compliment every ten seconds...i suppose i am not with much confidence...im just feeling like its off key without it. i guess they just wanna tell ya they like ya and then they feel like they did their deed and dont need to say it all the time they lose that brain cell.....it should be somewhat even back and forth i agree... i dont know whether to back off or to compliment him cuz i am bad at that. im not good with opening my feelings. i should tell him tmr he looks nice. he shaves his head and at first i liked it when he'd grow his hair a bit but he shaves like every other week...now actually im finding it real adorable. like my own bald bruce willis haha. real hot stuff but its like is that what i need to do? show him how i feel or is it going to sound like im needy and stuff? or if i advoid him some maybe he'll feel like im currently feeling and pursue me again? no clue! and you know, the first like 4 weeks was great cause i wasnt worried, i felt like i knew just what to do. ive gone over his place, we went out and bought food and i cooked him chinese at his place, we've made some snack stuff, and so on....never did that before. anyway after last night he didnt respond to any texts i was like dying. i couldnt sleep for the life i me i was real just like BAD off. he did text like 4 hrs later and said his "ph was on vibrate. i'll talk to you tmr"....i kidna felt better but you know... then this morning he sent a few text but i wasnt real texty back...i didnt feel like being... after work i stopped by his desk to say bye nad told him to call me after work if he wanted nad he said he was going to so and so's house (that we work with also) so it'd be late...so no call... with the different schedules, how often is too often to talk on the phone? i mean i dont expect it every day if we can text a little... he did tell me right away when he saw me he liked my jacket (just like a hoodie thing) and so that was ok and tonite he's sorta texting now....but i dont know.....doesnt seem happy....course being at work...not so much fun.... i really need to figure things out this weekend when we go out. how is it going with your man today?
Author lovesick33 Posted March 5, 2008 Author Posted March 5, 2008 i dont know whether to back off or to compliment him cuz i am bad at that. I don't know that guys are as needy for it as us women are, but I think we probably underestimate how much they actually need it too, sadly So you are probably right... you gotta give a little to get a little. It is important to pay attention to your partner's needs always. Live by the golden rule and all that, right? with the different schedules, how often is too often to talk on the phone? i mean i dont expect it every day if we can text a little... I know just what ya mean... and there is a time difference between me and my guy too... ugh. Just a little contact here and there helps though. The days when we don't have that can make me climb the walls with worry. But.... still... you have to be able to find that balance and a way to let yourself know that it is ok even if you don't talk. Confidence. I don't know how confident I am yet :/ But.... getting better day by day. how is it going with your man today? Going pretty good today... we didn't talk on the phone today, but we did the past two days... just texted and emailed today. He will be here to see me in a few weeks so I can't wait
allieapplesauce Posted March 6, 2008 Posted March 6, 2008 that's good that it was a good day...seems endless till you see them doesnt it? but at the same times, its nice to have that knowledge he'll be coming to look forward to. that way you're mind isnt wandering forever into the future wondering when you'll see him again. today for me was actually a good day. it was a team food day and i told him to try my pizza dip since i chged it around from the other version i had made him...he's on a diff team....and i got some texts back, even got some with a ! mark....which was good sign. he got moved to my side of the building.....its funny....they (the powers that be at the job) tried separating the boys cause they get so rowdy, and my team got shoved into exile but now more teams are moving over to my side and the boys are practically back together again like before! LOL. that's why i love my job. anyway, he finally ventured over for some dip and said he was gonna make something for me on saturday. tonite he's been texting more. like without me doing it first. said he was gonna give me his keys so i cld wait for him to get off of work so we could go out....so......i was like whew. maybe i can sleep tonite.... anyway as to what you said about the compliments in your last post. im sure they like compliments all the same. gotta remember that. i dont have many guy friends so us girls dont usually tell each other we like cute or pretty ya know! lol the LDR gotta be tough. How far away are you two? I would think that def would constitute talking more. My friend met a guy 6 hrs away (visiting a college friend) and ended up going down like every other weekend to visit. she moved in with him and lives with him and their engaged...worked for her! Except she and i aren't friends anymore....oh well....
Author lovesick33 Posted March 6, 2008 Author Posted March 6, 2008 I'm glad things are sounding a bit more relaxed for you right now And yeah... LDR's are a PAIN. I told myself I wouldn't do this..... but AHHH!! I met him completely by accident, and ya know.... things just happen sometimes. We are about as far away as you can get in this country ... opposite coasts The only 'sorta' good news about the whole thing is that neither one of us feels particularly tied down to where we live so I think if we do decide to pursue this further we will be very flexible about changing our living situation. Still.... very very tough.
allieapplesauce Posted March 11, 2008 Posted March 11, 2008 I know you tell yourself you wont do something but you're right....it just happens....kinda like i wouldnt get involved with someone i worked with....oh well..... i am feeling a bit better. fri we were sup to do that thing going out but then he got stuck late at work and hes didnt sound happy in his text so im just like oh great now whats happening? i had a feeling it wasnt going to happen. he said if i wanted to go home that was fine but i could come over too if i wanted...so it was like one of those he wanted to give me a choice to decide but then on the other hand is he trying to say he doesnt want me to come? so i said "well i'm already out here. i'd like to come over if its alright" and he said absolutely. so i did. i ended up spendng the whole weekend. he was doing pretty well the whole weekend so who knows? anyway still like no texting or calls but im starting to wonder if maybe his blackberry just isnt as fun to text on...i got my business blackberry and its awesome but blah to txting on it. i dont like those qwerty keyboards so much so i would be less likely to reply back on it i think....maybe that's part of it? so i guess for now its ok but we'll see how i feel tomorrow haha! so countdown on your boy coming to town? hopefully you live on the coast that's WARM.
Author lovesick33 Posted March 11, 2008 Author Posted March 11, 2008 Oh yeah... I'm on the west... he's on the east hehe And yeah... counting down and getting excited! Course... tonite I'm feeling kinda grumpy. He's being rather distant even though he was sweet this weekend, and I'm starting to wonder if he just intentionally didn't answer when I tried to call him a bit ago :/ It is just hard to know what is going on when you are so far apart and with the time difference... I hate it so much. One moment I'll be riding a high, and the next I'll be feeling so low...
Touche Posted March 11, 2008 Posted March 11, 2008 You have to stop taking it so personally every time you don't hear from him. It will drive you crazy. He's probably busy doing things he needs to do. Give him his space. Occupy yourself with other things and stop driving yourself crazy. Is he attentive when you're with him?
Ebeleptik38 Posted March 11, 2008 Posted March 11, 2008 Hey Love.... S'mee again i feel you on this riding a high and then a low...rollercoasters are fun aren't they? Not the Love-rollercoaster....hahha that was so lame... Anyhow I'm sure you remember my current situation....well I saw her this weekend, and picked her up to come to my place....she's been doing this detox thing-where you don't eat and you drink some horrible mixture and supposedly after 7-10 days you body starts getting rid of toxins...yeah its pretty lame if you ask me. Well it was her 5th day when she came to see me, and we had all these plans to go out and have fun. Well to make a long story short she ended up getting this excruciating stomach pain where it hurt so bad she could barely even walk (detox...what a great idea) so I ended up carrying her from my hot-tub (in my apt. complex) all the way up to my apt (up 3 flights of stairs) and I took care of her the rest of the night. She didn't feel the best the next day either, but we still managed to go out and have some fun. Anyhow...sry to make this so long....you know how I have been worrying about the small things, and how she is taking things at her own pace, and overall I am always analyzing the situation. I keep wondering if she is slowly losing interest in me because things don't feel like how they we're like in the beginning....yet everytime we are together, it feels like we are a couple - and everytime I talk to her I feel better, more grounded. I talked to a few of my GF's who are psych majors and one is a registered therapist now....hahaha and I've been talking to them about my issues....and for the most part they told me that really I am just insecure with how my S.O. is pacing the relationship....so basically I'm insecure....and when thinking about it (even though it makes it worse) it makes sense. So maybe both you and I are just insecure with our situations, and we need to just at least recognize how we are reacting to the situation. I mean call me crazy but everytime I feel like things are not fitting together like they should, the next thing we know...everything is fine. So idk, I just thought I'dshare that with you. Hope all is well Lovesick
allieapplesauce Posted March 13, 2008 Posted March 13, 2008 You have to stop taking it so personally every time you don't hear from him. It will drive you crazy. He's probably busy doing things he needs to do. Give him his space. Occupy yourself with other things and stop driving yourself crazy. Is he attentive when you're with him? you're absolutely right. We gotta keep thinking about that. you know how I have been worrying about the small things, and how she is taking things at her own pace, and overall I am always analyzing the situation. I keep wondering if she is slowly losing interest in me because things don't feel like how they we're like in the beginning....yet everytime we are together, it feels like we are a couple - and everytime I talk to her I feel better, more grounded. that's pretty much how i feel. asked a friend i know who's had some serious relationships since i dont always know whats normal and whats not. she says guys dont tend to think about the situation at all. i see that things have changed and am anxious about it and he prob doesnt see the situation as has changed at all. i cant say anything cause it'll scare him off so i gotta let him handle the ball in the court. the time zone diff must suck, esp since if you're like 3 hrs time apart and you wanna call its a lot later on his end :/ well yesterday we went out me and my team at work. he didnt talk to me all day or text or anything. until we walked out together (which only happened cause he got off earlier to go out) and he acted like he cared. it didnt seem as tho he cared if i sat near him at the restaurant. i walked around and sat next to him. he really didnt talk to me while we were waiting for a table or thru dinner and that's ok that he talked with the guys---but i would have at least expected SOMETHING. Even just one little "hi" during the whole meal. so i pretty much just listend to everyone. on the way out we walked tomy car. he gave me a quick peck on the lips and said "night sweetie" and said to text him when i got home. so i got home and didnt text and i did get one from him instead---which i was seeing if that would happen. so that's that. same today at work. no texts. i sent 1 text he responded to. i asked 1 question after that and he ignored it. yet on a break i walked past him as he was walking and he said hi. i said hi. i kept walking but he said "so how you doin?" and so i ended up having a convo with him. he is leaving early tmr so i think he was gonna start to say he would wait around to go out but changed his mind since i work too late for him to wait around but he said he was gonna save his flex day (to leave earlier) for later this month so he could take me out. and he told me to text him later which i have not since the texting thing doesnt work out too well..... so i dont know... hes looking for a job like 20 states away....i dont think he'll get it but he's talking of diff places to move to so i dont know what to do. keep my distance is what i'm feelin at the moment.
Author lovesick33 Posted March 13, 2008 Author Posted March 13, 2008 You have to stop taking it so personally every time you don't hear from him. It will drive you crazy. He's probably busy doing things he needs to do. Give him his space. Occupy yourself with other things and stop driving yourself crazy. Is he attentive when you're with him? Very true... I think I'm actually getting better at this, though it is hard. I've been making a conscious effort to give him space this week, and I think I've been doing ok... not going too crazy actually I just feel like I have to be constantly reminding myself that I don't want to screw things up with him, and that I need to keep my emotions in check. He is the logical sort, so I need to try and think the way he does in this... stay on the same page and it will be worth it in the end. Patience. ....I talked to a few of my GF's who are psych majors and one is a registered therapist now....hahaha and I've been talking to them about my issues....and for the most part they told me that really I am just insecure with how my S.O. is pacing the relationship....so basically I'm insecure....and when thinking about it (even though it makes it worse) it makes sense. So maybe both you and I are just insecure with our situations, and we need to just at least recognize how we are reacting to the situation. I mean call me crazy but everytime I feel like things are not fitting together like they should, the next thing we know...everything is fine. So idk, I just thought I'dshare that with you. Hi again Ebel... I'm glad to hear you are still trying to make things work with your girl. And I'm glad you've gained some perspective! You make a very good point. I feel like I try to tell myself this so often.... that these insecurities are just in MY own head. The truth is, whenever I've talked to my guy about it he has said things like "don't worry" or "calm down, I like you" or "I don't want to hurt you" any number of reassuring things... yet somehow I still manage to get this fear inside me that one day he will all the sudden dislike me for no reason. The reality is... these are MY issues... not his. I've been hurt in the past. I have issues with abandonment, and I know this. I guess the best thing I can do is try to recognize that I have these issues, be honest with him about it all and try to remind myself that he isn't the same guy as my ex... the time zone diff must suck, esp since if you're like 3 hrs time apart and you wanna call its a lot later on his end :/ Ugh... so true allie! I feel horrible when/if I wake him up haha hes looking for a job like 20 states away....i dont think he'll get it but he's talking of diff places to move to so i dont know what to do. keep my distance is what i'm feelin at the moment. Ugh.... that really sucks Well hopefully you don't have to lose out like that... but if you do keep your distance just to be safe, there could be a potential upside to that anyways. That can give him some space to start to miss you and chase you if you find you have the strength for it. I wish ya luck with that... it is hard... but good for you!
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