herenow Posted February 24, 2008 Posted February 24, 2008 I just have to share this story I heard last night. I was talking to a woman who is recently divorced. Last time I saw her (a couple of years ago), she was married and seemed happy. She told me she found out that her H was having an affair, so she divorced him no questions asked. She said that when she found out, she didn't tell anyone. She grieved alone while the kids were at school and did everything she needed to do so that she could move on without her H. First she got a lawyer and a private detective. She paid more attention to their financial status since her H took care of everything. She made note of every detail about what her H was doing. She looked closely at credit card and phone bills. This lasted for a few months until she was ready to serve her H with divorce papers. She had him served at the OW's house. She knew where the OW lived and had him followed many nights. One night, she had the person who was serving the papers show up at the house and she was in her car behind him. When her H entered the OW's house, the server knocked on the door and gave him the divorce papers. This BW was right there to see how her H reacted. He dumped the OW on the spot and begged the BW to take him back. The OW stood there watching as this MM cried and his professed his love to his wife. He even called the OW nasty names right in front of her like she wasn't even there. As far as the BW knew, her soon to be X ended the affair that night and never went back. Although, she said she didn't care if he did continue having a relationship with the OW since he was no longer her H. Bottom line, this BW was 100% positive that once she had proof her H was cheating, there was nothing he could say or do to prevent the divorce. I asked how the kids are doing, and she said she never told them the truth and it's up to her H if he wants to share that with them. They told the kids that mom and dad love them very much, but they no longer love each other. The sad thing about this story is that this BW cried alone, but in the end she does seem to be happy with her life now. And, I have to say, she looks better than ever! I thought this would be an appropriate place to share this story.
Trialbyfire Posted February 24, 2008 Posted February 24, 2008 The sad thing about this story is that this BW cried alone, but in the end she does seem to be happy with her life now. And, I have to say, she looks better than ever! This I find very sad. I wouldn't have stood alone over this, regardless of strength. I'm glad she's found happiness though. I do hope she's getting counseling to ensure that any repressed emotions are dealt with, for the long-term. If you're going to walk, do it with no regret or remorse.
Author herenow Posted February 24, 2008 Author Posted February 24, 2008 (edited) This I find very sad. I wouldn't have stood alone over this, regardless of strength. I'm glad she's found happiness though. I do hope she's getting counseling to ensure that any repressed emotions are dealt with, for the long-term. If you're going to walk, do it with no regret or remorse. I think she was going to IC even before she filed for divorce. She did mention that some of the things she did were at the advice of her therapist. The thing that made me sad is when she said she would stay at home and cry while her kids were in school. I think she was referring to family and friends when she said she didn't tell anyone. Edited February 24, 2008 by herenow
BetrayedMM Posted February 24, 2008 Posted February 24, 2008 That's how I wish mine had gone down, but I made the mistake of confronting her when I had proof. If I had to do it again, it would be much more like the scenario you described. Whoever she is, she handled the situation just about the smartest way I've ever heard of. Minimum drama, quick and dirty. I envy her!
Curmudgeon Posted February 24, 2008 Posted February 24, 2008 If you're going to walk, do it with no regret or remorse. I've always said that if you leave no stone unturned in trying to save a marriage and it fails anyway you can forever after look back and honestly say, "No regrets!" My exception to this is the situation the OP's friend found herself in. To me, infidelity is an irrevocable deal-breaker. I would be hurt and saddened but upon discovery there would be no looking back. That would be the only course open to me because I know I'd never forget or forgive.
Trialbyfire Posted February 24, 2008 Posted February 24, 2008 I've always said that if you leave no stone unturned in trying to save a marriage and it fails anyway you can forever after look back and honestly say, "No regrets!" My exception to this is the situation the OP's friend found herself in. To me, infidelity is an irrevocable deal-breaker. I would be hurt and saddened but upon discovery there would be no looking back. That would be the only course open to me because I know I'd never forget or forgive. I agree, although I've forgiven and time has dulled any residual pain. It's wonderful to feel disinterest and boredom, when interactions occur.
Curmudgeon Posted February 24, 2008 Posted February 24, 2008 I agree, although I've forgiven and time has dulled any residual pain. It's wonderful to feel disinterest and boredom, when interactions occur. That's known as the blessed state of indifference. Haven't seen or heard from the ex in about five years. I like it that way.
TMCM Posted February 24, 2008 Posted February 24, 2008 It is known fact that 70% of all divorces are initiated by women. In general, women have less to fear from divorce than men do because the courts are still very bias against men. A man whose wife has cheated has more to fear from the courts than a woman whose husband has cheated. In the former case, the cheating wife is actually rewarded by the courts with custody, and alimony. It takes a lot of intestinal fortitude for a man whose wife has cheated on him, to divorce her and make peace with the most likely fact that he is going to get royally screwed by the court system.
BetrayedMM Posted February 24, 2008 Posted February 24, 2008 Oh, it can be done. Remember, most divorces are settled out of court. Presenting a REALLY strong case like the one described here gives you the leverage, provided it's not a no-fault state. If it's a strong enough case, with enough embarrassing evidence that they don't want dragged out in the public record, they'll settle. Well, we'll see. This is what my lawyer tells me anyway.
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