bob2 Posted February 24, 2008 Posted February 24, 2008 The story: I been with my girlfriend for 6 months, and in december 2007 i ended it, now i really regret my desicons. She was very down after the breakup, and was calling me about killing herself etc, i couldent handel it, and i cut all contact twice with her, for about 2 weeks each time. Every time i cut contact she sendt me alot of text messages , where she said she couldent handel not having contact with me, and that she missed me as a friend. After the breakup around 1 of january she told me that she would like us to try again, but at that time i was not sure about myself and i told her now. She has now found a new boy, they are becoming really close, i know beacuase she actually tells me tings. At first i thought she was only trying to make me jealuse. So i dident care so much about it. After the last time we cut contact, and we talked again, things have been a little like a roller coster. She has become more seriouse with this new boy, and says that she just likes me as a friend. It has been around 2 weeks since the last 2 weeks we dident have any contact, and the first week after we cut contact i was with her every day intill the weekend came up. In the weekend she is with this new boy, so then she doesnt bother about beeing with me. The week was just fine, she has always been the one that takes contact, and that weeek i thougt i would change the way of that, and i started making contact and saying that i wanted to spend time with her. She acutally told me she was not sure that the feelings for me was gone, becuase she felt the need to hug me, and to lye in my arms sometimes she did to. She actually kissed me one day to. But this week has been a little worse, i actually got up and did a mistake, i said that i would like to try again, i told her about why i would like to try again, and i told her my feelings for her hadent changed, and that i was willing to get a flat, that she could stay with me in. And that things would be different, and i touhgt this would be really perfect. The respons i got was that she had become really fond of this new boy she have been with for 1 - 2 months, they are dating and she has spent the night there, but they are not formally a couple yet. So after this i have been really pushy and asked alot if she is thinking about my offer, and that i will wait for her, and that i would give her time to let things naturally fade away with the new boy, i also tells her often that i love her, and i kissed her , she said that we couldnt do it, but she said she liked it. She also says that she is really unsecure with this new boy, and is afraid of hurting him, and that she has taken it so long, that she cant get out of it. This weekend she convinced me to get out and drink with her, my friends and this new boy. The new boy is also a frind of my friends. So when we got to the party everything was just fine for a while, but after a while i started crying and made a mess. Later the evening she started crying because the new boy had told some girl somthing and she was jealouse, she told him tree times to go to hell. And i got her a cab and got her safe home. The day after she and the new boy was friends again, and was at a new party, and she spent the night at his place. Here is when the problems really started, she has told me that she is sick of me asking about coming togheter, and about the new boy, i nearly got a thanks becuase i got her home. We have always sendt around 100 text messages a day to each other, but now she is really short and ends them soon, and says see you later. She also told me that, some of the days she had been with me was out of pitty, so i wouldent be sad. Today i am thinking about a new strategy, i am thinking about not beeing the one that sends the first text message, and not beeing the one that wants to hang out, if i do this she will perhaps miss me? And take contact? Do you think this girl still has feelings for me? Do you think she is seriouse with the new boy? Or is she just wanting me to work hard for her? She also said to me that i could try winning her back, since she was not sure about the new boy? Should i follow the plan? or should i just try to pull back and see if she comes to me? Have i been to pushy? And pushed her away, and scared her becuase i always talk about bad things and shows that i am depressed? Or should i still be nice, happy , around her, text her many text messages, call, and really be there all the time? Acting happy and having a good time?
amaysngrace Posted February 24, 2008 Posted February 24, 2008 Should i follow the plan? or should i just try to pull back and see if she comes to me? I would let her come to you. Don't be the one to call her. She already said that talking to her about her new BF was stressing her out. She doesn't want that. You have left her with good memories. She knows she can count on you. You help her out when she's down. She won't forget that. But it sounds like she is okay with this new BF. If I were you I'd just accept it's over between you two and try to move on by seeing other people or at least trying to get to know other girls. Respect her new relationship. If you keep trying to get back with her she'll just see you as being a pain in the ass. Have some dignity.
Author bob2 Posted February 24, 2008 Author Posted February 24, 2008 I will always need to get i contact with her, we have very good conctact every day, over 50 text messages, and we spend time togheter as friends. I asked her today, if she want me to still fight for her? Or to just back off, she said she was not sure. I asked her i had a chance at all? She said that she dident wanna talk about it, after that i got a picture of a rose. So i think there is somthing there, i just have to get her to see that. I have been very pushy and talking about this bad things when i have spent time with her latly, my plan was perhaps to try to show the man she fell in love with, smile and be happy, and dont ask stupid pain in the ass questions. I got a sms from her one day in the weekend where it stoud that she was terriefied of this new boy not in a bad way, but in a way that she was not sure it was right, that she had gone to far in to get out. She has also said that she is insecure but wants to try with him, they are not a couple yet, they are fooling around. I want to fight intill they get a couple, after that it will not be morally or etacly right? I also think about myself as stupid for not letting go, i will perhaps end up getting hurt It stings when she talk about the new boy or spend time with him. Any other thoughts? Should i stop asking her things? Just be myself, the one she once loved, and see what happens? or should i texts her nice things, do nice things for her, etc>?
vivrantflo Posted February 24, 2008 Posted February 24, 2008 Hey Bob Do you notice that your ex became REALLY attractive to you all of a sudden when she found another guy?? That's all it is.. if she was still single, you'd probably be still turning her down. Remember, you turned her down quite a few times before.. not saying that i blame you.. pulling the suicide card.. but she did want you in her life.. Now just because she's with another guy now, doesn't mean she doesn't have feelings for you anymore.. What you have to do, is play it cool. Don't email her, don't text her, and don't call her.. and WHEN she contacts you, keep it short, and end the conversations early. She needs to realize that you're NOT going to wait for her, and that YOU have a life to live! She did that to you, and it's working.. by dating someone else. Don't count on her coming back, but try to remember why you ended it with her to begin with... just because she seems more attractive cause she has a man, doesn't mean the reasons you dumped her in the first place arent valid. Cut contact with her, and act as if her relationship has no effect on you at all. Only then will she realize that you're moving on, and that she's no longer the focal point of your life. Then again.. she probably felt that way after you rejected her over and over.. regardless.. remember that you ended it, and ended it for a reason. Good luck
sedgwick Posted February 25, 2008 Posted February 25, 2008 Is there enough time in a day to send 100 text messages?!? This is human nature: you don't want her until she doesn't want you.
Author bob2 Posted February 25, 2008 Author Posted February 25, 2008 Yes there is hehe , more than enough So what you say is , if i really want her back? act as if i don`t care, don`t try to get her to like me all over again, beeing sweet , telling her nice things, etc? I guess since i turned her down a few times, she really enjoyes that she has all the power This is also human nature i guess? The reason i turned her down was me not ready to be what i should have been to her, but now i have though about all this, and is ready to be that person, this is why it makes it so much harder. We are also after the breakup really close friends, so i can`t just cut contact? But i can try to not bring up us, or our relationship, give her some space to think, and maby she we come around and like me again? I wanted to try to spend some time with her, where i not am complaining, discussing or mopping around, i wanted to show her my old self, the one she fell in love with, could this work? I could pull the jealusy card, by try dating again, we live in a small community and she will guranteed now it, but i am woried that that will work the other way around, because she knows i like her? Intill new boy and i told her that i was jealuse and got the cards on the table, she diddent think i liked her anymore, since i had turned her down so many times. So i am not sure what will be the right way to handle this?
Author bob2 Posted February 25, 2008 Author Posted February 25, 2008 I talked with her a little bit more today. We discussed if there was hope for me at all, and she said that i should stop hitting on her, and she wanted me as a friend. Then i told her, i needed to be sure that there was not hope at al, then she said that we should just be friends and that there was not hope. Then i said i could give her some time to think hard about it, because if there was no hope at all i would try in time to move on and get a girl that actually wanted me. Then after a while she said, she couldent now, there could be some hope, she couldent now what happend with her feelings. So i think she is afraid of me moving on actually. Then i said as long is was hope i would try to let her see me as the person she fell in love with. She said she had some feelings for me, but they had faded very much, but can you blame her? I have been asking and pushing, and crying and mopping. This is how i see it, i have two options: I try to have a little less contact with her, let her be the one who ask to hang out etc, i have always latly been the one, and i get 50% recjected, and 50% granted privilige to hang out with her. If i stop that, maybe she will be missing me more? Seeing that i am trying to move on, and panic? The bad thing about this is that she then could give a rats ass in me, and just let me move on, and i will kill our frindship. The second way: I could have much contact, try to always be nice, smile and not mop around, try to be a little bit charming and teasing aswell I could text her alot , and ask her to hang out a lot. I am not sure wich one? Is the best? Or are there other options?
strife Posted March 2, 2008 Posted March 2, 2008 The best thing you can do it back off. It sounds like she had come to terms with the breakup and that's why she was able to start dating again. If she had any doubt about moving on at all, the pressure you're putting on her probably reaffirms her feelings that she doesn't need you anymore. She asked for you so many times but you rejected her. Could she have done anything to make you say "yes" during that time? You said you thought about it and decided you were ready later on. This means that you can't make her see what she wants. You can't make her make a decision NOW. She will have to think about it and decide later on. Be her friend if you're ready, but don't wait around or put pressure on her anymore. I wish you the best.
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