BlackTop Posted February 24, 2008 Posted February 24, 2008 Hi! I just found this site really late and thought it was the perfect place to find some advice on a recent problem I'm having here's the problem. Me and my gf have been together for over 2 and a half years now and are still going strong, I'm happy to say. About half of the relationship has been long distance (I have done some moving, but she went to a college near me later on), but I try my best to make an effort to drive out and see her. I basically live out in the middle of nowhere. Cluster of small towns, big college, and not many jobs. I've only lived out here for maybe a little over a year (wont say the exact location). I used to live in the city, then moved out here, but that's TMI. Maybe 8 months ago, my gf moved back into the city. Ever since, I've been trying to find a way to move back as well to be with her. I try to find a job where I am now, but no one will hire me even though I qualify for every job. Thus, I cannot save up the money for the move or for a safety deposit and first month's rent on an apartment. I've just very recently found a way to move back into the city that works, but it involves a roommate. She's a friend of mine and my gf (yes she) and she was looking for a place as well. Rent is so high these days you need a roommate. Getting a roommate is the only way I can move back and I don't want to take the chance at getting some really weird roomy that likes to leave their underwear laying around or wont split a bill. My friend that I'd be moving in with has a bf as well, but wants to move outta her house. My gf did not like this idea at all (I don't blame her), but it's the only way for me to be able to be with her on a regular bases again because I can't make a 2 hour drive everyday both ways, especially since I have no job ATM and I need to get out of this little town because there is nothing here for me. No job, schooling is too expensive, and no public transportation in case I have to get a job/goto school that's quite a ways away. Am I wrong to have a roommate as a girl who is a past and still current friend? My gf doesn't like the idea, but I would never do ANYTHING to jeopardize our relationship and what we have together. Should I truly not make this move? Should she trust me a little more? Or should I just wait and see if another opportunity rears its head? Also, sorry if this shouldn't go here. I'm new here and saw the txt that said "Not sure where to post? This is the place!" Haha! Thanks for any answers!
xpaperxcutx Posted February 24, 2008 Posted February 24, 2008 First of all welcome to LS. Regarding your situation, I say that your girlfriend has every right to be against you moving in with a girl. Even if both of you are in relationships. It has everything to do with trust. She's not convinced that nothing will "happen" between you and your friend. I'm pretty sure you're not the cheating type, but it goes without saying nothing is for certain in regards to a guy living alone with a girl. I say that it's best to talk about it some more with your gf and try to work it out.
ibitealil Posted February 24, 2008 Posted February 24, 2008 It depends how much she trusts you and what kind of personality she has...if shes a jealous type then you should not do that as it may reflect ur current R. I used to live with two of my guy mates. We shared an apartment and nothing wrong has happened and we still are friends after me moving out. The bottom line is u r doing this for her and she should be happy instead of being angry.
Author BlackTop Posted February 24, 2008 Author Posted February 24, 2008 Thanks for the replies and the welcome! She does have every right to be angry and yes, I am doing this mainly just for her because she even calls me and talks to me online saying how it's so hard for her not being able to see me. It's hard for me not being able to see her as well, it really does hurt knowing I can't even hold her every now and then. I even plan on asking her to marry me after college. Yea, she is the jealous type, much more than I am and I completely understand that and never hold it against her because that's just who she is and I love her for it. She says she trusts me, but because of past experience with other guys, she says she can never really trust me completely 100% =( (she tells me 97% at most, heh). I've come to terms with that as well, though. Thank you though, I really needed insight from some others on the situation and this really helps.
Ronni_W Posted February 24, 2008 Posted February 24, 2008 They are two separate issues, really: [1] Getting yourself to a location that offers more opportunities for career advancement and personal growth. [2] Your 2.5 year relationship that may not be able to withstand you living platonically with a friend of opposite gender. Your finances dictate that you find a roommate BUT there is nothing that says it must your long-time friend...or even someone with whom you have a passing acquaintanceship. Have you checked the classifieds under "shared accommodation"? Or asked friends and colleagues if they know of anyone who is looking for a roommate? What is your g/f's preference? Would she rather have you closer to her (sharing living space with your friend) or 2 hours away? Is she willing to commit to trusting you 100% so that she can have you closer AND you can feel comfortable with whom you're living? OTOH, your mind has become stuck on this one solution when, in reality, there are more options -- do a bit more brainstorming to find something that will please both you and your g/f (if pleasing her is part of your goal, that is.) Or, at least, will result in a win-win compromise if the "ideal" situation does not present itself. Alternatively, you make the choice alone, about whether establishing yourself in the city (with friend as roommate) is worth risking your relationship.
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