Random Username Posted February 24, 2008 Posted February 24, 2008 So tonight was my attempt at doing something totally out of my comfort zone-- I wanted to go to this cool art show, ALONE. If I went with someone, wouldn't even phase me. I've gone to these things before, but always with a "date". So I went, sat in my car for half an hour analyzing the situation, was watchin who was showing up--seeing quite a lot of people going solo too--so finally creeped up towards the little line forming at the door, wasn't nervous at all, just- really.. well feelin like a total loner, ie LOSER.. although I know if I just act social and be my normal friendly self nobody would give a damn. But I just couldn't do it. I turned to the woman behind me and motioned her to go ahead, and walked back to my car, back home. To be honest I feel good I at least attempted to go. I just feel like I'm so dependent on having somebody to go with though, like I just cannot function socially alone (as far as getting myself to GO). Why am I so caught up in this? Is it because I'm in LA and have fell victim to the whole social image thing? I think so. I'm not even like those kind of people, just an average joe, but I feel so caught up in the "image" aspect of going out--having to be seen as part of a group or on a date or with somebody.
Leia Posted February 24, 2008 Posted February 24, 2008 I have always loved going out in groups and I tried going out by myself once... it went well and I actually enjoyed it very much. I do that quite often now! It's not easy to start esp it is not something you are used to but it's good that you were almost there! It could be the whole social image thing... I hated going out by myself (art shows/theatre/lunch) cos I feel as if people are whispering what a loser but I don't give a damn about what people say or think of me.
jerbear Posted February 24, 2008 Posted February 24, 2008 I have always loved going out in groups and I tried going out by myself once... it went well and I actually enjoyed it very much. I do that quite often now! It's not easy to start esp it is not something you are used to but it's good that you were almost there! It could be the whole social image thing... I hated going out by myself (art shows/theatre/lunch) cos I feel as if people are whispering what a loser but I don't give a damn about what people say or think of me. Actually going solo to the art shows / theatre / lunch thing is a good thing, how would us guys figure out that you are single and actually talk to you? You might even meet a guy but the theatre and lunch part, if the avatar is you, then you might get hit on by attached men.
Trimmer Posted February 24, 2008 Posted February 24, 2008 Random - how do you feel about your "solo" life in general? Are you embracing your own life, without letting your solo status interfere with your enjoyment and fulfillment, or do you feel like you are lacking something, or you are "coming up short" until you can get into a relationship? I hear what you are saying about it possibly being the outside impression that you are so concerned about (and being in L.A. certainly fuels that, no doubt...) and I'm sure that is one factor. But strip away the outside impressions for a minute. In the big picture, in order to push through and get past those perceptions of outside influence, you will need to feel confident and whole as an individual yourself. If you work toward a place where you embrace and truly value your life as an individual, then you can shift your outlook and consider a relationship partner as a possible enhancement but not an absolute necessity, and you will be able to feel like being solo isn't a fractured or damaged state. Now, I know this is no minor shift of outlook - this isn't a simple solution to the valid question: how do I feel more comfortable going solo to a show? But in the long run, finding that comfort in your own life, being confident living your life as an individual, will provide a lot of insulation against what you perceive as outside impressions of you. Another way to look at all of those people outside you who you think might have a negative opinion of your being "out" solo - aren't "those types" really most interested in what people think of them? And whether you are solo or with someone, you only pop up on "their" radar to the degree that you can give them something - money, power, fame, access, whatever is important in that game of appearances. In a way, unless you are a social climber, trying to work your way into power circles or something like that, it's a kind of a blessing to be invisible to that set... On the other hand, the people you meet who might be of true value in your life will probably not be affected one bit by your solo status - others who fly below the radar of the power circles. And, as jerbear points out, you might meet someone along the way. Who do you think would be more attractive to that woman behind you in the line: the solo guy who is shy and uncomfortable and looking to bail out, or the solo guy who is obviously there to enjoy the art show, comfortable and confident in his own skin, not hunting for a mate, but relaxed enough to be open to meeting someone?
Whey2Big4u Posted February 25, 2008 Posted February 25, 2008 i forced myself to go to the bar alone.................wierd, i alwyas went wiht freinds or my ex. i met some people i knew ther, but i do have to say playing tthe field was harder
Author Random Username Posted February 25, 2008 Author Posted February 25, 2008 Hey thanks Leia. I'll try to make it to the bar next time ;P Hey Trimmer, yeah man I think I've been gettin this really bad image of myself, at least the outer shell or whatever it's known as, the social image. I'm fine with who I am though. There's more of a backstory to it though but the current situation is that how I feel inside doesn't match up with outside, like there's a discrepency there.. like based on what I am on the inside I should have friends, but I don't, and I know why and it's not because people reject me, I put myself into this situation. But people don't know that. So they can only assume something must be wrong with me. But then I begin to think, wait a minute.. there IS something wrong with me. Why else would I have totally abandoned all friends I've had? So that makes them correct in thinking there's something wrong with me. That puts the final *ding ding* into my train of thought. Anyway confusing, I know I'm a scorpio, what you expect.
spookie Posted February 25, 2008 Posted February 25, 2008 Going out alone doesn't necessarily mean you don't have friends. I have friends but I prefer to do a lot of things by myself - like going out to eat, going shopping, to museums, movies, etc. It's silly to think people are assuming the worst of you, when "crazy" is only one of the possibilities. That's if anyone even notices. Most people are so wrapped up in themselves they barely take note of anyone else.
Leia Posted February 25, 2008 Posted February 25, 2008 Actually going solo to the art shows / theatre / lunch thing is a good thing, how would us guys figure out that you are single and actually talk to you? You might even meet a guy but the theatre and lunch part, if the avatar is you, then you might get hit on by attached men. Yes it is a good thing. I enjoy it all the time when I go there alone. You know what... I was going to ask Random_Username the same question! I have noticed guys looking my way; probably contemplating to say hi or whatever but too afraid? Just in case I was waiting for someone... but I don't know.... you just have to come up and say hi, I guess! If you read one of my threads, I get hit on by attached men lots of times and that really bug me! I am attracted to good looking men but if you're taken, you're taken.
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