Are good looking guys that most women want more likely to cheat?

[cutegirl]

If he is as you say, and if he does deal with all the aggressive women as you say he does (ie tells them to go away, and doesn't take them up on their offers) then he is clearly not interested in these women. From what you describe below, he has opportunities, but doesn't ever take them. It sounds like he finds them more of a pain than flattering.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Ever considered that your friend might not know everything about men?

Or that her negative outlook might just perpetuate yours?

 

There is probably a degree of competitiveness between you too, even if its not that obvious- she might be telling you not to go for good looking men because she is JEALOUS, or she doesn't want you to have one.

 

Her comments are quite insulting to the guy in question. She doesn't know everything.

 

I wouldn't take her word as the absolute truth Cutegirl- why don't you learn some of these things for yourself? I know you are terrified of getting hurt, but if you don't take risks you risk never being happy either.

 

As far as we KNOW the guy doesn't take some of the opportunities with women that he is presented with but that doesn't mean that he never partakes. I actually don't know if he ever does, I'm thinking it's possible that he has a few times, the thing is that I don't know about it though because I don't know everything about his life or what he does every minute. Perhaps he turned down those particular women because he was not attracted to them but who knows what he would do if the women were super hot??? I don't know for sure...

 

About my friend, to be honest, I don't think she's jealous. I think she really is phobic of being cheated on. She's very attractive and a lot of men are interested in her. She can easily get really attractive guys but she told me that she doesn't want to bother because it's not healthy because she will always worry when he goes out with the boys etc and I kind of feel the same way. And in this case scenario we would have to "play the game back" by also going out and having other guys approach us and hit on us so we can keep the hypothetical good looking bf "in check". We would have to play the game back so the guy will think that we are in demand as well.

 

It's obvious she doesn't know everything about men, especially given her lack of experience with guys, it's just that I tend to also believe that theory that good looking guys are more likely to stray, but then I also think that average guys or unattractive guys can stray too so the thing is that I can never really know. I guess if I'm going to get played anyways I might as well pick the good looking guy and get a hot piece of ass

 

I know that's not a healthy way to go about it to expect the worst but unfortunately a lot of relationships do end up badly these days with cheating etc.

[Leia]

One more thing.... taking risks does not mean being promiscuous... you don't have to have sex with every single guy!

[cutegirl]

Oh and when I'm talking about the guy turning the women down, this is actually when he's single. I know he's single so he can do whatever he wants, but I would probably still think less of him if he took all those women up on their offers even though he is single... It would make me think that he is more likely to cheat if in a relationship.

 

But even if he wasn't single, a lot of these women would still be all over him. Some are kind of skanky and probably wouldn't mind being the other woman etc.

[cutegirl]

Not a girl here, but my obvious thought is, if I were, if I met a guy whom I found to be "extremely good looking but also seems to be extremely mature and have a good character", and he was interested in me too, I wouldn't be pondering the philosophies of dating good looking men. I'd just treat it like any other situation where there was mutual interest. See what happens. Don't project.

 

Heck, I wouldn't mind having him for a male friend. Lots of scenery

 

I can't help it though I always project and ponder about the pros and cons about guys... Especially "who is more likely to cheat", good looking guy or ugly, rich guy or poor, good job or unemployed etc

 

I want to pick the right one who won't screw me over.

[Leia]

Cutegirl.... WHAT kinda guy are you actually looking for? Obviously someone who doesn't cheat but what else?

[carhill]

One more thing.... taking risks does not mean being promiscuous... you don't have to have sex with every single guy!

Precisely, but I presume her fear is, if she doesn't, some other "hottie" will throw herself at him and he won't be able to resist because, well, he's a man and we just don't know how to not have sex, especially if we're so good looking

 

Seriously, as a guy who preferred to have relationships develop slowly (and non-sexually), I got bit more than once by the charismatic bs'ers who would swoop in on someone I was "dating", bla bla bla, boink, bye and leave me to ponder my place in all of this. This was back pre-HIV so sex was pretty casual (for most). Obviously, in my case, those times were a wake up call that I was wasting my time, and boy did I do a lot of that

 

So, I could appreciate the "urgency" in the sexual department here, even though I don't necessarily agree philosophically.

[carhill]

I can't help it though I always project and ponder about the pros and cons about guys... Especially "who is more likely to cheat", good looking guy or ugly, rich guy or poor, good job or unemployed etc

 

I want to pick the right one who won't screw me over.

I understand that desire completely, but can assure you the only true way to know (except for the "good-looking" part) is to sign that marriage license. Trust me on this

Edited February 25, 2008 by carhill

[cutegirl]

Cutegirl.... WHAT kinda guy are you actually looking for? Obviously someone who doesn't cheat but what else?

 

I have a strange list of things I look for in a guy:

 

Someone who doesn't cheat #1. ummm someone who isn't abusive, physically or verbally or emotionally. Someone I'm physically attracted to, if I'm honest I have to admit I'd much prefer the good looking guy vs someone less attractive.

 

A guy who can support himself financially (I had to support my ex and I can't mentally deal with supporting anyone else in the future anymore. I fully support myself but I expect the guy to do the same.)

 

Other than that someone who is honest and doesn't tell lies. Someone who is emotionally stable (no severe mental illnesses). Someone who I find charming and funny.

 

Someone who doesn't get lap dances at strip clubs (this one really bugs me and could be a deal breaker). Someone who hasn't been with prostitutes in the past (my ex had been with some and it bothered me).

 

Also someone who hasn't had too many sexual partners in the past. I accept the fact now that the guys I will be meeting in my age range will have had some experiences under their belt but I prefer someone without a huge amount of sexual partners in the past, for some reason it bothers me.

 

Also, someone who will accept me the way I am and not expect me to get plastic surgery, bigger boob, fix this or that about myself and won't compare me to other females etc.

 

Also someone who is mature, considerate and thoughtful.

 

Someone that won't betray me, flirt too much with other women, take other women out, be intimate with other women etc

 

Also someone who is respectful and won't treat me like SHI* and has some semblance of respect for my family (unlike my ex who likes to disrespect them constantly) I don't get along with all members of my family but it bothers me when my ex bf feels like he can insult them...

 

I also need to feel attraction and sexual chemistry... and we have to be compatible.

Edited February 25, 2008 by cutegirl

[carhill]

Why is this list "strange" ?

 

BTW, even though I don't consider myself "good-looking" (my wife might disagree), I think it's perfectly reasonable to list that quality if it's important to you. It's completely subjective, save for what I call "universally attractive" people, who are attractive to everyone, even of both sexes. Good on ya for being particular and honest.

[cutegirl]

So, I could appreciate the "urgency" in the sexual department here, even though I don't necessarily agree philosophically.

 

There is no urgency in the sexual department. The guy claims he likes to move slow and not get intimate unless he thinks there is a chance he is compatible with someone or if he thinks it's going to work out long term. Sounds too good to be true so who knows what that means.

 

Some guys do lie though so you never know.

[cutegirl]

Why is this list "strange" ?

 

BTW, even though I don't consider myself "good-looking" (my wife might disagree), I think it's perfectly reasonable to list that quality if it's important to you. It's completely subjective, save for what I call "universally attractive" people, who are attractive to everyone, even of both sexes. Good on ya for being particular and honest.

 

Its strange because I included lap dances and prostitutes, I just thought people would think that it's "strange". And no "mental illnesses" because I used to be with someone that had a ton of those...

 

I don't know, I guess I think that whatever I do is "strange" or I think people will see me as "strange" in general. I'm really self-conscious.

Edited February 25, 2008 by cutegirl

[carhill]

Its strange because I included lap dances and prostitutes, I just thought people would think that it's "strange". And no "mental illnesses" because I used to be with someone that had a ton of those...

 

I don't know, I guess I think that whatever I do is "strange" or I think people will see me as "strange" in general. I'm really self-conscious.

Knowing what you want is not strange, it's healthy. I needed six months of MC to find that truth again

 

Of the two areas you noted as strange, I can understand your preference regarding the hookers/strip club stuff; it goes to character.

 

The second I'm less clearly in support of, perhaps biased by my being the caregiver of an Alzheimer's sufferer. I can understand you're not wanting to deal with someone who's mentally ill (it can be real tough, in many ways), but it would be good to clarify that. Perhaps untreated mental illness? Obvious personality disorders like NPD (that seems to get much attention here)?

A question you probably should ask yourself is, if your partner were to develop a mental disease or defect, would you be likely to stay with them or leave? I'm trying to gauge your feelings in that area and am in no way attempting to judge. Caring for my mother about killed me (she's now in a nursing home), so there's no easy answer.

Maybe I can help with an example. If my wife had been bi-polar (she's not) and didn't properly medicate or care for herself back when we met, perhaps I wouldn't have been able to develop a satisfying relationship with her to the point of getting married. However, if, after we were married, or even bonded prior to marriage, the disease had developed, I would have stayed with her and worked on treatment and care for her condition. I wouldn't have left her.

 

Just so you know, my wife did have to deal with my mental illness while I was caring for my mother. It was called "caregiver dementia" and was very real, mainly due to sleep deprivation and stress. She's still here but the whole process did damage our relationship. Just trying to give you a different perspective.

 

Perhaps some may see these things as superficial, and they are decidedly off-topic (I just glanced up at the title bar and LOL), but, hey, it's your list

[cutegirl]

Knowing what you want is not strange, it's healthy. I needed six months of MC to find that truth again

 

Of the two areas you noted as strange, I can understand your preference regarding the hookers/strip club stuff; it goes to character.

 

The second I'm less clearly in support of, perhaps biased by my being the caregiver of an Alzheimer's sufferer. I can understand you're not wanting to deal with someone who's mentally ill (it can be real tough, in many ways), but it would be good to clarify that. Perhaps untreated mental illness? Obvious personality disorders like NPD (that seems to get much attention here)?

A question you probably should ask yourself is, if your partner were to develop a mental disease or defect, would you be likely to stay with them or leave? I'm trying to gauge your feelings in that area and am in no way attempting to judge. Caring for my mother about killed me (she's now in a nursing home), so there's no easy answer.

Maybe I can help with an example. If my wife had been bi-polar (she's not) and didn't properly medicate or care for herself back when we met, perhaps I wouldn't have been able to develop a satisfying relationship with her to the point of getting married. However, if, after we were married, or even bonded prior to marriage, the disease had developed, I would have stayed with her and worked on treatment and care for her condition. I wouldn't have left her.

 

Just so you know, my wife did have to deal with my mental illness while I was caring for my mother. It was called "caregiver dementia" and was very real, mainly due to sleep deprivation and stress. She's still here but the whole process did damage our relationship. Just trying to give you a different perspective.

 

Perhaps some may see these things as superficial, and they are decidedly off-topic (I just glanced up at the title bar and LOL), but, hey, it's your list

 

No, I meant mentally ill like having paranoid delusions, being schizophrenic etc

I spent thousands and thousands of dollars on my ex because he thought people were after him, he forced me to move to a new place (I lost 2 months rent because we had to move right away), and he withdrew money from my bank account without asking to purchase devices to scan the house for wiretaps etc. (I told him he could take out $300 to pay some bills and he ended up taking $800) because his mental defect was so severe that he felt justified in doing so, he really though the house was bugged etc.

 

Of course I never got any of my money back and he withdrew money from my bank account twice, in amounts large enough where it would probably be considered grand theft but of course I never did anything because I loved him and there were plenty of other things too...

 

I bet he has a garden variety of ailments including schizophrenia, depression, paranoid personality disorder, panic attacks, and a bunch of other things I don't even know about. All I know is that he is screwed up and not able to support himself or take care of himself (and he's 28). He cannot even hold a job. And he's violent physically as well.

 

Alzheimers is completely different. I would take care of someone I loved if they develeoped Alzheimes or dementia or something similar. I would have done anything for my ex, of course I would have taken care of him but he was the one who chose to leave me.

Edited February 25, 2008 by cutegirl

[sb129]

 

About my friend, to be honest, I don't think she's jealous. I think she really is phobic of being cheated on. And in this case scenario we would have to "play the game back" by also going out and having other guys approach us and hit on us so we can keep the hypothetical good looking bf "in check". We would have to play the game back so the guy will think that we are in demand as well.

I know that's not a healthy way to go about it to expect the worst but unfortunately a lot of relationships do end up badly these days with cheating etc .

 

I think your friends phobia isn't helping yours though, because her negativity keeps yours alive and well. Be the one to break the mould Cutegirl!!!

If you have to play games, then the R is doomed from the start.

 

You do sound alot like woggle with your negative outlook. Its not the first time someone has picked up on this.

 

CG- YOU can make a difference to whether you get played or not. If you are confident and positive, its much less likely. The more negative you are, the more untrusting you are, and lack of trust seeps into a R and makes bad things happen. Your negativity could very well end up being a self-fulfilling prophecy, which will cement your negative outlook.

 

You are just fine on your own, you know that. If you DO end up single again, you know that you will survive and its not the end of the world. getting hurt is no fun, but most people survive the end of a R and get back on the horse. If there is one guy out there that wants to be with you, there will be more. this kind of attitude helps in a R (not arrogance- confidence, and a positive outlook)

 

 

 

Someone who doesn't cheat #1. ummm someone who isn't abusive, physically or verbally or emotionally. Someone I'm physically attracted to, if I'm honest I have to admit I'd much prefer the good looking guy vs someone less attractive.

A guy who can support himself financially (I had to support my ex and I can't mentally deal with supporting anyone else in the future anymore. I fully support myself but I expect the guy to do the same.)

 

Other than that someone who is honest and doesn't tell lies. Someone who is emotionally stable (no severe mental illnesses). Someone who I find charming and funny.

 

Someone who doesn't get lap dances at strip clubs (this one really bugs me and could be a deal breaker). Someone who hasn't been with prostitutes in the past (my ex had been with some and it bothered me).

 

Also someone who hasn't had too many sexual partners in the past. I accept the fact now that the guys I will be meeting in my age range will have had some experiences under their belt but I prefer someone without a huge amount of sexual partners in the past, for some reason it bothers me.

 

Also, someone who will accept me the way I am and not expect me to get plastic surgery, bigger boob, fix this or that about myself and won't compare me to other females etc.

 

Also someone who is mature, considerate and thoughtful.

 

Someone that won't betray me, flirt too much with other women, take other women out, be intimate with other women etc

 

Also someone who is respectful and won't treat me like SHI* and has some semblance of respect for my family (unlike my ex who likes to disrespect them constantly) I don't get along with all members of my family but it bothers me when my ex bf feels like he can insult them...

 

I also need to feel attraction and sexual chemistry... and we have to be compatible.

 

Your list is exactly the same as mine- and guess what- My fiance fulfils each and every requirement on that list. I met him online , and he is a great guy. I have been played before, but before I went into this R I thought, hell I have nothing to lose- I already know what its like to get hurt, and I did recover, so here goes again.

I also thought (I was 29 then) if he doesn't like what he sees in me, then never mind, I am not going to change for anyone again, what you see is what you get.

And we are now getting married.

So it IS possible to get everything you want, AND not get played/hurt by the guy.

 

You aren't strange, but you ARE very self conscious, and I think that is one of the big hurdles you need to overcome before you can have a successful R. You are so desperate for approval/ respect from other people that sometimes I think you forget to give it to yourself.

 

Once you are happier with yourself, I think you will relax alot more, and you will find it alot easier to trust people.

[cutegirl]

I couldn't control my ex's paranoia or convince him that he wasn't ok.

 

On top of that he was also violent with me.

[Leia]

I have a strange list of things I look for in a guy:

 

Someone who doesn't cheat #1. ummm someone who isn't abusive, physically or verbally or emotionally. Someone I'm physically attracted to, if I'm honest I have to admit I'd much prefer the good looking guy vs someone less attractive.

 

A guy who can support himself financially (I had to support my ex and I can't mentally deal with supporting anyone else in the future anymore. I fully support myself but I expect the guy to do the same.)

 

Other than that someone who is honest and doesn't tell lies. Someone who is emotionally stable (no severe mental illnesses). Someone who I find charming and funny.

 

Someone who doesn't get lap dances at strip clubs (this one really bugs me and could be a deal breaker). Someone who hasn't been with prostitutes in the past (my ex had been with some and it bothered me).

 

Also someone who hasn't had too many sexual partners in the past. I accept the fact now that the guys I will be meeting in my age range will have had some experiences under their belt but I prefer someone without a huge amount of sexual partners in the past, for some reason it bothers me.

 

Also, someone who will accept me the way I am and not expect me to get plastic surgery, bigger boob, fix this or that about myself and won't compare me to other females etc.

 

Also someone who is mature, considerate and thoughtful.

 

Someone that won't betray me, flirt too much with other women, take other women out, be intimate with other women etc

 

Also someone who is respectful and won't treat me like SHI* and has some semblance of respect for my family (unlike my ex who likes to disrespect them constantly) I don't get along with all members of my family but it bothers me when my ex bf feels like he can insult them...

 

I also need to feel attraction and sexual chemistry... and we have to be compatible.

 

 

Not strange. You just know what you want. You're avoiding certain characteristics cos of what you have experienced such as mental illnesses and sexual history although I'd advice you not to ask that question to your future boyfriend... unless you really really don't mind the truth

[Leia]

I couldn't control my ex's paranoia or convince him that he wasn't ok.

 

On top of that he was also violent with me.

 

Have you ever thought about seeking therapy? Is this a recent ex of yours? Could it be that you are not over what he did or who he was?

[sb129]

Yes but CG thats a little different in the fact that he was obviously mentally ill, and you couldn't do anything about that.

His mental illness wasn't your fault or your job to fix.

 

You weren't responsible for his brain chemistry imbalances, but unfortunately you were hurt by them, which has burned you even more.

 

You have to give yourself a break- there ARE lots of men out there who are hot, mentally stable AND capable of giving you a loving, trusting R- but you need to believe in yourself before you go and find them.

 

My ex before my fiance was a lying cheating SOB who constantly tried to bring my self esteem down to his level. It worked for a little while, but eventually I couldn't go on. It wasn't normal, and I got out and never looked back. When my fiance came along, I didn't automatically assume that he would be the same- new person, new start. And things have turned out quite well.

[Leia]

My ex before my fiance was a lying cheating SOB who constantly tried to bring my self esteem down to his level. It worked for a little while, but eventually I couldn't go on. It wasn't normal, and I got out and never looked back. When my fiance came along, I didn't automatically assume that he would be the same- new person, new start. And things have turned out quite well.

 

My cousin went through the same thing! Her ex-boyfriend was a psycho (I believe he still is) and mentally abused her. It took her more than a year to get over what he did and said. When a better guy came along, she thought he'd be the same guy but thank God, he proved her wrong. He was a great! They didn't last but hey.... at least she knew someone better was out there.. and always will be!

[cutegirl]

I think your friends phobia isn't helping yours though, because her negativity keeps yours alive and well. Be the one to break the mould Cutegirl!!!

If you have to play games, then the R is doomed from the start.

 

You do sound alot like woggle with your negative outlook. Its not the first time someone has picked up on this.

 

CG- YOU can make a difference to whether you get played or not. If you are confident and positive, its much less likely. The more negative you are, the more untrusting you are, and lack of trust seeps into a R and makes bad things happen. Your negativity could very well end up being a self-fulfilling prophecy, which will cement your negative outlook.

 

You are just fine on your own, you know that. If you DO end up single again, you know that you will survive and its not the end of the world. getting hurt is no fun, but most people survive the end of a R and get back on the horse. If there is one guy out there that wants to be with you, there will be more. this kind of attitude helps in a R (not arrogance- confidence, and a positive outlook)

 

 

 

 

Your list is exactly the same as mine- and guess what- My fiance fulfils each and every requirement on that list. I met him online , and he is a great guy. I have been played before, but before I went into this R I thought, hell I have nothing to lose- I already know what its like to get hurt, and I did recover, so here goes again.

I also thought (I was 29 then) if he doesn't like what he sees in me, then never mind, I am not going to change for anyone again, what you see is what you get.

And we are now getting married.

So it IS possible to get everything you want, AND not get played/hurt by the guy.

 

You aren't strange, but you ARE very self conscious, and I think that is one of the big hurdles you need to overcome before you can have a successful R. You are so desperate for approval/ respect from other people that sometimes I think you forget to give it to yourself.

 

Once you are happier with yourself, I think you will relax alot more, and you will find it alot easier to trust people.

 

No, a lot of people have said I sound like Woggle...

 

About the game thing, I admit games are unhealthy, but if the guy in question was my bf and goes out all the time with his boys and there are women around, wouldn't it make sense for me to also go out so he thinks I have a life as well? I wouldn't want to stay home and watch tv every night while he goes out... He has a lot of friends and they go out a lot, not necessarily clubs (sometimes they go clubbing too) but sometimes just eating out etc

 

It's true, I do have to work on trusting and not being as negative. I don't know why I'm negative. I never got played a lot. Maybe I did by my crazy ex (he was crazy but still suave enough to get other girls numbers, I found a list of at least 40 numbers) but I think that was it. My ex before him didn't "play me" but he left me because he wanted to "see other people" and I guess in my mind I equate that to "being played" even if he didn't physical cheat. He wanted to be with other people so that meant he didn't want me. It's just as messed up as being cheated on.

 

I guess I hear a lot of negative things and also read a lot of negative things about infidelity and cheating on Loveshack, and I read some statistics about the percentage of guys cheating or studies that show wealthier men are more likely to cheat etc and all of those things play a factor in how I perceive men, it just makes me think most guys are dogs (even though I know not ALL guys are dogs, there must be SOME good ones out there) I just haven't met any yet. That I know of anyhow.

 

I'll try to be less negative though. I don't want my negativeness to become a self fulfilling prophecy.

[cutegirl]

Have you ever thought about seeking therapy? Is this a recent ex of yours? Could it be that you are not over what he did or who he was?

 

The ex left me half a year ago. Of course I am still sad a bit but I think I'm ready to move on. I never went to a therapist. I think I just met a bad apple and it was my fault for staying even though I saw the warning signs. I knew he was "off" the first time I talked to him but I wrote it off as him being extremely eccentric and even thought of it as "cute" in the beginning.

 

I was always afraid of being cheated on though, even before the ex. That's why I never dated a lot. I think it just comes from hearing stories about how other people got played and reading things etc.

[cutegirl]

Yes but CG thats a little different in the fact that he was obviously mentally ill, and you couldn't do anything about that.

His mental illness wasn't your fault or your job to fix.

 

You weren't responsible for his brain chemistry imbalances, but unfortunately you were hurt by them, which has burned you even more.

 

You have to give yourself a break- there ARE lots of men out there who are hot, mentally stable AND capable of giving you a loving, trusting R- but you need to believe in yourself before you go and find them.

 

My ex before my fiance was a lying cheating SOB who constantly tried to bring my self esteem down to his level. It worked for a little while, but eventually I couldn't go on. It wasn't normal, and I got out and never looked back. When my fiance came along, I didn't automatically assume that he would be the same- new person, new start. And things have turned out quite well.

 

All this is very true. I did talk to some guys after my ex, nothing serious at all, not even any dating but something as simple as a phone conversation and just having a normal conversation with a guy showed me that there ARE guys out there who are thoughtful and NORMAL etc

 

Or something as simple as reading a guys blog can show me that there are guys who are considerate etc Really drastic from my ex.

 

I don't think my ex is the reason why I think good looking guys are more likely to cheat though. I have always sort of assumed that.

[sb129]

About the game thing, I admit games are unhealthy, but if the guy in question was my bf and goes out all the time with his boys and there are women around, wouldn't it make sense for me to also go out so he thinks I have a life as well? I wouldn't want to stay home and watch tv every night while he goes out... He has a lot of friends and they go out a lot, not necessarily clubs (sometimes they go clubbing too) but sometimes just eating out etc .

 

Its called "having your own interests" and "trusting eachother"!

My BF and I go out alot together, but we also do things on our own or separately with our friends. Its healthy to do that- its not healthy if one person goes out all the time without the other and the other one stays at home- but that depends on the type of person you end up with.

Some guys who are a bit older/ more mature won't WANT to go out clubbing all the time.

 

I used to love going clubbing, and now I can't really be bothered, my BF and I would rather stay at home together sometimes.

 

It's true, I do have to work on trusting and not being as negative. I don't know why I'm negative. I never got played a lot. Maybe I did by my crazy ex (he was crazy but still suave enough to get other girls numbers, I found a list of at least 40 numbers) but I think that was it. My ex before him didn't "play me" but he left me because he wanted to "see other people" and I guess in my mind I equate that to "being played" even if he didn't physical cheat. He wanted to be with other people so that meant he didn't want me. It's just as messed up as being cheated on.

 

well, you have been hurt, so its natural to be less trusting, but each new person/ relationship is unique and you can't tar them all with the same brush. It doesn't mean there is anything wrong with YOU.

 

I guess I hear a lot of negative things and also read a lot of negative things about infidelity and cheating on Loveshack, and I read some statistics about the percentage of guys cheating or studies that show wealthier men are more likely to cheat etc and all of those things play a factor in how I perceive men, it just makes me think most guys are dogs (even though I know not ALL guys are dogs, there must be SOME good ones out there) I just haven't met any yet. That I know of anyhow.

 

Well this is very Woggle-like! He does exactly the same thing BUT he is actually married to a very good woman who has never done anything to confirm his fears.

 

Places like LS are a haven for cheaters and people who have been dumped/ cheated on/ hurt. So of course its going to look like there are more people out there who are cheating/ getting dumped etc if you use LS as your sample. There ARE people on here who are in happy Rs, and there are lots of happy Rs out there. Imagine if there was a forum JUST for people in happy Rs. It would be pretty boring, don't you think?

 

I'll try to be less negative though. I don't want my negativeness to become a self fulfilling prophecy.

 

Good. Have you considered therapy? I think there are some self esteem issues that you need to work through. You do seem to be a little less aggressive than you were last year, and much more open to suggestions and advice which is a good step in the right direction. You also seem less focused on materialistic things, which is also healthy.

 

You can do it CG.

[carhill]

Sorry about your experience. Yeah, I know what you mean. My mom has a psychotic form of dementia due to brain damage from a stroke. We treat her with the same meds used for schizophrenia. I nearly bankrupted us caring for her. Understand your perspective completely. My mom had "people in the attic watching her through the vents" and she talked to the police via telepathy.

 

I hope you know that mentally ill people have something organically wrong with their brain; they're not "bad", although they can do and will do "bad" things if not treated, since they often have no consistent concept of reality. That doesn't mean you have to accept their behaviors and you were right in getting out to save yourself.

 

Anyway, I'm with the poster who recommended some sort of therapy. Even though you got out of the relationship, it affected you psychologically. Therapy will also likely help with your preconception regarding infidelity, which goes to trust.

 

Things are looking up. Call that good looking guy

[Trialbyfire]

Wow, cutegirl. Your ex put you through a lot. It can't help but to affect your outlook on men and relationships. If someone has an undiagnosed condition, no matter how balanced or strong you are as a person, it will make you question your own sanity, since his reality is so skewed.

 

As a number of posters have mentioned, there are great guys out there, not perfect but then, no one is perfect. As previously posted, I've been in relationships with good-looking men who don't cheat.

 

After the dissolution of my marriage due to cheating, I found myself determined to never get involved with someone who was like the ex-H. He always had women all over him, since he was charming, witty, polished and good-looking. What he lacked, due to an undiagnosed condition, was impulse control to an extent and the ability to empathize with others, in that it was "Me first", always. Since the crap hit the proverbial fan after discovery, he's since been diagnosed with NPD and has been in deep therapy for around 10+ months.

 

I'm illustrating my ex so you can get a feel of the type of baggage I ended up with. Certain types of situations trigger this baggage, of which I do recognize and acknowledge that I own it, when it happens. You have to process your way through it and if your current guy is one of the good guys, he will help you work through it, as long as he's aware of it. The problem is that if you're like I am, it's sometimes difficult to ask for help. The old, I can do this on my own...

 

If and when you've worked through it with your guy, where it may take a number of tries, you'll find that it goes away. Maybe it's the creation of trust and respect, in whomever you're with. I'm not certain.

 

Try not to fear the superficial component. Judge the man underneath and what his core values appear to be. If you allow your insecurities to dominate interactions, you'll find that you could easily miss out on someone who's very worthwhile.