Space Marine Posted February 24, 2008 Posted February 24, 2008 Then I suspect you would approve of my initial post on this thread. Except for the stupid typo, of course. Yes, your post stood out. It makes a lot of sense, but when we're caught up in such strong emotions as those e.clipse is experiencing, we don't think to live for the present. A major flaw in humans is that we weep for the past and worry about the future, when all that really matters is right now and what you do with it.
spookie Posted February 24, 2008 Posted February 24, 2008 Hey... that wasn't so bad! I know you feel crappy now cause you let your emotions override logic... but look at it this way... nothing's really changed. It was just reconfirmed to you how things stand. You knew how you felt. You knew how he felt. You knew you'd see him there. The way I see it, maybe kissing him made you feel silly, but it would have been irrelevant whether or not it'd happened. I'm a little out of the loop on the history between you and this guy, though. You got back together AGAIN this year? I was under the impression you were NC with him for some time... guess that's changed? I dunno. I know this is going to sound bad, but in some ways i envy you. At least you're still friends. Where I am now, I would take that over what I have going. In fact, it's all I want.
carhill Posted February 24, 2008 Posted February 24, 2008 It was a test. More work necessary. Less alcohol next time. It's a process Your response indicates you set high standards for yourself and feel you "failed". Good on ya. You'll do fine. Did he compliment you on your appearance? Oh, goes without saying, don't call him.....
underpants Posted February 24, 2008 Posted February 24, 2008 Don't be too down. I don't think what happened was that bad. It is totally salvagable. If it were me, after two aspirin and a shower of shame, I would call/leave message and apologize for my tipsy behaviour and say that it was good to see him and hope he is well, thanks for the seats and drinks. Then vanish from him for a bit. I guess he still has your number in his phone if he texted you? Also, I agree with WF. That although you don't see it now you will look back on this and laugh (in a good way). You are too cute, and I'm sure you rocked it.
johan Posted February 24, 2008 Posted February 24, 2008 Based on what I know of the history of these two, I don't advise any additional contact. The best thing possible is to put this behind you and forget it ever happened. And to have this guy out of your life completely. Even a phone call or well wishes are too much, because they will just encourage more contact.
Touche Posted February 24, 2008 Posted February 24, 2008 I'm also for not calling. This way, you get your dignity back. Let it go.
KittenMoon Posted February 24, 2008 Posted February 24, 2008 Aw, honey. When are you going to disentangle yourself? We both know how long it's been, how many back and forths like this, how horridly this guy has treated your before, etc etc. It breaks my heart to see your heart get twisted up like this yet again. You need to start believing you are better than him, better than pining over him. This can't be the rest of your life.
underpants Posted February 24, 2008 Posted February 24, 2008 Okay then, Maybe you should just leave it alone. My suggestion was an attempt to acknowledge what happened and spin it in a way that made you seem less vunerable. To regain some confidence in a way. I am not suggesting that you pursue a friendship with him, or rekindle anything, or even respond to any contact from him, especially if he treated you poorly. Contact or no contact. It is whichever you feel like you can best handle and is ultimately the right choice for you. Seeing an ex can be hard. You should have had a better wing girl and I would not have let you sit down with him or talk to him in a tipsy state. I would have poked you with my trident and gotten you out of there to get tipsy someplace else. Maybe running into him and seeing that he is still the same person will force you to emotionally move on. I hope so. Cheer up. Do you want me to take you to The Walmart?
Trialbyfire Posted February 24, 2008 Posted February 24, 2008 Another one for dropping him like a hot rock. Take back your self-esteem.
Pyro Posted February 24, 2008 Posted February 24, 2008 As long as you have your ex remain in your life to any degree, you are never going to move forward.
Author e.clipse Posted February 24, 2008 Author Posted February 24, 2008 thanks, everyone. every thing that you said makes a lot of sense. i just wish i was more receptive to sense. and not nonsense. as an update, let me just say that i somehow managed to tangle myself up even more. sigh. you would think that by now i would have realized that the more i tangle myself up, the more the fall hurts when i cut myself out. but nooooo. i'm so stupid. shower of shame. haha. yes, Undies. please take me to The Walmart so i can cheer up.
Touche Posted February 24, 2008 Posted February 24, 2008 thanks, everyone. every thing that you said makes a lot of sense. i just wish i was more receptive to sense. and not nonsense. as an update, let me just say that i somehow managed to tangle myself up even more. sigh. you would think that by now i would have realized that the more i tangle myself up, the more the fall hurts when i cut myself out. but nooooo. i'm so stupid. shower of shame. haha. yes, Undies. please take me to The Walmart so i can cheer up. You called? Noooooooo!
Author e.clipse Posted February 24, 2008 Author Posted February 24, 2008 You called? Noooooooo! if it had been just that, it wouldn't have been so bad. anyway, i don't know if this has any relevance to my OP, but i think it does, in some way: right after i finished posting my last post on this thread, i decided to go out for a walk. i was just bummed, ya know? anyway, today is pretty sunny, and i don't like that, so i decided to put on my hooded sweater. i think i must have looked odd, walking around wearing a black swear and black slacks, on a bright and sunny day. i look so pale today, i look dead. ANYWAY, when i walk, i have a tendency to walk with my head down. you know, staring at the ground. and so i did. i walked for a little bit--down a only a couple houses, to be exact, and i saw a little green roll of paper on the ground, beside the grass that is on the sidewalk. i picked it up and rolled up were three $100 dollar bills. :eek: i looked around to see if anyone was on the street, whom could have dropped it, but no one was outside. so, i decided to go knock on the door of the neighbor's house in front of where i found them. i asked her if they were hers. she looked surprised and said that they weren't. i asked her if she had seen anyone else pass by, and she said no. she then chuckled and said, "Oh, the Lord probably put them there for you, darling. Keep them and cheer up." :eek: do i seriously look that miserable? i don't know about the Lord. He seems to hate me. but it's kind of cool to think that it was Him, since i don't have a job right now (again...) and i have to pay rent next week. anyway, i have them now in my erm, room. but i don't know what i should do?? how can i find who lost them?? maybe i am supposed to take this money and go to The Walmart with Undies. :eek:
johan Posted February 24, 2008 Posted February 24, 2008 The Lord wants you to buy your LS friends nice things with the money.
Space Marine Posted February 24, 2008 Posted February 24, 2008 As long as you have your ex remain in your life to any degree, you are never going to move forward. I would just like to interject that this statement depends on the person and the time frame you're dealing with. Obviously e.clipse is not in the right state of mind to be around this guy, but likewise, such a statement is a generalization and not true of all people. I can now speak to my second most recent ex without a problem and without any of those old feelings popping back up, but it took months of struggling and weeks of avoiding her altogether. We're now very good friends and can still share things we wouldn't be able to if we had not been so close at one time. Now if only she'd get on MSN more and stop playing ****ing World of Warcraft so much. Once again, this is not advice for e.clipse in her current state. It's best to keep away from him.
Pyro Posted February 24, 2008 Posted February 24, 2008 I would just like to interject that this statement depends on the person and the time frame you're dealing with. Obviously e.clipse is not in the right state of mind to be around this guy, but likewise, such a statement is a generalization and not true of all people. I can now speak to my second most recent ex without a problem and without any of those old feelings popping back up, but it took months of struggling and weeks of avoiding her altogether. We're now very good friends and can still share things we wouldn't be able to if we had not been so close at one time. Now if only she'd get on MSN more and stop playing ****ing World of Warcraft so much. Once again, this is not advice for e.clipse in her current state. It's best to keep away from him. I wasn't generalizing. That was advice for the OP.
Space Marine Posted February 24, 2008 Posted February 24, 2008 Oh, well in that case, my mistake. I stand by my advice though, when a statement like yours is made as a generalization.
spookie Posted February 25, 2008 Posted February 25, 2008 You found $300 on the street?! That's pretty sweet.
KittenMoon Posted February 25, 2008 Posted February 25, 2008 Hey hon- regarding the money. Speaking strictly legally, you're supossed to report it and after 31 days passes w/o finding the rightful owner, then it's yours to keep. That being said, it's kinda dumb, and I sure the police would probably just get PO'ed at you for creating stupid paperwork. I think it's bad karma to keep money I find, so if I do, I donate it somewhere. But I've certainly never found $300. If you want to keep it, or need it, then it's yours. Don't feel guilty- maybe this is just some good karma for you, trying to alleviate the BS.
Space Marine Posted February 25, 2008 Posted February 25, 2008 Ahahaha! ****ity **** ****ing ****burgers, I managed to fail at taking my own advice and chatted with my LDR ex-gf just now, and it was totally depressing and awful. Yet because I gave the advice earlier about waiting til the time is right to talk to an ex again, I am also somewhat amused. CRAP ON A STICK. Wait, did someone say $300?
Leia Posted February 25, 2008 Posted February 25, 2008 First of all you might want to start your own thread, Space ~ if you haven't already. Eclipse, I'd go to Walmart with Undies and buy as many good stuff as you can with that hundred dollar bill!! Go crazy, woman!!!!
Storyrider Posted February 25, 2008 Posted February 25, 2008 :( You're going to have to hit rock bottom just like an alcoholic before you can stop this. Have you hit rock bottom yet?
Author e.clipse Posted February 25, 2008 Author Posted February 25, 2008 :( You're going to have to hit rock bottom just like an alcoholic before you can stop this. Have you hit rock bottom yet? i don't know. i thought i did last summer, but maybe not. this is some pretty sick inner turmoil i put myself through. before, i used to blame him and say that, "Well, if he never contacted me, I wouldn't," but i've learned to accept that that is simply not true. sure, i would be able to stop myself for a while; a few months, even. but i know that i would break down eventually. and further, that mindset is flawed: even if he did contact me, i should decline. that there is the right thing to do. to do and think otherwise is akin to playing mind games with myself; it's as though i will try hard to not break NC, yet am just waiting for him to do so, so that i can too. so, it's not his fault; it's mine. it's mine for letting it happen, over and over again. it's mine for living in this sick fantasy world where, because he is my first everything and because i love him as much as i possibly can, it is meant to be. it's my fault for thinking loving him is the only thing i am good at and that maybe, just maybe, if i hang in there long enough, it will somehow work out, in the end. sometimes i get so angry at myself. i wonder: how can i be so stupid? how can i not see the fog i am constantly living in? how can i consciously choose to batter myself, time and time again? and i seriously don't know. maybe it is because i am sick. maybe i am seriously mentally disturbed, i don't know. i know it is not supposed to be thing painful. i know because you guys tell me it isn't. and so do my friends. you all say this is not how it is supposed to be, and i believe that it is not. but the problem is that, out of my own experiences with my parents and with him, i don't know any better. i don't know any better than to keep trying, just "a little harder and maybe this time i will get it right." but i never do. i never have. the three people whom i love so dearly in this world have all left, in one way or another. and i feel inadequate as a person. i feel like no matter how hard i try, it is never good enough. and thus, i blame myself so profusely for the failed relationships between me, my parents, and him. i just do not see how it is not my fault. surely if i was smarter, prettier, funnier, nicer--whatever, then maybe it would be different. and so i try very hard to polish myself, but in the end, i always come out too dull to be accepted. so, no. i don't know if i have hit the very bottom yet. i honestly thought that i had last summer. after all, if i had taken the right pills, i probably wouldn't be here by now. and i know it is morbid to say, but wow, i couldn't even do that right.
Storyrider Posted February 25, 2008 Posted February 25, 2008 i don't know any better than to keep trying, just "a little harder and maybe this time i will get it right." You are stuck on this "fault" and "blame" thing and doing things "right" and that really is not the issue here at all. You're fogging things by thinking in those terms. There is no standard you've failed to meet or invisible set of rules you've broken. This is not about disappointing anyone. The issue is, this really isn't working for you.
underpants Posted February 25, 2008 Posted February 25, 2008 Chin up, I had a slew of failed relationships in my 20s. It sucks and is just down right depressing. It really was not until close to 30 that I started letting go of alot of silly insecurities and started looking at relationships differently. It wasn't until I learned to respect myself a little more and in turn others' and then all of my relationships improved immensely. It is funny to see pictures of myself back then. I hid behind black clothes sized xxl to hide my 100 lb young body. What an idiot I was. I think you should keep that money. I feel like it was there for you to find. Fate. If you need it to cover the rent then use it for that. I would also suggest you spend a little of it on something cool for you. Maybe some of those blacklight art pencils? You too smart and creative to be down for too long. Come on...bounce.
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