dmb05 Posted February 23, 2008 Posted February 23, 2008 Well, my girlfriend who broke up with me 2 weeks ago contacted me again. We last talked Monday and I told her not to call me, email me, or anything anymore. I had wrote a "note" on facebook basically stating how I felt about stuff you thought that mattered so much and in the end it's like you get slapped in the face. I never mentioned her in it. Maybe I shouldn't have done it, I don't know. All I know is it made me feel a lot better to write something. I haven't been sad anymore and have been happy actually ever since I wrote that note Monday. Well today she comments back on my "note" saying that she was hurt and didn't like the fact that I felt this way. She said that if I thought she didn't care about me, then that's what I get for assuming. She also said for the first time since she broke up with me that she still loves me. Also, that if I couldn't see that, then it's my mistake. Also, how my hobbies, which were mainly listening to a certain band, playing drums, and watching a certain tv show, are why I'm single now. She said I cared more about them than I did her which is completely ridiculous. She also told me if I want to talk about stuff, that maybe I should go talk to my other ex, who is a really good friend to me now and I have been talking to her about all of this and she's helped me through it. I don't know what to think about her doing this. I think she jus wants me to stick around and not get over her. But, she said in the comment she still loved me, and she said last time we talked she didnt' love me anymore and only wanted me as a friend. I sent her an email, telling her that my other ex has been nothing but a friend to me and has helped me through all of this past 2 weeks. I told her she knew I cared more about her than any of my hobbies, because she honestly did. I never mentioned anything about wanting to get back with her or any of that. Anyways, maybe I was wrong for making a public "note" on facebook or whatever. I just don't know what to do. I deleted the note and her comment, so I don't have it exactly word for word. Just the fact that she said she still loves me, and if I don't think she still cares, then that's what I get for assuming, and that kind of stuff. Also her acting jealous over talking with my other ex just has me confused now.
Author dmb05 Posted February 24, 2008 Author Posted February 24, 2008 So last night at midnight, my phone rang and it was my ex. I picked up. She was halfway crying, saying she was so sorry for hurting me, she loves me very much, and she misses me like crazy. She said she can't stand the feeling of being apart from me anymore and she said she can't take not talking to me everyday. However, she then said she didn't want to call me to get back together, that she just needed me in her life. She said she can't talk to anyone about stuff except for me, because I'm the only one who understands her. She said there's a hole in her life now and she realized that the hole is me. She said she didn't care if I didnt want to be her friend, she just wanted to know if I would be there for her when she needed me. I told her I may think about it, but I wasn't promising. It's like she did everything to get back with me, except for say she wanted back. She said she wouldn't say never to us again, but right now she didn't want me back as a boyfriend. I'm not gonna call her back, and I don't think I'll answer next time she calls. I'm not sad or hurt, I'm just confused.
carhill Posted February 24, 2008 Posted February 24, 2008 NC, including no online "journals". If you want to vent/reflect/grieve, start an offline journal. Confusion is what she's counting on
Author dmb05 Posted February 24, 2008 Author Posted February 24, 2008 well she definitley has me confused now. she cried telling me she loved me and missed me on the phone last night, but she was clear she didn't want to work stuff out right now. she said she don't know about the future, so she won't say no. when I told her I wasn't gonna just sit around and wait, it's like she got hurt. I'm starting to think she only has me as backup now, but that hurts even worse because I still am so in love with the girl. It doesn't affect me nearly as bad as it did a week ago, but it still kinda hurts.
Rich464 Posted February 25, 2008 Posted February 25, 2008 Sounds to me like this girl still has strong feelings for you but considering she was the dumper she probably wants to save face. It's not a decision you can make lightly and then just go back on, there must have been reasons for her initial decisions and shes likely battling it out in her head between the reasons she left and the reasons she wants you back. How you play it is up to you but saying your there for her if she needs you but won't always be is probably the best place to be right now. Beyond that you can either go completely NC and let her make her own mind up or convince her to talk and see if you can see her point of view of why she left in the first place. It's a two way thing but you can only try when she's ready. I know it hurts dude, I'm on day 7 NC and not a word from her, part of me almost wishes my ex would do what yours did and contact me telling me she still cared but it's unlikely to happen. I feel for you and just hope you don't get dragged along. All the best, Rich.
heartoutside Posted February 25, 2008 Posted February 25, 2008 A word of warning. My ex and I broke up a little over 7 months ago. I went into total NC about 3 months into our break up, however she would continue to contact me and text and email. After a few emails from her that said just about everything I had been waiting to hear, she and I got back together. And again she said everything I had been waiting to hear, that she made a big mistake, that there was nothing wrong with our relationship etc etc. We were back together for 2 or 3 weeks....this was a month ago. Now we are back to sq one! And I've been dragged around the whole time. And I can tell you, I was doing ok when I was in NC. But now it's seriously like I"m back to sq one. So just be careful and really think about what you want.....
Author dmb05 Posted February 25, 2008 Author Posted February 25, 2008 I ended up telling her last night that I couldn't be there just when she needs me. I didn't think it was fair. I still love her, and she still loves me, but we're not together and it hurts me more to talk to her than it doesn't. She kept telling me she didn't want me back, but she would say stuff to make me ask her back out, or she would say it like she is questioning getting back together. I went total NC for 3 days, and she called me crying telling me couldn't be away from me but didnt want a relationship, so maybe if I keep on she may come around. The last thing I told her was that we both didnt want to be apart, so that maybe this breakup was to make us realize how we really didn't want to be away from each other, and that we could move foward together if she would just try. Her reason for breaking up with me, is because she says I didn't listen to her with my heart...........which I just don't understand. I listened to every single thing she said. Yeah, I'm a guy and some things just slip my mind, but never any important stuff. Maybe she'll just eventually realize it. I'm not sad or hurt anymore so I feel good about that, but I definitley want to work things out with this girl. So, back to total no contact until she makes another move.
heartoutside Posted February 25, 2008 Posted February 25, 2008 Good call...NC. That means no FACEBOOK, myspace etc etc. I'm telling you that I really didn't get a perspective on things until I deleted her from everything. I didn't do it to be mean, (Even though she broke my heart ) I did it to move on and to heal and do what is right for me. But she has to be the one to make the choice. Right now the choice she's made isn't a fair one. It's not even close. My ex said something similar to me the last time we talked about 2 weeks ago. She basically said all I can think about is us being in a relationship, that that is the only option. Sounds like your ex is giving you a similar line. Disappear, go NC....let her see what it's like without you. Don't answer her calls unless you really feel strong enough to do so. Strong enough not to talk about any relationship stuff unless she brings it up. Good luck.....
Author dmb05 Posted March 2, 2008 Author Posted March 2, 2008 Well, I just found out through facebook notifications that my ex is now in a relationship with this high school guy, but it's complicated or whatever. That made me furious, so I just deleted her from facebook, myspace, and my yahoo messenger. I have her blocked now on all of them. I can't beleive she's already dating this guy SO soon after she broke up with me and was SO in love with me (so she said). It was so stupid how she was doing the whole thing too. She posts on this guy's wall about EVERYTHING they do or say, and she tries to say it in ways to make it known to me. I couldn't take it anymore so I just had to delete her from everything. She'll probably end up calling me about it or emailing me because she checks my profile every time she gets online. I now want NOTHING to do with this girl again after this. Maybe it's just a rebound relationship, but it seriously made me mad. Maybe I'm acting stupid over it? I don't know, but I DID want her back, but not anymore. Tomorrow will be 1 full week of NC and I'm glad I went out with my best friend tonight and we had a great time. I haven't been able to do that in a LONG time because she hated my best friend and she always got mad if I wanted to hang out with him one night over her. Thanks everyone
tonyeltiger Posted March 2, 2008 Posted March 2, 2008 If you truly want to do NC there are a couple of things you need to do. Remove her from your myspace (put your profile on private so she can't see it again, block her and her new guy from your facebook (which goes both ways, you can't look, they can't look). NC goes both ways in my opinion. You should not contact them, and they should not be able to gather info about you or be able to give you information about them in any way. ALl of this will only slow your healing process. Believe me this is my problem. Myspace and Facebook can be an addiction even when you have blocked people. There is always the temptation to make fake profiles or something, and do some unhealthly cyber-stalking or something. Don't do that to yourself. If I were you, I'd harness some of those angry feelings, write down everything you disliked about her, and then burn of all the steam with some exercise or a hobby. But remember that noone should know anything about anyone while doing NC. Easier said than done sometimes. Good luck
Author dmb05 Posted March 3, 2008 Author Posted March 3, 2008 (edited) I just can't beleive she basically dumped me for someone in HIGH SCHOOL. She wanted someone who had a goal in life, had a good job, was in college. This guy has never had a job, he used to be a druggie, all he does is skate, and he has no intentions of going to college. It's like she went from the kind of person she wanted to the kind of guy she talks bad about all the time. I honestly don't get it. Oh well, it's her loss not mine. I think though she'll maybe end up coming back to me. She told me how great I treated her and she could never ask for better. She gets VERY jealous of other girls, and this guy has girls talking to him all time, so I don't think this "fling" is gonna last at all. I think it's just a show she's putting on. I'm still doing total NC though. NO phone calls, emails, facebook, myspace, etc. Her mom and stepdad still email and call me every now and then. They are still VERY nice to me and always tell me they hope we work stuff out and that they're always here for me. Edited March 3, 2008 by dmb05
Author dmb05 Posted March 6, 2008 Author Posted March 6, 2008 Okay............today is 1 month since my gf broke up with me, and it's been almost 2 weeks of NC. I'm pretty sure she has a new bf now, but I don't think her parents like it. Anyways, she called me at 7:30 this morning but I didn't answer it. She didn't leave a voicemail. Should I look into this, or is it probably just a "How are you doing" phone call?
wyrllish Posted March 6, 2008 Posted March 6, 2008 I personally wouldn't return it, you said she might have another bf and she didn't even leave a VM.
Author dmb05 Posted March 7, 2008 Author Posted March 7, 2008 (edited) Well she ended up talking to me on messenger tonight. I had deleted her from my friends list, but not blocked her. Anyway, she said she jus wanted to tell me hi and ask me to pray for her because she had a seizure tuesday and it really scared her. We had a school shooting at my college last week and she said she was glad to hear that I was okay. I just kinda said okay and I was glad she was okay. Then she said you dont want to talk to me do you? I told her I was doing fine without her and told her not to talk to me anymore. She then said she was the mature one and she was trying to still be my friend and I was the one at loss for not trying to be civil with her. She said as long as I'm like this, I won't be able to have another relationship. She said she is gonna prove that I'm not the best she can do and she can be happy without me. She said just like this, with me being self centered tonight, is why we aren't together anymore. All I replied to her was that's fine with me, and told her to not contact me anymore. So now, she's really mad. I didn't give in to her like I did the other times she contacted me and I think it made her mad. So now I'm wondering if she's gonna try again to eventually contact me again? Is she gonna like me being "mean" to her again and try for me? When I was mean to her before we started dating, she never stopped trying to be with me. She had really got on my nerves a lot before we started dating, and then when I fell in love with her and started being nice to her, she leaves me. So this is making me wonder now if she's gonna try and eventually get me back since I'm being cold to her, or is she really done?? Edited March 7, 2008 by dmb05
vivrantflo Posted March 7, 2008 Posted March 7, 2008 I was gonna blast you for having her unblocked on your msn, but I really like the way you handled her when you did talk to her. However.. all that will mean nothing if you let her contact you again. Block her on msn, and sever ties with her altogether... there's no guarantee at all that she's coming back, so you need to move on with your life.. Date around, continue to hang out with your best friend, and live life!! Let her sit in the decision she's made! By not talking to her. Right now, yes, your relationship is done, cause she's banging another guy.. you don't deserve or need that.. give yourself time to get over her, and you'll be fine
Author dmb05 Posted March 7, 2008 Author Posted March 7, 2008 Well sure enough...........here's the email I got from her this morning: Hey, I really am sorry this ended up the way it didand there is nothing i can do to make u care either way, but i really didnt mean to hurt you and for the record, if it matters, (new guy) and i are not togehter...he knows what i am going thru with this and he isnt pushing.....and u and him were never good friends any how so it doesnt matter.....my point is that i am really sorry for hurting you and i never meant to. I broke up with you hoping it would bring me a point of happiness bc all we did was fight and argue and i wasent liking that at all. I just wanted u to listen and us get along but clearly we were not meant to. I accept that after trying for so long, i really do. I know u say u hate me BUT if u died with that hate in ur heart u would not be accepted into the gates of heaven and u know that. U dont have to talk to me but u are supposed to love me as a sister in Christ. So, i am not here to preach, just apologize/ i have done my best to get u to see this in an okay way but i cant make u change ur perspective...just know that i am sorry u eneded up getting hurt bc the last thing i wanted to do was be like you in that way....but life is what it is and u cant change what u get. I am sorry and i guess i will stay out of ur life forever in any way, friend or else, I really am sorry. Should I respond to this, or just ignore it still? If she would want to seriously work on stuff, I may would consider trying to work things out. But I think the best thing would to just be ignore it?
malaclypse Posted March 7, 2008 Posted March 7, 2008 Well sure enough...........here's the email I got from her this morning: Hey, I really am sorry this ended up the way it didand there is nothing i can do to make u care either way, but i really didnt mean to hurt you and for the record, if it matters, (new guy) and i are not togehter...he knows what i am going thru with this and he isnt pushing.....and u and him were never good friends any how so it doesnt matter.....my point is that i am really sorry for hurting you and i never meant to. I broke up with you hoping it would bring me a point of happiness bc all we did was fight and argue and i wasent liking that at all. I just wanted u to listen and us get along but clearly we were not meant to. I accept that after trying for so long, i really do. I know u say u hate me BUT if u died with that hate in ur heart u would not be accepted into the gates of heaven and u know that. U dont have to talk to me but u are supposed to love me as a sister in Christ. So, i am not here to preach, just apologize/ i have done my best to get u to see this in an okay way but i cant make u change ur perspective...just know that i am sorry u eneded up getting hurt bc the last thing i wanted to do was be like you in that way....but life is what it is and u cant change what u get. I am sorry and i guess i will stay out of ur life forever in any way, friend or else, I really am sorry. Should I respond to this, or just ignore it still? If she would want to seriously work on stuff, I may would consider trying to work things out. But I think the best thing would to just be ignore it? What a b.... Don't answer! You live your life, in which she does not deserve to have a place anymore.
CaliGuy Posted March 7, 2008 Posted March 7, 2008 (edited) Well sure enough...........here's the email I got from her this morning: Hey, I really am sorry this ended up the way it didand there is nothing i can do to make u care either way, but i really didnt mean to hurt you and for the record, if it matters, (new guy) and i are not togehter...he knows what i am going thru with this and he isnt pushing.....and u and him were never good friends any how so it doesnt matter.....my point is that i am really sorry for hurting you and i never meant to. I broke up with you hoping it would bring me a point of happiness bc all we did was fight and argue and i wasent liking that at all. I just wanted u to listen and us get along but clearly we were not meant to. I accept that after trying for so long, i really do. I know u say u hate me BUT if u died with that hate in ur heart u would not be accepted into the gates of heaven and u know that. U dont have to talk to me but u are supposed to love me as a sister in Christ. So, i am not here to preach, just apologize/ i have done my best to get u to see this in an okay way but i cant make u change ur perspective...just know that i am sorry u eneded up getting hurt bc the last thing i wanted to do was be like you in that way....but life is what it is and u cant change what u get. I am sorry and i guess i will stay out of ur life forever in any way, friend or else, I really am sorry. Should I respond to this, or just ignore it still? If she would want to seriously work on stuff, I may would consider trying to work things out. But I think the best thing would to just be ignore it? Just ignore it. Your life is too busy to waste time on people who don't want to be with you. Edited March 7, 2008 by CaliGuy
vivrantflo Posted March 7, 2008 Posted March 7, 2008 Wow, I would ignore the hell out of this email.. Block her on msn.. that way the ONLY way she'd be able to contact you is if she showed up at your front door. Ignore this weak email, and ignore her altogether.
Recommended Posts