Hoffle Posted February 23, 2008 Posted February 23, 2008 I'm not talking about loneliness as in not having a partner and not having physical and emotional intimacy though I suffer from that, but I mean how to cure the feeling of isolation and the general feeling of being an outsider?
Green Posted February 23, 2008 Posted February 23, 2008 might want to look into religion, joining a support group of people with the same problem, maybe read a motivational book aimed at this problem, and listen to some enya or other soulfull music. You could watch some comedies like Superbad...
Curmudgeon Posted February 23, 2008 Posted February 23, 2008 I'm not talking about loneliness as in not having a partner and not having physical and emotional intimacy though I suffer from that, but I mean how to cure the feeling of isolation and the general feeling of being an outsider? I'd recommend a complete physical checkup and would explore whether or not I was depressed. If not then I'd likely get a bit of counseling on how to become my own friend and enjoy my own company.
Author Hoffle Posted February 23, 2008 Author Posted February 23, 2008 Are you saying people who feel lonely are mentally ill?
Green Posted February 23, 2008 Posted February 23, 2008 maybe hes saying the help you appear to be asking for may be found from a therapist. I dunno but, you do sound like you have something going on in your head
Author Hoffle Posted February 23, 2008 Author Posted February 23, 2008 maybe hes saying the help you appear to be asking for may be found from a therapist. I dunno but, you do sound like you have something going on in your head Oh no, I'm not lonely as an outsider, though I'm shy and reserved, I'm just lonely in world of love, I got rejected earlier today and I'm not in the best of moods. I was just interested in knowing how to tackle the loneliness of love and that of 'normal life' - Thanks, Hoffle.
carhill Posted February 23, 2008 Posted February 23, 2008 Do you feel like an outsider here? What I'm getting at is there's a path and a community for each of us, but we have to find it. I've found it through many years on the internet and traveling worldwide. There are so many beautiful places, cultures and people that I've met IRL I know I'll never be alone, regardless of how I might feel today or tomorrow. When you find people you connect with, make your work maintaining and strengthening those connections. Don't take them for granted. We tend to struggle to find new connections and often ignore those who are interested in us. It's a weird dynamic, kind of a permutation of "I'd never want to be a member of a club who would have me". Yes, a brain chemistry imbalance could be an issue, but a telling clue is how you do in relationships where you do connect. Do you note the issue even under those circumstances? I tend to feel like an outsider when in the company of those who see me as invisible even though I can and do make many contributions. I'm getting better at identifying and disconnecting those people since they're unhealthy for me. Hope that helps!
Author Hoffle Posted February 23, 2008 Author Posted February 23, 2008 Yes it does, but I feel emotionally isolated, you know I sorta want my own special person and I want to be appreciated by someone who loves me and I love they, but alas that never has happened and I can't think of a time when it will. I tend to be a wallflower, unless I'm with friends - I don't feel like an outsider as I'll get on with anyone, but I have too many aquaintances and not enough friends. Do I feel like an outsider here? Well no, not really - but I can't relate to people, as many people are in relationships, have lost loved ones, have been cheated on, are single and looking - having previous relationships. I have never had a girlfriend, girls have called me cute, hot, gorgeous, but thats meaningless really, they don't really want me. So, I don't really understand this place. I joined to get advice on asking this girl out and the steps needed to do so, but she has a boyfriend, so that's put me on a downer and re-enforced my opinion that I'm probably meant to be alone, like some reclusive fan of The Smiths who's only real pleasure in life is reading and trying to escape and hoping one day that I will find happiness, love, peace and harmony - the key to life. I don't need much in life, a fancy car, fancy clothes and supermodel wife is not what I'm looking for, just love and enlightenment is all I'm after and I'm becoming very bitter and angry that I cannot achieve this and that things are not going my way. That's all.... I'm perculiar and I probably should be sectioned, I guesS!
Curmudgeon Posted February 23, 2008 Posted February 23, 2008 Are you saying people who feel lonely are mentally ill? ...absent any other reasons to feel alone and like an outsider, you could be depressed. That's not pejorative and there shouldn't be any stigna about it. It's simply a possibility.
Author Hoffle Posted February 23, 2008 Author Posted February 23, 2008 ...absent any other reasons to feel alone and like an outsider, you could be depressed. That's not pejorative and there shouldn't be any stigna about it. It's simply a possibility. I've never been depressed, depressed to me is losing your wife, or your child, or a loved one. Being depressed is being in a situation out of control with worsing consequences, depressed is not being able to smile, and whilst I may seem morbid, pale and a mini version of Morrissey during the days of The Smiths, I am not depressed, because I still have hope in my heart that someday, just someday a girl will hug me and tell me she loves me, and the world will seem like a better place, the flowers will glitter like the stars of the milky way and the streams will trickle and flow like an angel in the clouds and I will feel worthy of being a human and I will be happy. I maybe lonely, but I'm optimistic for the future, I have hope, and whilst I might be sad at times and at times I might cry, that doesn't make me depressed. As for me being an outsider, it's not problem and I wouldn't call myself an outsider in my social circle, maybe if I joined a My Chemical Romance cult then I'd be an outsider, I'm just me, my own man with my own views, my own feelings and my own needs, I'm no different to anyone else other than I feel/am unloved and lonely, that's all.
carhill Posted February 24, 2008 Posted February 24, 2008 Ever go to bed early even though you're not tired? Ever have a friend ring you up and listen to them asking your day was (on your machine) and not pick up the phone? Ever not care if you ate that day or not? Ever not care if you're clean and presentable when you go out in the world? Ever deviate markedly from your normal habits for an extended period of time (like weeks)? Been there, done that, was depressed. I thought myself out of the box, intellectually, a lot like John Nash battled schizophrenia in "A Beautiful Mind". It's much better to get help. It took me a number of years to beat it. One has to truly disconnect from themselves and analyze the behaviors objectively to make it work. For most, that's very hard to do. As an example, I feel lonely today, right now. I'm sitting in my mom's house (she's in an Alzheimer's facility and I'm readying her house, my birth home, for rent), my wife and I are having problems (much resulting from my mom's disease) and I'm ambivalent over feelings I've had for an old female friend. Am I depressed? No. Down? Probably. Do I feel like an outsider? Perhaps at the moment. Will it change? Yes. How? I will make it change. You can too. Just put your mind to it....
Meaplus3 Posted February 24, 2008 Posted February 24, 2008 I'm not talking about loneliness as in not having a partner and not having physical and emotional intimacy though I suffer from that, but I mean how to cure the feeling of isolation and the general feeling of being an outsider? How about a new hobby? Joining a group.. Getting involoved in an activity that really peak's your full attention? AP:)
Green Posted February 24, 2008 Posted February 24, 2008 How about a cannoe ride through the georgian wilderness
Author Hoffle Posted February 24, 2008 Author Posted February 24, 2008 How about a new hobby? Joining a group.. Getting involoved in an activity that really peak's your full attention? AP:) Yes, I have hobbies already, and I enjoy them very much, but I cannae help but feel unloveable, and I feel dejected after finding out the girl I like has a boyfriend, that part of my life is virtually non-existent and virtually dead and it's not pleasant anyhow. I have been writing letters to some pen friends of mine, which has been very nice indeed.
Author Hoffle Posted February 24, 2008 Author Posted February 24, 2008 Ever go to bed early even though you're not tired? Ever have a friend ring you up and listen to them asking your day was (on your machine) and not pick up the phone? Ever not care if you ate that day or not? Ever not care if you're clean and presentable when you go out in the world? Ever deviate markedly from your normal habits for an extended period of time (like weeks)? Been there, done that, was depressed. I thought myself out of the box, intellectually, a lot like John Nash battled schizophrenia in "A Beautiful Mind". It's much better to get help. It took me a number of years to beat it. One has to truly disconnect from themselves and analyze the behaviors objectively to make it work. For most, that's very hard to do. As an example, I feel lonely today, right now. I'm sitting in my mom's house (she's in an Alzheimer's facility and I'm readying her house, my birth home, for rent), my wife and I are having problems (much resulting from my mom's disease) and I'm ambivalent over feelings I've had for an old female friend. Am I depressed? No. Down? Probably. Do I feel like an outsider? Perhaps at the moment. Will it change? Yes. How? I will make it change. You can too. Just put your mind to it.... The things that you list have been present in my life, but only once or twice, they were never common. I will take your advice and I feel better today already.
spookie Posted February 24, 2008 Posted February 24, 2008 Sounds like you have low self esteem. Why don't you think you are loveable? Why can't you "think of a time" when you'll be in a relationship? Until you start believing that you're attractive and worthy of other people's attention, no one else will believe it, either.
spookie Posted February 24, 2008 Posted February 24, 2008 As far as the loneliness... having someone you are in love with by your side does help, but just any old relaitonship won't do. And oftentimes, even then, we are lonely. Loneliness is the human condition. I don't try to fight it anymore. Instead I fuel my creative pursuits with it. If you feel it all out when it strikes you, you're usually so exhausted that afterward, you can't feel anything.
Author Hoffle Posted February 24, 2008 Author Posted February 24, 2008 (edited) Sounds like you have low self esteem. Why don't you think you are loveable? Why can't you "think of a time" when you'll be in a relationship? Until you start believing that you're attractive and worthy of other people's attention, no one else will believe it, either. I've heard all this stuff before, it never works, I better my appearance, gain a sense of self worth, confidence and make myself more appealing and it all comes crashing around my ears when a spanner is thrown into the works. It's happened three, or four times now and it's disheartening really. Prior to this latest disaster it was two years ago that I tried to get a girl, so its not like I try often, thankfully I didn't get with her, what was I thinking, but after so many failed attempts one decides to give up, go it alone and move on with life and do all the things one wants to do in life. I'm unloveable because no one has ever taken me in their arms and said they love me, no girl has ever had deep feelings for me, no girl has ever said they've loved me, so therefore one naturally assumes he is not worthy of love and that he might be the root cause. As for me not being able to see myself with anyone, it comes down to the fact I have never had anyone to begin with, I'll probably learn to accept this as I grow older and gain the life experience and knowledge I need to know that solidarity is crippling as a youngster, but as a man it becomes easier to manage and overcome. As far as the loneliness... having someone you are in love with by your side does help, but just any old relaitonship won't do. And oftentimes, even then, we are lonely. Loneliness is the human condition. I don't try to fight it anymore. Instead I fuel my creative pursuits with it. If you feel it all out when it strikes you, you're usually so exhausted that afterward, you can't feel anything. I'm not after any old relationship, I follow my heart and not my head, that's always been my way, if my heart is fond of someone then naturally I follow it, where ever it may lead me. Fortunately, the first two attempts of mine failed, because the women are complete cretins, I was foolish, young and stupid and I still am, but that was two-three years ago, now this latest girl is completely different, but some handsome young chap is with her, so that means I have to crawl back to my cabin and lose myself in novella. Loneliness is a human condition, but it effects people in different ways and there's different types of loneliness, too. Edited February 24, 2008 by Hoffle
carhill Posted February 24, 2008 Posted February 24, 2008 Fortunately, the first two attempts of mine failed, because the women are complete cretins, I was foolish, young and stupid and I still am, but that was two-three years ago, now this latest girl is completely different, but some handsome young chap is with her, so that means I have to crawl back to my cabin and lose myself in novella. Loneliness is a human condition, but it effects people in different ways and there's different types of loneliness, too. Have you considered writing? Great stuff. I see a movie in there. Hugh Grant would be perfect. Seriously, I'll have to go read about this latest girl. Handsome chaps aren't always what they're cracked up to be. I'm unloveable because no one has ever taken me in their arms and said they love me, no girl has ever had deep feelings for me, no girl has ever said they've loved me, so therefore one naturally assumes he is not worthy of love and that he might be the root cause. Just so you're aware, there are people in your position who feel loveable; it comes from within. I felt that way for many years. Conversely, there are also those who have been "taken into someones arms" and told they were loved that don't feel worthy of love. Someone very close to me has shared this reality and it has been with her for all her life. It was and is a major stumbling block in our relationship as friends and why we likely would never move the relationship to a different level, even if it was possible. She can't wrap herself around "believing" me, nor anyone else, it appears, preferring to have what she calls "convenient relationships". Very complex subject and likely better discussed with a professional psychologist...
Author Hoffle Posted February 28, 2008 Author Posted February 28, 2008 Have you considered writing? Great stuff. I see a movie in there. Hugh Grant would be perfect. Seriously, I'll have to go read about this latest girl. Handsome chaps aren't always what they're cracked up to be. Just so you're aware, there are people in your position who feel loveable; it comes from within. I felt that way for many years. Conversely, there are also those who have been "taken into someones arms" and told they were loved that don't feel worthy of love. Someone very close to me has shared this reality and it has been with her for all her life. It was and is a major stumbling block in our relationship as friends and why we likely would never move the relationship to a different level, even if it was possible. She can't wrap herself around "believing" me, nor anyone else, it appears, preferring to have what she calls "convenient relationships". Very complex subject and likely better discussed with a professional psychologist... Lmao, I wouldn't bother this girl is old news, I have moved on, no point moping about spilled milk is there? There's plenty more girls out there to knock me back, ridicule me and reject me like some doggy do on their shoes. I know all about that, but that's the way I feel, I'd rather not feel the way the way I do, but that's life, I'm sure with age will come maturity, self respect, confidence, dignity and self worth and a proportion of realism and down to earth behaviour patterns, if it doesn't happen, I need to be shot.
RecordProducer Posted March 2, 2008 Posted March 2, 2008 I'm not talking about loneliness as in not having a partner and not having physical and emotional intimacy though I suffer from that, but I mean how to cure the feeling of isolation and the general feeling of being an outsider? You feel like an outsider, because you're different from your peers. I have the same problem. You need to find people like yourself. We all have traits that other people have too, but not too many people have more than one or two traits in common with us. How will you find these people? I don't know you enough to tell, but you WILL find them. We spend our lives waiting for someone or something to happen, so we might as well learn how to live while isolated and have fun with ourselves. Work on your own imporvement and the rest will come. Don't be frsutrated and impatient. In the meanwhile, open up to those who are not the right company for you; you might be surprised.
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