route1 Posted February 23, 2008 Posted February 23, 2008 guys serious am i going mad?? short version. i was with my girl for 3 1/2 years. i finished the relationship beacuse i was not in love with her. and she always wanted to get married what i was not willing to give her. now i broke up with her in august time. then few weeks later after 3 weeks nc and a lot of guilt and doubting my descion we begin contact again. and i start to feel normal again while in contact with her. she then asks me back and i say no. so then she says she can not be in contact way me again. so some more nc. were i once again doubt myself again. then we get talking again for some more weeks maybe a month. so i start to feel ok again. she asks me back one more time and i say no this time once again i doubt myself and feel so much regret and wonder what did do. but then she rings one day and has accepted we are just friends so we do the friends thing which was fine till she started really moving on and talking to other guys on the phone that really upset me but i did not say because i rejected her them times she was right to move on. it seems when she is not about i get really down and cant seem to move on even tho i turned down the chance to go bqack with her so many time. last contact was wed night i said to her that we were holding each other back from moving on. she was happy to accept this because i truly believe she has moved on now. why can i not i mope about feeling sorry for myself i hate it. i no now i have no choice because even if i did want to go back. ( which i only seem to want to when we are not in contact. but when i have her and no she likes me i reject her.) now maybe karma as rightly so she is making a life for herself has came back to bite me. am i selfish? why am i scared of not having her around? but when she was i turned the chance down. serious guys don blast me for this. i am very confused i hate this and want to put these feelings to bed once and for all.
amaysngrace Posted February 23, 2008 Posted February 23, 2008 You said you aren't in love with her. That's really important. You miss having someone in your life. And that someone was her. She filled up a void for you. She gave you someone to talk to. Really you just miss having a person in your life, not necessarily her. So you are panicked at the thought of being alone. But if you care about her at all you'd wish her to be happy. I'm sure she'd rather have someone who wants her around because she is who she is than a guy who keeps her to fill a void of feeling lonely. And basically that's just what she is to you.
Author route1 Posted February 23, 2008 Author Posted February 23, 2008 i no what your saying is right i will let her move on and get on with things. maybe i am just scared of being on my own. she is a reallly good girl and i treated her well she bacame special to me in the end. she would have died for me. i just want to be happy and glad that shes moved on but i also do to. i got used to her and miss her company. but if we were talking on the phone it fell like everything is ok. i would no nesicarilly have to see her. awwwww i hate mesel at the minute i just want life to b normal. i am in the middle of a computer course and cant concentrate prob because of all this.
amaysngrace Posted February 23, 2008 Posted February 23, 2008 Wish her well then. It's better for her and it's better for you this way. If you really wanted her in your life so badly you'd have accepted her offerings of being with her. You didn't. You didn't want her then but now you do. It sounds like you want what you don't have but when you have it you don't want it. If you wanted it so badly it would have worked. You'd have made it work. You didn't because your heart wasn't in it. So trust your heart. You made the right decision to let her go.
Author route1 Posted February 23, 2008 Author Posted February 23, 2008 thank you for not being to harsh on me. just one more question? is it normall to feel sad sometimes i get rather down too? you answer5s are very helpful i was just wondering could you tell me why i feel sad at the minute?
amaysngrace Posted February 23, 2008 Posted February 23, 2008 is it normall to feel sad sometimes i get rather down too? Yes I think it is completely normal. You've been with her for over three years. That's a long time. And most people grieve when they lose someone they care about in any capacity. It's like you lose a part of yourself. Then you are also left with the fear of what lies ahead. Change. A life without her in it and it can be scary. It's the unknown. Just trust in yourself that everything is gonna be alright. You made a decision. In everything you said so far, it seems like you made the right one for you. You didn't love her and you didn't want her. Now you need to be okay with that.
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