paladin1 Posted February 23, 2008 Posted February 23, 2008 14 days of NC after a 4.5 year relationship; the long involved story posted elsewhere if anyone wants some background. Now facing a conundrum. One of the things we did together on occasion is play World of Warcraft online. On Sunday nights; we got together with other real life friends in a 5 man group to play; myself, her, my brother, a friend of mine and his work buddy. Have played without her showing up at all for the past couple weeks...alternately hoping/dreading her coming on. Now this situation. Got a text tonight, first one since the breakup, stating she would be online this Sunday "if we still wanted to group with her". I have not responded; and am...incredibly, horribly torn. What do I do? I have thus far done NC well; but am terrified about what I'll say if I go online with her...or what she'll say to me. I have not done the pleading/begging thing yet... However, I enjoyed playing with her and...honestly...would love to see her if only breifly. I'm very torn over what to do; avoid it altogether? Go online? Silly, I know...but I really need some advice and help on this one. On a brief aside; the notes and advice I've seen on all these posts has been a lifeline to keep me strong at this time. Thank you all for sharing and letting me know I'm not alone in how I'm feeling.
wyrllish Posted February 23, 2008 Posted February 23, 2008 Well I haven't read your back story yet but my ex and I too played WoW I actually got her into the game and we would always play together. I will say after we broke up it was nice to have her message me in game. She would always be the one who sent me a message, asking how I am, she misses me, we never talk anymore, what have I been up to, along with general chit chat and jks. Hearing her talk about going out or what she might be doing in her life was hard to hear. Anyway, it was nice I will admit that...but it didn't really do anything for me in the long run. Yes I had those brief moments where I got to talk to her but it never brought us closer, which is what I want down the road. It got to the point where she would only message me in the game, texting/calling started to slowly decrease. Since then I just canceled my account, maybe she will miss me just being out of another part of her life. You will be breaking NC if you talk to her in game though. If I was in your situation I would personally go on and just have fun, don't break down at all though. Most would say stay NC and avoid contact all together I believe or politely say you have other plans.
xpaperxcutx Posted February 23, 2008 Posted February 23, 2008 Okay, on a personal note I hate the game, it was one of the reasons I broke up with my ex. But in your situation I wouldn't even consider breaking NC over it. IT'S NOT WORTH IT. The whole purpose of NC in the first place is for emotional healing from your ex, and I don't see how playing WOW with her would in any way benefit you and your self esteem. Let it go. You can miss a session or two.
Author paladin1 Posted February 23, 2008 Author Posted February 23, 2008 Wyrllish; I understand that...I actually got her into it too, and part of me regrets it! I'm sure it is simply missing playing the game...not me, as I have gotten no other messages other than that text...despite my perhaps minor hope that it is more. And I also agree, xpaperxcutx that missing a session or two would not be a problem and logging on would not help the healing process... but a small part of me wonders; she knows that I log on regularly on Sunday nights. By avoiding going online this Sunday; am I not basically saying that she has the power to affect me to the point where I cannot do something I normally do just because she is there? Would it be better to go on, be cordial and business like, and reject any attempt at conversation with her asking her to concentrate on the game if she tries? Mulling this over alot today... got until 18:00 CST tomorrow to figure it out.
sedona Posted February 24, 2008 Posted February 24, 2008 Don't do it. What good could you possibly come of contact with her in this game? Just getting your hopes raised and dashed. After all, if she wants to talk to you about your relationship, then she can always call you and talk to you about it! That leaves you with 2 choices. 1) Don't log on and don't play. Maybe she'll take the hint and drop it herself. Or 2) Send her a brief answer saying that you'd prefer her not to play and that you hope she understands. After all, it sounds like the group is more "yours" than "hers", seeing as how your brother and friends are in it. If she wants to continue playing, then she should find a new group. Good luck to you!
Sadcakesleo Posted February 24, 2008 Posted February 24, 2008 Don't do it, I don't know what happened but it sounds like you haven't made any of the mistakes we all are making (crying,pleading,begging)Which is great. But if you allow her to join then it will screw with your head. The fact that your torn about it shows that you are still not ready for contact. I would try to suck it up and text her back saying that you are busy and wont be on but your welcome to play with the group. That will do 2 things for you. It will show you what her motives are. If she doesn't then she was just using it as a way to contact you and it will allow you to keep nc without being a jerk about it. In time you might be able to play with her but for now I would resist it.Good luck, you definitely are doing better than I currently am
eagle5 Posted February 24, 2008 Posted February 24, 2008 Def don't do it, it will only make the pain last longer. If you've managed this far then keep nc going.
Author paladin1 Posted February 25, 2008 Author Posted February 25, 2008 Well; I did it. Got another text asking if I was going to be on line; politely replied that I had been somewhat busy; had not been online often lately; and was not sure if I would be, but that I was sure that everyone else would be happy to see her if she came on. She replied that she hoped to see me on, but if not "maybe next time". I didn't respond, and didn't go online...which was very very hard. Found out later she had come on for 45 minutes or so then logged off. Though I suppose I technically broke NC by replying to her text breifly; I think avoiding going online with her was the bigger victory. Thoughts?
Sadcakesleo Posted February 26, 2008 Posted February 26, 2008 good job man, I know you feel better after that and believe me you did the right thing. That is a pretty big step that even I have not taken and it will only benefit you in the long run. You accomplished 3 things with your reply, 1.you casually contacted her with no drama 2.you indirectly told her that your life hasn't stopped by saying you were busy 3.were mature in the fact that you said it was ok to play with your group. I have a feeling that she won't be playing anymore or asking you. The fact that she was only on 45 min after making a deal of the situation was so she can spend time with you. You immediately cut that off. Good for you, may we all be strong like you. p.s. I would not consider that real contact since nothing was said and no emotions were felt.
Author paladin1 Posted February 29, 2008 Author Posted February 29, 2008 Thanks Sadcakes; heh though if this is "strong" I'm not seeing it...gotta say this is a constant daily struggle in many many ways. This weekend is going to be the worst of all, thus far...she is going on a 5 day vacation with her new man; from what I hear. We always had a love for travel together.... Thanks to all repliers for the strength to do what was best...and for the continued encouragement. You all are the reason I have managed to keep the NC up, and the reason I was able to not break it that time.
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