lbj123 Posted February 23, 2008 Posted February 23, 2008 Apologies in advance that this is long... Last weekend I went out of town to visit family, and I have a good guy friend who lives in the area I was visiting so we made plans to get together while I was in town. He's the son of a very good friend of my father and I've known him a long time. We always have a blast together, talk openly and candidly, and I should note that he is very attractive, but we have never been anything more than platonic. I never really considered being romatically involved, but this weekend while we were together, out of nowhere I started to feel feelings for him that I never even knew were there. We had a wonderful weekend together, and I couldn't shake these feelings of excitement and giddiness, comfort between us and a desire to explore being more than just friends. Nothing physical happened, but I could sense a mutual feeling between us. I returned home, and in this week, we have been speaking non stop. I find myself looking forward to hearing from him and picturing us really working together. It's weird to discover these feelings after knowing someone for so long. He confessed to me that he has had feelings for me for a long time (I never knew), but never thought I felt the same way. The things he's said to me in his week have been so beautiful and caring, and he's fully let me know how much he wants to give "us" a shot. I'm confident that we both think there is a possibility for us as more than friends. A couple of things are holding me back... 1) our families being so close and connected makes things complicated. I was in a previous long term relationship that didnt end well where our parents were friendly (not even super close like me and this guy's parents are) which resulted in a lot of awkwardness and an eventual complete end to our parents' friendship. I would never want to create problems between my parents and their friends should things not work out between me and this guy. 2) He is very, very handsome and sexy and cool, smart and fun and talented...but he tends to have low self esteem, and because we are good friends, its something he talks about openly with me. I myself tend to suffer from self esteem and appearance issues (which he knows about), but, and hypocritical as it may sound, I want the guy I am with to be ultra condifent in himself. I desire a man who is confident in taking charge in the bedroom and who looks great but doesn't obsess about looks in a stereotypical "girly" kind of way (the way I tend to be!) I wonder how sex would be with a guy who is insecure about his body (although insecure for no reason bc he really does look great). We've never even kissed...I keep alternating between "oh my goodness, I can actually invision us as being such a great fit and so loving and supportive of each other, so in sync, so equally silly and child-like, so someone who I could spend endless amounts of time with and never grow tired of..." and the other side of "we've never even kissed and I can forsee my having to initiate the first kiss which kind of bothers me...he lives in another state, and as a result of my past marriage, I worry about getting involved with someone who is way TOO similar to me in terms of upbringing and values and life experiences". I just don't know how to proceed...how to really and truly understand my feelings. Any advice on deciding whether or not you should take a leap? I do know that he makes me happy...but I am scared about getting involved in a complicated situation... thanks everyone!!!
Ebeleptik38 Posted February 23, 2008 Posted February 23, 2008 I hope this is some kind of help, I really don't know what to really say. You seem to know exactly what you want and don't want. All I can suggest is that you never know with every new opportunity that you jump into. It could just work out perfectly or it can just fizzle out later on and become another learning experience. Would it kill you to not ever know where it might end up if you never take this opportunity? Or would it kill you more to take a chance and it possibly go wrong? Me personally, I like to live in the moment... and go for things, but thats just me. Sorry if my reply just seems like the tug-o-war that's going on in your head :/ Maybe just feel it out a little longer, if any red flags come up...trust your gut feeling and then do what feels right, whichever way it goes.
xpaperxcutx Posted February 23, 2008 Posted February 23, 2008 From my point of view, I think that you need to take a step back and evaluate the points that are holding you back. Right now what you're feeling is quite possibly deep infatuation which almost always occurs at the beginning. Eventually it will die down. I'm not saying that you shouldn't give it a try; not knowing what could've been is the worst. But really consider whether what you're feeling now for the guy could last for the long term aspect of it.
Author lbj123 Posted February 23, 2008 Author Posted February 23, 2008 Thank you for your replies. I think I am feeling so scared of getting hurt or of making a mess (especially for my family) that it is getting in the way of just letting myself give in to my feelings. I (as usual) am trying to look into the future and trying to see what will come of this, when I genuinely have no idea what the future holds. How can I let go of those habits? How can I go about stopping myself from over thinking things?
marlena Posted February 23, 2008 Posted February 23, 2008 I'd go for out it definitely! It sounds like it has potential!! Never mind about your parents. They are adults. They can deal with it. As to his insecurities, hell, who isn't insecure to one degree or another? He might surprise you even. Actually, better a man with some measure of modesty than a conceited, flex-the-muscle, worship -me type!!! Besides, you can build up condifence in bed. It just takes time, patience and trusting your partner. Stop over-analysing this and just let it happen!
Author lbj123 Posted February 23, 2008 Author Posted February 23, 2008 I know, marlena, you're totally right! It's a new situation for me that I've never been in...going from friends to more than friends. Ever been in that situation? It's funny...we already know each so well, but all of the sudden I feel like I'm discovering him in a whole new way.
marlena Posted February 23, 2008 Posted February 23, 2008 No, not really, lbj. Just relax and let things take their own course. There is no need to stress over this. The man sounds above-board.
Author lbj123 Posted February 23, 2008 Author Posted February 23, 2008 Marlena, whats your update on the guy you work with? I'm dying to know!
marlena Posted February 23, 2008 Posted February 23, 2008 Oh, OK! He asked me out one more time and I refused because he was acting like a fifty-year old Don Juan one day in the staff room, so I said to myself,"Marlena, do you want this? He's only good for one thing." Which would have been fine with me but not from my work place. So, I decided against it! Actually, it might teach the guy some humility (but I doubt it)! However, your guy sounds stable and nice. I think you should relax and not force it. Just let things take their own course. Don't get your hopes up to high but allow yourself to be happy over it. Go on with your life as always and don't dwell on it too much. Just let it unfold naturally and at its own pace. Personally, I think a friendship is a perfect way to start a relationship.
Author lbj123 Posted February 23, 2008 Author Posted February 23, 2008 Well...you gave it a go and then nipped it in the bud...sucks for him!
marlena Posted February 23, 2008 Posted February 23, 2008 Well...you gave it a go and then nipped it in the bud...sucks for him! That's the whole trick! Nipping something "bad" in the bud. Not even allowing it to go any further. Like a lot of people say, a person shows you who he is right from the start. All you have to do is listen. But your guy sounds nice.
D-Lish Posted February 23, 2008 Posted February 23, 2008 That's the whole trick! Nipping something "bad" in the bud. Not even allowing it to go any further. Like a lot of people say, a person shows you who he is right from the start. All you have to do is listen. But your guy sounds nice. Now that's advice to take to heart. Nipping something in the bud when you know it's only going to lead nowhere. I am glad people are still posting- infomercials aren't keeping me company. I say you start with a kiss. You can learn a lot from a kiss. When I first meet a new guy, I judge the chemistry level by imagining whether or not I can envision myself kissing them. I think it's too late for you to turn back anyway- despite some of your misgivings. By the sounds of your post, you are way too excited about him to walk away without exploring what might come out of this. Worry about you and him- not your families. He sounds nice....and you have a lot of positive things to say about him. Because you know him so well, I think you are thinking too much about the "what if's". Everyone has insecurities. If you like a take charge kind of guy- it seems like you have a close enough relationship with him to let him know that. He might surprise you. I have dated a lamb who was a lion in the bedroom. You never know. Give it a whirl. I think you have more to gain by trying than you have to lose by not trying.
Author lbj123 Posted February 23, 2008 Author Posted February 23, 2008 Thanks D! Glad you're still posting too...can't sleep! So, this should be interesting for me...first time taking friendship to a new level and first time getting involved with someone LD. On another note, this new situation between us is def helping to steer my attention away from my ex who I was having a hard time moving on from.
D-Lish Posted February 23, 2008 Posted February 23, 2008 There's no better remedy to getting over someone than by finding excitement with someone new. I still think you are a bit too far involved to turn back. I can just tell by what you have to say that your curiousity outweighs your misgivings. Meh, just go with the flow.
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