4givrnt4gtr Posted February 23, 2008 Posted February 23, 2008 So, last time i wrote here I said i was gonna try to come to my SO with my concerns before anything else. But, now i wonder if my concern is worth bringing up. It bothers me, but im not sure if it bothers me because of my insecurities or because its not normal for this to happen. My concern is...well, my question is this. Is it normal to not hang out with your SO during the weekend if you're able to? As in, well maybe i just got the wrong idea of how relationships are SUPPOSED to be, but I always figured that when you have a bf, and friday nights roll around, you have a sure date. Like...when you're in a relationship, the friday nights alone with your cat...are good and gone. Am i right about that? Tonight was my best friend's bday. I told my SO that it was and that this weekend I would be going out of the city with my girlfriends. Well the plans changed so, when my SO aimed me at work, i asked him what his plans were for the weekend. He said something about being home tonight, game tomorrow, not much sunday. I then let him know I wasnt gonna be going anywhere this weekend after all. His response was "oh, ok" . I thought he would ask me to hang out with him sometime, but he didnt. That bothered me. But i wonder if it should and should i bring it up, or get a reality check and realize we dont HAVE to be together at all available times. I mean, he calls me every day, contacts me one way or the other. Last nite we made plans to go to a nice restaurant sometime soon (although we didnt make definite plans). So, that leads me to believe is not that he is losing interests, but if so, then why would you not want to make plans for the weekend with your SO?? is it normal??? as you can tell this is my first relationship and its totally tripping me....we've been dating almost 9 months, so...any enlightment...do tell. thank you! and thank you all who've read my posts before for all the pacience!
xpaperxcutx Posted February 23, 2008 Posted February 23, 2008 Okay calm down. First of all, no you shouldn't overreact that he didn't ask you to go over there. You were the one who first told him that you had plans so he saw this weekend as a time for him to relax. Not all relationships require that you're required to hang out with your SO whenever you're free. That's like being siamese twins joined at the hips.
Author 4givrnt4gtr Posted February 23, 2008 Author Posted February 23, 2008 Okay calm down. First of all, no you shouldn't overreact that he didn't ask you to go over there. You were the one who first told him that you had plans so he saw this weekend as a time for him to relax. Not all relationships require that you're required to hang out with your SO whenever you're free. That's like being siamese twins joined at the hips. thanks I just wished i wasnt so....a. clueless, b. insecured...i really wish i could afford therapy, bc i know these feelings will always come back, no matter who im with.
xpaperxcutx Posted February 23, 2008 Posted February 23, 2008 thanks I just wished i wasnt so....a. clueless, b. insecured...i really wish i could afford therapy, bc i know these feelings will always come back, no matter who im with. It's okay to fee insecurities, it's what makes us human. The best way to go about things is knowing that when we make mistakes, we can learn from them. And if you feel you need therapeutic help, I recommend you check out some self help or self improvement books first. They might have what you're looking for. They're a much bigger help then having another person scrutinize your every thought and movement.
Author 4givrnt4gtr Posted February 23, 2008 Author Posted February 23, 2008 It's okay to fee insecurities, it's what makes us human. The best way to go about things is knowing that when we make mistakes, we can learn from them. And if you feel you need therapeutic help, I recommend you check out some self help or self improvement books first. They might have what you're looking for. They're a much bigger help then having another person scrutinize your every thought and movement. Ya ive done the self help books...tbh it hasnt helped as much as Id like. I know its not him bc all my friends who know him always tell me to calm down and stop being so paranoid and insecured. That he is a great guy and loves me. He might not be perfect, but he's proven himself over and over. Books have helped me a LOT but there's still a lot of anxiety...its tiring.
xpaperxcutx Posted February 23, 2008 Posted February 23, 2008 Ya ive done the self help books...tbh it hasnt helped as much as Id like. I know its not him bc all my friends who know him always tell me to calm down and stop being so paranoid and insecured. That he is a great guy and loves me. He might not be perfect, but he's proven himself over and over. Books have helped me a LOT but there's still a lot of anxiety...its tiring. Listen to your friends on this one, since they know him. As for your anxiety, it might be stress related. Take a time off to pamper yourself and buy some candles to help you relax. A soothing atmosphere can help alot.
Els Posted February 23, 2008 Posted February 23, 2008 Why didn't you just ask him if he wanted to meet up?
Author 4givrnt4gtr Posted February 23, 2008 Author Posted February 23, 2008 Why didn't you just ask him if he wanted to meet up? Honestly? because ive been feeling like Im spoiling him. Im making things way too easy for him. I often ask if we are gonna be hanging out during the weekend, or I would come up with ideas for us to do. He agrees to all of it, and enjoys it, but I feel like now he is expecting me to make the dates and the plans and I dont want that. He does ask me to come over quite often too, but its more like "lets hang out/watch tv/eat leftovers" type of come over, and its usually very last minute. As in, he would call me and ask me if im doing anything that night, and if im not he asks me to come over if i want. So...thats why i didnt ask...I want him to ask me, I want him to make plans with nme and carry them thru.... thats why
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