tatur Posted February 23, 2008 Posted February 23, 2008 hello me and my girlfriend have been going out for about a year now and for thats like 7 months we have always been fighting well night fighting just bickering over the smallest of things i would say somthing and she would get annoyed and bicker or she would say somthing and i would get annoyed , we had many differences in the beggining and i have bent over backwards to make her happy but she has done maybe 2 things to change for me and im just really tired of the fighting i love her so much and i just think are relation **** would be 100% better without the arguing is there anything i can do or she can do ? please help
smileinyoursleep08 Posted February 23, 2008 Posted February 23, 2008 hey, my x bf and i dated for 2 and half years and for the last few months all we did was fight, over anything and then one day he said that its over becuase we dont get along anymore,.... so it just died slowly and i hate to say it but that might be what ur's is doing... i wish he would have given us another chance but he didnt.... maybe date other people for sometime, then come back to it and see if it works out...people change over time
Author tatur Posted February 23, 2008 Author Posted February 23, 2008 its not that we are slowing dieing apart we will bicker for like a little bit and then we will be ok again and we love each still and everything but its just that we will bicker over stupid stuff for no reason and if ppl ask if we fight all the time we say oh yeah all the time and joke around about it and would liek to just stop and i dont want to be the one that just changes completely to make things right how can i make it so we both agree to change ?
xpaperxcutx Posted February 24, 2008 Posted February 24, 2008 I'm not too sure, but she might be unconsciously trying to start fights to give her a reason to break up with you. Do you get the sense that she's unhappy with you?
Ashbash Posted February 24, 2008 Posted February 24, 2008 Maybe she doesn't realize it's tearing your relationship apart? You should talk to her and tell her that you can't take the fighting much longer. Maybe you should take a break or give each other some space so she can figure out if she really wants to be with you or not...maybe she is taking you for granted and just doesn't realize it or maybe you just need to end it. A relationship should not consist of several fights, even if they are small and don't last that long, you should spend more time enjoying each other...And you can't be the only one trying to make things better and you need to tell her that. If she doesn't do her part and try to make your relationship better, then you need to move on...
gfto Posted February 24, 2008 Posted February 24, 2008 constant arguing is a symptom of low interest on her part. say goodbye and get a new girlfriend.
mortensorchid Posted February 25, 2008 Posted February 25, 2008 What exactly are you fighting about? I need an example.
Walk Posted February 25, 2008 Posted February 25, 2008 One of the things I noticed in your post was that you said she's only changed 2 things to make you happy. I wonder if she would say the same thing? I ask because many times when people argue a lot, they tend to develop a negative out look on their partner. Statements such as "he's selfish" or "She never tries to make me happy". Negative statements that color the partner as someone who is bad in general. Whereas, couples with a healthier out look may state that their partner has a bad habit or behavior that annoys them, but they still see their partner as a good person. They have an overall outlook on their partner that is more positive. I obviously don't know the full dynamics of your relationship, but is it possible that the two of you are trapped in a negative cycle of seeing each other in a negative light? If so, there are ways you can change that. You love each other, so there are many positive qualities in both of you. Could each of you make a pack to highlight those more? If their habit annoys you, then talk about the habit, not how the person doesn't do anything for you. If you're upset that your gf doesn't want you to go out with your friends, then discuss that issue. Not that she's a selfish person who won't change to make you happy. Basically, I'm wondering if the problem lies in how the two of you discuss the problems. If you two are busy pointing fingers at the other, then the issues won't get resolved. The less issues that are resolved the more arguments are going to occur since nothing was resolved in the first place. If your resolution to things is to forget it and kiss and make up, then the little resentments are going to pop up over and over. I think you need a new method of discussing problems with your gf. And keep the issue to the behavior that caused the problem. Your partner is not a bad person, discuss the behavior that upsets you, without allowing your frustration/annoyance to color entire person as bad.
Author tatur Posted February 28, 2008 Author Posted February 28, 2008 ok so i confronted my girlfriend about the slowing destroying relationship and we wrote down all the things that bother us i had her read these replys to show her what ppl are saying and she didnt really like them and the ones saying to get rid of her really gave her a kick into reality and she agreed to change and refused to let me change she said i have done to much already but im still gona change without telling her. tonight i asked her to do somthing for me i asked her to ask her mom somthing and it would take 1 minutes to aks and she got what she said "aggrivated" and i said it was nothing to get pissy over and i needed to know the answer rather quickly to know if i had to go buy stuff now or later what can i do to make her happy >.<
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