Cruel and Nasty dumpees

[casey001]

Whats really bugging me is that he treated me like crap (especially toward the end) and now is totally happy with someone else

I dont like to lose either but i just feel like a misrable piece of dirt while him and his new gf live this great new life

Ive been through hell for the last 2 months while he is happier than ever

I clung onto the hope that she woud dump him but she is really into him and their so happy

He didn't shed one tear over me Yet mine flow every single day

I feel so worthless, he won fair and square!

Ive also lost a few good friends due to the stuff he told them about me

He forwarded on txts messages of mine when we were in an argument (so they weren't nice) to all our friends and told them all this horrible stuff about me. So now they don't like me and think hes a goddess

Note: this argument was bought on by him and was 'conviently' on a topic I was very upset over.

 

I still don't understand tho becasue sometimes he could be so lovely

And im far from perfect so maybe I did bring it all on myself like he said!

I really dont know!

I am so lonely now Life is hard especially knowing the man i still love is happy and in love with someone else and knows im a total wreck

 

How do i keep my head up and get through his!?? I hate the fact that he has turned friends against me :mad: I miss them and want to talk to them but they hate me and believe him 100%

I dont know what to do

 

 

 

Yes, I agree. That is narcissistic behavior.

 

My bf treated me like crap and turned very cold and blamed me when I confronted him. The relationship is now over, and I have been reading about narcissists. He has many of the traits.

[SpanksTheMonkey]

Hey all

 

I have recently been dumped (well 2 months ago).

My x who I was with for 2 years made some mistakes (such as compromising emails and constant txts to other girls) which I found out about. When i confronted him he was VERY angry and me and managed to blame me all the time. He was very cold and nasty about it.

 

Anyway we moved past that (well I decided to patch things up) Then he dumped me, and had a new gf the following day. I now have reason to believe she came along before hand. Anyway since dumping me he has been unbelievebly COLD, MEAN, RUDE, NASTY, CRUEL and blamed me. He refuses to talk to me anymore and rubs this new girl in my face even tho he knows I was devestated about it. He told others I cheated on him and I wasn't going to let the realtionship work and that I treated him like dirt and thats why he dumped me. (which is 100% untrue)

 

I have never been treated so poorly and I seriously did not do anything wrong. (By that i mean im not the perfect girlfriend but i NEVER cheated or bad mouthed him and I put up with alot and always tried to make it work)

 

So my main question is why do they act so nasty and cruel and blame us?

My ex partner always had an annoying habbit of blaming me for things (or not setting stories straight) just so he wouldn't look bad.

He not only did this to me but to the other ex gfnd aswell.

 

I have noticed some stories on here where the dumpee is extremelly nasty and cruel about it and I was hoping you could share your stories with me or offer some insite into why they do this?!

 

Thanks!!!!!!!!!!!!

I think its usually the ones who have already replaced you before the break up or at least think they have that are the real nasty ones.

 

Why simple your no longer needed your now just extra baggage in the way of their new gf/bf and no one likes that in the end.

 

Plus I think they have prob already gotten over the grieving process them selves.

 

Because for them the relationship has already been over for a while they just didn't bother to tell you.

[carhill]

Ya i have done the NC thing but theres not much point as he hates me and wont talk to me anyway!

 

Just in case this hasn't been touched upon, NC has nothing to do with him or how he feels; it's simply a logical decision process not to initiate nor respond to any contact with an X. The purpose is IMO to "distance" oneself from the relationship consistently, both in deed (the actual act of contact) as well as thought (thinking about contacting).

 

Even if you say he won't talk to you, you have to admit you've had thoughts about trying something to get him to talk to you. The mere process of stating his position here tells me you have. That's not "bad", it's just reality, and that's what NC is, weaning oneself off the emotional bond. It's like a drug.

 

Looks like you've get the rest figured out pretty good. I didn't mean to be minimalistic, but I've been sick recently so didn't feel like verbose responses.

 

Good luck!

Edited February 24, 2008 by carhill

[mistie03]

This might give you some info into narcissistic personality:

http://groups.msn.com/NARCISSISTICPERSONALITYDISORDER

 

Also the website I got that other info in my last post is called DangerousLiasons.com

 

Hope it helps you! Sorry you are dealing with that.

Since the breakup with my bf that happened right around the holidays, I came to realize that he is a narcissist. I have done a lot of reading on that website. It is very informative and let me know that I wasn't crazy and it's not me -- IT'S HIM. My ex-bf is an empty shell of a person. He's not capable of loving anyone. He has a total lack of empathy and very high blaming behavior.

 

Here are some of the characteristics of a narcissist:

 

1. An exaggerated or grandiose sense of self-importance that isn't supported in reality.

 

2. A preoccupation with fantasies or extraordinary success, wealth, power, beauty, and love.

 

3. A belief that he/she is special and unique and can only be understood by other special people.

 

4. An intense need for admiration (narcissistic supply).

 

5. A sense of entitlement.

 

6. A tendency to exploit others without guilt or remorse.

 

7. An absence of meaningful empathy.

 

8. A tendency to be envious or to assume that he/she is the object of others' envy.

 

9. An arrogant attitude.

 

This is not your fault, Casey001. All narcissists follow a process when they meet someone. In a new relationship, they are wonderful. Then, they begin a process called "Devalue & Discard". They slowly find fault with you and stay until they cannot extract anymore narcissistic supply from you. They discard people off-handedly without any empathy or remorse. In fact, they will blame you for the demise of the relationship. They are usually highly offended when you call them on their behavior.

[PinkRibbon]

:mad:Thanks Taramere,

 

In the last few months of our relationship it always became about who won and who didn't.

And yes he did used to tell lies to others or not set things straight just so he wouldn't look bad. There was a long phase of all his friends hating me because un resolved rumours and he never did a thing about it. It was always a competition to get people to like him better than me! He almost seemed to enjoy people hating me!?

But then he could also be really sweet if he wanted to! He would always tell me how much he loved me and give me little compliments all the time. (this was mainly during the 1st year, then he changed)

I just don't understand who he really is

The break up was so unbelievebly cruel and he did and said things that will scar me for life!

Its stupid but even after he treated me so bad I really still love and miss him Tho I wish I didn't He hates me now and wont talk to me and constantly goes on about how happy he is with his new gf over his internet pages. He reeeeeeeally ripped my heart out when he did this and he knew it yet felt no remorse or guilt, he couldn't have cared less.

 

Im glad to hear im normal and healthy for not understanding all this!

I kinda wish I did tho! Im totally heartbroken!

 

PinkRibbon: My heart REALLY goes out to you Ive been following your story and im so sorry :mad: :mad: I dont really know if I can say anything to make it better, but im always reading ur posts and crying tears with you

 

 

Wow that sounds so much like my husband!! It is scary that there is more than one of him. He would do the same things with his friends and I. I found out a couple of times that for example we would be asked out to dinner and he would tell them that we couldn't because I had plans or I had something else to do when he would never even ask me about dinner. So here these people think I don't want to be around them and he never mentioned word 1 about dinner.

 

My "favorite" had to be when ever we went with his friends someone he would always have to be the center of attention and to do this he would making little "jokes" about me and little snide remarks but then add a laugh in with the remark. So everyone thought he was so cute and funny.

 

I don't get these people. But I guess we are not supposed to. I feel for you also because I know how it feels to be treated like this for so long and then to be dumped last last weeks trash so they can be "happy" with someone else.

[casey001]

:mad:Im so sorry pinkribbon

 

Does your husband also act like its all your fault?

My ex said I treated him like dirt and I was just with him for attention. He made all these comments that breaking up with my was a huge weight off his shoulders

Maybe I did treat him like dirt? I dont know. I would feel horrible if I did

I must really have been awful if dumping me was a huge weight off his shoulders

I still cant believe what has happened He was soo sweet someimes and even bordered on obsesed with me! He would make comments like 'I will kill myself if I ever did anything to hurt you'. Then he goes an does this .

 

I miss my old friends I cant even try and get them back as they believe him and think im horrible If I tried to get them back it would just make me look even more stupid than I already do

I hate how him and all our old friends are all so happy now and acting like I dragged them down when I was around They act like I never even exsisted.

And here I am an absolute wreck with no bf and minus alot of friends

I feel terrible

 

I HATE it when people say he was able to replace me so easily as he went through the grieving process already Its not like he was crying, unable to eat or sleep. He never once shed a tear over me .

Its probably true but I hate hearing it! Makes him sound like he actually had a heart and some emotion to grieve and that makes it so much harder for me to hate him or get over him

 

And thanks mistie03 for your reply. He does have alot of those traits!! It said he is never capable of loving someone but i truley do believe he did love me. He was obsessed with me and clung to me! Is that a trait? Ahh i have no idea why I still dwell on this but he really hurt me and I really loved him

 

I wish I could make everything better

I really miss him (crazy i know)

And I still think this is my fault as he used to be so sweet and im far from perfect

Help! I dont know what to do!

Edited February 24, 2008 by casey001

[joybean72]

The funny thing is about theses people is that they DO NOT change. They do not take responsibility for their own behavior, so the pattern repeats itself in every relationship they get in to. Casey...they may seem happy now, but it's all new. She doesn't know the "real" him yet...she will learn eventually. The problem with my husband started when I started calling him out on his bullsh#t and started setting my OWN boundaries...for my own sanity! Once he realized that his little manipulations & lies weren't going to fly with me anymore...he HAD to get rid of me, because I had him pegged. He had to move on to another naive woman....although the one he is living with now is just as bad as he is. So now I'm just getting myself together again. I'll just kick back, grab a bowl of popcorn and watch as he self destructs...it's inevitable! Just try and build yourself back up, take control of you, work on getting your self esteem back! (((HUG)))

[Far Behind]

The part about lack of empathy just struck a chord with me. I posted the other day about my friend/the nurse calling my ex as I was recovering from general anesthesia. He never called me all weekend to see if I was ok, knowing that I had had surgery on Thursday. The funny thing in all this is if he is truly a narcissist, why did he bail so fast in the first place? I am not blaming myself for anything; I honestly believe he is the flawed person here. But I, even knowing all I know, still miss him and in my heart wonder how he could not even check up on me. I feel so dumb for thinking that, because my brain knows better than my heart.

[SarahT111]

Ahhh I was doing so well

I had three days without any real physical pain and not to much emotional pain. I only cried a little bit each day (this is good for me) and I felt maybe I was getting somewhere!

Then I go back to uni today and it just hit like a ton of bricks I was sitting in my first lecture feeling soooooooooooo lonely! My bestfriend moved countries so i was sitting with other friends but really missing him

I missed the small things like having my phone sitting next to me so I wouldn't miss his txts and the feelings i had at the same time last year

I looked around and couldnt't possibly imagine being with any other guy. It wouldn't feel right. Yet im sooooooooooooo lonely without him. I felt there was no way out at all!

All these tears were in my eyes and I couldnt concerntrate on the lecture

The thought of him moving on the next day and being SOO happy with the new gf and all my old friends came to my mind and I was struggling sooo hard to fight back the tears

I know he must never have truley loved me otherwise he couldnt have done this. He treated me like dirt and its been 2.5 months yet I couldnt possibly think of moving on. It doesn't seem right

I dont believe he already went throuhgh the grieving process. He never shed a tear or anything like that. He just flicked me off when he got bored.

 

Im so upset right now! I am soooooooooooo lonely and I miss him so much I cant move on tho as It wouldnt feel right and makes me feel worse so i am destined to be lonely and misrable forever

[D-Lish]

What a jerk.

 

What was said in the link rings true. You can judge a guy from his past relationships- how he handled the break up, etc.

 

I dated a guy for a year, and when he broke up with me he hurled the worst, most appalling insults at me. He attacked me for things he knew I was sensitive about and accepted no blame for anything. That attack left me damaged for quite some time. I realized after that he had spoken badly about every girl he had previously dated.... and that he had never had a relationship longer than a year in his 34 years.

 

Your ex is currently working his way toward making someone else miserable.