planeweird Posted February 22, 2008 Posted February 22, 2008 SO I posted for the first time talking about my ex leaving my after five years. I've had limited contact with her since the 12th and only with regards to our dogs or exchanging belongings. And I'm never the one to initiate. But I'm wondering about some things. She has always been what I thought was mildly depressed and had/has an eating disorder. She sought therapy 3 yrs ago and was put on some meds to even her out. The moods leveled out and the disorder was controlled. Well about a month and a half before she left me, she said that she wanted to go off the meds because she wasn't "feeling" anything. I think back on it now and see that it probably had as much to do with the rut we were in as anything else. Anyway, she went off the meds and started taking herbal supplements. I watched closely to make certain she was doing well, and in fact, she seemed great. We were having a good time again. Then I left town for work, she ran into the old flame, and dumped me. Through friends and even from her own mouth I' learned some things. She's been all over the place emotionally, has been spending way beyond her means(maxed out cards, secretly binge shopping for shoes on ebay, and cell bill is WAY over), and is now apparently "in love" with the new/old guy. She's also out drinking EVERY night and dancing at the club. I can't help but wonder and worry if this is a reaction to going off her meds or if it's more that she is just making up for lost time of being a young single woman. My mother(who is mildly bipolar) says that all of her actions are classic symptoms of BPD. I told her I didn't think so since none of the therapists diagnosed her as such, but she says it's often misdiagnosed and since the ex hides things about herself quite often(even from a therapist) they may not have gotten a true sense of things. We exchanged the last of ourthings the other day and I've just decided to handle the dogs on my own, so NC has been my decision but I can't help but worry about her. However, I dont think there is anything I cold do. She wouldn't be open to my mentioning my thoughts to her, and would probably just think I was being petty.
Ssheena Posted February 22, 2008 Posted February 22, 2008 Yup, this falls under the "think anything you want and everything you want but say nothing to her" catagory. Yes, she may be mildly bi-polar, depressed and have an eating disorder but this is no longer your concern.
sedgwick Posted February 23, 2008 Posted February 23, 2008 "BPD" generally stands for borderline personality disorder. Do you think she's borderline, or are you using this as an abbreviation for bipolar?
Author planeweird Posted February 23, 2008 Author Posted February 23, 2008 well I meant it to refer to bipolar disorder. Anyway, I was at a local hang out tonight for a mutual friends birthday, and she walks in with a firned of ours for a late dinnfer and drinks. I'm cordial and kind to both. She could NOt make eye contact with me at all. About fifteen minutes later I walk by thier table and slightly smile a "hello" and she says, "do you want to join us?" I say, " that's ok, you girls enjoy your time together." She responds, " You are welcome to sit with us. I don't want you to sit alone." And I said, "Well, if you're inviting me, then ok." She said, " Whatever you want to do." So I I join them and she still will NOT look at me and is obviously uncomfortable, but she starts to relax as time goes on. I don't look at her other than when talking and am Super causal and relaxed. I "enjoy" their company for about half and hour and then graciously make my exit. Her friend hugs and kisses me. I was merely going to say goodnight but the ex opens her arms for a hug, so I lean in for one and she gives me the pat and then hangs on for a little longer. I feel like I did well, but don't know. I wonder what was going through her mind during all that. She was seriously strained but I dont know why she would invite me over in that case. I feel kind of good actually, but maybe that's dumb. I'm having a birthday party tomorrow night which her friend brought up. I was causal and I know that it effected her knowing all of our friends would be there and that she wouldnt be. Who knows what was going through her mind but I was looking good, being friendly and left early. She also read on my profile that I was going snowboarding today, and asked me if I went. I told her yes and that it made me happy and I was pleasantly tired. Sne seemed affected by that somehow. Her expression changed.
Author planeweird Posted February 23, 2008 Author Posted February 23, 2008 So after posting last, I went back out for some more social tim and ran into a bunch of people we both know. She came up in conversation and I was always kind when referring to her. I know that several of the people don't even realize we have split up, and so they go into a lot of, "remember that time when we all....." stories. It kinda got to me and made me miss her more than usual. I messed up and sent her a text. It just said that it was good to see her, she looked lovely as usual, and that she appeared much calmer than the last time we ran into each other. I got no response, although I honestly did expect one. She always has in the past. Anyway, I wake up this morning and have an email from her. It says that she is expecting a credit card in the mail(just what she needs:confused:), isn't sure what address it's going to, "SooooO.....if it comes there let me know ASAP. Thanks!" That kinda bothers me honestly. I don't need her contacting me only when she needs something, and I don't feel like I want to help her selfish little butt one bit. No response to a kind message and then wants me to do something for her?! Should I respond to this email? Should I just suck it up and be a gentleman and agree to let her know? Do I just chuck all mail that still comes here? She did a change of address when she moved but still gets a few things now and again. Mainly I get stuck with all her crappy catalogs. I've always hated how they pile up around here. Another note, I asked if she had put up any flyers about rehoming our dogs and she said not yet because she's been too busy. WTF?! Too busy to care about your own pets? It's been 6 weeks since the break up. Does she think the dog situation is going to magically fix itself?!
Ssheena Posted February 23, 2008 Posted February 23, 2008 No, she expects that you will take care of it just like you have taken care of everything else. I see you have already done one of things I posted would happen - the texting. It's very easy to do. As far as the mail etc., you are going to take the high road and be the mature one and not respond to the email at all. When she receives mail, you are going to put it in a bag for her (especially all her magazines/flyers etc) and when you are ready, send her an email saying, "I have put a bag with your magazines, mail etc., outside on the front porch. Please come by and get it at your earliest convience". She needs to be responsible for herself now. That means getting her change of address forms into the post-office. Once she does that, they will take care of getting all her mail to her correct address. The catalogs - throw them away/recycle them. They aren't priority mail and are junk. Toss them. Believe me, those places will find her wherever she goes. I'm still pissed at her for abandoning your dogs and not seeming to give a flying hoot about what happens to them. This, I think more than anything, shows her true character or lack thereof.
Author planeweird Posted February 23, 2008 Author Posted February 23, 2008 Someone PLEASE explain to me how people go hot and cold so fast! The ex IMed me about mail. I responded and then she was just giving me really short one word responses. I asked if she would rather not be talking with me and she said she just didnt have anything more to say right now. That she was all talked out. I told her I wasn't even talking about "us". Less than two weeks ago she is telling me how much she missed me and loves me and our relationship was really good. And she will send some nice message and then just gets cold. Damn I gotta truly go NC, but in the mean time, I can not understand how she is flip flopping so much in her manner and feelings. That doesn't seem like a mood disorder to me. It just sounds rude and confused. It stings for her to be cold like that. How do people do that? I wrote and told her that I thought it was dumb for us to go back and forth like this and that if she has found happiness, love, or just doesnt want to know me anymore then she should just come out and say it. **** people! This is a person that I have never seen before. When I asked how this had gotten to this point, she said that she doesnt know and that we may never know. That's crap. You can always look at yourself and know why you're behaving badly.
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