CorvetteKitten Posted February 22, 2008 Posted February 22, 2008 Its crazy how many different directions I could go on the subject of my relationship, but I'll spare the details. We recently got on a unlucky streak, both of us losing our jobs before the holidays, and just recently (literally about 2 weeks ago) he found a job. Thankfully, I'm collecting unemployment, but anyways.. haha. Due to the stress, its put more stress on our relationship. And with him going back to work, I feel I sit around all day and brood about the problems in my relationship. Half the time I feel stuck, I feel like its just not worth staying, but we are signed in a year lease together plus have almost 3 years invested together. The other half, I want to stick it out because Im hopelessly in love with him. But there is one problem, no matter what stage we are in in our lives, that keeps popping up. Its the complete difference of our sex drives.. he is extremely low (hes only 24), and I am pretty darn high (I'm almost 23). I constantly feel deprived of attention from him, and Im always wanting more sex... but when we only have sex on average once a week, its hard NOT to want more. On top of that, he never wants to go outside his comfort zone: in bed, lights off, late at night or early morning, when I'm thisclose to being asleep. Everytime I try to get anything from him, he gives me excuses: hes hungry, hes thirsty, hes tired, he aches, hes got a "headache", he wants to finish his show, finish his beer.. the list goes on. And he feels pressured and guilted into intimacy. I've even resorted to reading a self help book called the "Sex Starved Wife". And sitting around all day alone while hes working, I cant help but think about it. And once he gets home, all he wants to do it sit down in front of the tv and drink beer all night, then go to bed. If I ask for anything, he complains. He feels Im brooding about it all day, which I guess I am. But the worst part of it all is he seems so uninterested with me, no matter how hard I try, but the moment I'm out of the house, even for a second, he goes straight for porn. Numerous occasions (when I was working, and he wasnt) I would come home at random times during the day only to catch him in the act, or find obvious evidence of it. I went to the gym, and had to come home to grab my headphones, I wasnt even gone 3 minutes and he had my laptop on the coffee table with his pants around his ankles. Sorry for the visual.. And the latest thing was I called to tell him I was picking up a friend and Id be home in an hour. After getting off the phone with him, my friend called to cancel, so I went home. Being only 3 blocks from home, I got there in a matter of minutes. When I walked in, he hadnt been home 5 minutes and he was already naked with porn in hand. And every single time, hes denied me sex just hours before. He lies about it all the time, and then makes me feel like Im crazy for thinking anything is wrong with it. I talk about my issues with it all the time with him, but its gotten to the point where Im talking myself in circles. Im going crazy with all the time I have on my hands.. I've gone as far as hiding his porn, but that backfired because he just used my laptop to look it up on the internet instead... lovely spam from that, let me tell you. and recently Ive been so paranoid that hes lying to me about it, I find myself imagining senerios where he "could" be doing it behind my back. For example: his new job is maintenence at a luxury apt./condo place. He has access to many fully furnished units, with many hours where he has nothing to do. On days when he works alone, has nothing to do, access to DVD's players, and hours where no one will bug him (& no one can find him), why wouldn't he do it? And its thoughts like that that are driving me CRAZY! so my question is: how do I stop myself from obsessing about this???
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