purplebubbles Posted February 22, 2008 Posted February 22, 2008 [sIZE=2]So, I've been dating this guy for just under a year. It is a LDR, but with a plan to end the distance in the next 6 months, by me moving countries to be closer to him. For the most part our relationship has been really good and I believe that we have a pretty solid grounding as friends to base things on. Lately we've been having extreme ups and downs though. Our relationship almost feels bipolar at this point. I feel so confused, because I don't know what I SHOULD be feeling, or whether I'm just nervous about the massive change in lifestyle that awaits me (I wanted to travel before I met him, had planned to go overseas regardless, but not necessarily to the place where he is, and I have a very close friend that is coming with, to live for the first 6 months) Sometimes all I can think about is him, how wonderful he is, how kind and loving and I feel really affectionate towards him. Other times I feel as though I just want to push him away, that he really doesn't understand me and that it feels as though he is just using me. I say things that I don't really mean (like "It's okay honey, you should go to bed now, I don't want you to stay out of obligation") and sometimes when he asks if we can play a game, or do whatever - I'll say "If you want". It really hurts me that I feel this way, but I can't seem to shake it. I've tried to discuss this with him, the poor guy is really trying hard to understand and change the things that bother me. He tells me that he loves me and I really feel like he does. Why do I do a complete 360, as often as I do? What should I be working on to improve things? I just feel helpless and a little out of control. I don't want to keep pushing my relationship to breaking point, but I keep on digging and digging and I don't know why! [/sIZE]
compassion42 Posted February 22, 2008 Posted February 22, 2008 How often do you and your boyfriend get to spend time together? If it is rarely or never, your insecurities are natural. It is challenging to maintain and LDR and pretty common to question things or feel uncertain. Talk to him and tell him that you are having a hard time right now and need extra reassurance that you are making the right choice to move to be with him.
xpaperxcutx Posted February 22, 2008 Posted February 22, 2008 It's alright to feel this way. Especially in an LDR where from what you've written, you're the one sacrificing all your wants and needs for this guy. Basically moving away and leaving everything you know is a big step and your insecurities are just a way of your subconciousness telling you to think things through before doing anything rash.
Author purplebubbles Posted February 23, 2008 Author Posted February 23, 2008 Thanks for your perspective, you are both probably very right about it. I hate that I'm so hot and cold though. I wish I could change it. I don't like it and I know it puts pressure on him. We spend time together every 3-4 months depending on when we can fly out to see one another.
Jilly Bean Posted February 23, 2008 Posted February 23, 2008 So if you've been seeing him less than a year, and its been all long-distance, and you only see each other every 3-4 months, then you've only seen each other about 3 times? Is this really a relationship then? I guess I have a hard time understanding this kind of dynamic and getting what kind of relationship it can be when you see someone so infrequently... What do you think? It's very easy to engage in a fantasy when you only see someone every 4 months. Id be very wary of moving countries to be near someone you have spent so little time with. Hell, I wouldn't even move TOWNS to be near someone I had only seen 3 or 4 times in my life. You got a lot of guts, girl. Just make sure you have an exit strategy in place, and you are not giving up too much by leaving your own country.
Author purplebubbles Posted February 23, 2008 Author Posted February 23, 2008 The thing is that when we have spent time together, it all goes really well and it is more like two -three week visits that we try and organise, depending on my work schedule (I'm a nurse, so it's all over the place). Like I said above though, I have existing friends were I will be moving, I'm going with my best mate (she's staying for 6 months and then continuing to travel, I'll make my decision at a later point whether or not I decide to go with her, or stay with him) and I'm not planning on moving to be "with him" directly, we will not be living together at all. I like to see it as we will be finally giving our relationship a chance to see what is there. I don't know how you define a relationship, but I certainly view him as my bestfriend and my partner, just because he isn't close in distance, doesn't mean in my opinion that he means any less to me. We just have to find more creative ways to spend time together and its a bit more of a challenge.
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