leftinthedark Posted February 22, 2008 Posted February 22, 2008 I can't believe this.. I was doing so good too, Today was 29 days of nc for me. I logged on to a site that I have a profile on, it was actually a couple profile for us. Was going to finally delete it today since I felt strong enough to do it now. (I've deleted everything else except that) Well, I made the mistake of checking who viewed me lately. (You can do this on that site) And I noticed that after a month of no activity he had actually logged on to his page a few days ago (a couple page of us that he made for himself) Then I look above and notice that someone else from his town had viewed me so I clicked on it and sure enough it is a new profile he recently made for himself stating everything he is looking for in a woman, everything that sounds just like me! One. Why didn't he delete our couple profile and Two, why would he be stupid enough to make a new profile that clearly makes it obvious that's its him and be dumb enough to go and view my profile with it, knowing that I can check and see who views me?? HE KNOWS THIS. I think he was dumb enough to think that I wouldn't recognize it was him, but why take that chance of hurting me like that? We didn't end on a bade note and I know he would never intentionally want to hurt me. So of course now I'm over analyzing everything, why is he looking at my profile, why is he logging on to ours and worst of all I had to see this stupid profile of his letting me know he's on the prowl. Nice! Especially since he never really broke up with me, he said he needed some time to himself because of all the stress involved in our situation, said he still wanted to see me though and wouldn't be dating, then poofed! Now, I feel sick.
Author leftinthedark Posted February 22, 2008 Author Posted February 22, 2008 Oh, I'm so wired up I forgot to mention how I broke no contact! Seeing the new profile broke my heart and made my blood boil at the same time, in the moment of anger i hit send a note, and wrote, why would you view my profile with this profile of yours knowing I can view who's viewing me? Did you think I'd want to see that you're looking for someone just like me but not me! Now, I'm pissed that I contacted him and that I let my hurt and anger show. I can't unsend it. I want to punch him right in his face.
D-Lish Posted February 22, 2008 Posted February 22, 2008 Maybe you should go ahead and take the initiative to delete that couples profile you two had together. If he said he needed space and then went MIA...then he went and put up a new dating profile.... well then that is sending a clear message that he is moving on. You didn't break nc if you didn't talk to him. He can probably tell you looked at his new profile I am assuming. That is why it might be a good idea for you to regain some power in all this and delete the profile you guys had together. He knows how to get in touch with you, deleting your profile doesn't mean he can't find you again if he really wants to. It must be painful... but that's my point. Seeing your couple's profile causes you pain- and you have that temptation to look at it...why? SImply because it is there. You could also put up your own personal profile yourself if you want to. I think keeping up that account will only cause you stress. If he walked away and said he needed space- then goes and puts up a dating profile... then he is moving on. That sucks and I am sure it hurts, but if he simply vanished and is now posting he is ready to date again- that's not a good sign for reconciliation. I think if you take the initiative to delete that profile, it will help you to regain some control. What you don't want is for HIM to delete it. Imagine how that would feel. I assume since he has the password, he could potentially go in and delete it as well. I am sorry you are confused and hurting. If nothing else, you don't want to have the temptation of viewing that profile nagging you.
Author leftinthedark Posted February 22, 2008 Author Posted February 22, 2008 No, I know it's confused but we actually had two separate couple profiles of the two of us. I logged on to mine today to remove it and saw that he had logged on to his, then i saw that he also made that new one. And yes, I did contact him afterwards
s_n_d Posted February 22, 2008 Posted February 22, 2008 leftinthedark, I think you need to delete that couples profile of yours. I know how you must be feeling. I used to have a profile too. It just proved to be a CONSTANT reminder of my ex so I deleted it and its the best thing I could have done. I also know how hard it is deleting it but you HAVE to. I promise it will help you alot.
Author leftinthedark Posted February 22, 2008 Author Posted February 22, 2008 I don't think you guys understand. I didn't log on the entire month, I waited till I felt strong enough to delete it and went online for that purpose. I changed it to single and took out all the info about him and I in it. It's when I went on there to do that that I saw he has been viewing my profile and also logging on to HIS profile that HE HAD made for US as well. We both had couple profiles. Now he's coming on with a new name and VIEWING ME not the other way around! He logged on two days in a row and viewed my profile and also logged on to his couple profile of us. WHY?? I have no control over his couple profile, thats up to him to delete, why on earth he hasn't yet or feels a need to log on to it is very strange to me.
Author leftinthedark Posted February 22, 2008 Author Posted February 22, 2008 P.S. I realized I was able to unsend the message I sent to him so I unsent it. The only thing he will see is that I sent a message to him but unsent it. It's just really eating at me now that he would leave me without warning and no contact at all, only to see him looking at my profile a month later and logging on to the couple profile that he made. Of course I want to know WHY now.
planeweird Posted February 22, 2008 Posted February 22, 2008 Well that one is pretty straight forward and obvious really. He may have been the one that bailed on the relationship and may not be making contact, but he is still going to be curious about you and what youre doing. He may even still have feelings for you to some degree. I think it's just human nature to be nosey like that if given the opportunity. Right? Wrong? Who knows, but that's just people. My ex broke up with me a month ago after five years and is living a completely different life now. She's seeing a new guy and is reportedly "in love" already. BUT....she still looks at my profile daily. Why? Well, I like to think that it's cause she still loves me blah blah blah. And she probably does, but mainly I think it's simply because she can. Ignore it, have fun, post fun things on there and let him look. Show him that your life is just Dandy without him. The best revenge is living well.
Author leftinthedark Posted February 28, 2008 Author Posted February 28, 2008 Can I get a guys opinion on this? I noticed that he keeps logging in to the couples profile he made of us. I know he knows how to delete a profile since he's done it on there before. So, can someone please tell me why an ex who hasn't even attempted contact since the day he left would choose to keep a profile of the two of us and log on daily with it? What's the point? It's actually driving me crazy and I've become obsessed with seeing if he's still logging on with it or when he'll finally delete it. It still has our pics up together too! I know I shouldn't look, and it actually feels like I'm breaking no contact each time I do it. I was good enough to delete all MY stuff but I can't help wondering why he'd do this and what it possibly means that he is? Now I'm obsessed with seeing if and when he'll delete it!
carhill Posted February 29, 2008 Posted February 29, 2008 So, can someone please tell me why an ex who hasn't even attempted contact since the day he left would choose to keep a profile of the two of us and log on daily with it? What's the point? It's actually driving me crazy and I've become obsessed with seeing if he's still logging on with it or when he'll finally delete it. It still has our pics up together too! Because he knows you're checking......just another permutation of the classic troll...
Blue Eyed Brain Posted February 29, 2008 Posted February 29, 2008 Well that one is pretty straight forward and obvious really. He may have been the one that bailed on the relationship and may not be making contact, but he is still going to be curious about you and what youre doing. He may even still have feelings for you to some degree. I think it's just human nature to be nosey like that if given the opportunity. Right? Wrong? Who knows, but that's just people. My ex broke up with me a month ago after five years and is living a completely different life now. She's seeing a new guy and is reportedly "in love" already. BUT....she still looks at my profile daily. Why? Well, I like to think that it's cause she still loves me blah blah blah. And she probably does, but mainly I think it's simply because she can. Ignore it, have fun, post fun things on there and let him look. Show him that your life is just Dandy without him. The best revenge is living well. A great post and very good advice.
dfreeman Posted February 29, 2008 Posted February 29, 2008 Especially the living well part! I don't really see it as revenge, but my ex said some pretty s#1tty stuff to/about me when we broke up and it is just killing her now to see that I am not the same person she accused me of being. As opposed to revenge, I like to see myself as the guy I was before her, the guy I will always be after her and the guy that I couldn't be while I was with her!!!
Author leftinthedark Posted February 29, 2008 Author Posted February 29, 2008 Actually, he doesn't know I'm checking, if I clicked on his profile then he'd know, i refuse to click on it. What is a troll?
superfox Posted February 29, 2008 Posted February 29, 2008 I can sympathise with your situation. But the fact is nobody knows why he is looking at the profile, and you may never know. It is okay if you broke NC you can start over, believe in yourself. You caring about him looking at the profile, or him not deleting the couple profile etc just allows him to have control. He probably wants to have his cake and eat it too by keeping you on the sidelines and giving you false hope. Worry about YOU and make yourself a better person, this is a learning experience, and can be a life changing one. It will take time but it will be okay. DELETE the couple profile and block him from seeing your profile. That will send him a bigger message - "I don't care about this anymore" and will speak volumes about you moving on. Get closure from within yourself. Don't compare yourself to other girls or think you know what he wants or needs. That is his life and you must live your own life. If he wants to contact you he will. Think souley of yourself at this time and make yourself happy. No contact means not even looking at pics or profiles etc. You don't want to go on some day and see him flirting with other girls and things like that. It will make you obsessed and it is a vicious cycle you won't be able to stop. So stop now before things get worse! I know from experience. I had gone forty days of NC and felt so proud then I noticed my ex was checking out my blog regularly. I was like why why why? I decided to message him on msn I said hello then regretted it and said sorry wrong window....i didn't feel any better. And he is just curious as to what my life is like...it has no reflection on him wanting me or missing me. So please just delete this guy, so he can't see your profile and delete your couple profile - you will feel so much better!
carhill Posted February 29, 2008 Posted February 29, 2008 Actually, he doesn't know I'm checking, if I clicked on his profile then he'd know, i refuse to click on it. What is a troll? I understand he doesn't know (as in can see it online) that you're checking, but he "knows" you're checking because he knows you A troll is someone who does something specifically to get a rise out of someone else. Generally, on the internet, it is posting provocative opinion or accusations in the newsgroups/bbs (where the word started AFAIK) or on online forums such as this one. I could start a thread "Men are nice and women are pigs" and it would have "troll" written all over it Anyway, things take on a life of their own on the internet, so I wouldn't worry too much about what he leaves up or takes down. As long as he isn't disrespecting you by libeling your reputation or posting sensitive pictures of you, I'd let him have his jollies. The karma train will stop at his house soon enough
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