hibiscus21 Posted February 22, 2008 Posted February 22, 2008 My fiancee broke up with me a little over 2 months ago. We had been together over 1 1/2 years. I realize that I made so many mistakes that probably pushed him to his breaking point, I now can see what I did. I still love him so much. We now live 100 miles away from each other. I have had no contact with him a for little under 2 months. He has put himself under a lot of pressure for school and this is an incredibly important semester for him. There are some days that it drives me crazy that i haven't heard from him at all. I don't want to invade his space though. Does the whole no contact sometimes take a longer time? Will he ever contact me again? Since this is such an important semester for him, is it possible, that this is his only focus right now? Thanks
dsim Posted February 22, 2008 Posted February 22, 2008 trust me, do the following. its for your own good bc/ ive had something close to this happen to me, so i know about what your going through. im a very down to earth guy and ive had plenty of experience with "guy problems" seeing the i grew up around more women then men and i have sisters in high school, college ect. if you truly love him, and you want to be with him just give him a call and nicely ask him to talk. tell him how you feel, and what you think went wrong. just be honest, and do not be agressive or argumentive with him. just be civil. if he feels the same way he will let you know. remember he has had alot on his plate with the semester, and life in genrel, so his probably been really busy. but if he doesnt then it is over and you two are closing the relationship in good terms. its never a good idea to have bad blood in a break up. just be civil and mature about it. you were engaged so its obvious that he has strong feelings for you. be open to change, but dont change yourself. honesty and being very open and talking things out is very important. -good luck and if you get a chance read my thread that i posted, bc/ im having a problem of my own that i could use another perspective of.
D-Lish Posted February 22, 2008 Posted February 22, 2008 He might be doing the NC for the same reason many people here recommend it following a break up.... it's less painful to remain in contact with something you loved and split up with. I am sure it's a combination of him concentrating on getting his school work on track while dealing with the break up by staying away from you. I'm not saying second chances are not possible... but they seldom work out. You mentioned you pushed him to his breaking point. It's often hard for a man to recover from that kind of trauma/drama. Can I relate? Yes.... I have pushed away many good men with jealousy, insecurity, testing and some unresolved anger issues. The problem is, you push someone to the point where they have to leave...then you yourself come to the conclusion that you've made a terrible mistake and want to try again thinking you'll be different if he gives you a second chance. So, the problem is that YOU have come to terms with your treatment of him, you feel the remorse and guilt.... but all he remembers is how frusrating the relationship was. In order to win someone back, you have to show them you have changed and are capable of being the person they once fell in love with. That's a hard thing to do when he is so far away. Words can be a start, but actions speak louder. I do think that in your case you should have a calm low pressure chat with him about the break up. I put a guy through the wringer, and after dating for a year he broke up with me (rightly so!). A few months after, we met for dinner, and I looked at him across the table and gave him a sincere "I'm truly sorry for the crappy way I treated you...I needed you to hear that from me because you didn't deserve it". I have to tell you, that although we didn't get back together- he was really taken aback by that apology. I see nothing wrong with a heartfelt apology if you did push his boundaries enough to drive him away. You obviously had a great connection if you were engaged...so the foundations of love are already there. He may have been pushed to far... but you never know. And you will never know unless you talk to him about it. Hey- an e-mail could always work too. SOmetimes it's easier to put words on paper than it is to say them out loud. I hope things work out for you. I can relate, believe me. If nothing else, try and learn from this experience and be aware of your issues so you don't make the same mistakes in your next relationship.
pigeonsid Posted February 22, 2008 Posted February 22, 2008 Hi Hibiscus - I think I'm dealing with a similar situation. My ex and I planned on getting married and having kids, we were actually seriously looking at flats to buy just 2 weeks before he ended the relationship. We'd been together just over a year when he started trying to break it off with me (and 2 months after he first tried to break it off, he ended up leaving for good). I'm trying to come to terms with the fact that I did push him too much, and he's had it. I pushed him so much that he decided it was easier to switch off his love for me and look for someone else. That really hurts but the two times I broke NC to talk to him about it, he just repeated what he'd said during the breakup - basically he's given up, he doesn't think that we work. It doesn't matter that I love him, and it doesnt' matter that I know he also loves me. If he's decided not to work on things with me, then we can't have a relationship. I say - contact him if it's really driving you nuts, and you need to do it. I don't regret having tried to get my ex back, but it's very painful to have them tell you again - it's over. (But maybe it's helpful in getting over someone?) So... contact him if you must, but also be prepared for the pain if the answer is still no. Best of luck, keep us posted how it goes.
s_n_d Posted February 22, 2008 Posted February 22, 2008 Theres no way to tell if he will contact you or not. Sometimes it takes days for the ex to contact and sometimes it takes months. The only thing we can do is try to get our minds off them and focus on TRYING to recover from the breakup.
ANGUISHEDandBROKEN Posted February 22, 2008 Posted February 22, 2008 Dont contact him at all... Forget him and the relationship you want/wanted with him. Hes far away and hes gone.....doesnt mean hes gone forever.... But at this point in your life he is. Live and learn.....try and move on slowly and maintain your dignity and self respect.... If your paths cross later in life you might have a better chance then... I feel your pain.....Just be strong for yourself please!
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