AngDre02 Posted February 22, 2008 Share Posted February 22, 2008 I started dating this guy about a year ago. He's going through a divorce...and I know I could be classified as the rebound; however, that's not my fear. We met when I was engaged and he was figuring out when to move out. We became really good friends and talked our way through a lot of personal and emotional moments. He travels throughout the state of Florida nearly all week and I live in northwest Florida. When he's at his place, we're on oposite sides of the state. It's hard to see him, but we usually meet somewhere in the middle each week, as well as spend weekends together. His place or mine, we've both established this daily life routine and really comfortable and easy life with each other. It's nice being able to spend the weekend curled up on the couch or hiking in the afternoon...we really enjoy each other's company. However, he has a female associate that he travels with and I hardly get to talk to him when she's around. Lately, he's had to spend a few weeks here and there with her and it makes me nuts. I've seen the two of them together and I know there is absolutely no attration between the two of them, but it still bugs me. He's the complete gentleman who opens car doors, pulls out the chair to dinner and helps carry her luggage...and I guess that because he's such a nice guy to everyone when I'm not around makes me feel a little left out. He never has a mean thing to say about anyone, (although his exwife has been dragging him through the mud since he filed for divorce.) Regardless, his female associate feels the need to put her 2 cents in about everything, and although she works for him, he continues to entertain her thoughts. After he moved out, he started spending less time at his office and more time at his new place, with or without me, he was simply enjoying life alone. His associate took it upon herself and told him that he was irresponsible and slacking by not spending weekends at the office with her. The fact that he owns his business and she works for him never comes into play because he thinks everyone is entitled to their own opinion. Fine by me, but I've become very protective of him and I don't appreciate the way she treats him. Deep down, I'm sure she has a thing for him...but after seeing her in person I know there's absolutely no future at all. I'm not worried about him cheating...I just hate that he's such a nice guy to her all the time, no matter how she treats him. Who would've ever thought that dating the perfect gentleman and nice guy would be so hard! I want to scream because I feel neglected when she gets to spend more time with him than I do...living on oposite sides of the state can take a huge toll on 2 people. I know that he and I have something really special together...it's truly what we've both been looking for; but sometimes I think my jealousness of those 2 will wreck this. Link to post Share on other sites
TMichaels Posted February 22, 2008 Share Posted February 22, 2008 So, I take it you're no longer engaged? Best, TMichaels Link to post Share on other sites
Author AngDre02 Posted February 22, 2008 Author Share Posted February 22, 2008 No, no longer engaged. It happened so quickly...one of those "sweep me off my feet" things...turns out he was looking for someone to take care of him, instead of that whole "take care of each other" scenario. Link to post Share on other sites
TMichaels Posted February 22, 2008 Share Posted February 22, 2008 No, no longer engaged. It happened so quickly...one of those "sweep me off my feet" things...turns out he was looking for someone to take care of him, instead of that whole "take care of each other" scenario. Which "he" are we talking about? The former fiancee, or the not-yet-divorcee? Best, TMichaels Link to post Share on other sites
Author AngDre02 Posted February 22, 2008 Author Share Posted February 22, 2008 (edited) The former fiancee... ...I'm not worried about him though...am I crazy for being jealous of a man who is not yet divorced? I wonder how I got myself into this mess sometimes...do you think happy endings exist in situations like this? Edited February 22, 2008 by AngDre02 Link to post Share on other sites
TMichaels Posted February 22, 2008 Share Posted February 22, 2008 (edited) The former fiancee... ...I'm not worried about him though...am I crazy for being jealous of a man who is not yet divorced? I wonder how I got myself into this mess sometimes...do you think happy endings exist in situations like this? No, I don't think you're crazy. Actually, I think his "assistant" may be more invested in her bosses' welfare than it may seem. The fact that he buys into her assertion that he's been slacking off, and comes in to work with her on weekends, is a whole other kettle of fish. TBH, either way, something smells fishy to me. I noticed on another thread you said this guy has been in an unhappy marriage for 15 years. Regardless, he's not out of it yet, and will have plenty of issues to deal with. I think it's good you recognize you may well be a "rebound romance." It certainly is a possibility. I know you think this guy is wonderful, but from your post you make him sound like he's up for sainthood, soon. Realize that romantic love tends to make us all see the world through rose-colored glasses, and sometimes we ascribe stellar qualities to others in an effort to convince ourselves everything is "perfect" -- especially when we have niggling doubts here and there. Finally, be careful about him being a vendor for the company you work for. It's not unheard of in your situation that a "conflict of interest" claim may be raised. It happens, in fact, it did to a friend of mine... It sounds like you've been doing well in your career (i.e. your recent promotion). The last thing you need is to have your professional and personal life both in tatters. My advice would be to tread lightly, and to try to see the reality of the situation as opposed to what you may like or hope it to be. Hope this helps. Best, TMichaels Edited February 22, 2008 by TMichaels Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted February 22, 2008 Share Posted February 22, 2008 Yup, let the assistant be the rebound. My instinct is that she has her eye on becoming the next Mrs and has for sometime. You opine "impossible", but there can be an attraction from depending on someone and that person being or becoming indispensable. I would echo "tread lightly", especially with all the business and pleasure being thrown into the mixer here. Hope it works out Link to post Share on other sites
Author AngDre02 Posted February 23, 2008 Author Share Posted February 23, 2008 No, I don't think you're crazy. Actually, I think his "assistant" may be more invested in her bosses' welfare than it may seem. The fact that he buys into her assertion that he's been slacking off, and comes in to work with her on weekends, is a whole other kettle of fish. TBH, either way, something smells fishy to me. I noticed on another thread you said this guy has been in an unhappy marriage for 15 years. Regardless, he's not out of it yet, and will have plenty of issues to deal with. I think it's good you recognize you may well be a "rebound romance." It certainly is a possibility. I know you think this guy is wonderful, but from your post you make him sound like he's up for sainthood, soon. Realize that romantic love tends to make us all see the world through rose-colored glasses, and sometimes we ascribe stellar qualities to others in an effort to convince ourselves everything is "perfect" -- especially when we have niggling doubts here and there. Finally, be careful about him being a vendor for the company you work for. It's not unheard of in your situation that a "conflict of interest" claim may be raised. It happens, in fact, it did to a friend of mine... It sounds like you've been doing well in your career (i.e. your recent promotion). The last thing you need is to have your professional and personal life both in tatters. My advice would be to tread lightly, and to try to see the reality of the situation as opposed to what you may like or hope it to be. Hope this helps. Best, TMichaels The funny thing is...I know that the relationship is over with his ex. It had been for a long time, even before I came about. He's taking the steps to ensure there is as little hurt as possible...and I get that. Most people should worried about the ex wanting to keep the relationship, than the co-worker. His associate is definitely not his type, nor the "cute" assistant you'd see in the movies. I truly know and trust him, as I know there's nothing between him and the ex or him and the associate. But, she still just drives me absolutely crazy. As far as wearing the rose colored glasses...I know he has his faults. He's too nice sometimes because he doesn't want to cause waves in the situtions. He feels the need to look out for everyone and doesn't realize that he hurts the people closest to him sometimes. He is no where near perfect. But, he will always be the gentleman who opens car doors and buys dinner...I respect that...I just hate that when he's busy working hard, the associate is the one who gets to spend time with him. I just feel like he doesn't have time for me. And between the associate and the ex, I sometimes wonder if I'm treading in territory that's about to blow up. I love my job...but I've also worked with him and it's something I'd love to do in the future. I don't worry about this costing me my profession; eventually, (if this all works out), I'd love to work with him and build the business together. His associate doesn't know about me and I think when this is all out in the open I'll feel better. Because then she'll know I've marked my territory...and she doesn't belong in it personally...only's professionally. Link to post Share on other sites
Author AngDre02 Posted February 24, 2008 Author Share Posted February 24, 2008 By the way...some people here take these issues personally. Thanks for not judging me. Which "he" are we talking about? The former fiancee, or the not-yet-divorcee? Best, TMichaels Link to post Share on other sites
TMichaels Posted February 24, 2008 Share Posted February 24, 2008 His associate doesn't know about me and I think when this is all out in the open I'll feel better. Because then she'll know I've marked my territory...and she doesn't belong in it personally...only's professionally. That may be your take on it, but don't be surprised if she sees it the very same way. Best of luck to you, TMichaels Link to post Share on other sites
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