dancinggal Posted February 22, 2008 Posted February 22, 2008 Hey guys, Does anyone have any ideas on how to re-kindle the passion in a LDR? We've been apart for 8 months, and have about 7 weeks to go, but it really feels quite stale at the moment and dry, and I was just wondering, what do you guys do to keep your relationship alive? Thanks!
TMichaels Posted February 22, 2008 Posted February 22, 2008 Hey guys, Does anyone have any ideas on how to re-kindle the passion in a LDR? We've been apart for 8 months, and have about 7 weeks to go, but it really feels quite stale at the moment and dry, and I was just wondering, what do you guys do to keep your relationship alive? Thanks! Dancinggal, Back in December you posted a similar thread: I talked to my boy and he said that it was fine to take it slow. I asked him how he would like it to go when he got here, and he said that he would like to make love like crazy for the first week, and then go and take it slow (I think a few of you said he would say this). I know he knows I think he is irresitable because I was always jumping all over him and begging him for sex before, much more than he was, so he knows I'm very sexually attracted to him. The real problem for me is that we'll have been apart for 8 or 9 months when he gets down here, and in that time, we haven't been sexual at all really, so its just like I'd be expected to jump back into it without any seduction. It would just be nice to have that before we start having sex regularly again. Your b/f and you won't be together nearly another two months, and you've been worrying about this at least five out of the eight months you've been apart. Why is this an on-going issue for you? What are you really worried about? Best, TMichaels
Author dancinggal Posted February 22, 2008 Author Posted February 22, 2008 Wow, you're on top of things! Lol. I wouldn't say I'm worried, just wanting to make things more interesting for us. Things are quite 'dead' in our relationship for a number of reasons (time difference, we are both so busy), and I guess that's why I'm kind of concerned about jumping back into a sexual relationship, considering we haven't had a sexual relationship for 8 months. But we've talked about that, and decided that its best to take things as it comes, I'm not sure how I will respond after so long, but whatever happens, we will be ok with it. But, I guess I just want to be able to do something fun for us. He's having a hard time at the moment at home, and keeps telling me he misses me, and I wish I could do something that would make him forget stuff for a bit, and just be the way we used to. Thanks for looking out for me though!
TMichaels Posted February 22, 2008 Posted February 22, 2008 (edited) Wow, you're on top of things! Lol. I wouldn't say I'm worried, just wanting to make things more interesting for us. Things are quite 'dead' in our relationship for a number of reasons (time difference, we are both so busy), and I guess that's why I'm kind of concerned about jumping back into a sexual relationship, considering we haven't had a sexual relationship for 8 months. But we've talked about that, and decided that its best to take things as it comes, I'm not sure how I will respond after so long, but whatever happens, we will be ok with it. But, I guess I just want to be able to do something fun for us. He's having a hard time at the moment at home, and keeps telling me he misses me, and I wish I could do something that would make him forget stuff for a bit, and just be the way we used to. Thanks for looking out for me though! Dancinggal, Well, I think it's good your b/f has said that "your plan" will be to just take things as they come when you're reunited. But, the fact of the matter is, (which I think several male posters told you on a previous thread), it's going to be pretty difficult for your b/f to "regress." You're also battling with an "expectation problem" of sorts, as in the beginning of your relationship you said you were the one "hot to trot" -- perhaps even more than your b/f -- but for whatever reason now, "you're just not feeling the love." I'm sure you already know this, but men and women are wired differently when it comes to intimacy. Most women need to feel loved to have sex, and most men need to have sex to feel loved. No wonder, relationships can be such a mine-field, eh? It sounds from your posts that you aren't sure you are going to respond to his need for immediate intimacy -- and you feel bad about that, as you would like to make him feel better, especially since he's been having such a difficult time at home. Realize however, it's just not his needs here that are important. If you don't feel ready to resume sexual relations with him, you shouldn't do so just to make him happy. If you need some romance to get the fire burning again, there's nothing wrong with that -- and if that's what it takes, so be it. It would be nice if you b/f recognized this is what you need, but not everyone is a mind-reader. It might be to your advantage to help him along in that regard. There's nothing wrong in the weeks leading up to your reunion when your b/f mentions how much he misses you, that in response, you drop a few hints about how much you'd like to be able to share X, Y and Z with him when you're together, again. Surely there are some little things, special moments, or even fantasies the two of you engaged in or talked about doing in the past that would be a good way for the the two of you to get "re-acquainted." I'm not talking about filming a porno movie here. I'm talking about coming up with some activities that allow the two of you to be together and rediscover why you decided to become a couple and have stuck out a torturous LDR so that you can be together again. Not knowing your history, where you live, and your shared interests, it's difficult to suggest what would be meaningful and romantic to the two of you. But, I'm sure if you put on your thinking cap you can come up with some things that would be a treat for him, and make you feel good about being back with your man. And, don't forget, everything you may come up with doesn't have to be overly serious, complicated or elaborate. Simple, silly, and off-the-wall surprises are great ways to break the ice, and draw you closer, too. Most of all, don't worry so much! If your man truly loves you, he'll want you to be happy. If not, TBH, he's not the man for you. Best, TMichaels Edited February 22, 2008 by TMichaels
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