Boyfriend's Mother.

[Ashley_123]

Hi.

 

I was wondering if anyone had any advice what to do (if anything) about my boyfriend's mother. The main problem is that she is very possessive over him. He is 22 (I'm 19) and she treats him like he is 12 and complains about everything.

 

He works about 3/4 nights a week and , when he isn't working, usually spends time with me. For the past few months though, his mother's been moody with him. She is always complaining that he is out a lot. Bearing in mind that he works and goes to college, I think that she's being unreasonable. He always tries to appease her too. I understand that it is his mother and he doesn't want to upset her but I wish he would stand up for himself. He's not a pushover but, when it comes to her, he does whatever she wants.

 

For instance, we'll be watching a DVD and he will get a phonecall from her (which he always takes away from me these days). And then he will say something like "I have to go soon, my mum is kicking off". Sometimes I feel like telling him to tell her where to go but I know that, if it came down to it, I wouldn't win out over his mother. So I say nothing. Well, I don't comment if I can help it. Also, she makes him feel guilty about not seeing her. She is divorced and her life is mainly devoted to her two sons and her work. I understand she is close to her sons but she is worse with my boyfriend than she is with his brother. She actually tried to kick him out recently because he 'wasn't spending enough time at home'. And he pays keep!

 

They already go to the gym together around twice a week. And, I know I am ranting here but this really pissed me off: a few days before Valentine's day, I overheard them having a conversation about going to the gym and my boyfriend was asking when she wanted to go. She said that the only day she could go was Thursday (Valentine's Day...conveniently) and started kicking off when he said that he wanted to spend that day with me. It was so obvious that she didn't want him to. It's not as if they have a quick gym session either - they're there for hours in the sauna, swimming and everything. He also goes to the cinema with her and on random drives. We hardly ever go on a date these days as he never has any money so this really gets on my nerves. Whenever he does have money he always 'owes it to his mum' for something anyway.

 

There are lots of other little things that annoy me too. For instance, he didn't tell her what he got me for Christmas because he didn't want her to know that he spent any money on me. He told her that he only got me a teddy (he got me a bracelet also).

 

She always tells him that he has to stay in with her too. As a result, I am not seeing him tonight. He's with her now watching a DVD and he hasn't text me or anything - except once to say he misses me. He never rings/texts me when he is with her. She's always really nice to my face but I am starting to get the impression that she doesn't like me. Or maybe she feels I am taking her son from her?

 

It has just got to a point where I am sick of having to go to my boyfriend's all the time so he can do things for her. My parents don't complain when they don't see me. Mine are split up so I hardly ever see my mum. He never wants to go round there but I have to sit with his mum when he decides. I know that he is trying to balance everything but I wish his mum didn't have such an influence over him. I'm not sure he even realises this himself. Any advice?

[whichwayisup]

There's not much you can do. Yes it's become a real problem but this is his mom and until HE decides to stand up to her and let her know at age 22 he has his own life and she has no right to push him around or tell him what to do, this is how it's going to be. He is loyal to her....

 

You have a choice, accept things as they are and try to get to know her, spend time with her and talk to her like a friend, woman to woman and not look at her as your competition. Don't COMPETE with her! If you do, you'll lose...Sorry to say that, but it's true.