lambda Posted February 21, 2008 Posted February 21, 2008 If you ask a person that you have known for a little while out, and she says no, is it ok to ask for a reason?
Lizzie60 Posted February 21, 2008 Posted February 21, 2008 If you ask a person that you have known for a little while out, and she says no, is it ok to ask for a reason? I don't see why not?
xpaperxcutx Posted February 21, 2008 Posted February 21, 2008 Umm what does your intuition tell you? I would say that she's not interested, but if you really want to ask her why, ask. But I don't think she would appreciate having to explain herself.
AriaIncognito Posted February 21, 2008 Posted February 21, 2008 Whats the point? If she's not interested, she's not interested. Whether it be because she's taken, or isn't attracted to you, or whatever, it doesn't really matter does it? Fact is, she isn't interested and you should move onto the next one. Plenty of fish in the sea....
Author lambda Posted February 21, 2008 Author Posted February 21, 2008 Whats the point? If she's not interested, she's not interested. Whether it be because she's taken, or isn't attracted to you, or whatever, it doesn't really matter does it? Fact is, she isn't interested and you should move onto the next one. Plenty of fish in the sea.... It does matter because you can learn something from it. You might have screwed up without knowing it, or you can get to know what negative personal traits she didn't appreciate. Only if you know the reason you can do something about it, and maybe have better luck next time.
EYECANDY000 Posted February 21, 2008 Posted February 21, 2008 I guess I would be somewhat interested to know why that person has declined to go out with me. But , If they say no then more than likely I would say "ok" and move on. I dont think someone needs to say more to explain theirself. It doesnt get any clearer than that. I take it as they are not interested! Oh well ! Their loss
xpaperxcutx Posted February 21, 2008 Posted February 21, 2008 It does matter because you can learn something from it. You might have screwed up without knowing it, or you can get to know what negative personal traits she didn't appreciate. Only if you know the reason you can do something about it, and maybe have better luck next time. But that might have a negative effect. the girl might think he's coming on strong.
StartingOver07 Posted February 22, 2008 Posted February 22, 2008 It does matter because you can learn something from it. You might have screwed up without knowing it, or you can get to know what negative personal traits she didn't appreciate. Only if you know the reason you can do something about it, and maybe have better luck next time. This is creepy. If someone asks me out and I decline politely, that should be the end of the story. I do not want to have to justify my reasons and for sure I am not going to tell the guy about his negative personal traits!
Jilly Bean Posted February 22, 2008 Posted February 22, 2008 NO! I've had guys pull that on me. It just makes me wonder why they would want me to either 1) lie to be kind, or 2) be cruel and be honest.
AriaIncognito Posted February 22, 2008 Posted February 22, 2008 It does matter because you can learn something from it. You might have screwed up without knowing it, or you can get to know what negative personal traits she didn't appreciate. Only if you know the reason you can do something about it, and maybe have better luck next time. Sorry but that reeks of lack of self confidence. It's highly unlikely that you did something so wrong to make someone be like "well I'll not accept a date from them now!" Someone shouldn't have to explain why they dont want to date you. Maybe they think you're a troll. Maybe they think you're better than them. Whatever. Doesn't matter. I think you come off creepy if you ask why not. Too pushy. And if a guy did that to me, I'd be certain to tell all my friends to steer clear, so not only are you killing your shot with me, but also with everyone I know. Is the knowledge worth it?
D-Lish Posted February 22, 2008 Posted February 22, 2008 I have had men ask me why I didn't want to go out with them before and it made me really uncomfortable and ultimately angry. I had one guy harrass me for weeks about the "why".... and it drove me insane....my friends nicknamed him stalker. I think it's normal to wonder "why".... but I think if someone says no, you should leave it at that and accept it as they just don't want to go out with you. On to the next.
Walk Posted February 22, 2008 Posted February 22, 2008 I wouldn't have a problem if a guy asked, but I'd lie anyway so what's the point of asking me? You probably won't get an honest answer if you ask. And you'll probably come off looking insecure and pathetic. Its not going to be helpful to you. You'd be better off asking a female friend that you trust to give you some pointers on things you may be doing wrong when asking girls out. Or even what your body language is saying when you ask someone out.
BlueEyedGirl Posted February 22, 2008 Posted February 22, 2008 I had a guy paster me for months and asking why. At first I was polite but he demanded to know the truth. I ended up telling him the truth - I wasn't physically attracted to him and he wasn't that intelligent. He called me a "cruel bitch". You can't win.
Author lambda Posted February 22, 2008 Author Posted February 22, 2008 This is creepy. If someone asks me out and I decline politely, that should be the end of the story. I do not want to have to justify my reasons and for sure I am not going to tell the guy about his negative personal traits! The thought was to explain to them in an email that you fully accept that she don't want to date you, but it would be kind if you got a reason so you can learn something from it. And then you can move on and maybe have better luck with another girl. I've had girls asking me why and I have no problems with telling them the truth if they ask for it! But i agree that she probably would tell her friends and that it's not sure if she would tell the truth. Maybe its not a good idea afterall.
OpenBook Posted February 22, 2008 Posted February 22, 2008 I had a guy paster me for months and asking why. At first I was polite but he demanded to know the truth. I ended up telling him the truth - I wasn't physically attracted to him and he wasn't that intelligent. He called me a "cruel bitch". You can't win. I agree. I think technically there's nothing wrong with asking her why she won't go out with you. But usually the men who want to know this, also want to sit there and argue with you once you give them the reason. So if you ask her why she turned you down, I hope you will accept the answer gracefully and don't try to change her mind or make her feel bad about it. (Bonus to this approach: Sometimes it gives her second thoughts about you...)
dbtmarley Posted February 22, 2008 Posted February 22, 2008 If you want to validate her reasons for saying NO then by all means ask her this, "What the hell is your problem?!" Look at her with your eyes really wide... or... You can brush it off, pick yourself up, forget about it. and... Move on to the next female possibility..
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