openingup Posted February 21, 2008 Posted February 21, 2008 Hi everyone, I haven't put my story out here fully yet, but I had a very long-term relationship with a MM (10+ years) and recently went NC. We live 500 miles apart but have many mutual friends. One called yesterday to let me know that he had scheduled a kidney scan at a major research hospital (renal system cancers were responsible for the early deaths of his father and grandfather.) What do you do? I agonized over doing the right thing in terms of being a decent human being versus trying to preserve my fledgling independence from the relationship. Decency and concern won out and I called to check on the results of the scan. I purposely called when I had an important meeting 10 minutes later to force myself off the phone. I know I could have found out from someone else, but it seemed very heartless, regardless of his previous treatment of me. (He was as heartless as anyone could imagine.) The cyst was benign and he's fine. I was relieved, but all the feelings about the many years we spent together came flooding back and I've spent the whole day feeling as if I'd been punched in the chest, looking at my phone in the vain hope that he'd call back, who knows why . . . Do you just have to tough it out and know you're going to regress in circumstances like these after you make the call, or get the information another way and make your contact decision from there? Anybody been there?
EllaDerSpin Posted February 21, 2008 Posted February 21, 2008 Situations like these, arent likely to happen very often. Take how you feel now to be your deciding factor in whether it is good for you to keep contact or not. Also consider whether he really needs you or not. I'm not trying to be harsh, but, I should imagine that he has kept all of his needs met and more. If he has an illness or a health scare then he does have all of his family around him. I should think that you have been left with some empty promises and no partner to share things with. Your concern does need to be with you now, so that you can free yourself up for a partner of your own.
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