Kind of told MM about pregnancy

[JackJack]

No, no vacation time. He just came back from vacation less than a month ago. Then he came back to work a few days, then disappeared. The man looks for ANY reason Not to go to work--I told him he's suffering from depression but of course he disagreed. Anyway, it will be two weeks this Saturday that I have seen him at his job. We don't work together, but I come through his job in order to get to my job. That I cannot avoid but I can leave earlier to get to work (but who wants to do that?).

 

Is there maybe anyone else you can ask that might would know or could at least tell you where he is? That is strange. THen again, maybe he went to another department or has left that job altogether.

[Gwyneth]

Good point.. about the safety issue..

 

I remember when I told my daughter's bio father, he was furious.. and one night I got scared.. he had a fit.. (I was living with him, 5th floor of a high-rise). He could have thrown me off the balcony and say I committed suicide.. because I was broke, in College and pregnant.

 

One evening.. he got all lovey-dovey.. I thought he was finally coming to his sense.. We had sex.. (he wasn't making love he was 'raping' me)... real hard.. the hardest he could.. hoping to abort me.. I realized it while he was banging me like a mad man..

 

Just be careful.. you never know how they can react.. mine was getting a divorce, he wasn't even with his W anymore..

 

I really don't see him doing anything to hurt me; I really don't think he's that type of man. I'm not afraid of him. he's weak, I am not. He has a heart, he just doesn't know how to use it very well. Now I do know from him that his wife hits him and he says he hits her back, but he has never laid a hand on me or done anything that would convince me he's abusive. He sayd he hits wife in defense. I'd be really surprised if he did try to physically hurt me, but again, I just don't get that feeling from him that he would do anything like that. He's an odd character, and I'm not really sure how he'd react knowing I am pregnant. He did say prior to me finding out, that he'd jump off a clif if his wife and I were both pregnant at the same time.

 

Perhaps he already jumped off that cliff...

[Lizzie60]

What if you tell him that you're pregnant.. he might keep ignoring you..

 

then what?

 

What if he says the child is not his? that you've been sleeping around?

 

then what?

[Gwyneth]

Is there maybe anyone else you can ask that might would know or could at least tell you where he is? That is strange. THen again, maybe he went to another department or has left that job altogether.

 

I was thinking of emailing his one coworker whose email I have. He very well could have switched his schedule, but like I said, I saw him at his job on a Sat, and the next four days--including a Sunday, he wasn't there. So I really just do not know. Something is odd, that is my intuition here. Something happened.

 

Off to sent the coworker an email.

[Lizzie60]

I really don't see him doing anything to hurt me; I really don't think he's that type of man. I'm not afraid of him. he's weak, I am not. He has a heart, he just doesn't know how to use it very well. Now I do know from him that his wife hits him and he says he hits her back, but he has never laid a hand on me or done anything that would convince me he's abusive. He sayd he hits wife in defense. I'd be really surprised if he did try to physically hurt me, but again, I just don't get that feeling from him that he would do anything like that. He's an odd character, and I'm not really sure how he'd react knowing I am pregnant. He did say prior to me finding out, that he'd jump off a clif if his wife and I were both pregnant at the same time.

 

Perhaps he already jumped off that cliff...

 

Wow.. from what I read.. you've only been with him a few times.. and it was for sex, on one occasion.. so why would he try to hit you ?

 

You DON'T know him well enough to know that he wouldn't touch you..

 

I think you are very naive.. my dear..

[PandorasBox]

I really don't see him doing anything to hurt me; I really don't think he's that type of man. I'm not afraid of him. he's weak, I am not. He has a heart, he just doesn't know how to use it very well. Now I do know from him that his wife hits him and he says he hits her back, but he has never laid a hand on me or done anything that would convince me he's abusive. He sayd he hits wife in defense. I'd be really surprised if he did try to physically hurt me, but again, I just don't get that feeling from him that he would do anything like that. He's an odd character, and I'm not really sure how he'd react knowing I am pregnant. He did say prior to me finding out, that he'd jump off a clif if his wife and I were both pregnant at the same time.

 

Perhaps he already jumped off that cliff...

 

That's good that you're not afraid of him, BUT you said his wife hits him and he hits her back? So there is abuse going on between them? Please don't think that you could be any different, because if he can hit her he can hit you.

 

I know I sure wouldn't want any man to be any part of my life or my child's if there is some type of abuse, especially physical going on.

 

I do think you have mixed emotions about him though, could be from being pregnant, but I think you were like that before you got pregnant.

[Lizzie60]

I was thinking of emailing his one coworker whose email I have. He very well could have switched his schedule, but like I said, I saw him at his job on a Sat, and the next four days--including a Sunday, he wasn't there. So I really just do not know. Something is odd, that is my intuition here. Something happened.

 

Off to sent the coworker an email.

 

I think I read somewhere that you said that HE was weak and YOU were strong..

 

I think you're kidding yourself.. I think you are very clingy.. spying on him at work.. emailing him.. etc..

 

If you were that strong, you wouldn't beat around the bush.. and you would move on.. simple...

 

Sorry but I don't buy that 'he's weak I'm strong' when, in fact, he's the one who has dumped you and moved on.. come on..

 

You're not the first woman to get pregnant with a jerk.. been there..

[Gwyneth]

I have spent eight months of my life with him, and waited a very long time before having sex with him. Are you saying, Lizzie, that you cannot really know a man unless you sleep with him? I think I know him more and better than any of you to say that I don't think he'd hurt me. Like I said, that's an intuition I have.

[Gwyneth]

I think I read somewhere that you said that HE was weak and YOU were strong..

 

I think you're kidding yourself.. I think you are very clingy.. spying on him at work.. emailing him.. etc..

 

If you were that strong, you wouldn't beat around the bush.. and you would move on.. simple...

 

Sorry but I don't buy that 'he's weak I'm strong' when, in fact, he's the one who has dumped you and moved on.. come on..

 

You're not the first woman to get pregnant with a jerk.. been there..

 

Um, yeah hello, but where are you getting your facts from, Lizzie?

 

How am I clingy? And when do I "spy" on him at work? Why are you insinuating such ridiculous things?

 

I'm not doing this for me, I am doing this for the baby I am carrying inside my womb. I'm trying to be a good parent here--that's quite tacky of you to say I'm clingy and spying on him when neither are true. I'm sorry you feel that way, Lizzie.

 

Reading from some of the things you have posted around this board, you are pretty much the last person, even as the OW, I'd ever take advice from.

 

And when did I ever say he dumped me? Where are you getting your facts from? Neither of us dumped the other, and if anything, it was me that has said "let's discontinue this and move on." I don't think I ever even shared that on this board though.

 

And yeah, "come on," where are we going? I'm only trying to do right by my child.

[Lizzie60]

I have spent eight months of my life with him, and waited a very long time before having sex with him. Are you saying, Lizzie, that you cannot really know a man unless you sleep with him? I think I know him more and better than any of you to say that I don't think he'd hurt me. Like I said, that's an intuition I have.

 

Did you have the same intuition about his wife BEFORE he told you he hit her? Really Gwyn.. I think you're fooling yourself with this guy.. sheessh

[Gwyneth]

Did you have the same intuition about his wife BEFORE he told you he hit her? Really Gwyn.. I think you're fooling yourself with this guy.. sheessh

 

His R with her is not what it is with me. Every R is different. I'm not fooling myself, that much I do know. We were never BF / GF, so there's no dumping happening. I figured as much about their R even before he told me just by the way he described his Marriage to her.

 

Anyway, this is irrelevant. Next.

[Lizzie60]

Um, yeah hello, but where are you getting your facts from, Lizzie?

 

How am I clingy? And when do I "spy" on him at work? Why are you insinuating such ridiculous things?

 

I'm not doing this for me, I am doing this for the baby I am carrying inside my womb. I'm trying to be a good parent here--that's quite tacky of you to say I'm clingy and spying on him when neither are true. I'm sorry you feel that way, Lizzie.

 

Reading from some of the things you have posted around this board, you are pretty much the last person, even as the OW, I'd ever take advice from.

 

And when did I ever say he dumped me? Where are you getting your facts from? Neither of us dumped the other, and if anything, it was me that has said "let's discontinue this and move on." I don't think I ever even shared that on this board though.

 

And yeah, "come on," where are we going? I'm only trying to do right by my child.

 

OMG, it's worst than I thought..

 

Spying at work: you said yourself that you're checking him at work.. I didn't make that up.. why would I?

 

I'm not doing this for me, I am doing this for the baby

 

Yeah right.. What do you want from him.. you said you didn't want him around.. strange.. you change your mind on every post..

 

You don't have to take my advice ... I won't lose sleep over this..

 

He dumped you.. because you keep emailing him and he is avoiding you.. then if that's not 'dumping' I don't know what it is..

 

I feel sorry for you..

[Gwyneth]

OMG, it's worst than I thought..

 

Spying at work: you said yourself that you're checking him at work.. I didn't make that up.. why would I?

 

I'm not doing this for me, I am doing this for the baby

 

Yeah right.. What do you want from him.. you said you didn't want him around.. strange.. you change your mind on every post..

 

You don't have to take my advice ... I won't lose sleep over this..

 

He dumped you.. because you keep emailing him and he is avoiding you.. then if that's not 'dumping' I don't know what it is..

 

I feel sorry for you..

 

I don't need You to feel sorry for me...that's not why I'm here. Again, he didn't dump me. Hello, but how do you dump someone you aren't even in a committed R with? That's just stupid.

 

I don't recall saying I check him at work. What are you talking about? I would know if he's at work, and he hasn't been--at least when I have been there. I don't really want to give too much detail about what his job is, and maybe if I did it would be more sensible to people why I'd know he is or isn't there. But I don't spy on him--I have better things to do than spy on MM at work. That's just stupid and immature. Maybe that's what you do, Lizzie, but not me. I'm 26; how old are you, 16?

[Chrome Barracuda]

Chrome Barracuda, I don't even know what you are talking about. What game am I trying to play? And at this point, it really doesn't matter if he cares about me or not--I think he needs to care about himself before he cares about others. Clearly he doesn't care about himself (he sometimes admitted that). You asked, Is that so freaking hard!?? Yes, to answer your question, this is "so freaking hard" when the guy has gone MIA on me.

 

I'm not playing a game people. I'm prgnant...HELLO!!!!!! This is a bad situation and the father of this child has not been responding to my emails. I need to talk to him and possibly let him know that I am with child. How is this playing a game? No matter what, I am still connected to him because of this baby. How naive and irresponsible of some of you to say that I am playing a game, that he doesn't care about me, and why am I still doing this. Because I'm pregnant!!!! With his baby!!! Still am--that will not change.

 

I never said you was playing a game, but it seems like your whole initial post said I kinda told MM I was pregnant. Not I blatantly told him , his wife and family and I'm keeping the baby. Complete exposure is needed to get your point across do you feel me?

 

You havent taken the steps neccessary needed to make it known!!!

 

I think you need to be more forceful in your interactions. I know he's possibly hiding but if you want the MM to know, then you need to get a lawyer and have his ass served with childsupport papers established after paternity papers, Yeah because he'll try to squeeze out of it and say it's not his.

 

He was a scumbag from the jump and you still decided to get involved with him. I want it to work out for you and your baby where you find a great single guy to commit to. But this cloud of the MM's baby over your head isnt gonna go away without you confronting him.

 

Directly!

[PandorasBox]

Just wondering, but, what is it you would like to see happen?

 

Do you want him in the childs life? Do you want him in your and the child's life? Just child support? Or him not in the child's life at all no child support, nothing at all from him?

 

This is all based on if you are able to get in touch with him and tell him for sure.

[Lizzie60]

No dear, I'm old enough to be your mother...

 

But you are indeed very young.. that explains a lot.. IMO

 

You are in denial and it's OK.. normal actually.

 

What if he says the child is not his? Then what?

[JackJack]

I have a question, and I'm sure you may have mentioned it before in either this thread or another thread, and I probably missed it. If so, I apologize.

 

Was the first time you had sex with him, when you got pregnant? Or had you all had sex more than once?

[Pyro]

CB has a point. If not done already, you should have a lawyer lined up. If he does decide to contact you back and you give him the news, he may try and deny that it is his child.

 

Do you want him to be a part of the childs life or do you just want him to know for the sake of knowing?

[sb129]

This

 

I have spent eight months of my life with him, and waited a very long time before having sex with him. Are you saying, Lizzie, that you cannot really know a man unless you sleep with him? I think I know him more and better than any of you to say that I don't think he'd hurt me. Like I said, that's an intuition I have.

 

Contradicts this:-

 

Again, he didn't dump me. Hello, but how do you dump someone you aren't even in a committed R with? That's just stupid.

 

I don't recall saying I check him at work. What are you talking about? I would know if he's at work, and he hasn't been--at least when I have been there. ?

 

You DO check him at work- the very fact that you know he hasn't been there proves that.

 

Gwyneth your posts keep contradicting themselves.

You say you really KNOW him, but you slept with him ONCE. HELLO. One shag does not mean you know someone well! If it did, it means I must really know over 20 guys. Not. If you really "know" him, then how come hes gone AWOL on you huh?

 

You told him he was depressed? No wonder he ignores you. What on earth makes you qualified to tell him that?

 

And he admits he is in an abusive R with his W (which may or may not be true), and you still are stalking him?

 

Girl, get a grip. This guy used you for sex, and he is now hotfooting it far away from you.

 

Sorry, but thats what it seems to me. Some guys will dedicate 8 months of their lives to flirting with someone to get in their pants. Once they get the prize- they move on to the next challenge.

 

The guy sounds like an idiot. Seeing as your baby has 50% his DNA, you had better learn some good parenting techniques so it has a good chance in life.

[Gwyneth]

Hi. I'm Gwyneth's sister. I just told her that she needs to get off this board and go lay down since she is now distressed. Thank you to those who have contributed to this.

 

I have no idea what this board is, but I am quickly reading through and it's no wonder she's not feeling well right now. Case closed, let's end this thread, okay?

 

Another thing, I once met the married man spoken of here and was very impressed how in awe he is of my sister, despite him being married. Yes, she is in a bad situation right now being pregnant with his child. The last thing she needs to be doing right now is coming onto a board of this nature and discussing her issues and dilemmas with a bunch of strangers when she knows she has a great support system in her home.

 

I can't even believe some of you were suggesting this man would hit her. Is that really what you suggest to a woman who is pregnant? Sometimes we need to think about what we say and to who we say it before doing so. I also do not think her persistent attemps to contact X is at all a sign of deperateness.

 

My sister is the furthest from naive as some of you suggested. She is one of the most brightest women I know, and I am not just saying that because she is my sister. She is a Very logical thinker, and very realistic. She is also self-supportive, has a really great job, and makes enough to support herself and a baby. She doesn't need this man and she knows that. But she does need to decide--on her own--whether or not she will tell X that she is pregnant with his child.

 

I don't even know or understand why she is coming onto a board like this discussing her personal issues when she has the love and support of her family and friends. How she has put up with the rudeness I am looking through here just only proves that she is a strong woman, but she is pregnant and needs to not be on this board with attacks and be at rest.

 

Please give her some space, rest, and a happy and healthy pregnancy. I guess I have to be her spokesperson and aid, as well as her sister. I do see that some of you are really supportive via PMs. Thank you for doing that for her; that is very sweet of you (you all know who you are).

 

Thank you.

B

[JackJack]

Nevermind sb answered it for me.

 

That was my point, he slept with you once, sounds like he got what he was after and has now bolted. I know you mentioned you all had talked some after you all had slept together but that doesn't mean he didn't get what he had orginally set out for and wasn't going to take off at some point, because its kind of what it sounds like hun, sorry.

 

Contact a lawyer, tell the MM about the child then go from there as far as possible child support etc. He is user and and if he is/has hit on his wife, an abuser as well.

[sb129]

Ummm. We will give her space, of course... until she logs in next and asks advice, because people will respond, its a public forum that your sister chooses to belong to.

 

I am very very glad she has the love and support of her family and friends because she definitely needs it at a time like this. I am not entirely sure why she needs a spokesperson, why didn't she just log out, or leave the forum?

 

Not everyone here is her enemy, in fact some of us are just trying to make her see through the facade this MM has created around himself, and the sooner she realises that, the sooner she can move on and get on with her life, and be a good mom to her baby.

 

Nobody suggested he would hit her until she herself said that the man in question has a physically abusive relationship with his wife. People were actually advising her to be safe. So go figure on that one.

[Lizzie60]

Well then, you need to keep her out of here.. since she is not 'smart' enough to stay away.. this is a public forum.. and we are all entitled to our opinions based on what SHE writes on here.. We didn't make up her story.. btw.. she chose to discuss it with a bunch of strangers.. her choice.. not ours..

 

If she is so mature and so smart.. how come she's not handling this problem with dignity and maturity?

 

Take care of your sister.. she will need all the help she can get..

 

I've been exactly where she is right now.. but I didn't have any support whatsoever.. so in a way, she's lucky..

[sb129]

Wow, that's intense. No need to take things personally. I admit sometimes I get riled up on LS but I let it go, it's just people with opinions - a lot of them with great life experience to back those opinions up.

 

Oh, well. When in a difficult situation it is always easier to hide one's head in the sand. I know, I've done it enough in my lifetime.

Good post B_O

 

You're very immature people, very immature. Keep posting, she isn't reading and is sleeping.

 

BTW, ask yourselves again why does it matter how many times she slept with this guy. I read that she posted a few times, so where you are getting one time is questionable. It says it right in here that it happened several times. I don't think that matters.

So she hasn't even told you how many times? Her own sister? You find out the details from here?

 

And she is sleeping at 9am on a Friday when she has such an awesome job? (it says she is in NYC, thats what time it is there)

 

I smell a BIG fat rat people....

[Tony]

Judging from the content of the last dozen or so posts, I feel this thread has run its course and should cease. I hope the OP got something out of this.

 

As for relatives posting for members, this is strictly prohibited. Each member should post on behalf of himself. This is also not a site where families need to resolve difficulties or explain family dynamics. Thank you.