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Posted

When I picked up my girlfriend's skis from the ski shop I noticed she was not truthful about filling in her weight for the binding release info. For those that don't ski, when you fall your skiis pop off because the binding you are in release you. The settings of the bindings are based on your height, weight and skiing ability.

 

She checked off the 150 - 150 lb box when last weekend she was upset about gaining more weight this winter weighing to quote her over 180lbs. I am not sure her exact weight just that she is over 180lbs now. We have been dating for almost 4 years and when we started dating she weighed around 115. She has always been in denial about her weight but if the bindings release to early she could get hurt.

 

So, should I take the skiis back and have the ski shop adjust the bindings without her knowing, or ask her about the "typo" on the form.

Posted

That's a big weight gain in four years. Has she been to a doctor about it?

Posted

wow that is tricky but 30 pounds can make a huge difference in how the skiis release.

 

I wouldn't know how to approach it personally I would just tell the ski shop that she is really 180 and ask them to readjust,

 

Is she depressed or sick? That is a lot of weight to put on.

Posted

Bindings that release early, aren't as dangerous as bindings that release too late. Are you certain this is about safety and bindings, or is this about dissatisfaction over weight gain?

Posted

I would take the skis back and have the adjusted for her actual weight. Vanity is no excuse to forgo safety.

Posted
Bindings that release early, aren't as dangerous as bindings that release too late. Are you certain this is about safety and bindings, or is this about dissatisfaction over weight gain?

 

Very true. Beginners have their bindings set so that they release early - because it's safer for them. More advanced skiers have their bindings set to release late. The binding settings are based on weight AND skill level...but either way, the sooner the safer.

 

I don't think this is a safety issue. I think you have a problem with her weight and are using this as an excuse to broach the subject with her, which is fine, but you should be honest...

  • Author
Posted

maybe this post was a little bit of both. I have taked/vented about my girlfriends weight before and have come to terms that until she wants to make a change nothing is going to happen. I love her, have moved in with her and will prolly marry her. So I guess to be honest the main reason for the post was to vent about the continuing cycle of my gf's weight and her denial in hope some one might be able to help my understand what is going on in her mind. She knows she weighs in the 180's yet checks the 150-155 box in the forum. I guess I am just confussed.

Posted

Ignore the bindings and try telling her something like Honey, I love you and I want you to be happy and I just feel like you might not be as happy as you used to be and I want to help. We're in this together and I know your weight has bothered you. Maybe we should see a doctor and find out if there is anything wrong and if we can both find a healthier lifestyle because I want us to be together and healthy for a long time.

 

Something supportive. You may be enabling her in an unhealthy lifestyle and not even realize it.

Posted
She knows she weighs in the 180's yet checks the 150-155 box in the forum. I guess I am just confussed.

 

 

No offense but if a woman told me they weighed 150 or 180 I wouldn't know the difference. I'm not a very good judge of weight. Maybe she does it because she can without anyone calling her out on it but at the same time it makes her feel better about herself or something.

 

If I were you I'd call her out on it. Especially if it poses a safety risk. It sounds like you've been given a way to soften what you're about to say when you mention the bindings.

 

If you love her you'll help her get to the bottom of the issue.

Posted

If she wants to lie about her weight, she just won't be able to ski hard. No serious bump runs for her...

 

That much weight gain in 4 years is a valid problem. Unless she eats like a horse or junks out continuously, have her checked for a hypothyroid condition. Also, certain birth control pills can play havoc on your body.

Posted

Well, since he moved into her place, I'd tread very carefully, especially if she is sensitive or in denial. His stuff could end up out the front door :D

 

Personally, my wife knows her weight in minute detail and I don't need to talk about it. I tell her she looks great (which she does) and that I'm always available if she needs an exercise buddy :) I only talk about it if she brings up the subject. Perhaps some see that as wimpy but I see it as respectful of her feelings and personal space. She's not a child.

 

I'd get the bindings corrected and say nothing... pick your battles...

Posted
Well, since he moved into her place, I'd tread very carefully, especially if she is sensitive or in denial. His stuff could end up out the front door :D

 

Personally, my wife knows her weight in minute detail and I don't need to talk about it. I tell her she looks great (which she does) and that I'm always available if she needs an exercise buddy :) I only talk about it if she brings up the subject. Perhaps some see that as wimpy but I see it as respectful of her feelings and personal space. She's not a child.

 

I'd get the bindings corrected and say nothing... pick your battles...

 

Carhill is a wise man.

Posted
Carhill is a wise man.

 

Possibly but he did not mention if his wife gains in excess an average of 16 lbs a year. Or if she lies about what she actually weighs too.

 

To me it seems like those things mean that it needs to be addressed.

 

I complain about my weight. My BF never brings it up. I gain weight in winter that I take off in summer every year. My BF tells me I look great. If I lose too much weight it wouldn't be as attractive as I am now. But we're talking 5 lbs.

 

If I had gained 32 lbs in the past two years I've known him and said I only gained 2 I would hope he would speak to me about it. Not because he's not wise...but just because he cares.

 

Warped body image is a huge component of eating disorders. I'm not saying she has one. But I'm not saying she doesn't either.

Posted

My wife should lose about 40 lbs and she knows it. I don't need to remind her. FWIW, so could I. The curse of approaching 50 :D

 

Wisdom is situational. I didn't get the sense from the OP that his girlfriend had a health problem or eating disorder. I'll presume she's had routine physicals and blood work done over the last 4 years that would turn up health issues. The consistency sounds more like birth control -related or just plain "I love my food " :) . I know my wife had similar issues prior to us getting married, when she was using birth control pills.

 

I have a warped body image. When the DMV asks me for hair color, I say brown. In reality, the only brown hair is growing out of my nose. My head is essentially bald :D

Posted

If my bf was dissatisfied because I had gained weight.... as much as it might hurt I'd want to know. That really is a lot of weight to gain in that amount of time. At 115 she must have been pretty skinny.... at over 180 now- it can't NOT be noticeable.

 

She knows it, she probably has issues with it.

 

When you get comfortable in a relationship it's easy to put on weight...unconditional love can make you comfortable enought to let yourself go a little.

 

I always sat at around 135- and when I met my husband, I grew to 160. After the divorce I went as low as 99lbs due to the stress and sadness. I have settled back to a comfortable 115lbs. One thing I learned from that is that I WILL NEVER let myself go again in a relationship.

 

I think you do have an issue with her weight- and I think it's a valid one. The thing is... if she were to lose weight, she'd probably feel better about herself.

 

Man, it's a tough subject to broach. I get upset if people recognize I look healthier now that I am not 99lbs... which is dumb. I would talk to her about it though- even if you have to take the hard line.

Posted
I'll presume she's had routine physicals and blood work done over the last 4 years that would turn up health issues.

 

Islandsurfer has been around for nearly three years complaining of his GFs weight problems. He even worries about the implications it may have on her health.

 

But I don't recall him ever mentioning her going to the doctor for a thorough exam.

 

Your wife is almost fifty. Islandsurfer's GF is nearly half your wife's age.

 

Going on presumptions and senses is unreliable at best, for most of us anyway. Of course you may just be the exception.

Posted

I went back and read the threads. From what it sounds like, she doesn't exercise and she overeats, primarily junk food. Add birth control, and you have someone who is now 5 foot 3 and over 180 pounds.

 

I don't see anything unusual about gaining that much weight in this time given that she is sedentary and doesn't have a healthy diet. That much weight on a woman that height is very noticeable. He may have been asking for years about what to do about it, and he and her family have been trying to intervene but it is clear that it isn't helping.

 

She is overweight because she overeats and does not exercise - birth control can also be a culprit but is not the primary one. Is she depressed? Very likely given how much of a role her weight has played in her life and how much attention has been paid to it by those around her. There is only so much that going to a doctor is going to do. She has to play her part by changing her diet and lifestyle if she wants to lose weight. It does not sound like she is doing that based on past threads and this one.

 

It sounds bad, but I can understand this guy's frustration. You can love someone dearly and stick by them, but still be turned off by their physical attributes. How many threads have we seen on this sort of thing? The people posting simply want the person to be how they used to. I don't think that is an unusual thing to want, but it is hard to say that you do want that - a good deal of people don't want to hear that. They want to hear that 'love conquers all' and that 'if you truly love someone you won't care what they look like'. That may ring true, but physical attraction is really high up on more people's lists than people would like to accept regardless of how much they love their partner.

 

I'm sure he is as depressed as she is by now over this. I expect is a constant merry go round of her self loathing (it is clear from past threads that she is not happy being overweight), inability to want to do anything about it, and his frustration over wishing she would stop talking about losing weight and simply take the steps to do so.

 

With the right doctor and the right lifestyle change she could be well on her way to at least getting a start. I'm not sure she really wants to lose weight enough to change her lifestyle though - few people who want to lose weight do. They will try crash diets and lose weight, only to gain it all back and then some when they continue back on their regular lifestyle. The sort of weight that she wants to lose requires an all out lifestyle change, not a diet.

Posted

I just want to say that being overweight can be as much of a personality trait that you find unnattractive as a physical trait. Progressing and finding solutions or really trying to is more attractive than giving up. Progression could take any form. Spiritual, environmental, physical etc

That said depression can take on many forms and is debilitating and difficult to find a path out of without help. I think if it were me, I would really appreciate being talked to about it, and loved and supported through it.

  • Author
Posted

Most of the time when she went to the doctors it was at the college health clinic when her birthcontrol pills were running low. They did mention her weight at least once and have her try a different birth control pill. I know that since college which ended last May she has not been to a doctor.

 

After the ski trip, I still think she is in denial about her weight. The last time she went skiing was 2 years ago, and she brought all the same warm weather clothes she wore last time. At the hotel she couldn't get into her spandex, and she could not button or zip her snow pants. She knows she gained weight, why try to wear the same clothes she wore before?

 

Also the fact that she is out of shape was showeb when every time she fell I had to help her up because she could not get up herself. Last time we went skiing she could get her self up when she fell

Posted

Do you ever talk to her about it or do you just avoid it altogether?

 

A lot of people over-eat due to emotional problems. She may need to face them finally since it seems that denial could be a common occurence in her life.

 

Have you ever asked her why she eats so much?

Posted
Most of the time when she went to the doctors it was at the college health clinic when her birthcontrol pills were running low. They did mention her weight at least once and have her try a different birth control pill. I know that since college which ended last May she has not been to a doctor.

Then pressure her to make an appointment with a doctor. Gaining 65 pounds in 4 years, without having a baby, is not normal.

 

Edit - if you consider this in percentages, that's 56.5% of her original body weight. This is very unhealthy.

Posted
Islandsurfer has been around for nearly three years complaining of his GFs weight problems. He even worries about the implications it may have on her health.

 

But I don't recall him ever mentioning her going to the doctor for a thorough exam.

 

Your wife is almost fifty. Islandsurfer's GF is nearly half your wife's age.

 

Going on presumptions and senses is unreliable at best, for most of us anyway. Of course you may just be the exception.

 

My apologies. I've been around for 4 days :D

 

Perhaps a better statement would have been to get her to a doctor? Sometimes I overlook the obvious because I only see things through the eyes of my experience, which includes a lifetime of routine medical care, as well as self-monitoring.

 

Weight is a health issue my wife and I have both struggled with, so I can empathize. The good news is that the lady in question is indeed young and apparently has not vacillated in weight, both of which are positive factors for future success and health, if she can come to grips with reality now.

 

I believe my OP suggested to pick one's battles. It doesn't matter if one is 25 or 50 or 100. Everyone's definition is different. Mine is I would be sleeping in the camper if I nagged my wife about her weight. YMMV. Or, perhaps more applicable, YWMV ;)

  • Author
Posted

I really have never talked to her about her weight. It always seemed like the safest thing to do. When she actually does try to lose weight I help her my walking/jogging with her. However when she stops this, I never really question her or try to push her to continue.

 

I have never questions her about eating a lot because she was always a big eater even when she was thinner. At the start of freshman year she would brag about being able to eat anything and not gain weight. This is why some of her female friends were not sympathetic when she did gain weight. She also is a constant snacker. Right now she is in the other room watching Law and Order snacking on chocolate covered pretsels.

Posted

The others have me convinced that the ski/weight thing is not such a big deal. She might work up a bit more speed than expected, but she'll just sink a bit deeper into the fluffy snow when she does fall. But I do think you would be doing her a favor by getting that bowl of pretzels away from her.

Posted

Not pushing any agenda, but cutting out refined sugar and processed grains, with no other dietary or caloric changes, really made a difference for us. We love our food too and both love to cook.

 

My analysis is that, once I broke my brain's craving for simple and complex sugars, my whole eating style changed. I've reversed these changes twice, as a control, and found that I was almost addicted to sugared items, like a drug addict.

 

Yeah, those choco pretzels are mindless munchies...I can appreciate what you're going through. Her metabolism changed. If it was sudden, whoever above suggested thyroid might be on to something. My mom had similar issues (hypothyroidism) and unexpected weight gain was amongst the symptoms, along with irritability and sleep issues.

 

I wish you well....

 

My original opinion on the bindings stands :)

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