life_sucks Posted February 21, 2008 Posted February 21, 2008 Hi,im a 28yr old man,and i've just lost the love of my life.we'd been together for 11yrs and have an 8 yr old daughter together.we lived together for over 9 yrs.we got engaged last year and where to be wed this year.we've had our ups and downs over the yrs and had a good few break ups,some times lasting a few months,but always seemed to get back together because we both loved and missed each other so much.about 90% of the time it was her that came back to me,wanting me back.a few weeks ago we had a big arguement (over money)and split up again.on valentines day i left a card and flowers for her,and we got back together that day.2 days later she tells me she isn't in love with me anymore and its over.its the hardest thing i've ever had to hear in my life,and i'm having real trouble coming to terms with it.she's not only my fiance,she's my best friend and my soulmate.i'll be the 1st person to hold my hands up and say i treated her quite badly in the early yrs of our relationship.i was out with m8's all the time partying,and didnt make any effort to treat her like she deserved to be treated.this has changed a lot over the yrs though.i changed pretty much most of my life for her.i probably made the big mistake in telling her i would do anything to make our relationship work.since then,no matter what i do its not good enough for her.yrs ago nothing bothered her really.i was a heavy cannabis user for yrs(not an excuse btw),and so was she,but she gave it up yrs ago.last yr,i gave up smoking cannabis,and cigs too to try and focus my life more on her.alcohol played a big part in the demise of our relationship.the pair of us where a couple of nutters with drink in us,and used to sit and pour drink down everynight.most of the time we had fun,but it turned to big trouble for us on plenty of occasions.so last yr,we both gave up drinking completely.this was no problem for me,but she was very reluctant to do so.she has a group of friends who are always out drinking and partying,and she had recently been going out with them a lot.i didnt mind her goin out with them,just the state she got herself into when she was with them was rediculous.anyway,i started my own business last yr,and devoted all my time,money,and effort into making it work.it was going well,but ended up a failure,leaving me pretty broke and jobless.now i'm going to job interviews all over the place to try and get myself sorted out.all i wanted was to get a job and to be able to pay my way.she was paying the bills pretty much all the time.i was giving her all the money i could give her but it was never enough.there was a time when i had loads of money a few yrs back.that was the happiest time in our relationship.i was handing her a very good amount every week,and that was what made her happy.i'm pretty sure its the fact that at the moment i dont have much going for me that has made things turn out the way they have,and i understand that women want financial security and a good future out of a partner,but surely,if you love someone as much as she said she loved me (only a few weeks ago she was telling me how much she really loves me!!),you dont just fall out of love with them because of their financial situation?i had an interview for a really well paying job a couple of weeks back which went really well.the whole time i was waiting to hear back bout it she was really loving,and i think if i'd have got it,this wouldnt have happened at all.when i got notice i didnt get the job(last week) things obviously changed to her.I do lots of things to try and help her out to make up for the lack of money at the mo.i saved her a fortune doing 2weeks solid work on her car which she wrecked,only to have her turn round to me and say i dont help her out,and that the car didnt count??i keep her house clean for her,do all the decorating and loads of diy round the place.i even spent a fortune and mths of my time on the place making it into a lovely home,but none of this counts to her as its not money in her hand. i just dont know what to be at now.i used to have a large circle of friends,but over the yrs i fell out with most,or just didnt bother with them to keep her happy and dedicate my time to her.now i have a couple of select friends just,and no real way of meeting new people.the last thing i need or really want is another women,but part of me feels a need to try and meet one.it sounds stupid i know.i'm still looking for a job and have some part time work going at the minute to keep me going till something better comes along.i just spend every minute of my day thinking about it all.i've been here before with her,but never in our 11yrs together has she ever told me she doesnt love me!when i wake up in the mornings and realise im not with her anymore,its like a ton weight landing on me.if i ever seen her with another man i dont think i could handle it.i miss her soo much,not just as a partner,but as my best friend.i wish i could just jump on a plane and bugger off somewhere else and start again,but i could never leave my daughter behind.she means the world to me.but i have to see my ex everytime i go to pick her up,and how long till some other fella is livin there playin daddy. i'm sorry to rant on so much,hope it makes some kind of sense too.i could probably type all day here and still not get this all off my chest,but it definatly helps to get it out there.if anybody has any advice,feel free to comment. thx for listening...
curiousnycgirl Posted February 21, 2008 Posted February 21, 2008 Dude I tried, but this is impossible to read. You need to use paragraphs!
Author life_sucks Posted February 21, 2008 Author Posted February 21, 2008 sorry,i reposted it using paragraphs.wouldnt let me edit it or use same title so its under badly broken heart,thx...
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