ohmymy Posted February 21, 2008 Posted February 21, 2008 I am very confused! My friend has been with her husband almost 10 years. He and I didn't really start getting to know each other until about 2 years ago. Once we started to get to know each other we got to be really close. She is O.K. with this and often time jokes about how close we are. We share alot of the same ideals, hobbies, beliefs, etc. Well now I'm beginning to wonder if he is seeing me as a little more than a friend. I have tried distancing myself, but I LOVE being around my best friend, so that is kinda hard. If there is something going on I would like to address it with him so we can put the brakes on it now. HOWEVER, if there is not then I don't want him to think I'm insecure and looking for something places that there isn't anything and go back to my friend and tell her that. He and I have gotten to where we text a few times a week, we talk on the phone for at least an hour 1-2 times a week. He and her are going through some rough spots and I hear about it from both of them (I don't do the he/ said she said thing they BOTH know they can trust me), but I hear about it ALOT more from him. So sometimes the conversations center around that then other times he is just telling me about all the crazy stuff he did as a teenager. My question is WHEN DOES FRIENDSHIP CROSS THE LINE??? When we are around each other he compliments me alot and is always offering a helping hand, but in a way that is just his personality and he does it to everyone on a certain level. Yet in the past few months he has gotten increasingly withdrawn when we are around each other at first and it takes him a little while to pick up the conversation, etc. He has even been a bit quick with me a few times after I have mentioned things about other guys or been really friendly with another guy that was around. How do I know if he is really trying to build a relationship with me and be my closest guy friend and when do I need to think wait a minute this guy is getting alot closer than a friend's husband should? I have been known not to be the 100% best judge of character and since I am not committed to someone I don't want to just be thinking the worst and getting attached to him just because I am subcontiencly looking for a "mate". So what are the signs he is looking at me than more than "just a friend"?
Lishy Posted February 21, 2008 Posted February 21, 2008 If you feel uncomfortable with the way he is with you then I suggest you pull back and stop answering the calls from him so much. Remember your best friend is the one you should be loyal to, not her hubby! You will end up losing both of them.
american-woman Posted February 21, 2008 Posted February 21, 2008 Ohmymy your friends husband has already crossed that line. Try to read the book NOT JUST FRIENDS by Shirley Glass Does his wife know the he calls you and texts you?
dbtmarley Posted February 21, 2008 Posted February 21, 2008 If you feel uncomfortable with the way he is with you then I suggest you pull back and stop answering the calls from him so much. Remember your best friend is the one you should be loyal to, not her hubby! You will end up losing both of them. Agreed. He sounds lurky if you ask me. His wife needs to tell him to go out and get some best friends of his own. His wife might be throwing subtle hints towards you two by joking about it, shame on him for not getting the hint. Don't make the same mistake. Actually, if I was you I wouldn't even talk to her about this. Just ease back your friendship with him and show your alliance to your best friend. Others may disagree, but whatever you do, I would not approach her about this. Just pull away from him. Go out and get him a guy friend or something. Hell you can buy him a bowling ball or a fishing pole, maybe he'll get the hint to leave the girls alone!
LucreziaBorgia Posted February 21, 2008 Posted February 21, 2008 If you are here asking, you already know that what you and he are doing is crossing the line. You know the signs already. Tell him that you aren't comfortable with the outside "friendship" with him and end any interaction with him that doesn't directly include his wife. If you consider his wife your best friend, then act like one and look out for her best interests as well by stopping this. He isn't interested in 'just friends'. He is interested in establishing an emotional connection (with sexual intent - that is where his jealousy comes from). Is that a problem for you? You want the problem solved? Stop enabling it.
Author ohmymy Posted February 21, 2008 Author Posted February 21, 2008 I do feel a little uncomfortable, but my question is, is it all in my mind? Is he really just being friendly and I am the one thinking the wrong things. His wife has a few really good guy friends too. I know of at least one friend that she feels is just like a brother to her, so they share alot and are very close, with NOTHING more. Is it just that I'm not use to being 'close friends' with a guy? How do guys treat their female friends and how do they treat their female "friends"?
LucreziaBorgia Posted February 21, 2008 Posted February 21, 2008 How do guys treat their female friends and how do they treat their female "friends"? His jealous reaction over you and other men is one of the primary differences between friends and "friends". If you were just a friend, and he had no emotional or sexual interest in you, you'd be not much more than a friendly acquaintance that he would chit chat with when you came around to spend time with his wife. Men don't initiate the type of relationship he is trying to have with you unless they want more from it.
amaysngrace Posted February 21, 2008 Posted February 21, 2008 I do feel a little uncomfortable, but my question is, is it all in my mind? Is he really just being friendly and I am the one thinking the wrong things. If it feels uncomfortable to you then that's all that matters. It doesn't matter if he sees you romantically or not. So stop wondering about it. Maybe he does or maybe he doesn't. Just go with what you know. The situation makes you uncomfortable. You can't handle being friends with him. It's stressing you out. So leave it alone. Besides he shouldn't bitch to you about his wife. She's your friend for ten years...not him. Where is your loyalty?
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