Divorced.. Old Friend likes me but I have no feelings, can I learn to love him?

[luvtheapache]

Ok Everyone... This is huge!

 

I am 26 and divorced for 3 years now. Every relationship I have had I have ended.

 

A good friend of mine (we "tried" dating when we were 15" ) just revealed to me he has always liked me, he was even at my wedding!! He is a great friend of the family and my brothers best friend!!

 

Issue is... those "feelings" you get when you first meet someone, I do not have for him.

 

I don't know if those feelings are not there because we have known one another for so long and he is like family, but what I want to know is, can I learn to love him?

 

He is a great "catch".....

 

Being married has taught me that those "wonderful feelings" do go away and love takes work and it is a choice.

 

Am I going to have to make the choice to love him and really work at it since there isn't that initial response that the love at first site brings?

 

Please Help I have lost so much sleep!!

[Geishawhelk]

No, in my opinion, you don't love him in a potentially relationship way, and if you don't now, you can't 'make' things like this happen....

You love him like a brother, I guess.

But I don't think you'd set up home with your brother, would you?

His feelings are his problem, not your responsibility. If he feels this way, well, thanks, but, you don't, plain and simple. Not your fault.

 

And 'trying' to conjure up feelings for someone beause you think this is the only guy on the horizon and somerthing is better than nothing, is also a recipe for disaster, because you end up fooling two people, not just him.

 

if that's the point of your question.

Which it might not be.

But if it is, walk away.

[BentSpine]

I take it your question is "Can I with time learn to be physically attracted to one specific guy?"

 

My experience is this:

If you have had about forty (or some other decent number) opportunities to have a good look at a person whose behaviour you like, and still have not gotten the silent thought that "He is actually a little bit attractive" then I fear there won't ever be any physical attraction.

 

If there is no sudden realisation of his attractiveness, pleeeease find another partner; we don't want to read about another sexless marriage tragedy.