lookbehindyou Posted February 21, 2008 Posted February 21, 2008 Hello All, right now I was just really bored and thinking about dating and decided hey, why not ask a question? I'll give the question, and then some background on me. First of all, when it comes to dating do you seek people out (i.e. hey she's attractive and seems nice I should talk to her) or do you wait until you get to know somebody, realize you should ask them out, and then do it? Now for my background: I'm a 21 year old guy who has never dated before. In high school this bothered me, but not so much anymore. Since the beginning of my post secondary education I've accomplished goals I've set for myself, got into really good shape (I've never been in terrible shape), am active all the time, and really have never had higher self-confidence than I do now. When it comes to dating, I would like to have a girlfriend but don't think it is a big deal if I don't have one now or the immediate future. My friends/family are always wondering why I don't have a girlfriend yet and tell me I should be more pro-active about it. I've have usually stuck to my belief that I should just wait it out, and I'll "know" when to ask a girl out. However, this hasn't ever really happened for me. As for not ever having a girlfriend I don't believe its because of my looks (i'd consider myself average or better), confidence, or because I am shy (I can be shy with girls I think are good-looking, but that doesn't stop me from talking to them). Anyways I guess this is the REAL question to go along with the one I posed earlier: I have never really bothered to talk to a girl if I think she is really cute/nice ect... When I say that I mean I don't go out of my way to do it. If I meet somebody who is nice/cute/whatever I'll talk to them and whatnot but won't approach them...However, lately I have been seeing this girl all over the place and think she is really cute and she seems nice enough, although I've only talked to her once before, and for the first time am actually having an urge to get to know her and ask her out and all that. Should I do it? I've always been a firm believer that this is the wrong way to do it (I find most of my friends relationships end after they get over their initial infatuation) and that I should just wait for something to develop naturally. I talked to my friends about it and they think I should go for it... and now because it is reading break and I am bored and thinking about it... should I or shouldn't I? Do you people wait for it to happen or take a pro-active sort of approach? Thanks, and looking forward to see if anybody is actually with me.
Lucasarts Posted February 21, 2008 Posted February 21, 2008 hmm well with your approach, it may be a very long time until something "naturally" happens. . . you see, the way you're looking at things is good; it's not important to find a girlfriend or look for love, its better to have fun and enjoy life because you're young and you only live once. Yet in order for things to happen naturally, you need to actually be able to meet that girl, talk to her, and from there let things develop. You're beginning to become attracted to this girl, you see her quite often, yet you haven't talked to her that much. Waiting for things to come to you doesn't always work; sometimes you have to take that first step and wade into the waters to see what its like. If you don't think its not working, then simply back out, but if you feel that there could be something more. . .then dive in. That's the good thing about not feeling an urge to be in a relationship, you only should commit when you feel the time is right. Until then though, it doesn't hurt to see what options are out there and to meet as many people as possible. To make things simple and short: Yes. When you feel an attraction to someone, isn't that enough to make you want to meet them and ask them out? With your mindset, if she rejects you, then it shouldn't be a problem. She just wasn't the right one for you at the time, just move on and ask someone else you'll find later on. The approach you are using now is flawed in the sense that you're waiting for a girl to come to you. Unfortunately in this world, the ones who wait most of the time are the girls, not the guys. Men are obligated to make the first move and to pursue the girl; especially if they like what they are chasing. If you keep waiting for that special someone to ask you out, you may have missed out on a lot of better opportunities that were staring you right in the face.
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