going back to an ex..some old problems

[NINja]

i've lately been in the process of getting back together with an ex of mine. i still love her and she says she still loves me.

that part sounds good, but a lot of the old problems we had are starting to emerge.

i never really spoke about the things i didn't like to her when we were together before, but now, i'm not going to bottle it up again.

a lot of what she does is really hypocritical. she says she doesn't want to know or hang out with any of the girls i slept with when we were apart, then literally in the next conversation she goes on to talk about the guys she was with and how I should meet them and be friends with them. she's completely serious about it too. i've already met a few of them and it was far from pleasant for me.

then i made plans with her last night for me and her to go out and do something. sure enough, she said she forgot and she invited some guy over that she fooled around with.

those are just a couple of things, believe me i could go on.

i talk to her about it and try to hypothetically reverse the situation. I ask her if she'd like it if i invited over girls i fooled around with or introduced her to girls i slept with.

 

i don't know what to do

 

somebody please help me

[Trialbyfire]

i talk to her about it and try to hypothetically reverse the situation. I ask her if she'd like it if i invited over girls i fooled around with or introduced her to girls i slept with.

 

And what is her response? Does she acknowledge her hypocrisy?

[NINja]

she brushes it off like it's nothing

[Trialbyfire]

she brushes it off like it's nothing

Then you're either not being assertive enough or she has no respect for your feelings and opinions. If it's the former, you could always try reversing things. The next time she wants you to be friends, brush her off, then illustrate what happened.

 

If it's the latter, your second chance isn't such a worthwhile endeavor. She needs to review her own behaviour.

 

One thing though, if she's ever been cheated on, you'll find that she carries some trust baggage with her. Are you a flirt?

[e.clipse]

what is the point of her introducing to you guys she has slept with? are those guys good friends of hers? does she think they would make good guy friends for you? or does she just think it's cool to hang out with you and guys she has bedded while you two were apart?

 

personally, this type of scenario would not sit well with me. if my ex-boyfriend and i got back together some day, i certainly would not want to hang out with girls he hooked up with, while we were apart. i would not only find that saddening, but also disrespectful. and besides, the point of a reconciliation is to try to work things out between the two people, not bring third of fourth parties into the picture whom could cause further damage.

 

for this particular problem, it is clear that you are uncomfortable with hanging out with guys she slept in the intermit of your relationship with her, and i think it is perfectly understandable.

 

what you need to do is be clear with her. let her know that this behavior makes you uncomfortable--as well as any other behaviors--and let her do the same to you. ultimately, if things are going to work this time around, you need to address, discuss, and resolve the core problems. you need a clean slate, per se; one that leaves the past where it belongs, so that you can move forward. keep in mind, however, that it is vital that you address the problems on an adult level, instead of ignoring them, because they will not just disappear after some time. if anything, they will harbor and escalate resentment.

 

so, whatever it is that bothers you of her and whatever it is that bothers her of you, talk about it. maturely. discuss it and find a resolution. and then put it past you.

 

if you find that either she or you is unable to compromise certain things for the sake of moving forward, then let it be clear that a second, third, fourth, or tenth time will not make it work.

[NINja]

i am but not when i'm in a relationship or even about to enter one

 

not going to lie, this will be our third time back together

 

she's a massive flirt though. she hardly acknowledges me when we're at a party or if theres a bunch of people over. and by people i mean guys. if there's a lot of girls over she's sure to stake her claim on me

she even had the nerve to go to my roommate's room before she came to see me once. that wouldn't be so bad had my roommate not dated another one of my exes whom i loved

 

love is ****ed up

[Trialbyfire]

No offense but your g/f sounds like an attention whore. Can you live with this?

[Chrome Barracuda]

She's a complete dumbass. my advice is to keep it moving.

 

She doesnt even understand the idea of compassion and how her actions hurt others. How would she feel if she met one of your bang buddies while you was together.

 

Oh honey, who her? oh naw we slept together while we was on a break, it didnt mean anything.

 

Your right she is a hypocrite and you should just drop her. And tell her:

 

I'm tired of your crap, you invite these other guys who you been with out on dates with us, hang with them, talk to them, right in front of me and you expect me to be cool with it? I'm done. You have no compassion or care about my feelings. So why should I care about you? Why should I be here anyway's. I can start over with someone else. Let those other dudes take care of you.

[whichwayisup]

You need to set up boundries and make sure she understands them.

 

Anyway, you may love her and she may love you, but it seems (3 times now) you've tried to make it work and it hasn't. You two just may not be a good fit together. If you can't solve your problems, work through them and learn better communication skills, have a happier healthier relationship, it won't work out this time either.

[NINja]

that's the sad and pathetic thing is i know that this time around is going to last.

her and i were engaged last time, then that one quickly died. she's the first girl i loved, we were together a long time

i honestly thought we were going to be together forever. i came to grips that it wasn't going to be forever and that it had ended when i was sitting at the bottom of a cycle of depression and self destruction

 

i try to talk to her but she always seems to shoot whatever i say down. the school i go to has spring break next week, i know a little early. she's going to elko, nevada with her friend(female) who's one of the biggest whore's i know and who also doesn't like me. I'm heading home to washington state for a few days while she's there. i know all those two are going to be doing is partying, which i'm fine with. but i've seen her drunk, i know once she's gotten the two shots she needs to put her over the edge she's easy. me and her were at a party last week and she was all over one of her coworkers.

 

thanks for all your advice by the way

[Chrome Barracuda]

that's the sad and pathetic thing is i know that this time around is going to last.

her and i were engaged last time, then that one quickly died. she's the first girl i loved, we were together a long time

i honestly thought we were going to be together forever. i came to grips that it wasn't going to be forever and that it had ended when i was sitting at the bottom of a cycle of depression and self destruction

 

i try to talk to her but she always seems to shoot whatever i say down. the school i go to has spring break next week, i know a little early. she's going to elko, nevada with her friend(female) who's one of the biggest whore's i know and who also doesn't like me. I'm heading home to washington state for a few days while she's there. i know all those two are going to be doing is partying, which i'm fine with. but i've seen her drunk, i know once she's gotten the two shots she needs to put her over the edge she's easy. me and her were at a party last week and she was all over one of her coworkers.

 

thanks for all your advice by the way

 

WHOA! she was drinking and she was all ove a party that you went to together??!?!? And you just sat there and took it?!

 

Man where the F is you self respect!

 

And her friend is a ho who doesnt like you, because birds of a feather , flock together!!!!

 

Run.

 

When you go back home to washington state forget about this girl she sounds too toxic anyway's. I'm surprised your still interested in her. As soon as the engagement ended I would have left. She cant be your wife but you want her as your girlfriend forever? She doesnt even sound like girlfriend material.

 

Sorry.

[e.clipse]

Anyway, you may love her and she may love you, but it seems (3 times now) you've tried to make it work and it hasn't.

 

not necessarily. sometimes is just takes a while longer to iron out all of the wrinkles.

 

 

not going to lie, this will be our third time back together

 

she's a massive flirt though. she hardly acknowledges me when we're at a party or if theres a bunch of people over. and by people i mean guys. if there's a lot of girls over she's sure to stake her claim on me

she even had the nerve to go to my roommate's room before she came to see me once. that wouldn't be so bad had my roommate not dated another one of my exes whom i loved

 

love is ****ed up

 

no. love is not ****ed up. it is us, the people, who are ****ed up. in itself, love is a pure and beautiful thing, but it is through out issues, insecurities, and psychological hangups that we muddy it. but that is for another thread.

 

as TBF said, this girl does seem like a complete attention-seeker. while it is true and acceptable that some people are born with the innate desire to be the center of attention, just because they have that personality type does not give them an excuse to trample on anyone else's feelings.

 

sure, she may be friendly and chatty, but she should also be conscious of her actions, meaning that if she knows she is friendly by nature, she should watch herself so she doesn't go over-board, into the flirting territory. especially if it bothers you, like it would bother most others.

 

but, who's idea was it to try it again? because if it was hers, then, based off your posts, it doesn't really seem that she is all that interested in fixing things. it seems like she just wants to get back together and let things go back to the same old, but that will definitely not work, as the same old cause you to break up twice before.

 

things can't just be, they need be right.

 

and your GF needs to do some compromising, if she wants to make things work. she needs to understand, and perhaps you will have to be the one to break it down to her, that she cannot possibly expect your relationship to flourish if she is not willing to do her fair share of the work. if she is unwilling to modify the very behavior that hurts you--and worse yet, judges you for--then honestly, this is not going to work.

 

you can try to turn a blind eye for a while, perhaps, but you'll still know it is there. and eventually, that is just going to eat you up.

[NINja]

i didn't just sit there and take it

 

i got her off of him and then told her she was being a ho

 

then she just got pissed off at me

[Chrome Barracuda]

i didn't just sit there and take it

 

i got her off of him and then told her she was being a ho

 

then she just got pissed off at me

 

God is it worth being with this woman. She does sound like a ho.

 

You cant make no ho into a housewife man.

 

She isnt worth it. I think the minute you let go and move on, you'll be better off!!!

[Trialbyfire]

i didn't just sit there and take it

 

i got her off of him and then told her she was being a ho

 

then she just got pissed off at me

Stop being a doormat and letting her get away with this stuff by always taking her back. She's a ho! Walk away.