Knight80 Posted February 20, 2008 Posted February 20, 2008 Hello got a complicated question to ask. I currently live with my girlfriend and our 5 month old baby daughter. Since having her, my girlfriend has become very mean, short tempered and quite harsh with me. We're argueing loads and its starting to get me down, thing have gotten quite bad. I'm from up north and shes from down south. We both live in the east midlands (where we came to university and met). If we split she'll go home and I'll prob stay in east mids. Now, I dont want to split. But I fear if we do she'll take my daughter and move down south back with her parents. I cant have that. I cant afford child maintenance and visiting costs over a long distance thing. Ans i'm sorry, but i cannot live without my daughter in my life. Where do I stand on getting sole custordy, as the father if we do split? I cant be without my daughter and hate that she has sort of become a weapon for my girlfriend to use against me. Any advice/websites/people to contact, very helpfull. I know about relate ( to resolve relationship issues ), but we both dont earn very much and cant really afford to pay for the councelling. I want to be prepared for the worse, even if I dont want it to happen. I want to know where I stand, what my chances of sole custordy are, and how I might go about achieving it, if needs be. I'm a very prepared person and this knowledge would sit well with me, even if ( and I do hope for this ) that I never have to use it. I know mothers are favoured primary carers, but what rights do fathers have? Anyone advise?
carhill Posted February 21, 2008 Posted February 21, 2008 Whoa, hang on a bit. I wouldn't rush to split and custody just yet. Has your girlfriend been examined for post-partum depression? It's not uncommon and has many permutations. Also, did she have gestational diabetes and has she had her blood sugar checked since the birth? Insulin/glucose abnormalities affect the brain's neurochemistry and our emotions are one big chemical factory As an example, if I don't bring a snack and feed to my wife when she starts staring at me with daggers in her eyes, she can and will bite my head off. She has no cognizance of her hypoglycemia and minutes earlier will not confirm that she is hungry. But, after eating the snack, the devil disappears. So, I would recommend having your girlfriend get some blood work done and having a doctor examine and interview her. Good luck!
Author Knight80 Posted February 21, 2008 Author Posted February 21, 2008 Yeah I've thought about that but its hard to get anything sorted as she really seems to dislike me at the mo. We dont live near family so only hve friend support, however our other friends have also recently had babies and dont really have the time to sort out domestic disputes. Like I said I'm not looking to split, I just wanted to know where I stand if we do. Anyone?
Chrome Barracuda Posted February 21, 2008 Posted February 21, 2008 First thing is first, Get one of the best damn family lawyer you can find in your area. Get protected.
Mr. Lucky Posted February 22, 2008 Posted February 22, 2008 Now, I dont want to split. But I fear if we do she'll take my daughter and move down south back with her parents. I cant have that. I cant afford child maintenance and visiting costs over a long distance thing. Ans i'm sorry, but i cannot live without my daughter in my life. Where do I stand on getting sole custordy, as the father if we do split? I cant be without my daughter and hate that she has sort of become a weapon for my girlfriend to use against me. Any advice/websites/people to contact, very helpfull. I know about relate ( to resolve relationship issues ), but we both dont earn very much and cant really afford to pay for the councelling. I want to be prepared for the worse, even if I dont want it to happen. I want to know where I stand, what my chances of sole custordy are, and how I might go about achieving it, if needs be. I'm a very prepared person and this knowledge would sit well with me, even if ( and I do hope for this ) that I never have to use it. I know mothers are favoured primary carers, but what rights do fathers have? Anyone advise? I keep looking for a sense, anywhere in your post, of you considering what might be best for your daughter. I don't see it... Mr. Lucky
Author Knight80 Posted February 23, 2008 Author Posted February 23, 2008 I keep looking for a sense, anywhere in your post, of you considering what might be best for your daughter. I don't see it... Mr. Lucky Not sure whether or not I should take offence to that. Our daughter would be equally looked after and loved from either side. I just dont want to end up like the rest of fathers who have weekend/holiday rights. I dont think I could bare it. She would feel exactly the same but thats the difficulty of breakups. I'm after advice on my rights as a father with regards to custody if the worse happens. NOT advice for bringing up, looking after or considering my daughters best options. The problem is the relationship between me and my current girlfriend, NOT how we are bringing our daughter up. She will always be looked after and loved, but the relationship between me and my girlfriend is breaking down and I want to cover myself incase it breaks completely.
carhill Posted February 23, 2008 Posted February 23, 2008 Solicitor is the word I would use to best describe who you need to talk to. Sorry for misunderstanding earlier. You'll have a hard time finding free legal advice, and certainly won't find it here. I wish you well!
Mr. Lucky Posted February 24, 2008 Posted February 24, 2008 I'm after advice on my rights as a father with regards to custody if the worse happens. NOT advice for bringing up, looking after or considering my daughters best options. Ah, but that's both the beauty and the curse of public forums. You don't get to control what other people post . You've talked about the pain of separation were you to lose physical custody of your child. You've even alluded to the fact that your GF would feel the same way were you to prevail. You spoke of your daughter as a "weapon" your GF might use against you. My point is simply that it's too bad that you (or both of you) are looking at it this way. You have rights as a father but, beyond that, you have responsibilities. You and your GF owe your child a stable home together assuming that's possible. Failing that, you owe her an approach to shared parenting that puts her interests first. Trust me, it's worth the effort... Mr. Lucky
Author Knight80 Posted March 5, 2008 Author Posted March 5, 2008 OK so today it happened. I came home from work and she'd gone. Took our daughter and disapeared. Not answering her mobile phone. No note. Nothing. Still waiting for contact..... (6 hours + from me getting home from work) Any Advise? I think this comes from us having another arguement yesterday night. Not a terrible one, just a run-of-the-mill row...However, when I left for work this morning there were no signs she was ready to leave. She just left. Stressing
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