sapphire0903 Posted February 20, 2008 Posted February 20, 2008 I just was reading through some of the ow's threads about nc, Some of the questions were "how long does the pain last?", "what do you do to stop thinking of him?" ect. I just would like to post to those other women, that one year ago today, was my first day of NC. Can't say I have never looked back, ......I have, many times, but I have never WENT back. I just refuse to be a mistress. I think what helped me through the hardest days in the beginning, was posting here, and gaining support from everyone, there is a lot of understanding that you may not find anywhere else. I used this board first thing that morning for encouraging words. Respect for myself has returned, when I was ashamed of the life I was living. I know you want more for yourself, and the only one who can provide that to you is YOU! You can do it, it will get easier, and you will be happier.........I cant think of the last time I cried,.........when I was with "him"...it was daily. Peace to all of you!
Gwyneth Posted February 20, 2008 Posted February 20, 2008 Very well said, sapphire0903. We all want more for ourselves. The problem is figuring out How to get the best of what we deserve (even as the OM). I wrote MM in one of my nasty emails (probably why he's ran away from me as fast as he could) that I am too classy to have an affair with a MM, and that this is beneath me, and it totally is. In fact, it's beneath Anyone. Letting go is a Very difficult thing to do especially when you just aren't quite there yet. I'm undecided if I'm there or not, but my situation is a bit different (as is everyone's). If I keep reminding myself that I am too classy for this kind of behavoir, it does help to make me feel better about myself (but does a classy woman get knocked up by the MM?) Would Grace Kelly had gone this far? I also have always thought that if I was the BS, I would not take back my cheating husband, because I just couldn't degrade myself to a cheating husband who has lied to me. I don't know how women do it, and kudos to them for having that willpower, but that isn't for me. Yet I didn't feel the same way about having an affair with a MM. It's different--I suppose. There are friends of mine that I could Never tell I had an affair with a MM because they are too classy to ever lower themselves to the level I lowerd myself to. But history has it that even the classiest women do have affairs--so am I wrong for saying to MM that I am too classy to have an affair with a MM? Probably am and Probably am not wrong in saying that. It's just MHO and if that's how I have to feel to get myself through this and out of this, then that's what I will have to do. We're human and we all make mistakes--some stick around for ever to haunt us. I can't say I learned much from having an affair with a MM, but I did come out of this affair with a baby, one of life's most valuable treasures. How am I going to explain the history of the child's father to he or her? Will the child think i'm a loser, a bad mother for doing such a thing? These are things that cross my mind more and more as I become closer and closer to the due date. I try not to think of all the negatives, but I feel that it's my responsiblity to think of all the negatives because children have questions, and they want answers, and they will keep asking until you have those answers for them. BTW, BIG congrats to you on your one-year anniversary for NC!
GreenEyedLady Posted February 20, 2008 Posted February 20, 2008 Hi Sapph! I'm so glad that you have been strong and are doing so well! (((HUGS)))
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