Prim&proper Posted February 20, 2008 Posted February 20, 2008 My bf and i have been together for 4 months, and last week we broke up. We spoke last night and he told me that he broke up with me because he doesn't know where the relationship was going and felt that I felt stronger for him than he does for me and didn't want me to feel that he's wasting my time in a year from now and he doesn't want to marry me. He felt like he made a wrong decision and should have talked to me about it first instead of just making the decision to break up. We are both in our mid 30s and I would like to get married at some point. I'm now confused. I don't think I love him either, but the question is when does love develop? I know some people who met and within months are in love and are married. The question is should love happen that quickly? And if it doesn't, does it mean it's not love? I'm confused. I don't know if i've been in love with anyone before. I've gotten attached and i've been in love with the euphoria of being in love. So how long before you know if you love someone and how long is too long?
TigerCub Posted February 20, 2008 Posted February 20, 2008 Hi, well obviously with that kind of question the answer will be "its different for different people" But my personal opinion of it is that just because someone doesn't feel like they 'love' the person they've been dating for a few months, doesn't mean that anything is wrong with that relationship. I've been in relationships were the guy would say 'I love you' first and I couldn't say it back because I didn't feel that for them and so if I just said it back it would have been meaningless, but with time with one of those guys I actually felt it a little later and so I said it. I used to question the same thing 'how do you know you're in love?' before I first fell in love, but the answer to that, as cheesy as it is 'you just know' - you know you're in love when you look at that person and you just think 'damn! I love you'. When you know that they would be there for you no matter what and you know that you'd do the same for them. It is just something you feel and know from the inside. Sorry if that may not totally answer your question, but its the best I can do
Audg1964 Posted February 21, 2008 Posted February 21, 2008 Hi, well obviously with that kind of question the answer will be "its different for different people" But my personal opinion of it is that just because someone doesn't feel like they 'love' the person they've been dating for a few months, doesn't mean that anything is wrong with that relationship. I've been in relationships were the guy would say 'I love you' first and I couldn't say it back because I didn't feel that for them and so if I just said it back it would have been meaningless, but with time with one of those guys I actually felt it a little later and so I said it. I used to question the same thing 'how do you know you're in love?' before I first fell in love, but the answer to that, as cheesy as it is 'you just know' - you know you're in love when you look at that person and you just think 'damn! I love you'. When you know that they would be there for you no matter what and you know that you'd do the same for them. It is just something you feel and know from the inside. Sorry if that may not totally answer your question, but its the best I can do Okay, ask yourself this question: "Would you love him and take of him if he was in a wheelchair?" I know - it's "over-the-top" and probably not something you would think about in your 30s - but if you feel that way - then you're in love. Sounds like he did you a favor...move on.
Author Prim&proper Posted February 21, 2008 Author Posted February 21, 2008 Well, Audg, question for you is whether you would know that after 4 months with someone. Second question for you is that how many people would feel that and then when faced with reality find that they can't. I was married to a blind man. I know the reality of being with someone with a disability. Many people would say that yes they will still be with the person and then they are faced with the reality of it!
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