8dots8 Posted February 20, 2008 Posted February 20, 2008 (edited) Ive been dating this guy "tom" for a while.... recently he told me he was really in love with me but wasnt ready to say that word yet. Alright no big deal i can live with that. however, he said he was still in love with his ex "Sarah"(from 8 years ago). "Tom" told me I made him realize there was such a thing as a second love and he didnt know what to do because he wanted to be with me and still wanted "Sarah". He asked me to move with him to CA in a few months if things were still going great. Knowing how he feels about both "sarah" and I has me wondering what to make of it all. "tom" is still madly in love with her but denied it for so long. I've realized I should take my space for a while and give him time to figure this out. {knowing how he feels about me does make me happy. I do have more of an advantage than she does, i do get to see him, go on trips etc. He told me how wonderful I make him feel and how I bring out the better person (however, Sarah does too).} {I look at it this way if he was really in love with Sarah he wouldn't be making her wait this long before he decides its time for her to be in his life. Tom would be with her right now or moved closer to where she's attending college. Instead dating me seems like a substitute until he's ready to be with her. He will text her and tell her how much he misses her and can't stop thinking about her. I believe he's in love with the person he once knew, and he's stuck on that - he's stuck on the past. She's made it clear that she will never be certain about her feelings (for him) when she hasnt seen him for more than an hour since they were 15.} Is this the right thing to do... taking my space to figure out if i can even commit to someone who wants two different people? Edited February 20, 2008 by 8dots8
eric82 Posted February 21, 2008 Posted February 21, 2008 well what are you getting out of being in a relationship with a guy who not only isn't over his ex, but also longs to be with her over you?
Jilly Bean Posted February 21, 2008 Posted February 21, 2008 You don't have an advantage over her, hon. You are competing with the ghost of his past, one whom he has so much as said he would throw you over for as soon as she gave him the green light. If you're happy being #2, then go for it. Personally, I wouldn't be with a guy who told me he was still in love with his ex and wanted her back.
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