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February 20, 2008

Have you ever had another girlfriend, a serious gf, before this one? Because this is NOT what relationships are like, not healthy ones.

I had a relationship that went for about 8 years. It was good in the beginning, but the last couple years were rough...breaking up and getting back together, etc. We both finally decided we were clinging to something that just wasn't there any more. We had our share of arguments, and many were over silly things, but I have never had to deal with this clinginess and insecurity. Heck, that girlfriend went away for six months to work on a cruise ship, and we survived that even though we missed each other a lot.

February 20, 2008

It's put tears to my eyes to hear Paul's one sided story and have strangers- who know nothing about what he is like or who I am as a person-pick me apart.
I am appalled that you put this on here without my permission and then emailed me this one sided story of yours and strangers chastisement. I plan on ending this relationship as a result of you bringing my personal life here without my permission.

I have given alot more than I've received in this relationship. Time wise, sexual wise, emotionally.

There's always two sides to a story:

Mon and Tues we communicated all day. That is a lie. he was at work and I specifically told him when ur at work or in a hospital or have an emergency it's completely understandable that you cannot and will not txt or keep in touch. He never calls me. He has some phobia or something with making a phone call. I can't say always bc it's a very strong word. However there are very few times where Paul CALLS me. I frequently receive impersonal txts. If he does call and I miss him. NO VOICEMAIL. He was at work Mon. And Tues and I called him first both days. We spoke for 5 mins during his break those two days and video chat at night. My girlfriend was over and shes my only friend here so it's nice to have her over. I find myself putting her aside for Paul so that I don't ignore HIM. I sat and spoke with him while doing her nails. I even put on a movie for her and chatted with Paul instead of her.
Video chatting is something new for us and came about as a result of my complaints that he doesn't communicate enough. There have been many business and family trips over the past 8 months. Ones where I wouldn't hear from him all day then at night he was "too tired" to speak to me. I really never complained and I felt as though it wasn't my place bc it was too soon in the relationship. STAR GAZER you have some sort of sixth sense. You're 100% correct about my blowing up. I try not to. However, when he completely misses what I am trying to communicate and calls me crazy or says my daddy ****ed my head up when he left I just get hurt and I feel betrayed that he would take my call for help as an attack on him. I make a statement and he immediately takes it to the next level with name calling or mentioning something I did. Numerous conversations have been turned into a huge deathmatch and he has physically abused me more than two times. When I asked that he stop talking to an ex he was initmate with and whom lives 5 minutes away from him. he turned it into an argument. I asked nicely. I said I'm not comfortable with you seeing and speaking to her at 9pm ad throughout the day early in the morning If you're with me you need to let your exes go. this is the relationship I want. If you don't like it then I'm not the girl for you. He has kicked my chihuahua and I out of his home in the middle of the night (2am) twice. The last time was because I said my ex (who lives in another state) would never treat me like a doormat like he has. He got jealous and decided it was time for us to leave. Eventhough I had two glasses of wine. So I said he would have to call the police, let me stay until I was sober or hit me and drag me out (bc he's done that) he chose to call the police. There was nothing to report just that he wanted me out. The police provided transportation for me to go home (30 mins away) and he begged for me to fogive his nasty decision the next day. Even after I said that I needed some time to really figure out if I want to stay in the relationship. I needed space to think about things because the first time (about 5 months prior) I didn't have my apartment yet (aka homeless) and he kicked me out with all my belongings to sleep in the hallway (I had called his ex who had called at 9pm that night and told her she was interferring with the relationship and asked if he mentioned that I wasn't comfortable with their "friendship" and wanted him to move on and focus on me).
I just don't say what I feel sometimes. I wait until he does things two, three times then I make a point to mention all the other times and try to put an end to the pattern. First off I've been hit more than two times by this man. This is something that has already ruined my security with him. My exes never hit me. I have dealt with lies and many days weeks with him gone. Stories about him traveling with a married buddy to pay for sex w young girls in Dominican Republic. Blow jobs from strippers. I've put up with alot. I have given him space and time to do what he wants. But my biggest complaints have been for affection and attention. Just be there. I said "one text would have solved everything. If you had texted me once during those two hours then I would believe that your phone didnt receive the first four" Honestly that has never happened. he always gets my txts right away. But I didn't call, I didn't "harass" him. I waited to see what he would do. he only reahed to keep in touch AFTER he was in his car and away from his mom. He left the hotel room he was sharing with her once to call me in the lobby (bc I COMPLAINED about him not saying I love you in front of her, not calling me but two times for the day for a few short minutes) I really wasn't upset then. but now I see that I am not first on his list. For me, I want to love and marry someone that will put me first unless they're UNABLE to. HE was able to last night. There was an instance where my phone had died and while going to my car for my charger he was calling and when I got back up he overreacted and I said hey hey my charger was downstairs and my phone died. Do you know he said last night was the same? His phone was not dead, he was not in a restaurant for the last two hrs. How much does it take to send a short three word txt??
I am not a "princess" or immature. I felt as though telling him how I felt was the right choice. i didn't answer his calls initially because I needed to let go some steam and figure out if I should tell him and have him yell and call me names or just say I fell asleep and answer in the morning and start putting my priorities first. Like all the reading and projects I have due next week. I was contemplating whether I should focus on those things and brush him aside like he has done to me numerous times My exact words were would you rather me ignore you for a few days while I clean up my place, do school work and get my life organized or should I go do what makes me feel better? that was in response to him calling me crazy and unreasonable repeatedly. I just wanted to discuss why I felt ignored. I wanted to make a point that I have given him 100% affection and all my free time and all I want is for him to see my side and try to sympathize. I will not get behind on my reading anymore because I'm up late watching a movie with him or fulfilling his fantasies. I will not put my friends after him anymore. He calls, I'm out and I answer immediately or I'm txting him constantly while shopping or having lunch w my girlfriend. he asks for pics of me when I'm out, I guess to see where I'm at. I send him whatever he asks for. i answer, answer, answer. Well I'm not getting it in return and yes one of you said it wll get worse. So since he's not reciprocating I will focus on my goals and what makes me happy. ITS NOT A PUNISHMENT, it's a REPERCUSSION.
Because I have seen where I stand when he's around his parents. Those four texts were actually an emergency. he failed to mention that or the fact that I don't usually harass him like that. Is this harassment:

How much is the parking garage across the street from me? No spots anywhere. (I had been driving around for 20 mins)

A dollar an hr?

Hellooo

Have a goodnight.

Those were my four txts. Which took him 2 and a half hrs to get back to me.He never even thought to txt me on his own. After all Ive been through I have a right to feel brushed off.

I'm glad you came on here to express your side of the story. My apologizes for my particularly nasty comment above. I take it back. Your bf obviously presented a very distorted view of your relationship. If you go back and read his posts, you are painted in a very negative light and he fails to provide any kind of context or background. You two are in a very unhealthy relationship. What he has done to you (hitting you, abusing your pet) is completely and utterly unacceptable.

I'm interested to read what he has to say.

February 20, 2008

This threat will be shut down soon. The mods don't like two people involved bickering back and forth. I can say to both of you: your relationship is not healthy whatever is going on. To the original poster, if you forwarded this link to her, that was in poor taste. Both of you have little idea what a healthy relationship is like. I'd suggest both of you engage in individual counseling.

To the girlfriend, this story on both your ends is convoluted and I am sure this is a third side to the story we aren't hearing. Whatever the case, this relationship appears over. Both of you need to grow and both of you need to heal. I hope you are both able to do that and move on the healthier relationships.

February 20, 2008

Yes, she is the #1 priority in my life. I spend all my free time with her, take her on trips, buy her clothes and jewelry and makeup and things for school, help her with her schoolwork, take her out to dinners and clubs, shower her with love and affection. Somebody else said something about eventually I won't have a life - well that's already the case. I don't have any other friends, I never go out unless I'm with her, I'm either with her or working (or she's in class). Early in the relationship I took her into my home because she had to move out of her old place and couldn't find anything right away. I even went on a business trip and trusted her to stay at my place alone. I took care of her after she had surgery and then complications. I loaned her money to get her apartment. I took her to meet my parents where they live. I went with her to meet her family where they live. I bought her a $700 item she needed for school. I take her to get her hair and nails done all the time. The list goes on and on and on.

Don't get me wrong, she has been great, too. I'm not saying that on the subject of "what have you done for me lately" it's all me. My simple point is that I think for her to freak out because I didn't text her for two hours while I was having dinner and visiting with my parents - even though I answered when she called at dinner, and called her the instant I left - is out of control.

Have I EVER stopped you from going out with people? Did I ever say you can only go if u take me? Actually you have invited urself out with Liz and I numerous times. Youve even showed up uninvited.

February 20, 2008

There have been many business and family trips over the past 8 months. Ones where I wouldn't hear from him all day then at night he was "too tired" to speak to me.

he has physically abused me more than two times.

He has kicked my chihuahua and I out of his home in the middle of the night (2am) twice.

he chose to call the police.

I didn't have my apartment yet (aka homeless) and he kicked me out with all my belongings to sleep in the hallway

First off I've been hit more than two times by this man.

Stories about him traveling with a married buddy to pay for sex w young girls in Dominican Republic.

Blow jobs from strippers.

Given this list, it's hard to understand why you would even care that he didn't respond to your text nor call you. You should be thrilled he is out of your life.

If this is true, of course.

February 20, 2008

You know why I think the dude is the jerk here? Because he emailed her the link to this thread to show her what other people were saying about her. He's not interested in opinions or advice, he just wants to put her down.

February 20, 2008

This relationship is VERY unhealthy. You two need to regroup and figure yourselves out.

February 20, 2008

hes had this same problem with his ex. he will not take a cmment for what it is. When I try to calm him down and say plse don't yell, I don't wanna argue, his response is: People yell when they're upset get use to it!

February 20, 2008

You know why I think the dude is the jerk here? Because he emailed her the link to this thread to show her what other people were saying about her. He's not interested in opinions or advice, he just wants to put her down.

I dunno. Something fishy. Why would he do that? I mean, did he not know she'd post on here sharing her side of the story?

February 20, 2008

You know why I think the dude is the jerk here? Because he emailed her the link to this thread to show her what other people were saying about her. He's not interested in opinions or advice, he just wants to put her down.

Agreed. He wanted to embarrass her. I honestly think forwarding this thread to her is a form of covert emotional abuse.

February 20, 2008

This is the most entertaining thing since Souplantation... It's like Springer comes to LS. Now all we need is the Dominican BJ queens to post or the girls from the bi-girl parties...

ROFL! That was a great thread, only we didn't get to hear her side then...

February 20, 2008

Agreed. He wanted to embarrass her. I honestly think forwarding this thread to her is a form of covert emotional abuse.

Exactly. To embarrass her, make her feel compelled to respond, experience even more pain.

February 20, 2008

Well, you strangers say it's over. IT MUST BE? you people can never know the extent of our love. You don't know every little detail but are quick to say. DUNP YOUR LOVED ONE. very helpful Paul. How smart of you to put our life up here like this and email me the thread. Well, I hope these strangers can convince you to not call me begging for forgiveness tomorrow.

February 20, 2008

Well, I owe an apology to everyone here, as I couldn't imagine how different his gf's story would be. It doesn't add up, and I'm sorry I wasted all this time here.

February 20, 2008

Well, you strangers say it's over. IT MUST BE? you people can never know the extent of our love. You don't know every little detail but are quick to say. DUNP YOUR LOVED ONE. very helpful Paul. How smart of you to put our life up here like this and email me the thread. Well, I hope these strangers can convince you to not call me begging for forgiveness tomorrow.

I've only responded based on your bf's and your posts. We can only go on the information given. If you think your love can surpass this kind of abuse, then by all means, continue seeing him. That is your prerogative.

February 20, 2008

ROFL! That was a great thread, only we didn't get to hear her side then...

Still my personal favorite for sure...

FLAlicia - it is certainly your choice to stay with him or not. But, I would wonder why you would considering everything you outlined, including the motional and physical abuse? I do hope you realize these do not equate to "love".

February 20, 2008

FYI

I asked him to join meetup,com to make FRIENDS and GET A LIFE. I had him join so that he could have more activities and friends in his life. Thanks for smearing all that Ive done in this relationship because you read someone thinks you'll have no life. things will get worse? How could they say that not knowing ANYTHING about us or the love we DO have. No one here knows the GOOD Ive done. They don't see or hear the past 8 months They hear the negative and immediately say that you should dump me. Some relationship HELP.

February 20, 2008

No, it doesn't add up, and if it weren't for the distinct differences in writing styles I would not believe it and would suspect the work of a troll. But the gf: her writing does indicate a different person as well as anger and pain. It does not all add up, but no matter the extent of their love, this is unhealthy, and I doubt this relationship can be salvaged. Counseling is needed big time for both people -- the woman because it appears this is an abusive relationship -- and the dude too.

February 20, 2008

FYI
I asked him to join meetup,com to make FRIENDS and GET A LIFE. I had him join so that he could have more activities and friends in his life. Thanks for smearing all that Ive done in this relationship because you read someone thinks you'll have no life. things will get worse? How could they say that not knowing ANYTHING about us or the love we DO have. No one here knows the GOOD Ive done. They don't see or hear the past 8 months They hear the negative and immediately say that you should dump me. Some relationship HELP.

FLAlicia. You should dump HIM. He abuses you physically and emotionally. Him forwarding this thread to embarrass you and cause you pain is covert emotional abuse, especially to do it so soon before the responses were exhausted. You should dump HIM. You deserve better.

February 20, 2008

Read Post #42 STAT, dude.

Yikes.

Sounds like it is a Quality issue

hes had this same problem with his ex. he will not take a cmment for what it is. When I try to calm him down and say plse don't yell, I don't wanna argue, his response is: People yell when they're upset get use to it!

Yelling is not a good way to argue. Mature people don't do that.

I think I understand why you fight with him the way you do! So, you are for sure breaking up... no getting back together later right? I mean this relationship sounds super unhealthy... and I think you could have better with someone else. Honest!

February 20, 2008

Still my personal favorite for sure...

I take it your weren't around for DateAnalyzer?

February 20, 2008

I am appalled that you put this on here without my permission

Here we go. I told her last night I was going to post this situation on a relationship board and see what people say. She did not object.

Mon and Tues we communicated all day. That is a lie. he was at work and I specifically told him when ur at work or in a hospital or have an emergency it's completely understandable that you cannot and will not txt or keep in touch.

I just checked my cingular account. Monday and Tuesday calls don't show up yet, but text Messages on Tuesday between 9am and 5pm were 50+. Monday comes up to only five, but it was the first day of the project so I spent a lot of time with the customer's staff, whereas yesterday I was on my own. Mind you I'm not counting the evenings, the phone calls, the video chatting...

He never calls me. He has some phobia or something with making a phone call.

This is complete crap. I count 30 OUTGOING phone calls to her between Feb 2 and Feb 14. Keep in mind we don't talk on the phone much when we're together which is nearly 24x7.

I frequently receive impersonal txts.

I love you. I miss you. I wish you were here. I want to come home. So impersonal.

I make a statement and he immediately takes it to the next level with name calling or mentioning something I did.

That is something I have done in the past, however I have corrected it. Last night I only started telling her how crazy and immature she was acting after she started calling me nasty names and saying mean things about my parents.

When I asked that he stop talking to an ex he was initmate with and whom lives 5 minutes away from him. he turned it into an argument.

background: this is a person I dated, not exclusively, for one month in January of 2006. Since then we were nothing but friends. She had multiple people she dated during that time and so did I. We never had sex.

I said I'm not comfortable with you seeing and speaking to her at 9pm ad throughout the day early in the morning If you're with me you need to let your exes go. this is the relationship I want. If you don't like it then I'm not the girl for you.

Mind you, this was a month into the relationship. A week after we first met she saw a text in my phone to a girl I had seen before her, but hadn't seen since, and she got mad I was talking to other girls. A WEEK IN.

The last time was because I said my ex (who lives in another state)

Who she flew up to see for a few days after breaking up with me ON THE WAY TO THE AIRPORT ON THE PHONE AT 8AM ON A SATURDAY, and then called me to get back together the instant she got home. The same ex who she would have sex with me then go lay on the couch and call him. The same ex who she texted the night before her surgery "I only need him [me] to give me a ride, then he's GONE." and I still took care of her and opened my home to her.

Eventhough I had two glasses of wine. So I said he would have to call the police, let me stay until I was sober or hit me and drag me out (bc he's done that) he chose to call the police.

I asked her to leave, she wouldn't. Period. She has asked me to leave before and I have.

I'm not going to continue line by line rehashing all this same crap online. For those of you still reading: what she is typing is what she says during EVERY SINGLE ARGUMENT, NO MATTER THE TOPIC. We go over these events from October or earlier OVER AND OVER AND OVER. Since the end of December I have not spoken to one of my three exes at all. No text, emails, phone calls, nothing. She has with hers.

One last piece of background, this ex she flew to see, she was living with him (but supposedly broken up) when we met online. Even though she continued to talk to him, go see him, text him behind my back (or while I was laying in bed with her), I gave her the benefit of the doubt that she just needed time to get over him.

I didn't have my apartment yet (aka homeless) and he kicked me out with all my belongings to sleep in the hallway (I had called his ex who had called at 9pm that night and told her she was interferring with the relationship and asked if he mentioned that I wasn't comfortable with their "friendship" and wanted him to move on and focus on me).

She leaves out the part about screaming things like "you need to clean out your dirty 38 year old pussy" at her over the phone.

I'm done.

February 20, 2008

Those four texts were actually an emergency. he failed to mention that or the fact that I don't usually harass him like that. Is this harassment:

How much is the parking garage across the street from me? No spots anywhere. (I had been driving around for 20 mins)

A dollar an hr?

Hellooo

Have a goodnight.

Those were my four txts. Which took him 2 and a half hrs to get back to me.He never even thought to txt me on his own. After all Ive been through I have a right to feel brushed off.

how much is the parking garage is an EMERGENCY? she can't GO to the garage, that is literally ACROSS THE STREET FROM HER BUILDING, and SEE how much it costs?

she texted me those four texts from 8:20pm through 9:20 pm. I was having dinner with my parents. At 10:20pm I left my parents' house and called her immediately. She didn't answer, and when I hung up all four texts came in at the same time. I immediately texted her that I hadn't gotten them, and wanted to talk to her.

February 20, 2008

The last time he spit in my face and hit me, we went to barnes and noble and he picked two books on anger management. He hasnt been reading them because his poker book is number one right now. This is prob his first time hearing this bc I have not complained about him not reading it. He promised to get therapy, I said no WE'LL go together. I brought that up during a few arguements and he said we just need to write things down and say it to eachother. So last night, while he was calling over and over, I wrote down somethings I would say when I called him back. i didn't hang up, I amswered by mistake and wasnt finished writing. So, I called him and began to say what I had written after long thought:

Ive got questions about the way you treat me sometimes....and he immediately yelled "don't start this ****!"

After he made that suggestion instead of therapy, he didn't allow it to play out.

February 20, 2008

I got you a $400.00 Roomba for ur tiles I got you a 4150 massage for V day. You don't I let you go to bi girl parties with me.

See this? She "LETS ME" go. What she doesn't tell you is that SHE is the one that has been going to these parties since before we met, and SHE is the reason I even know about them.

He had an 8 yr relationship where he broke up with her every few months too.

only in the last couple years.

he threw water in her face

One time. You can even ask her (which Alicia did) and she'll say those incidents were her own fault for getting physical and saying nasty things.

kicked her out of the car far away from home where police had to drive her home.

She assaulted me in the car. We were 2 miles from home. Far away? Hardly.

She abused him physically and now he takes it out on me.

I smacked her on top of the head ONE TIME for saying some nasty things.

Though for the past 3 months he hasnt touched me. he broke my phone twice.

And replaced it both times. She acts like she can say anything she wants to me and I shouldn't get mad, like "normal people don't get mad."

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