Ximsin Posted February 20, 2008 Posted February 20, 2008 [COLOR=black][FONT=Verdana]Ok. It’s been almost three years since my husband and I have separated. He clearly has a new life except HE continues to come in and out of our home to see the children. Back in December I made the worst mistake. We slept together. He is very nice to me when he is around; in fact he comes over quite often except he usually has to leave at a certain time (to get back to his real life, which I know nothing about). Last night was a very hard night for me. My children are away for the week with family and I am home alone. My husband was aware that I was going to be there by myself. Why was I imagining that he would come to be with me because he loved me soo much...I guess I was imagining too hard that I spent the night crying and thinking of ways that I could kill myself. Thank God I made it through the night. I am so lonely without my children there. I also still love my husband and everyday think about the day that he will come back. He was a chronic cheater ad has really destroyed my life so I am not sure why I would want to be with him. The feelings are so intense for me. I spoke with him about lessening the communication with me and focusing it entirely on the children because as long as he continues to come around and engage with me, I will always feel that glimmer of hope. Tonight is another night and I just don't know how I m going to deal. The rejection piece is so hard for me and all I could imagine is how he loves someone else more than he loved me. This feels crazy, scary, sad, ugly, etc...I hate myself and I want to be dead. I often think that if I am able to secure people to look over my children, I will definitely kill myself. How can I get through the night?[/FONT][/COLOR]
s_n_d Posted February 20, 2008 Posted February 20, 2008 Im sorry you have to go through this. *Huggie* Maybe you should try to get your mind of him. Maybe go out with some friends, go watch a movie, workout. Sometimes a good workout helps me get my mind off him and feel great. Dont let yourself think about him. Feel free to vent on here when you feel like a trainwreck. SMILE.
LOVE DAISIES Posted February 20, 2008 Posted February 20, 2008 YIKES sweetie. ..so sorry to hear this. Can I ask why you and your husband are not divorced yet? I definetely think sleeping with him is not helping you at all. Do you ahve friends who can come over while the kids are gone This is NO way to live. Do you work out? If not maybe starting will give you some motivation and lift your spirits. Even a long walk helps. Keep posting.....we'll be here.
amaysngrace Posted February 20, 2008 Posted February 20, 2008 It’s been almost three years since my husband and I have separated. I guess I was imagining too hard that I spent the night crying and thinking of ways that I could kill myself. I am so lonely without my children there. He was a chronic cheater ad has really destroyed my life so I am not sure why I would want to be with him. The feelings are so intense for me. This feels crazy, scary, sad, ugly, etc...I hate myself and I want to be dead. What are you thinking?? You are going to kill yourself over a man who treats you like crap? If he was a prince charming he isn't worth dying for...but a cheating scumbag loser like him...NO WAY. Do you know how you are lucky? You are separated from this guy. You don't need to see him everyday anymore. Why on earth would you volunteer to be used and abused by him? He's no longer your problem. It sounds like you are becoming the other woman. He comes to you now when his normal life becomes boring for him. Don't permit that. Three years is a long time to still be hung up on somebody. If I were you I'd go file for a divorce. End this insanity once and for all. As long as you two are still technically "married" you cannot expect to be able to move on with your life. And sweetie you have a lot of life to live. The rest of your life to live. The quality of your life sucks. So do what you need to do to change this situation. Life's too short to be so unhappy. You have a choice on how your life goes. Forget him...live for YOU.
EllaDerSpin Posted February 20, 2008 Posted February 20, 2008 Can you arrange to go out when he comes to see the children so that you dont have to engage with him? And spend that time doing something really nice for yourself like a sauna, massage, gym etc
Author Ximsin Posted February 20, 2008 Author Posted February 20, 2008 I think I will need to repost later to help me through the maddness. I guess we are not divorced because I have not had the money or heart to do so. I will however be getting my taxes soon and will proceed. PArt of me has been holding on to the hope that he will come back. i guess I am co dependent. I am so angry at myself. I look horrible today..eyes are puffy, face looks dried out. I have to pretend in front of my co workers to be happy but everytime I go into the bathroom I cry. I guess my biggest question is why do people hurt other people like this. I desperately want to move on, but I don't know how to. In my mind I really love this man. I had two children with hime and really thought we were going to spend out lives together. I am so lonely. So lonely. I have met someone else, but truly I cannot open my heart up. Hen I am around that other person I end up being angry and standoffish. I want to move on and start breathing again. Are any of you surviviros? How did you do it.
amaysngrace Posted February 20, 2008 Posted February 20, 2008 I'm not sure if you are co-dependent. But you sound like you give and you give to the people in your life. Probably without having much left to give to yourself when it's done. But you should try to make yourself a priority. See yourself as important as anyone. Because you are. By treating yourself with love and respect your children will learn a healthy lesson on how they should always treat themselves in life. And there will be no one to come along and tell them any differently once they believe that. You have a gift of being a parent. So be a good strong role model. Take good care of you.
sedgwick Posted February 20, 2008 Posted February 20, 2008 Obviously the first question I have for you is if you're in therapy and/or on medication. If not, that should be the absolute first order of business. My second question is this: what do you do in your day-to-day life that brings you joy? I mean REAL joy, and JUST for you. Do you write, dance, play music, cook, garden, sing, make things? Do you knit or sew or grow your own vegetables? What do you do that is totally independent of your husband and children that makes you feel like YOU?
SeraBella Posted February 20, 2008 Posted February 20, 2008 Imagine the pain your children would go through if you were gone. They'd lose their mother forever to something that is completely preventable. Would you want them to suffer from that? Talk with a doctor about this, perhaps see a therapist. Get him out of your life. Stop letting him come in when he comes over. Have him take the children elsewhere to spend time. Fill your time up with friends and family.
sedgwick Posted February 20, 2008 Posted February 20, 2008 I second SeraBella. I have a friend whose mother committed suicide and it messed her up forever. She's in her 60s now and in therapy over it. Please don't leave your children with the life she's had.
Recommended Posts