chenazah Posted February 20, 2008 Posted February 20, 2008 Hello, thanks for taking the time to read my post. Sorry its a bit long. I have recently started seeing an old flame of mine (for the last 2 months). We were a couple 7 years ago for 1 1/2 years when we were both 19-20 years old. Our relationship at the time was up and down and we split due to a few differences although i was deeply in love with her and it hit me hard. We never kept in touch (i did try) but thought it best that we made new lives apart and trying to speak to her and see her would of torn me apart. So over the years i have often wondered whats shes being doing, where she is, is she ok, basically hoping that she would get back in contact with me. Its taken up a large part of my life trying to forget about her but for some reason i couldnt. So after all these years i decide to go onto facebook and low and behold there she is....so i contact her, we exchange emails/numbers and tell each other whats been going on in our lives. It turns out that she has lived in Spain for the past 5 years and that she got married and recently split (1 year ago) but has not yet gone through the divorce. She has gone through quite a lot so i decided to just be there for her, ie offer advice, motivate her etc. I did at no point tell her what to do. This lasts about a month (on and off, i didnt hear from her for a few weeks) until at xmas i receive a call from her saying thats shes in London, i drop everything that i was doing and ask her to come and meet me. We go out, have fun and she stays over. This happens the following weekend as well. She loves the way my life has changed for the better and of course i was happy to have another chance with her. So over the last 2 months she decided to move back from Spain to London, this was a good move on her part as her life was going nowhere. In between all of this happening she tells me that im brilliant, always there for her, her mum loves me for the fact i take good care for her, she wants to be with me. She moves some of her clothes into my place (i didnt want her living out of a suitcase and wanted to make her feel at home) we start planning the future ie we join a gym, book a holiday up, basically be couples again. Im thinking this is great esp after not really getting over her in the past and throw myself right into it all again, take her out, pay off her old rent from spain, put money into her account, buy her presents, help her look for jobs, surprise her with flowers, help her study for a driving license, trying to do everything that i never did 7 years ago. It was all going fine until i noticed a change in how she was acting around me ie no more talking of the future, no more good morning kisses basically looking like she didnt really want my company. I asked her what the matter was and she said "she needs space" and that im doing to much. The problem now is that i feel hurt that she doesnt want me in her life as much as she did a few weeks ago and that everything that we planned doing together is now in limbo. I know i am doing to much but when you care about someone so much you get carried away, but all the things i was doing were for her to make her life change. I also wanted to show her and her family that ive changed into a more reliable and trustworthy person. Even though i have kept up being nice, supportive etc over the last few weeks i havent really had a thankyou + i never got a valentines anything from her (she got, card, theatre, meal, roses, diamond earrings) she said she didnt have time? i run my own company and had time to sort all of the above out) I know she is still in contact with her ex and that they text each other about still caring about each other but cannot be with each other (dont ask how i know but in do), so i ask her if this is true and she says no....so shes also lying to me. Is she just stringing me along waiting to see if her old relationship can get back together? Am i just wasting my time on someone thats not appreciating me? the problem is ive waited for this chance for 7 years and even thinking about not having her back in my life once more gets to me badly. Please Help x
FlyByNite Posted February 20, 2008 Posted February 20, 2008 Hi, my take on this, for what it's worth, is that you're just moving too fast. I think you are so excited to be with her, that you've caught up in this whirlwind of doing things for her. If she's just broken up with her ex-husband she is of course going to have some residual feelings there regardless. She probably got caught up in the excitement of meeting you again, and who knows, maybe you will be together, but she is probably very confused, and feeling a bit out of control - which is why she's backing off a bit. I hope that helps, and good luck.
s_n_d Posted February 20, 2008 Posted February 20, 2008 I think you should take your time this time around. Dont get too ahead of yourself or you will get hurt all over again. Take it one day at a time.
oppath Posted February 20, 2008 Posted February 20, 2008 There's no reason to be giving gifts like diamond earrings only 2 months in, no matter how much money you make. She has not earned those things yet. I'd keep the romance at a minimum but focus on adventure until you know she is truly committed to you. Why? Because in her shoes, it can feel pressured.
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