goykstar Posted February 20, 2008 Posted February 20, 2008 (edited) Iam 24 and my GF is 19 we have a beautiful! 7mth old babygirl, we all live together in Utah. Heres the truth and nothing BUT the truth of what happend, I was at a Christmas work party last year (without my GF)and after that we went to bar and hung out there for awhile, we all had alot fun, all my coworker friends and I, untill the hotel after party. This is were I cheated on gf at, everything was cool we were all hanging out, then BAM! I kissed another girl, besides my GF, it happend so fast (like a sec, more like a half of a sec) I freaked out and paniced and grab my friend and ran out the door (like a scared little girl) I didnt know what to do? I was in shock! I felt so awful and ashamed at myself of course, but the worst part I knew I just disrespected my GIRL! The girl of my dreams, the women I love, The mother to my child, The best thing to happen to me! The problem was I never told her I was a being immature and selfish, I should of her. Of course she found out later and at first she was upset and packed up her things and stayed at her dads house. The following week I tried and tried getting her back (no luck) I quickly got some theraphy and quit smoking, and stopped drinking (I still am by the way) just to prove to her I will never do that again, I can never lose her again, EVER! I swear on everything! The week before valentines day, on saturday we hungout and things were awsome she was proud of me cause of the changes Ive made and told me she just wanted me to keep it up till she comes home, I was so happy! The wednesday before Valentines day she came home because she wanted to go visit her mom in california for a week. We had a great nite, the next day I took her to the airport and we hugged and kissed and told eachother I love you. 12 hours later she says she doesnt want anything to do with me? Now Im still trying to work things out and get her back home, but there are days when she says she loves me and misses me, and there are days when she doesnt answer the phone at all. All Im trying to do is prove to her this will NEVER happen again, I cant loose my girls, I just cant. I love her and my daughter SO much! and Miss them everday, I go crazy not seeing them anymore. How can I get her back and build her trust in me again? Please write back! Edited February 20, 2008 by goykstar
D-Lish Posted February 20, 2008 Posted February 20, 2008 I think the fact that you exchanged a drunken kiss with someone in a moment of weakness is something that should be repairable. If everything else was truly okay in your relationship besides the odd bump in the road that every relaitonship goes thorugh, I think you can repair this. I'm not saying it will be easy to do so- but most likely it is not a lost cause. I am sure she is having some major trust issues. After having a baby, probably feeling a little self conscious about body changes and overwhelmed by having a baby at such a young age...your indiscretion probably feels pretty monumental in her mind. Women have a very hard forgetting. We will often say we forgive, but the truth is that it's rarely that easy to do so. Because she knows what happened- that image of you kissing another woman has left an imprint on her brain that I am sure she is having trouble shaking- and each time you guys get a little close, that nasty intrusive image presents itself and brings the pain and anger right back to the surface as if it just happened yesterday. I am speaking from experience after being cheated on. Getting the image of my ex husband on top of another woman something I had a hard time getting rid of. In your case, it was just a kiss- but in her mind I am sure it is no less damaging. I am not giving you more grief or judging you for what what transpired. I think it's honorable that you have made the changes you have and are making a valiant effort to make things right. A quick kiss is more of a moment of weakness than an act of malicious cheating. I could forgive someone I loved that mistake eventually. It's obvious she is still struggling with the pain of what she obviously deems to be a pretty major betrayal. This doesn't mean she doesn't love you. On the contrary- she must love you very much to remain in your life. I think time and your actions will have an impact on a reconciliation. How long ago did you say she found out? The bottom line is that you guys have a deep connection with one another and a bond through your child that will keep you entwined for the rest of your lives. I don't think she wants to be a single mom any more than you want to be apart from your family. It sounds like she is going through a healing process. The loving you and recanting the next day has to do with the fear of you cheating again and her struggle to come to terms with what happened. She will fluctuate between moments of love and periods of anger. SHe has to work through these feelings on her own timeline. You can't force her to come home- you can only continue your efforts to show her you have changed until she accepts in and reconciles with it within herself. I am not condoning the kiss- but I am saying that you seem really regretful and distraught that it happened. I don't think it is enough to end the relationship if what you are saying is true and you continue to be patient and loving with her. She is sticking around because she has not decided to give up on the relationship, she is probably still in confusion mode. My advice is to continue being patient and accepting of her feelings. I think you are going about getting her back in the right way. I feel for you- because everyone makes mistakes, and a drunken smooch at an x-mas party shouldn't be a relationship ending occurance... not if you truly love one another and you are as sorry as you are. I can feel the pain and regret in your post as you write it. I don't think you are some cheating prick who will go back on his word a year down the road. I think you are sincere and genuine and deserving of a second chance. The fact that you love her is evident- the fact that this is affecting you as painfully as it is her is also pretty apparant. I hope you do get that second chance. Something tells me that you will. Since it happened at x-mas and she has found out since then- it's obvious this is still fresh for her. Just give her a little more time and keep reminding her what is good about the two of you. At some point I think you need to stop saying I am sorry and move on to addressing the future of your family and life together. You can't apologize and be punished forever. She will most likely get over it- but it will be while and probably involve a lot of work on your part to set the trust back in motion. I wish you the best- you do seem like a nice guy who made a bad choice one drunken night. DOn't be so harsh on yourself. What you did doesn't make you evil- and certainly what you are doing now shows integrity and remorse that I know would win me back if I were in her shoes. Good luck. Just be patient.
Lovelybird Posted February 20, 2008 Posted February 20, 2008 Great post ! D-Lish yes, patience and constant trustworthy action will build up her trust for you again. Trust is easy to break, but difficult to build, it needs time and your patience. Wish you will work out this
mental_traveller Posted February 21, 2008 Posted February 21, 2008 I think in this case you can't force it. Some people are willing to overlook a drunken kiss, others aren't. It's up to her now. All you can do is keep your sh*t together and let her think it over. The worst thing you can do now is to continually hassle her to take you back, pressure her to change her mind etc. This is much more likely to drive her away. Just tell her you are sorry, explain what happened and why, explain how you have changed with your drinking etc precisely to avoid ever doing that again. Then say you understand it was upsetting, and you are willing to accept her choice whatever it is. Then leave it up to her and let her contact you if she wants to change her mind and take you back. DON'T chase her.
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