Ashbash11 Posted February 19, 2008 Posted February 19, 2008 I finally met a guy who I'm interested in after being single for over 2 years!! Very exciting. This guy is very shy, however. He's never had a long-term girlfriend (he's 25!!) and I think I make him nervous... We went out last weekend to a concert and drinks afterward and we had a fantastic time. We have really great conversational chemistry and everything.. My question is, the date was ambiguous (he didn't make ANY physical contact with me the whole night) and it seemed a bit more like 2 friends going out than a date. I want to let him know that I like him but I'm afraid to come on too strong and scare him away. I can tell that he's shy and nervous... what do you think I should do? I'm used to dating more outgoing and forward guys who will hold my hand/kiss me goodnight, etc.. I'm not familiar with shy guys.. any advice would be appreciated!
Replicant Posted February 19, 2008 Posted February 19, 2008 Try on the second date to provide opportunities to see if he'll take advantage of. If not, tell the dude he forgot something..<pause>..and lay one on him
norajane Posted February 19, 2008 Posted February 19, 2008 Well, you're going to have to be the one to make all the moves, at least until he starts to feel more comfortable. First, are you sure it was a date? Or, more to the point, are you sure he knew it was a date? Could he have thought you were going as friends, and was too unsure to think of it as a date? Did he ask you out again? If not, it may be that you have to do it, which should reassure him that you like him. Then, I'd say you'll probably need to be the one to take his hand and hold it, or to put your hand through his arm as you are walking. And maybe even be the one to kiss him goodnight. If he likes you, I don't think you'll scare him away by coming on too strong. If he's shy, it just means he can't work up enough nerve to do the hand holding and kissing, but it doesn't mean he wouldn't enjoy it if it happened. I couldn't do it, personally - I'd get irritated very soon because it sort of would kill the romance for me if I always had to be the one to push him into any sort of romantic gesture. But if you're up for it and can be patient, eventually he'll gain enough confidence to start taking some initiative himself.
tanbark813 Posted February 19, 2008 Posted February 19, 2008 Could he have thought you were going as friends, and was too unsure to think of it as a date? Girls think like this. Guys don't.
norajane Posted February 19, 2008 Posted February 19, 2008 Girls think like this. Guys don't. Correction - confident guys don't think like that.
Author Ashbash11 Posted February 20, 2008 Author Posted February 20, 2008 Hmm, thanks for your replies, everyone. I'm not sure if he viewed our "outing" last weekend as a date, but he had bought 2 tickets to a concert and he invited me to go with him. Is that a date?? I'm not sure. He paid for everything and walked me home.. It felt pretty date-like to me. But, who knows? Yes, he did mention doing more things together- going to another concert, seeing a movie, going ice skating... He seemed very eager to see me again (which is a good sign!) I just got confused because he didn't make ANY moves... I'm also a bit shy, so I think this is going to be hard if I have to make all of the moves...
GoodOnPaper Posted February 20, 2008 Posted February 20, 2008 Ash, A guy who's shy and self-conscious can often have a fear that any physical contact or suggestive conversation that he initiates will be met with offense -- that women will respond positively only to Brad Pitt looks and player charm. I don't think you should have to make all the moves -- hopefully a little arm touching, etc. by you will get the message across that you won't bite.
Gold Pile Posted February 20, 2008 Posted February 20, 2008 This might seem harsh but guys his age don't go on anything like a date with unattractive women. He does want you. Whisper in his ear that you want him. Expect him to be a slow, awkward starter. Don't be too hard on his 1st performance with you...he'll get there. Just for fun yell at him the next day for taking advantage of you:laugh:
Lovelybird Posted February 20, 2008 Posted February 20, 2008 make all moves will give you much stress. basically I think if a guy can overcome his shyness and self-consciousness to make the first move, then he is really interested in you, otherwise, he doesn't and I would doubt he would put himself first always in the future.
tanbark813 Posted February 20, 2008 Posted February 20, 2008 I'm also a bit shy, so I think this is going to be hard if I have to make all of the moves... I doubt you'll have to make all the moves. If you get the ball rolling he might take it from there.
Lovelybird Posted February 20, 2008 Posted February 20, 2008 anyway, nuture friendship is a good thing, and mix with that maybe flirt a bit, and see what's his response. Rush never is good
fral945 Posted February 20, 2008 Posted February 20, 2008 Agree with tanbark813. I can tell you as a somewhat shy guy once a girl makes a move on me that sort of opens the floodgates, so to speak.
monkey00 Posted February 20, 2008 Posted February 20, 2008 Maybe a good move would be grab his hand/arm the next time you're out. It's bold but not so bold as it is considered to make a move. Or ask him if he'd like to hold hands. Though one thing to note is that things may go downhill if he thinks you consider him only as a friend and nothing more. He could wind up resenting you.
Random Username Posted February 20, 2008 Posted February 20, 2008 Speakin from an ex shy guy (and still sometimes ;P ) point of view, here's my 2 cents.. 1. Be unintimidating (so like, I know this seems weird but if there's an awkward silence act as if you LIKE it).. like you think it's cute or somethin I think the biggest fear shy guys have is that the girl will get tired of it after a while (they tend to think it's a matter of time b4 the girl gives up) so you have to act in a way that makes him feel secure with you. Another thing we hate is when the girl tried to make the first move but looks distured when he don't respond.. so sometimes a first move isn't the best thing. It's more of being there and making him feel you'll stick through it.. longevity.. I dunno. Cuz sometimes, this is what makes something click in his head that *dude, what the hell am I scared of?* and will ease him into opening up.. But every situation is different ;P
carhill Posted February 20, 2008 Posted February 20, 2008 Then, I'd say you'll probably need to be the one to take his hand and hold it, or to put your hand through his arm as you are walking. The second part is a natural when a gentleman walks with a lady, and can be construed as casual. I think this would be a good start. Talk to him and tell him how you felt about the evening you spent with him. If possible, have him walk you home from the next "outing". Try the above and see how it goes. I think he'll send you some clear signals. Be aware, if you sense recoil to your touch, it may not be anything having to do with you. Some people (I'm one) have very sensitive nervous systems and are very stimulation-sensitive. Things that wouldn't phase you are like an electric shock to us. Just be mindful. For me, a lot of my shyness at that age resulted from my not understanding what I was feeling. Good luck!
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