lovesparis Posted February 19, 2008 Posted February 19, 2008 to sum it up as quickly as possible: i was with a guy from feb-aug 07, we broke up, ultimately, b/c he viewed my friendship with another guy to be totally unhealthy. after much soul searching, i have found that i agree, he is unhealthy. i still haven't ended our friendship b/c he has been there for me through the really tough times, and i enjoy his company immensely. additionally, we are involved in a business relationship at present. my friends are torn on the issue as to cutting ties with him. many of them have met and spent time with this friend, and don't see why i should end our friendship. others completely disagree with my being friends with him and have from the beginning. i've met a guy that i like. i really want to get to know him and take things slowly. i still have very strong feelings for my ex and ultimately want to reconcile with him (not sure if he'll ever feel the same). since it was such a huge issue in my last R, i asked new guy how he feels about me having a friendship with a man, knowing that i don't think it's the most healthy friendship. he said he doesn't see a problem with it... my best friend also mentioned this weekend that she doesn't think i should end my friendship if i will miss having him in my life. i'm struggling mostly with the fact that i don't feel as though i'm being true to myself if i keep him in my life, but he's such a big part of it, and it would be so much easier not to end it. thoughts?
shanny Posted February 20, 2008 Posted February 20, 2008 I don't know exactly what you mean by "unhealthy". Does that mean that there is more to it than friendship... or that he can be abusive? Are you attracted to him? From what you wrote it seems that you must be in order to let it ruin other relationships.
Author lovesparis Posted February 20, 2008 Author Posted February 20, 2008 shanny, Does that mean that there is more to it than friendship... or that he can be abusive? Are you attracted to him? it is not currently, nor has it ever been anything more than friendship. he's not abusive and i'm not attracted to him. it's unhealthy b/c when i was going through some really hard times, i handed over control of my life to him. he knew how to handle me when my friends and family couldn't. he knew what to say. he knew how to get me out of the house. he is married and although he said they live their seperate lives, he's never introduced us; he's never hit on me or touched me inappropriately. he looks out for me like a daughter. when i needed an attorney, he got a friend to help me out. when i needed help understanding my taxes, he helped me out. furthermore in the unhealthy aspect of behavior, he doesn't allow me to pay for anything. he had business to take care of one day and i went along with him. he dropped me off at a bookstore while he took care of what he needed to do and gave me $90 to make my purchases. i didn't use his money, but even when i took him to a winery for his bday, he tried to pay. it's the single time i was able to get away with it, b/c after he gave the clerk the $ i put the same amnt back into his pocket. he bribes servers not to give me the check, or give seperate checks.
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