stampdaddy Posted February 21, 2008 Posted February 21, 2008 Hey Daisie, I've thought of you this last week & wondered how you were. I hope your doing better since our last contact. I can't come up with anything witty or clever like some of the previous comments. However, I have to say that if one feels they must "endure" an affair...what's the point? WOW, that is exactly how I have been starting to feel like the last few weeks... That this Relationship is not good for me anymore... It is not "healthy" for me, and now our R is starting to take its damage, and "IF" we were to finally start our journey together, it would already be hard enough, let alone with the extra baggage that we are adding to it lately...
White Flower Posted February 22, 2008 Posted February 22, 2008 Words of wisdom? Don't do it!!! But if you must, only focus on what it brings you, not what it doesn't. This way you can avoid the whole roller coaster effect. Then go from there.
mental_traveller Posted February 24, 2008 Posted February 24, 2008 When there's a deep physical attraction between two people, it's bound to happen. We both wanted to for so long but I kept pushing it off because I was unsure. We only did do it a few times, and one of those times this little miracle happened. I meant why do it without contraception (assuming that's what happened)?
Lookingforward Posted February 24, 2008 Posted February 24, 2008 accidents DO happen, which is why a good rule of thumb is to never have sex with anyone you wouldn't be happy to be tied to for the rest of your life
OpenBook Posted February 24, 2008 Posted February 24, 2008 accidents DO happen, which is why a good rule of thumb is to never have sex with anyone you wouldn't be happy to be tied to for the rest of your life Guess that means I'll never have sex again, ever. D#*mn I'm gonna miss it!!
ahotmess Posted February 25, 2008 Posted February 25, 2008 To the OW: He will hold on to you until you are no longer strong enough to let him go. Let him go now. I haven't even seen my MM in over a year.....and I still think of him daily. It still hurts....and my biggest fault with him is in RE to the thought above. He should have let me go when I was strong enough to fall gracefully.
9Lives Posted February 25, 2008 Posted February 25, 2008 These are all things I learned the hard way. ~ Never start a new relationship before completely finishing one that you're in... and only date people who follow this rule. ! When you're dating a man who claims to be getting divorced (thus breaking rule # 1 ), believe nothing that you hear and only half of what you see. ~ Never settle for second best. ! Never be someone's doormat, mattress, landing pad, or dirty little secret. ~ He can't be my soulmate if he's already married to someone else. ~ If he can lie to her, he can lie to me. ~ Remember, you only know what he tells you about his so-called horribly bad neglectful abusive wife, and remember... he's still with his so-called horribly bad neglectful abusive wife. ~ And most importantly... Be strong enough to be on your own. Love yourself first and foremost, always! amen...amen.....and...amen
OWoman Posted February 25, 2008 Posted February 25, 2008 ~ Remember, you only know what he tells you about his so-called horribly bad neglectful abusive wife, Funny, everything I heard about his "horribly bad abusive wife" came from sources other than MM . And of course now that he's left her and everyone's accepted that reconciliation really isn't on the agenda at all this time, the stories are REALLY coming out ! Not just abusive to him, colleagues, workmen, shop assistants and random others, but to family and friends themselves. and remember...he's still with his so-called horribly bad neglectful abusive wife. anyone who knows anything about domestic abuse - from a clinical or legal perspective - would not find that surprising. Abuse robs the abused of their sense of agency and their sense of self, and leaves them at the mercy of opinions and actions of the abuser. The abused internalise the oppression and come to think themselves deserving of it, of not deserving happiness and as unable to survive without the abuser. It's a recognised mental health diagnosis and a successful basis for argument in court (where the abused kills the long term abuser). Google "battered person syndrome" if you need more info.
jton30 Posted February 25, 2008 Posted February 25, 2008 Don't let pride or the notion of 'winning' him or her keep you in it. Realize that it is true that we often want more that which we can't have.
Lookingforward Posted February 25, 2008 Posted February 25, 2008 (edited) Guess that means I'll never have sex again, ever. D#*mn I'm gonna miss it!! well.... never ? you won't be fertile forever LOL Edited February 25, 2008 by Lookingforward sorry, I figured the 'while you are able to get pregnant' was implied
OpenBook Posted February 25, 2008 Posted February 25, 2008 well.... never ? you won't be fertile forever LOL I don't have to worry about that anymore, Thank God!! I just don't want to filter my lovers based on whether I want to "remain tied to them for the rest of my life" -- sounds like a death sentence to me.:D But seriously, I see your point about the necessity of being selective (and I totally agree). I was just being cheeky about it. I've always thought it was unfair that women are held to higher standards than men when it comes to selecting the quality and quantity of sexual partners. But unfortunately, biology rules in this regard. We are the gatekeepers, the childbearers. We have to be more careful than men.
melbar68 Posted March 3, 2008 Posted March 3, 2008 do what makes you happy and do it with no regret...you only live once and will never get the chance to do it if you are gone...listen i'm the other woman and although at times i get to thinking and i know what i am doing is worng i also want to be happy and although im not satisfied i will be one day
twice_shy Posted March 3, 2008 Posted March 3, 2008 Thought this might be a more lighthearted thread on this subject... If anyone who has been in an affair or is in one....if you have any words of wisdom of how to endure an affair or get over one....post here. I'll start... "Do unto others as you'd have done to you" "If they did it WITH you, they can do it to you" The best way to endure an affair is to get rid of the cheater.
MimiMe Posted March 8, 2008 Posted March 8, 2008 She didn't want my husband, she wanted my life. Waited so long to walk in my shoes... I hope they fit and I hope you hate them as much as I did!! Isn't something supposed to be free for you to trap it? and my FAVE!!! BETTER HER (OW) THAN ME!!!!! SUCKS TO BE YOU!!!
melbar68 Posted March 14, 2008 Posted March 14, 2008 (edited) The best words i can think of is just dont do it and if you have then enjoy it....most men never leave their wives for the other woman and although some may have you know what he did to her and he will do it to you... Let her have him just use him when you want him, let her wash his clothes, clean up after him, iron for him, cook for him ... you just enjoy him for the moment and do not fall in love...if you feel you have...think again it's only lust and when you figure that out one day thats its lust and not love, you will be able to enjoy him so much more Edited March 14, 2008 by melbar68 mispelled
nadiaj2727 Posted March 14, 2008 Posted March 14, 2008 do what makes you happy and do it with no regret...you only live once and will never get the chance to do it if you are gone...listen i'm the other woman and although at times i get to thinking and i know what i am doing is worng i also want to be happy and although im not satisfied i will be one day If you're not satisifed now then why do you do it? Why not do something that makes you satisfied? Just curious. I'm confused LOL. You say to do what makes you happy but then you say what you're doing doesn't make you happy. Does that mean you think you should stop doing it?
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