liddie Posted February 19, 2008 Posted February 19, 2008 Approximately 20 hours ago, my now xMM and I broke off our relationship. He didn't/doesn't seem to grasp the concept of us not being friends, but thats a hurdle he will have to over come on his own. I didn't sleep well last night...my eyes have bags under them that are so large they look like they are packed for a trip around the world!! My face broke out overnight and I have the biggest hole in my heart I have ever had in my life. We were together a little over a year. Right now it seems as though it is going to take that long to get over the R. I don't hate him (although I think it may be easier if I did). I don't regret our R one bit. I hope this gets easier....
openingup Posted February 19, 2008 Posted February 19, 2008 I'm so sorry you're having to go through this. It's a hard a thing as you've ever had to do, but sometimes you have to do the hard thing. In fact, that's been my mantra (I've had no contact for two weeks now.) Try appealing to your own sense of pride and give yourself tough love. When you feel the urge to call, look at the phone and think about how easy it would be. (I have to think it's something like being a drug addict looking at a needle, but luckily I haven't had that experience.) Then tell yourself, "Do the hard thing once. Don't embarrass yourself." Imagine how desperate (and unappealing) calling will make you look . . it'll discourage you from doing it. This has worked for me so far because I cringe at the thought of putting myself out there to be humiliated. As for your MM and the "friends" thing, I can tell you from a deep well of personal experience that friendship holds no interest for him. It's one of two other things: he wants to keep you on the bench in case he wants the relationship to become physical again, or, he's glad to be out of the relationship but feels guilty. The mental placebo of friendship allows him to sidestep his guilt and not come to terms with the breakup. Simply put, female friends are messy and hard to explain. The whole situation could turn on him and he knows it, so you'll never be friends. I'm glad to hear you don't hate him, hate will do nothing but make you obsess and give you an ulcer while having no effect on him whatsoever. This is another good reason to keep NC. If you re-establish any kind of contact with him, the probability that he'll do or say something hurtful to make you hate him is there. Please post again as your time of NC grows longer - I'd like to be here to support you. Go out and treat yourself to a fabulous lunch and a massage - you deserve it.
Author liddie Posted February 19, 2008 Author Posted February 19, 2008 That is so funny you said that about a massage. I had actually bought him a gift certificate for a massage for v-day and never gave it to him!! Happy massage to me!! I am going skiing tomorrow with two great friends and will have pleanty of fun and drinks!! Keep you posted
LOVE DAISIES Posted February 19, 2008 Posted February 19, 2008 ((((Hugs Liddie)))))))) I too am NC'ing a MM. It's not easy but you can do it. Hang in there....you can do it.
White Flower Posted February 20, 2008 Posted February 20, 2008 Good luck, liddie. I can only imagine how difficult it is right now. Enjoy that massage and have fun skiing. You need to focus on yourself now. Hugs, WF.
Author liddie Posted February 20, 2008 Author Posted February 20, 2008 Well here it is now day 2 of NC. It seems like I was in a better place yesterday than today. The place that my friends are going skiing tonight is the same place that my xMM and I met. Infact, the night of skiing was originally planned for him and I. I keep finding his stuff in my car and in my house. I thought I had gathered it all up and gave it to him Monday...apparently not. What do I do with it? I know he would want it back....advice? I'd say the hardest part for me so far is the giant void in my life. I have to pretend that I am fine for my daughters sake but inside I am falling apart. This sucks...
LOVE DAISIES Posted February 20, 2008 Posted February 20, 2008 Hi Liddie....hang in there ..you'll be OK. Filling that void is the hardest part, I know As for his stuff...seriously, unless he asks for it, just keep it in a box somewhere. Maybe you can send him a short email in a few weeks and ask him if he wants it back. No need to set yourself back just yet. I hope you enjoy yourself tonight...
White Flower Posted February 20, 2008 Posted February 20, 2008 Hi Liddie....hang in there ..you'll be OK. Filling that void is the hardest part, I know As for his stuff...seriously, unless he asks for it, just keep it in a box somewhere. Maybe you can send him a short email in a few weeks and ask him if he wants it back. No need to set yourself back just yet. I hope you enjoy yourself tonight... I agree. I don't know how bad the break-up was, but if you're really going to stick to NC you might want to mail his stuff in a package to his workplace. Seeing him in person may only prolong the break-up and cause more hurt. Hugs.
Meaplus3 Posted February 20, 2008 Posted February 20, 2008 Approximately 20 hours ago, my now xMM and I broke off our relationship. He didn't/doesn't seem to grasp the concept of us not being friends, but thats a hurdle he will have to over come on his own. I didn't sleep well last night...my eyes have bags under them that are so large they look like they are packed for a trip around the world!! My face broke out overnight and I have the biggest hole in my heart I have ever had in my life. We were together a little over a year. Right now it seems as though it is going to take that long to get over the R. I don't hate him (although I think it may be easier if I did). I don't regret our R one bit. I hope this gets easier.... Hi Liddie..It will get easier! The start of NC is very tough, because the R is still so fresh in your mind.. If you can stick to NC.. you will see how powerful it can be.. in term's of ending the R once and for all. You took a big step here.. be proud of that! Stay Strong.. You can get through this. AP:)
Gwyneth Posted February 20, 2008 Posted February 20, 2008 I don't hate him (although I think it may be easier if I did) Hating him will make it worse, trust me. Right now I hate MM but it's more that I am angry with him and upset because of the situation I am in. Currently he and I have been NC for almost two weeks--mostly because of me. I am now pregnant with his child and am tossed between telling him and not telling him. My anger and hate toward him is steering me toward the direction of Not telling him that I am pregnant. I am in NC now because he isn't responding to any of my messages. That kills even more. Please don't hate him because that will not make the situation any better for yourself. When we hate someone, we somehow make the situation an uglier one, and that isn't what you need right now. Right now you need to conentrate on going back to life pre-MM; remember that? That was a good time for you. I also hope for your sake it doesn't take a year to get over him--is he really worth a year of pain? You will eventually find someone else that will heal your heart and allow you to love again, and the feeling is wonderful. I'm sure you've gone through breakups before and for me, they're all the same--that hole in the heart has Always been the same, but then another guy comes along and quickly repairs that hole. Falling in love All over again is one of life's best joys.
Author liddie Posted February 20, 2008 Author Posted February 20, 2008 You know Gwenyth thats the crazy part. I have been through relationship break-ups heck I have been thru a divorce and never has it hurt this much. He just drove by my office. I want to call him so badly:(
Gwyneth Posted February 20, 2008 Posted February 20, 2008 You know Gwenyth thats the crazy part. I have been through relationship break-ups heck I have been thru a divorce and never has it hurt this much. He just drove by my office. I want to call him so badly:( He drove by your office and this is out of his way right? Why is he doing that? That's moi creepy. With the divorce and your other breakups, the closure might have been stronger. Maybe your closure with the MM wasn't enough for you--maybe you need more. Think back to how your other Rs ended and what it took to get you some strong closure, then compare it to this breakup.
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