AdriannaV Posted February 19, 2008 Posted February 19, 2008 I've been seeing this guy for almost two months now, haven't had any problems. Everything is going just fine and I couldn't be happier. However, one thing I'm curious about and it doesn't even bother me; he gets upset because he knows I have hooked up with a person we both know. It was about 2 months before we met, but he doesn't think very highly of this person and he said it's ok because it was in the past, it just bothers him because he knows the type of person that guy was. And I'll be the first to admit, it was a mistake. And I didn't have sex with him either, I like this new guy a lot and don't even consider the other guy at all. I just want my new guy to be happy and I want him to be comfortable and know he's all I want. I understand it's hard for a man to think about the girl he likes with someone else, but this happened before I met him, so I don't know how to comfort him or help him get over it, because I must admit, he's been with more girls than i've been with guys....so what should I do? thanks
shockandawed Posted February 19, 2008 Posted February 19, 2008 Expand on this a little. From what you are describing, you went out with someone your bf doesn't like before you started dating him, nothing even happened sexually and now he is upset about this. Is this a constant problem? In other words, is he constantly bringing this up or did he just show a one time problem with it?
themessenger Posted February 19, 2008 Posted February 19, 2008 the girl i'm dating has dated some deuchbags. well, is this the only one that you have? how long did it last?
spookie Posted February 19, 2008 Posted February 19, 2008 There's nothing you can do except reassure him that it's in the past and you have no feelings for anyone else anymore. This is something he's going to have to deal with on his own. I don't know what it is that causes some men to be super-insecure about their gf's past and others to be completely ok with it, but it's irrational on his part and he must find a way to get over it (cause tbh from the sounds of it nothing even happened).
Author AdriannaV Posted February 19, 2008 Author Posted February 19, 2008 Sorry, I must not have explained it well. The situation is that I was talking to this guy and we hooked up, meaning fooled around. I never got serious with him. And it came up one night, and I mentioned that I had been talking with this other guy, and my boyfriend got upset, because he knows the guy and he knows he is an *******. I admitted I made a mistake, and he told me its ok, he's not jealous but that he is upset thinking about me with such an *******. He has never been jealous about my other exes, just this one. Even when we go out, if I see a guy friend, he lets me do my thing and I usually introduce him and is polite and usually becomes friends with my guy friends. He is not possessive at all, its just this one guy upsets him...and like i said, he has been with way more people than me, and I told him its in the past, I do get jelous here and there because some of them are extremly good looking girls, but I know he would never cheat on me. I'm just curious as to why this one guy upsets him so much, he gets physically angry if the topic comes up. And to be fair, he has never come out and brought it up, it usually comes about in conversation, meaning the guy, not the act itself, but its associated...
themessenger Posted February 19, 2008 Posted February 19, 2008 Spookie i really hate when people use the word insecure loosely. This guy could be a prince. well if shes dated a bunch of bums in the apst then thats what ahes drawn. girls th date schmucks leave wineers for schmucks consatntly.
themessenger Posted February 19, 2008 Posted February 19, 2008 adrianna what kind of paths of comunaiction do you have with this guy? anyat all? you don't have to lie to us. email in the past couple weks? anything
spookie Posted February 19, 2008 Posted February 19, 2008 Alright. "Bothered by". Is that better? IMO freakouts about the past are 100% insecuirty-drive, but I'm not a guy, I don't care about anyone's past, so I dunno, there's a possibility I am wrong.
shockandawed Posted February 19, 2008 Posted February 19, 2008 Adrianna, It sounds as though it really may not be that big of a deal to him. It upsets him because he doesn't like the guy. But, he is the one that has to get over it. It was in the past and he needs to let it go. This is entirely his problem and not yours. If it continues, I would simply call him out on it. Look, I went out with him before I met you. I know you don't like him and you say it's ok, but you keep getting angry about it and that bothers me. There is nothing we can do to change it.
Author AdriannaV Posted February 19, 2008 Author Posted February 19, 2008 No, I haven't talked to the other guy at all. I have no interest in him and I agree he is a jerk. My current boyfriend knows this. He doesn't question trust, he lets me be me, he is protective when he needs to be but has never over stepped the boundaries. I'm serous when I tell you, he knows about guys I've dated for years, and has no problem. It's just this one guy who I fooled around with he gets upset with. He said "Adrianna, why would you ever hook up with him? He's a !!!!!!!!!!!!!!, your better than that" and he will say how he doesn't wana think about me with him because it upsets him. And it bothers me because he only gets upset about this one guy haha the others he puts in the past. But i promise all of you, i dont talk with this other guy anymore, i just want to know how to make my current boyfriend more comfortable, because he is such a great guy, i don't want something liekt his getting in the way, and to his credit he has been a lot better about this situation, he blows it off, but i still dont think hes 100% over it...
themessenger Posted February 19, 2008 Posted February 19, 2008 then tell him all that. and sak him to take a chance on letting it go. because its getting old. or else it may start getting to the point where if he can't let it go he is disrespecting you.
Author AdriannaV Posted February 19, 2008 Author Posted February 19, 2008 Okay, that sounds like a good way to go about things. Thank you everyone for your advice, I appreciate it soo much. I'm feeling confident it will pass, but just in case it doesnt I will bring it up to him. I'll keep you updated on how it goes. You guys are awesome !!!
liyah26 Posted March 15, 2008 Posted March 15, 2008 hi im new on this but i want to ask people what they thing of this situation??????? ok well ive been dating this guy for about a month and it feels like we been dating for much longer ... i like this guy so much i think i actually love him?? well antways evrything has been goin great i get so excited about seeing him on the weekends.. i live on my own and hes been comin on the weekends to sleep over and stuff. Well this weekend my stupid jealous mind did something and i feel sooooooooooo bad omg.. well i saw his cell on my coffee table and he was sleeping in my room so i decided to look through his text messages omggggggggg i know im sick omg i felt so badddddddd but anyways i felt worse after i saw him text a girl saying hey bebe i just got home sweetdreamssss and it was sent before he arrived at my house that night ...he said he was out with his guy friends and the girl in the text sent a text back saying wow babe that was fast ok sweetie sweetdreams too!!! i was likeeeeeeeeee what the ****kkkkkkkkkkkkkkk who is this chick well anyway i got sooooooo mad and put his phone back ...... thennnn after he woke up i was pissed i asked him where he went last night and he was like whats wrong with u and he gotttttttttttttt so mad cause i was like let me see ur phoneeeeeeee he was soooooo mad and we started yelling at eachother then he was like im going home... my heart fell to the ground i couldnt believe wat happened why didnt i controll myself and then he left and said he needed a little time awayyyyyy i think i pushed him awayy but i didnt know wat to do i think he was talkin to another girl wat was i suppose to dooooo he left and i felt like ****ttttttt .... i like him soooooo much and think im loosing him wat should i doooooo omggggg i felt so bad but went CRAZY wen i saw that text!!!!!! please help meeeeee
AriaIncognito Posted March 15, 2008 Posted March 15, 2008 Okay, that sounds like a good way to go about things. Thank you everyone for your advice, I appreciate it soo much. I'm feeling confident it will pass, but just in case it doesnt I will bring it up to him. I'll keep you updated on how it goes. You guys are awesome !!! Adrianna - Just wondering if this has progressed. I wanted to also ask you or give a thought. Maybe this other guy has burned your BF in the past, and that's why he's so hung up on him. Maybe he stole a girl from him, or something. That would explain why he's fine with all your other exes, but not this one guy. Just a thought. Let us know how you're doing!
AussieJack Posted March 16, 2008 Posted March 16, 2008 You are not directly responsible for fixing anyone else's feelings about anything.... All that you can do is NOT ever mention the other guys name (or talk to the other guy) and if you B/f brings it up, say that you regret ever having anything to do with guy#2.. Other that that, let time do its work here.
mortensorchid Posted March 16, 2008 Posted March 16, 2008 Hey, we've all been there. I wish I could say that all the people I've been with in the past were all princes, but they are/were far from. But, life is a learning experience. It's THE PAST for a reason. Your new bf doesn't seem to think this, but I'm sure if you or anyone else questioned him about HIS past, he would say he wasn't completely proud of the people he was with either. Don't bring it up, either one of you. And if he insists on bringing it up, he's a jealous, controlling, mean man who you don't want to be with. If he can't get over your past, then he's the loser, not you.
zink Posted March 18, 2008 Posted March 18, 2008 I think it has something to do with a guys perspective on your decision making and how something so obvious to him (like the qualities of the guy that upsets him) were not so obvious to you. There are certain guys that get a little nauseated when someone that they care a great deal about have in the past been with people that they feel to be vomit worthy. It sounds like he knows a little about the guy in question, maybe others he has had relations with, the way he talks about women to other guys or any number of reasons why he dislikes that you ended up being in his company.
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