Pyro Posted February 19, 2008 Posted February 19, 2008 people...her and him have the same friends .... if i ask her to stop having contact with him...arent i asking her to not have contact with her friends? pbviously this is a hard situation, how can you not feel something when a ex is around. i don't know how to handle this. this is why i'm here. sorry getting frustrated. Reread my second paragraph in post #33. Again, he is not a friend.
Author themessenger Posted February 19, 2008 Author Posted February 19, 2008 ok he's not a friend but they are now what?
Florida Posted February 19, 2008 Posted February 19, 2008 people...her and him have the same friends .... if i ask her to stop having contact with him...arent i asking her to not have contact with her friends? pbviously this is a hard situation, how can you not feel something when a ex is around. i don't know how to handle this. this is why i'm here. sorry getting frustrated. Okay, I get you. I have experience with this, I'll share how I handled it, but you know-it takes 2, it can't be all you telling her what to do, she has to be open to working with you. I'll get back to you, unfortunately I've got to run for now. Hang in there!
openingup Posted February 19, 2008 Posted February 19, 2008 Other ppl just chooses to be acquaintences afterwards. I find it too awkward to have been in something serious with someone, and then to step backwards and pretend nothing happned. It's diabolical how this world works sometimes.] Word. I've always thought someone would have to be emotionally stunted in order to do that.
Pyro Posted February 19, 2008 Posted February 19, 2008 ok he's not a friend but they are now what? I don't know what you call it but what she is doing is wrong. She needs to compromise with you or you need to end things with her.
Author themessenger Posted February 19, 2008 Author Posted February 19, 2008 I know pyro but she and him have the same friends if i ask her to saty away from him. i'm asking her to stay way from them
Pyro Posted February 19, 2008 Posted February 19, 2008 I know pyro but she and him have the same friends if i ask her to saty away from him. i'm asking her to stay way from them Well then she needs to step up and honor your relationship. She needs to tell the guy that she has no interest in being with him and that he needs to learn to respect her and her relationship with you. Her other friends should help too.
xpaperxcutx Posted February 19, 2008 Posted February 19, 2008 I know pyro but she and him have the same friends if i ask her to saty away from him. i'm asking her to stay way from them No its about compromise. You're not asking her to completely stay away from them but to be more discreet with them. Tell her that you would appreciate it that she lessens the contacts with the guy but not completely as to completely wreck her friendships. Remember, a relationship is all about compromise.
Star Gazer Posted February 19, 2008 Posted February 19, 2008 In another thread you said that she told you when her ex left her she had no one, and won't let that happen again. This woman is desperately afraid of being alone, and has men lined up to be with her should your relationship end (for whatever reason). She cannot commit her heart to you in such a situation. I'm not sure why you'd want to be with someone like that...
Author themessenger Posted February 19, 2008 Author Posted February 19, 2008 very interesting start gazer please don't stop there.
shockandawed Posted February 19, 2008 Posted February 19, 2008 Messenger, What is it you don't get here? You have four pages of everyone telling you basically the same thing. I know you have feelings for her, but come on...successful relationships take communication and occasional compromise. That is clearly not being demonstrated here. Most people would not be comfortable with the person they are involved with maintaining a relationship with a still pining ex. The only reasons for her to continue this are either she is still attached to him or she is insecure about being alone. Neither bode well for long term success with you. You have to decide what you are and are not comfortable with here and then act appropriately. It really does seem pretty black and white.
Star Gazer Posted February 19, 2008 Posted February 19, 2008 very interesting start gazer please don't stop there. What more is there to say? You are one in a line of many. It's completely up to you whether you want to be the one after her last and before her next. In other words, this won't last.
Author themessenger Posted February 19, 2008 Author Posted February 19, 2008 why doesn't she understand that the having these relationships wit other guys poisons her current one?
Star Gazer Posted February 19, 2008 Posted February 19, 2008 why doesn't she understand that the having these relationships wit other guys poisons her current one? She understands, she just doesn't care. She knows there will be another guy waiting for her with this (or any other) relationship ends. She's unwilling to make herself vulnerable. You can't fix that - that's all on her.
oppath Posted February 19, 2008 Posted February 19, 2008 It is black and white. The women on LS who claim to be JUST FRIENDS with their ex's, those friendships are more friendly acquaintances. They would do anything for those ex's in a time of need but they aren't a major role in their life, and they admit "if I'm involved with someone else, no way in hell do I hang out with my ex without my boyfriend present." It's that simple. You don't have to justify it to her why you feel disrespected. A feeling is a feeling and you don't need reasons why. Simply tell her "in my definition of a healthy relationship, you don't talk to ex's without them knowing 'I am in a relationship' and you don't hang out with them unless your significant other can meet them and witness you are just friends. If they want you back, they are not JUST friends. I am not opposed to you occassionally talking with them or seeing them in group situations, but I feel disrespected that you talk to them and don't reveal my existence. Do you understand why? I fell invisible. I am not asking you to lose your friends. What I am asking is that you make me visible and you make my feelings a higher priority than an ex. Is there any sort of compromise we can make that will ease my discomfort?" If she answers "no," then tell her "that is a deal breaker for me as I don't think ex's belong in a healthy relationship unless they know about me and I can meet them and be introduced as your boyfriend. If you are unwilling to compromise and meet my needs, then we have a problem." You repeat a couple times that you feel disrespected and uncomfortable and you want to compromise. Do not threaten to end the relationship to manipulate her. Tell her "I don't feel this is healthy." Then, END THE RELATIONSHIP if after a couple of opportunities, she does not meet you halfway. You are asking nothing of her except "what can you do to ease my discomfort?" That is not an ultimatum, it is not controlling, it is a request. There are numerous middle grounds she can choose to validate you and still maintain those guys in her life in someway. You are not asking her to make an all or nothing choice, but if she can't find some shade of gray that validates your feelings, then you need to make the all or nothing decision to walk away.
EnigmaXOXO Posted February 19, 2008 Posted February 19, 2008 What is everybodys feeling on the opposite sex having multiple opposiye sex friends. Many of them being exes that still pursue them. one of them being someone they share mutual friends with. Indecisive. Wishy-washy. Abandonment/Attachment issues. Attention Ho/Pimp. Better at sustaining superficial friendships than intimate romantic relationships. BAD long-term relationship potential. File ... The Buddy Zone.
xpaperxcutx Posted February 19, 2008 Posted February 19, 2008 File ... The Buddy Zone. what a way to put it.
Author themessenger Posted February 19, 2008 Author Posted February 19, 2008 This is her away message on instant messenger: traits of a pisces women -Yes we do like to play and tease, thats a major part of our attraction. Where your insightfulness really shows up is that you realize that it masks our shyness. Most of the time we feel we have to be "on' because we can experience so many emotions at once that others possibly won't understand. we often don't understand them ourselves. It amazes me that even my good friends don't believe it when I say something about my being shy.that shows that as much as they know me, they really don't know me. I won't show vulnerablility if I can help it. But to go a little deeper, we can run the risk of losing someone we really like by "playing" but believe me, it's usually not because we don't care, it's because we probably do, but it's really risky for a Pisces to show how we really feel about someone. If someone broke our trust or heart it's harder to show the real us to someone new. We usually go off and cry our tears in private, try to catch our breath and try to face the world again with a confidence we don't feel inside. Personally, I feel that if I don't show how much I care until I am absolutely sure of someone's true feelings for me, and I do mean SURE, then I can't be hurt! Being vulnerable is dangerous to our sensitive nature. It's about protection. Now, we can be a bit wishy-washy sometimes. But If we really like a person there is no doubt for us, but "protection of my little heart" is a golden rule until we think we know it's safe. When you are loved by a Pisces woman, you have no doubt that the love is there and strong, but you have to show us that you will mean business or we will retreat out of fear giving off that "whatever" attitude. It's out of fear of appearing foolish and falling hard and fast for the wrong guy..AGAIN!! We love HARD and when we are hurt it shakes us to the core and takes a lot to recover if that love and respect is not returned
Author themessenger Posted February 19, 2008 Author Posted February 19, 2008 (edited) any coments on the away message? Edited February 19, 2008 by themessenger
Star Gazer Posted February 19, 2008 Posted February 19, 2008 any coments on the away message? Why does it matter? Seriously. Move on.
XxBacktoBlackXx Posted February 19, 2008 Posted February 19, 2008 How does someone have that long of an away message? That's a bit weird...
blind_otter Posted February 19, 2008 Posted February 19, 2008 Dude I cannot believe this thread is 5 pages long, of people saying the same thing over and over again.
Author themessenger Posted February 19, 2008 Author Posted February 19, 2008 I hear you back to black and she has a way of making me feel wierd
XxBacktoBlackXx Posted February 19, 2008 Posted February 19, 2008 I don't mean to be rude but this thread is cracking me up!! It's so repetitive!!!
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