Pyro Posted February 19, 2008 Posted February 19, 2008 What is everybodys feeling on the opposite sex having multiple opposiye sex friends. Many of them being exes that still pursue them. one of them being someone they share mutual friends with. If you are single, then no big deal. Handle it however you want to, but if you are in a relationship, then it is very disrespectful to your SO to still be in contact with ex's that you know are still trying to pursue you.
Author themessenger Posted February 19, 2008 Author Posted February 19, 2008 ok pyro thanx for the reply. now if you voiced this opinion wht would you say to someone saying your insecure or controlling?
Pyro Posted February 19, 2008 Posted February 19, 2008 ok pyro thanx for the reply. now if you voiced this opinion wht would you say to someone saying your insecure or controlling? I would ask the person to put themselves in my position and see how they would feel about the situation.
Lizzie60 Posted February 19, 2008 Posted February 19, 2008 I knew it was one of the two. I understand what you mean by consenting adults now. good luck Are you French or English or... ?
Author themessenger Posted February 19, 2008 Author Posted February 19, 2008 pyro she seems to be one of those girls that doesn't learn until it happens to her. In other words she can dish out but can't take it in. I don't have an ex that has mutual friends that i'm am constantly in ttouch with. Do i need to set something up like that and throw it in her face? don't i have better things to do with my time? I guess I do have an ex who has been trying t get in touch with me but i've been ignoring.
oppath Posted February 19, 2008 Posted February 19, 2008 If you are single, then no big deal. Handle it however you want to, but if you are in a relationship, then it is very disrespectful to your SO to still be in contact with ex's that you know are still trying to pursue you. I would ask the person to put themselves in my position and see how they would feel about the situation. Word. It's not that you are asking her to cease all contact, like an ultimatum, but you have the right to say "I feel uncomfortable with this? How would you feel if the roles were reversed? I just feel disrespected. What can you do to ease my discomfort?" If she is unwilling to compromise and say "I understand how you feel" then she is not a good partner for you. The right woman for you will validate how you feel and do something to ease your discomfort. It really is that black and white.
oppath Posted February 19, 2008 Posted February 19, 2008 pyro she seems to be one of those girls that doesn't learn until it happens to her. In other words she can dish out but can't take it in. I don't have an ex that has mutual friends that i'm am constantly in ttouch with. Do i need to set something up like that and throw it in her face? don't i have better things to do with my time? I guess I do have an ex who has been trying t get in touch with me but i've been ignoring. No, you don't try to manipulate. You tell her "If I sit down and define what is a healthy relationship FOR ME, it doesn't include hanging out with ex's who want you back unless I am present. I am uncomfortable. Do you understand why? Is there anything you can do, some compromise, to ease that discomfort?" If she is unwilling, then you have to walk away.
Pyro Posted February 19, 2008 Posted February 19, 2008 pyro she seems to be one of those girls that doesn't learn until it happens to her. In other words she can dish out but can't take it in. I don't have an ex that has mutual friends that i'm am constantly in ttouch with. Do i need to set something up like that and throw it in her face? don't i have better things to do with my time? I guess I do have an ex who has been trying t get in touch with me but i've been ignoring. This where you need to weigh your options. Obviously you aren't comfortable with her still being in contact with ex's that only want to be around to try and get her back. They have no interest in being her friend, so I don't see why your GF sees no problem with this. Sounds like she is using the situation to stroke her own ego. The ex's and her having mutual friends is one thing. She shouldn't stop being friends with her friends, but if she knows ahead of time that the ex's are going to be around, then she should say no to hanging out at that particular time, or at the least minimize the time spent there, or invite you to come along. Its obvious that she would rather have the ex's around then to consider your feelings. IMO, its not a hard sacrifice to make.
Author themessenger Posted February 19, 2008 Author Posted February 19, 2008 interesting oppath and lizzie I'm american and here whats mine is mine and whats yours is yours. I respect the french and there beliefs. But it took me just a sentence to pin you. plus your from canada and feel it nesecary to show your but and boobs as a picture profile. stripper by any chance? abused child? consenting adults? i get it. but this is for another thread
Lizzie60 Posted February 19, 2008 Posted February 19, 2008 interesting oppath and lizzie I'm american and here whats mine is mine and whats yours is yours. I respect the french and there beliefs. But it took me just a sentence to pin you. plus your from canada and feel it nesecary to show your but and boobs as a picture profile. stripper by any chance? consenting adults? i get it. but this is for another thread OOkkkkayy.. never mind..
Author themessenger Posted February 19, 2008 Author Posted February 19, 2008 i'm picking up what your putting down pyro but she has a funny way of making me feel wrong about it.
Pyro Posted February 19, 2008 Posted February 19, 2008 i'm picking up what your putting down pyro but she has a funny way of making me feel wrong about it. She is very good at manipulating you. She is taking advantage of you. I have dated her type and it was a disaster. I advise you to end things now. She won't drop the ex's.
Author themessenger Posted February 19, 2008 Author Posted February 19, 2008 ok pyro lets just be sure. I am not being jealous, controlling or insecure about this right ? mwaybe she is being disrespectful? tell me reasonable reasons for ending this concerning this contact with other hguys with supporting details. I feel like its on the tip of my tung but you've got it.
Lizzie60 Posted February 19, 2008 Posted February 19, 2008 ok pyro lets just be sure. I am not being jealous, controlling or insecure about this right ? mwaybe she is being disrespectful? tell me reasonable reasons for ending this concerning this contact with other hguys with supporting details. I feel like its on the tip of my tung but you've got it. Ha-hem.. you're American.. so I suppose English is your first language.. I'm French.. and you didn't understand what 'consenting' meant... now all these errors.. I don't make as much mistakes and English is NOT my first language.. and for your question.. if you don't like her past.. move on.. simple.
Pyro Posted February 19, 2008 Posted February 19, 2008 ok pyro lets just be sure. I am not being jealous, controlling or insecure about this right ? mwaybe she is being disrespectful? tell me reasonable reasons for ending this concerning this contact with other hguys with supporting details. I feel like its on the tip of my tung but you've got it. No, you are not being any of those. She is telling you that you are so you second guess yourself and so it makes it ok for her to do what she is doing. I already gave the reasons, but I will again: -she is not considering how you feel. She is unwilling to compromise with you. -it is disrespectful. I don't believe for one second that she would be ok with you hanging out with your ex GF that wants to get back with you. -she is manipulating you. She istrying to convince you that how you feel is wrong. -what she is doing is meant for those who are single and not in a relationship.
Author themessenger Posted February 19, 2008 Author Posted February 19, 2008 didn't know i was being graded on a thread forum. don't you have a stripper pole waiting for you? were you an abused child? wanna talk to me? gonna be sensitive? send a PM
Author themessenger Posted February 19, 2008 Author Posted February 19, 2008 could you expand on why this is disrespectful so i know what to say when she asks pyro?
Pyro Posted February 19, 2008 Posted February 19, 2008 could you expand on why this is disrespectful so i know what to say when she asks pyro? You two are in a relationship. She is using her ex BFs to get attention and to stroke her own ego, and maybe other things as well............ You don't do that when in a monogamous relationship. She should be getting her attention from you. If attention from random guys is so important to her, then tell her bye and enjoy being single.
Author themessenger Posted February 19, 2008 Author Posted February 19, 2008 she says her last boyfriend made her cut off all ties with guys. cheated on her and left her and left her with no friends. and she is scared and won't let that happen again.
Pyro Posted February 19, 2008 Posted February 19, 2008 she says her last boyfriend made her cut off all ties with guys. cheated on her and left her and left her with no friends. and she is scared and won't let that happen again. Having guy friends is one thing, but these guys are not her friends. They are ex BFs that want to get back with her. Big difference between the two. One is acceptable and one is not. How long have you two been together? She should be able to trust you. Reassure her that you are not telling her to cut ties with her FRIENDS.
Author themessenger Posted February 19, 2008 Author Posted February 19, 2008 we.ve known eachother for years. dated in the past fell apart for similar reasons we are discussing. She came back around. We have been dating for two months one month exclusivly with a bit of wishy washy ness on her part sporadically. The main problem is this guy that is friends with her frinds, is always around and recently has been toying with her emotions. she like him allot in the past. he took her for granted. found out she was with me and on valentinesday tryed to get her back. she bought me gifts on valentines day we had a grate valentines day. sex on friday. she is still in touch with him. they have a voleyball lkeague on tuesadys...today. have plans with her for wednesday.
xpaperxcutx Posted February 19, 2008 Posted February 19, 2008 I'm totally against the whole "lets just be friends" ideal. Once you're broken up, I think its best to cease all contact, but that's just me. Other ppl just chooses to be acquaintences afterwards. I dk. I find it too awkward to have been in something serious with someone, and then to step backwards and pretend nothing happned. It's diabolical how this world works sometimes.
xpaperxcutx Posted February 19, 2008 Posted February 19, 2008 we.ve known eachother for years. dated in the past fell apart for similar reasons we are discussing. She came back around. We have been dating for two months one month exclusivly with a bit of wishy washy ness on her part sporadically. The main problem is this guy that is friends with her frinds, is always around and recently has been toying with her emotions. she like him allot in the past. he took her for granted. found out she was with me and on valentinesday tryed to get her back. she bought me gifts on valentines day we had a grate valentines day. sex on friday. she is still in touch with him. they have a voleyball lkeague on tuesadys...today. have plans with her for wednesday. Sounds like she's getting off on all the attention. If I was really hurt by the guy in the past, I would cease all contact. Obviously she's having some issues of letting go.
Florida Posted February 19, 2008 Posted February 19, 2008 If someone isn't ready to let go, you can't force them. I posted this in the wrong thread but here are my questions: Okay sorry if I missed that part-how exactly is she compromising? -Is she contacting them less? -Has she made a point to never hang out with them unless you are there to show you both are a unit? -Has she stopped messaging them for special holidays that should be just for her SO?
Author themessenger Posted February 19, 2008 Author Posted February 19, 2008 people...her and him have the same friends .... if i ask her to stop having contact with him...arent i asking her to not have contact with her friends? pbviously this is a hard situation, how can you not feel something when a ex is around. i don't know how to handle this. this is why i'm here. sorry getting frustrated.
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