onmyownagain Posted February 19, 2008 Posted February 19, 2008 Getting the keys for my flat next week so will need to go home to the old house (where stbxw and daughter live), not looking forward to that at all as not sure what I am going to find. Will family photos etc. still be up, that sort of thing. Really dreading it but can't get the bits I need without going there, hopefully I can arrange it so that she at least isn't there.
Nomad1 Posted February 19, 2008 Posted February 19, 2008 Don't worry onmyownagain. Be friendly. If she is sensible, she will make sure that there is no other man there, unless if she wants to deliberately annoy you. So get on with the removal. If she has got over it and moved on, you will still find family photos where they were for the sake of your daughter. If they are not up where they were, then she is still angry with you. I hope it all goes well. Nomad1
stampdaddy Posted February 19, 2008 Posted February 19, 2008 I know the feeling well, my friend.. I had to go back to our apartment AFTER she had moved out, and we too had a young daughter... I was told "anytime after 5 would be OK"... Man, I opened that door, and saw half of our "life" gone.. Sofa and love seat, I got the love seat.. half the pictures that you speak about, gone.. etc....... All I could do was shut the door and leave for a day or 2.. HOWEVER.. I made it, yes it sucked to high Heaven, but I made it.. And now, everything is fine. REMEMBER, the things in YOUR HEART don't get taken away.. focus on that...
Author onmyownagain Posted February 19, 2008 Author Posted February 19, 2008 Just looking forward to next weekend. Will all be over by then, I don't expect to find another man there or anything, as far as I know there is nobody else on the scene yet and he certainly wont be anywhere near the house or my daughter. I know her well enough to know she wont do anything like that until she gets serious about someone. Sure she wont be there either, it is really just horrible to go back after all of this. Looking forward to a nice long bath next Sunday in my new place and just enjoying the peace and quiet. :-)
stampdaddy Posted February 19, 2008 Posted February 19, 2008 It sounds like you have the right attitude, so thank God for that.. Listen, you can live out of milk crates if you have to, don't take things that would "disrupt" your daughters life.. Sooner than you would ever imagine, you can replace things.. I bought a dresser set for $50 at a garage sale, and that got me out of those milk crates where I kept my socks, underwear, etc.. And those dressers have since been replaced, WITH my daughters help... Chin up, you will be OK, I SWEAR
Author onmyownagain Posted February 19, 2008 Author Posted February 19, 2008 I'm only taking my big TV and Hi Fi and tools from the shed etc and a few bits from the kitchen that wont be missed because we have lots alread like plates and things. A few more bits than above suggests but not taking anything to worry about really, if I had more money I would probably not take anything at all.
stampdaddy Posted February 19, 2008 Posted February 19, 2008 I'm only taking my big TV and Hi Fi and tools from the shed etc and a few bits from the kitchen that wont be missed because we have lots alread like plates and things. A few more bits than above suggests but not taking anything to worry about really, if I had more money I would probably not take anything at all. well, how can a man live without that stuff.....? j/k You're OK
Mr. Lucky Posted February 20, 2008 Posted February 20, 2008 I'm only taking my big TV and Hi Fi and tools from the shed etc and a few bits from the kitchen that wont be missed because we have lots alread like plates and things. Just remember that it's all only "stuff". My exW tried to mess with me by holding my hi-fi hostage (it sounds funny now because we eventually developed a friendly and civil relationship) until I told her that I didn't really care if I got it back. She lost interest in the games then... Get out with you sanity and self-worth intact. Everything else is replacable ... Mr. Lucky
D-Lish Posted February 20, 2008 Posted February 20, 2008 gathering the courage to go back to your old place isn't going to be an easy task.... but as you say- it's necessary to do so. My husband and I decided to split, but remained living in the same house for months while we sorted out our plans. He worked 5 hours away and didn't have to come home much.... but it was a killer to deal with. I remember the weekend after we sold our house and he came back that weekend while we moved our stuff out the next day... my dad and mom were there....so were his and his siblings. It wasn't as bad as I thought it was going to be. It was sad and painful- but it also gave us both some closure. I realize my scenario is a little different- but going back to the house is just something you have to do. I think it will be somewhat painful- but ultimately it is all a part of the closure process. If you two share a daughter, then you will always remain a part of each other's lives.... that is inevitable. I imagine it's confusing and stressful... I'd get in and out as quickly as possible and try not to get caught up in what has changed. You'll feel nostalgia, how could you not? But once it's done I know you'll feel relief too. You have a right to sever the material items. I got the big screen... and he got all the other hi-fi stuff...lol. Just get in and out and don't linger. I think you have to accept it will be a bit weird and perhaps a little painful- you can't avoid those things in a divorce. Since you will be spending time with your daughter, getting used to going back there is probably unavoidable. I feel for you. It will be a bit of a strange day I am sure. But once you are over and done with it, you'll feel better.
Author onmyownagain Posted February 20, 2008 Author Posted February 20, 2008 Since you will be spending time with your daughter, getting used to going back there is probably unavoidable. Hi, My daughter is 11 and hops around on buses etc. so hopefully I wont need to go there again, at least I can't think of a reason for now. I am moving over to another town so with a bit of luck wont have to run into her either because we wont be socialising in the same town etc. For me in this situation, the best thing is to avoid contact as much as I can, obviously I can't go into NC completely but will as much as possible will go into LC.
smileysmile Posted February 20, 2008 Posted February 20, 2008 Onmyownagain. It sucks. When my STBXW moved out of our marital home for her parents until her new place was ready and mine a month later I had to be out of the house from 8am til 12 whilst her parents, sister and brother in law came to the house to take away her stuff to store in a local storage unit. Hmmm when I came back it was horrible. I cried because we had just built up this home 2.5 yrs. 4 bed detached (6 yrs old) and worth £242 when we sold it having bought it for £205k. I redecorated the whole house in neutral colours in the first few mths of being there. We bought vases, furniture, pictures etc to compliment the decor. It breaks my heart. I would have done things so different if I had another chance. It is me that has to change NOT her or my next relationship. So I mourn our break up everyday. Whomever is pulling my strings upstairs has one warped SOH!
Author onmyownagain Posted February 20, 2008 Author Posted February 20, 2008 (edited) Cheers Smiley, We have lived there for 12 years so you can imagine the sort of history we have there, my daughter has only ever known this place as home. But, my new place will feel like home once I get some of my things into it so I need to just get on with it from here. Edited February 20, 2008 by onmyownagain
Author onmyownagain Posted February 26, 2008 Author Posted February 26, 2008 Going to the house tomorrow to get everything. Have arranged the time etc. and she will be out of the house which will make it a bit better. Our dog will be there though and probably will be the last time I see him. Then it is on to new chapter in my life. Hope it will be good
Author onmyownagain Posted February 27, 2008 Author Posted February 27, 2008 Hi, Went to house to get my bits. Looked like when I left apart from my pictures have gone and looks like it hasn't been tidied since. Really dirty. Found a valentines card on the side but looks like it was sent as a joke by a mutual friend but did make me feel a bit funny when I spotted it. I guess it was left so I could see it. Apart from that all is good. Got my new flat and going to be staying there from today. Sofa and beds being delivered tomorrow then this place will become home :-)
Author onmyownagain Posted February 29, 2008 Author Posted February 29, 2008 Had to wait at home yesterday for furniture to be delivered. Felt such a long day, the ex texted me a couple of times and was really nice. This made me feel really bad, don't think I have ever felt so lonely in my life and really longed to text her to say can I come home :-( Hopefully today will be a better day.
Author onmyownagain Posted March 30, 2008 Author Posted March 30, 2008 I've been in my place now for a few weeks and things are going fine, my daughter has started spending more time here so I am getting some quality time with her. Her mother seems to be texting me a lot more now and seems to find all kinds of strange reasons to contact. Still, apart from the strange problem above, I seem to be moving on nicely. It is amazing how many nights in the week are now filled, hardly get any spare time now. Had a couple of dates but nothing serious but seem to be geting my mojo back :-)
stampdaddy Posted March 31, 2008 Posted March 31, 2008 I've been in my place now for a few weeks and things are going fine, my daughter has started spending more time here so I am getting some quality time with her. Her mother seems to be texting me a lot more now and seems to find all kinds of strange reasons to contact. Still, apart from the strange problem above, I seem to be moving on nicely. It is amazing how many nights in the week are now filled, hardly get any spare time now. Had a couple of dates but nothing serious but seem to be geting my mojo back :-) Proud of you... It will come in time, dont rush it because you cant.. Just wrap yourself up around your daughter... I used to have "Taco Tuesdays" or let her help in the kitchen and plan a menu that she wanted.. The rest will come.. good job...
THEBIGARC Posted March 31, 2008 Posted March 31, 2008 I feel your pain. I moved out of our house 2 weeks ago. I moved a bunch of stuff out into a stoarge unit. I am living with family right now. I need to go back and get the rest. It is very hard. She has taken down our pictures already. When I go there to pick up and drop off our son, I try to stay downstairs and not peer inside too much. I don't want to see anything that hurts me. Her moving on while I am just starting over is tough on me. I am being nice, but trying to have as little contact as possible. Good luck man, I am in the same boat as you. It has only been a little of over 2 months for me.
smileysmile Posted April 1, 2008 Posted April 1, 2008 Her mother seems to be texting me a lot more now and seems to find all kinds of strange reasons to contact. I wish I had that problem
Author onmyownagain Posted April 1, 2008 Author Posted April 1, 2008 I wish I had that problem Hi Smiley, how are you doing? Isn't good when she contacts really cos I think she wants me back but know it is not for the best, thats why I am happier when she just leaves me alone.
Author onmyownagain Posted April 2, 2008 Author Posted April 2, 2008 Gawd.. lol I wish my ex wanted me back. Really. Why? I went back to mine a couple of years ago and here I am again. If the marriage is bad why would you want to go back?
smileysmile Posted April 2, 2008 Posted April 2, 2008 I was the 'problem'. Thats why i wld want to make it up to her. For the rest of my life. I was a real jerk. Read my story in the forum.
HenryII Posted April 7, 2008 Posted April 7, 2008 Don't want to go back? THEN DON"T! The h**l with your stuff. You can get other stuff. The stuff you think u need will always be a reminder what did not work out. FORGET ABOUT YOUR STUFF! Let her figure out what to do with it.
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